Mom Gives Public Punishment To Son, 12, Accused Of Bullying

a lot os behavior is learned at places other than home. they learn a lot of inappropriate things at school. my granddaughter learned how to throw a real hissy fit at school from another child-we stopped it after the first one and talked to her teacher because we were concerned about her behavior and mrs payne told us about the other child in the room that would throw himself to the floor and scream and kick when asked to participate in anything. we live in a very small town and apparently this was an acceptable form of behavior per his parents. i pity all of his future teachers.

B.S. East Asian cultures have a highly cultivated sense of familial and public/civic duty/responsibility and one of the manifestations of that is an acute sense of shame.

If a kid stole an ipod in japan, he would be too ashamed to ever use it, and if his parents found out about it, there would be groveling involved... not only by the kid, but by his parents... for raising such a worthless brat.

It's time America figured out that our brand of rampant individuality divorced from any sense of duty/honor/responsibility is not a good thing. Should kids feel good about themselves, sure, but that feeling, like all things good in life, should be earned.

Well we are not in Japan Eugene and the kid was not east asian.. What I Stated is based on sound child psychology. Obviously you have not studied the matter Eugene. Your "opinion" would have been better expressed without the "BS" preceding it.

This part of your statement however is not B.S.: "It's time America figured out that our brand of rampant individuality divorced from any sense of duty/honor/responsibility is not a good thing. Should kids feel good about themselves, sure, but that feeling, like all things good in life, should be earned." Shame, however, is not the way to do it Eugene and you will find no responsible support for that theory.

the definition of shame:
1 a: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety


so.... according to your 'experts', feeling bad about stuff you do wrong, is harmful to a child? Good luck with that... ordinarily I wouldn't care what you think or do, but when I think of my kid going to school with kids who were brought up by parents like you... gods above, makes me WANT to move to asia.

First of all Eugene, let's get something straight, you don't know a thing about my parenting. Makes me wonder about the effectiveness of your parenting style and whether you too are inappropriately using "shame" to harm your child's self-esteem, albeit with good intentions. Please study the matter instead of just looking up a dictionary definitions that you interpred without insight.

I think I understand where you are coming from though, but as someone who is far older and who is trained in the matter, I do not think you have a good grasp of the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame. Healthy shame develops out of good moral development (read good parenting) and is used by the individual to "self correct" when they do something that they have been taught or have otherwised learned, is wrong. Externally imposed shaming destroys self-esteem and prevents development of a strong moral code which enhances self-correction. For more info, go to Wikipedia and read up on Moral Development, especially where it discusses shame. If you are really interested in the subject, I suggest you further read "Kohlberg's Theory on Moral Development"
Good luck, glad I don't have to raise my kids today....things have changed.

Oh please, trying to pass off his work as dogma? How very teleological of you.

And since you like to point out wiki articles, I have one for you, go look up "ethnocentric".

I apologize for assuming you were bright enough to actually research an idea you were attempting to argue. One of my degrees is in Urban Studies, so I am sure you had no idea I'd know how shallow your understanding of ethnocentricity would be when you made such a silly suggestion. You are arguing now just for the sake of arguing, because someone called you on your B.S. You are stuck now, unwilling to concede that you don't have a clue what you are talking about. If you actually have kids, and do not want to harm them because you don't really understand the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame, and are not interested in learning, then shame on you. Maybe you should move to the Far East.

I don't agree with calling a child dumb, however that is not what the mother did. She said the "D" was for dumb, a description of his actions. I have to give her credit for making the distinction between his being and his actions. She obviously understands how destructive it is to call a child names and that is why she made the point about the "D" being for the dumb act. This mother probably fears for her child's future, and rightfully recognizes that mowing the lawn isn't an effective punishment for breaking the law and victimizing another child.

I am a substitute and extended day teacher at a Montessori school. Yesterday I had 3 kids screaming at me (not the first time either) because they were being obnoxious to one another, and I had finally had enough and made them put the Gym equipment away that they were using. I told them "You may talk to your parent's like that at home but you are not speaking to me like that!!! Go have a seat!!!" I would never have spoken to a teacher the way these kids speak to me. I know that my son has never done this in school either because I have drilled into his head over the years that for the fact that a teacher is in the classroom they deserve your respect. I don't necessarily agree with the letter D for dumb but I don't really have an issue with the sandwich board idea. I think sometimes a little humiliation goes a long way to rectifying behavior. I hope the parent's of these 3 kids step up to the plate soon because they are only in the 3rd and 4th grade and if this is how they treat adults now they are surely headed for disaster.