A SAHM's dirty little secret

I loved staying at home with my boys! I mowed lawns, cleaned apartments, anything I could do to help the family income and still stay home with our boys, the only problem I have found with staying home, if you end up like I did, my husband and I are divorced, he has a much younger live-in girlfriend who stays at home, so they dicided to take custody of our youngest son,who is 17 and collect child support from me. I make $9.50 an hour, since I didn't hit the work place until 5 years ago, while he makes over $100,000.00 a year! There is no law that helps a woman in poverty not have to give up much needed income to her greedy ex! Be careful ladies, get some education and experience... just in case!

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I think each woman is entitled to her own views. if you like to stay at home with your children each day, that is fine, if it suits you. However, there are some women out there who work for a multitude of reasons, including the need for a second income and the need to feel autonomous financially. I am one of those women. While I think children are very important, I don't think that giving into the whole SAHM myth really benefits anyone. Stay at Home Moms are a thing of the past, unfortunately. I'm not even sure how the acronym for that came up. What I do know is that, nowadays, women should not be made to feel guilty if they want kids and want to go to work--to have both is possible, and a woman should not feel obligated to give up one for the other. I think also, and this is just my opinion, that when you completely forego a career to raise children, you are giving up a lot--the opportunity to not only demonstrate your potential in a given field, but to advance in the world and earn a decent salary. Women surrender salary even while they work, because they don't earn as much as men to begin with. To completely give up a career is to say goodbye to a hefty income. It also prevents you from reaching your goals as an independent individual capable of contributing to society. Let's not forget the entire idea behind the Feminine Mystique, written over 40 years ago. I never thought I'd be seeing this conversation revamped in the 21st century, to tell you the truth.

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WOW! I have read all of these comments about SAHM's and I am so touched. I am a new SAHM (4 months now)...I never thought that I would be able to raise my own children, rather than the school system and the daycare doing it for me (and not very good if I do say so myself!!). I was a Dental Assistant, Hairdresser, & Property Manager for the last several years. I had no time for anything else!

I was introduced to a multi-billion dollar company (Thank you GOD!) that has allowed me to be a SAHM and very soon I will be bringing my husband home from is J.O.B. as an off-shore welder!

I would love to help any and all of you to create the time and financial FREEDOM that I have. Please contact me if you want to change your destiny! I can be reached at 615-453-1537 or jonsgirl720@yahoo.com. Looking forward to talking to you VERY soon!

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i admire the proffessional working moms ....someone has to do the job.....and i admire the sahm , ive been one for 24 years though i worked part time in the past 9 yrs ago as a nurse..theres nothing like staying home raising your kids,its loving its fun its hard and crazy at times but in the long run my 5 kids are very loving smart,aging 8 to 25 yrs.two graduated with honors.one is in the military and the others are still in school grading the highest in their class...ive been called names like lazy and so on....come on now give me a break ..my kids are gonna be your future their gonna be some one special wether its a sahm or military life....some one has to do the hard but loving work....cleaning -caring-feeding-driving-referee-councling-hugging -holding-washing-laughing-cooking-activities-teaching-and so on..my goodness is that all my lazy but has to do. oh i almost forgot my job is not over.got to take care of the husband when he comes home...I LOVE MY JOB ....SAHM.....

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I believe in having the choice and if you want to stay at home that's fine. Corporate America is not all that great...but it all depends on what you want to do with your life and being your own boss is a nice thing.

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I was not a stay at home mom. And i found alot of the SAHM's PTA loving, cookie bake sale, up the teacher's butt mom's, sniffed up their nose at me and the other mothers that did it ALL. Worked a full time job,cooked, cleaned, and raised our children and kept our identities as a woman that is vibrant, smart and keeps her smarts and own persona about her.. If the SAHM are happy doing what they do then good for them...

But to obnoxiously put down those of us that chose to hold onto our identities, our own persona AND raise our children, don't sneer at us. I know plenty of stay at home mom's that lost their identities in their children, forgot about their own wants and dreams before they married and became mothers, that they are now lost in oblivion after the kids are out and grown....I also know many divorces have happened after the kids are out and grown, because the focus was put on the children and not on the husband and the nurturing of the marriage.... Also, since the focus is usually put on the children and how smart these kids are, and the affluence and indulgences they are given without earning them, there are many arrogant obnoxious entitled children walking around out there.. My new husband raised 2 of them.... And frankly they are an embarrassment, no matter how smart they are, their arrogance only supercedes their ignorance about the world really doesnt revolve around them.

I read a very interesting article about the CEO's from many walks of life. All were working early in their teens. This new generation of children that has been raised by some of us boomers, raised children who dont want to work hard and will never have the work ethic that was pounded into our heads at an early age... What is pounded into their heads is to be smart and get a college education, Back in my day, getting a college education was high on our families priorities, but my mother and father didnt pay for it. They told me, they gave me the right start getting me through high school..... If i wanted to go to college i had to foot the bill.... I think that is wonderful. It taught me how to "hunt" at an early age. and to be hungry for my wants needs and goals. Not to sit there and let mommy and daddy GIVE me everything.... It isnt the We generation anymore it has turned into the ME generation.

I think if you can afford the luxury of being a stay at home mom, then i would hope that those that do would instill values and morals in the children that get that extra attention that WORK and earning their keep and a living is not a DIRTY WORD........ God help the next twenty years out here, with the brats coming into the corporate world expecting everything handed to them just like mommy did their whole life... I think what has been happening in the past 20 years has hurt our children and inturn hurt our future.

I have 2 PhD's. But i did not go into the chosen path of my studies. I became a cop instead. And wouldnt trade it for the world. I worked midnights for 15 years so i could work as my child slept, and be home and be a normal mom with dinner on the table, laundry done, going to school functions etc... You can do it all and not rob your children of a mother. And after my daughter grew up she thanked me for setting a good example of what a strong woman should be. She actually didnt want the mini van driving soccer mom,she was proud that i kept my own identity.

Just a little food for thought here.

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I am a stay at home dad first off no im not a drunk or smoker or use drugs or to lazy to get a job. thank you i have one of which im overly qualified. i get to take care of my home cook clean wash clothes make up the bed do all the errands and run a ranch fix fences take care of dogs cats and horses go to church do errands for the church. and the older ladies of the wmu who i drive around take them shopping. and get to teach at VBS every year drive the bus when needed. my wife works about 80 miles from here she makes more money then i ever could so we moved out of the rat race and moved in to the country and bought a ranch. i am lucky to have a wife who is well educated and lets me do what. i want we go out to eat when we want stay up as late as we want. things are not prefect but i am honored to be married to a wonderful working lady who lets dad take care of the place and yes even goof off online a little. so to all you stay at home moms well done dads right behind you.

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I have to say that I agree with the story, I have been a stay at home for four years and the only reason why I thought about going back to work was to keep some money in my pocket, I believe if I come up with the idea to enjoy both the kids and keep money in my pocket I will continue to stay at home:0) and as far as being lazy I disagree with that whole comment although I do enyjoy staying in my pj's till noon or longer I always feel like their is not enough time in a day for me to do anthing, So I have to say that for anyone who enjoy's being a SHAM go into it with enjoyment and love what you do.

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I am getting ready to become a WAHM because we need the income, but I want to be available for my child as much as I can. I don't fault other mothers for their choices. I just know what's right for me.

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I'm a SAHM with 3 very active kids, and my husband travels alot for his job. They range in age from 14 to 6. My youngest would get in the car after school and ask why she didn't get to ride the daycare bus like so many of her friends. The older two explained it by saying that if mommy had "a real job" then they couldn't do all the things after school that they wanted to do. Yes,I have a college degree, not an ivy league one, but the lord has made it possible for me to stay home, for the most part, and be with them. I starting working at a preschool when the oldest was 3 and contine to do so. At first it was get the kids reduced tution but with all in school now I am helping other moms. I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe the fact that I still can't be in three places at one time, but that is another story.

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I Love this. Thank you for saying it for me because I could not find the words to get the message across.

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A little something I am working on. Please check it out and vote in my poll.

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I am really amazed by all the people who think there is one right choice for everyone out there.

What we should be learning is that for each person/family/and child there is never one standard that is going to apply to everyone.
My children are not raised by the public school system or by the daycare provider. It seems to me that some of the people replying are saying parents that work are neglecting thier children, or that we are not doing our job and letting someone else raise our child. Such blanket statments about all working parents is as uncalled for as if working parents were to say that kids who had a SAHM or SAHD will have no work ethic.

My children know what we as parents expect from them. While they are at daycare if they given permission by the provider to watch/do/eat something they know we do not approve of they either politely decline or as to do something that is approved of.
While my children may not have me at thier beck and call 24 hours a day we do get in plenty of family activites and they do cherish the time we spend together.

I have never once in my life spoke ill of another parents choice on how to raise thier child. As long as what they are doing is not abusing thier kids it is thier option. I think parents need to start accepting one another even if they have different parenting styles.

No matter what the topic choices need to be made so that they best suit the entire family; be it stay at home or working parents, breast or bottle, raising kids to eat meat or be vegan/veggie, homeschool or public/private school. Like stated before there is no one choice that is going to work for everyone. Pitting SAH Parents against working parents does nothing but cause strife when we should just be able to support eachother or even just simply accept eachothers choices.

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I wish that I could stay at home with my son, who is now seven months, but I can't afford it being a single mom. I remember the first day I had to go back to work. I cried my eyes out all day long; on the way to drop him off, after I did, when I got to work and throughout the whole day. I still tear up thinking that someone else is raising my child while I sit at this stupid desk. I hate the feminist who decided that it was not necessary for women to be with their child. I feel that I got robbed of so much in a sense but I am to proud to get assistance. I wish that the USA were more like Russia where they get 12 months to stay home and raise their child. I struggle on a daily basis just to get enough milk to keep him on breast milk.

All you SAHM's be proud and thankful that you have the option to be there because some of us miss everything!

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I've been working from home the past 3 years and have to say that I enjoy the challenge of balancing a household and being a mompreneur http://www.dashinfashion.com.

I love the freedom but am always sleep dreprived trying to find more quiet hours to work from home.

Many of my friend and family ask my if I'm ready to go back...I have to admit that there are some things I do miss but I enjoy the spontaneous quality time that I have now with my daughters.

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Here's what I think.

I gave birth to the most gorgeous baby girl I ever thought possible on February 20th this year. I fell madly, deeply in love with her. Immediately.

On March 31st she died of a heart condition rarely found in infants. Leading up to this, we spent a week in a children's hospital thinking we were going to parent a heart baby/child/teen/adult. We didn't get that chance.

Our hearts are broken.

Parent your child the best way you see fit. Whatever way works for your family. Do your best, and hope for the best.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Most importantly - don't judge how other people choose to parent their own children.

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Linda Hirschman is to "standard feminist fare"

as

Rachel Campos-Duffy is to mindless drivel.

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So what about us stay at home mom's who do NOT have a degree or specialized training of any kind? Where do we fit into this working vs. stay at home spectrum? I get the feeling working moms as well as "educated" SAHM's look down their noses at US.......as if to say it's "okay" if we stay home with our kids because we don't have anything to offer the advancement of women/women's issues by working a blue collar job anyway.

Believe me, even within the SAHM circle, there is discrimination and judgement.

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Could not agree more!!

I work evenings and weekends, so that I am able to stay home days with my two children, and my days are way more work than my evening paying job! And like Rachel, I wouldn't have it any other way...

I feel privileged to be home to care for my children, to provide them the comfort of knowing I am there, for whatever they need - from juice to kisses on boo-boos. Do I love it every single moment of every single day? No. But do I want it any other way? No.

And that's my dirty little secret.

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I think the view and message of this author get's misunderstood. It is not that being a mother is not an important job. It is an important job and the most important job to the individual's family. She is also not targeting in many instances the average woman but the woman with true leadership powers. Let's face it...their are forward thinking elite men AND women. Society needs them for influencing laws and representation for change. The women she often speaks of are the one's that may have much to contribute to their families AND the nation and other women..
Where would we or society be if elite women with a greater potential had chosen to never get involved and stayed home to raise kids and never get involved outside their bubble,such as:
Rosa Parks
Gloria Steinam
Susan b. Anthony
Hillary Clinton
Let's face it, for most, the greatest calling is being wonderful mom's and creating happy, loving and possibly great leaders of the future. For many their is a greater calling along with that, to society and advancement for women which has led to us even being able to have both career's and motherhood. Justifying the "choice" that a smaller percent of women have in todays financial era is a lucky choice. She is addressing to these women that the voice and position of women needs to be heard. Women need to get involved FOR their children's sake.
As for working mom's being jealous I would think that only applies to mom's that have to work uninspired and unfulfilling jobs to help with the family income.

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