The complete opposite of the sexless marriage

by Jennifer Jordan (Subscribe to Jennifer Jordan's posts) Jun 10th 2008 11:00AM

Categories: Love & Sex, Fun & Activities, In The News, That's Entertainment, Resources

Remember those days before you were married, before you had kids? Those we call the salad days, of dating, of togetherness. Generally speaking, those days are full of getting to know each other going out, and lots and lots of sex. Then, we get married and settle down, and so do our sex lives.

Not so for two couples whose bedroom activities have been documented in their recently published books. Both couples' goal? To have sex as much as possible. Can it be done? Sure. Should it be done? Well, I guess you'll have to read the books.

For some strange reason--or maybe familiarity really does breed contempt--our sex lives go down hill, or at the very least take a detour, after we get married. Show me a couple who has as much sex as they did when they were dating (religious preferences aside) and I'll show you a couple who are writing a book.

One of the books in question is "365 Nights," wherein the Mullers have sex 365 days in a row. In the other book, a decidedly different couple with a similar problem on their hands has sex 101 days in a row in "Just Do It." Most couples on average have sex 66 times a year--that's more than once a week! How does this happen? I can tell you how it doesn't happen--you're tired, you're busy, you're writing for the Internet. You've got a ton of responsibility that you didn't have when you were younger and single.

Still, I've always heard and am living proof that married couples tend to have sex more than their single counterparts. This is because there is generally always someone around and that person generally wants to do it! Getting the guy into the house is half the battle, you know.

Apparently, this sex after marriage thing--and perhaps the chronicling of it too--is becoming something of a trend. Whether these two couples are any happier than couples who don't have sex every day (or write about it) remains to be seen, as does whether or not people are happier because they have sex or happy people have more sex.

Is sex every day the answer to your marriage? Hard to say. For some perhaps and for others, maybe not. One thing to consider is that having sex every night may not be the right amount for each couple. Also, I can attest from having lots of sex while trying to get pregnant the first time, having sex every day can be tiring and can also get you pregnant. So watch out.

Pic of marriage bed by Haydn Blackey.

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Comments (18)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

caron 6-10-2008 @ 10:20PM

As a virgin on the brink of marriage..I can't see why couples wouldn't want to have sex every day?!? :).....My married friends just tell me to "wait and see-then I will understand." Anyway, I do think it is kind of odd that people are starting to chronicle this sort of thing.

April 6-11-2008 @ 10:33AM

I was a virgin when I got married over one year ago and I have to admit I was that interested at first and maybe that's because I still questioned if it was really okay for me to be doing this? But, I can tell you that it does get better and everyone's sex lives are going to be different, so don't always listen to your friends, and one more piece of vital advice, if you want to do make love everyday, you need to keep it interesting....play games or use toys, you'll find that you're much more interested and you'll become comfortable with you and your husband.

Lisa 6-11-2008 @ 2:15PM

Believe me, although the honeymoon stage almost ensures that you'll have sex as much as possible, the regular pressures of life (money, work, chores, money, kids, chores) can come between you sometimes and slow down the party dramatically. My husband and I were like two randy rabbits for the first 3 years. Then our daughter came along. I am not blaming her because my drive never decreased except during the first trimester (but that's a whole other story). HE is the one who desired it less. Not sure why. maybe it's the whole wife/mommy duality he had a hard time dealing with. Anyways, just try something new every once in a while and it'll stay right on track.

Angel 6-11-2008 @ 12:17PM

I'm 17 & I lost my virginity when I was 15...I love it & see nothing wrong wit it, Everyday sounds great to me but me & my bf's schedules are too busy for that. I also know a lot of people who have sex nearly everday

Sean 6-11-2008 @ 1:15PM

I had sex with my wife on our first date! We have a beautiful daughter, been married for 3 years and life is great. We had sex during her pregnancy up until the beginning of the 9th month. We could hardly wait the few weeks after the birth to get going again. People in this country need to realize that sex is natural normal and NOT controlled by some silly religious belief. We try to have sex everyday if possible. When we go a few days without it, we start to get frustrated and fight a little. Then we realize that we are both pent up. A little bit of sex and all is cured. Best medicine ever!

Arial 6-11-2008 @ 11:44AM

OMG... I think it would get boring everyday... Then you would have nothing to look forward to. It's better if you wait a day or 2.

L&P 6-11-2008 @ 10:50AM

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we try to have sex everyday. It's just that good. We try to do it in different public places to see what we can get away with. Other times, we're home alone bored and just do it! It's great when you find someone who is sexually compatible to you. If 2 or 3 days go by and we haven't had sex, we get so frustrated we have to make a date to have sex that same night. It's an awesome feeling that you can have sex with someone that you love and be totally uninhibited.

Sarah 6-11-2008 @ 11:29AM

don't knock it until you've tried it! We have been married for 20+ years and have gone for months without sex (pregnancies), but we are now having sex more than ever! I think we finally realized we are never going to be any younger, thinner healthier or more attractive, and we have always enjoyed it - so why not? it has greatly improved our day to day relationship.

Without 6-11-2008 @ 12:04PM

I would like to have sex at least once a week! I am married (only for 3 years) and I can not remember the last time that we had sex. We want children and I keep telling my huuby that we have to have sex for that to happen.
We have a LOT of family stress that is draining on him. I know that sex is a good release, but for some reason, I am also not in the mood. Any suggestions?

Tuffy 6-11-2008 @ 12:43PM

It's amazing how the drain of every day life gets in the way of the bedroom. Maybe you could find some way to get both of you in the mood. My husband and I started watching some late night cable shows a few years ago. It's not like watching regular porn which can be off-putting for some people. We started watching them when we were trying to get pregnant. It took 2 1/2 years, so sex was beginning to feel like a chore that had no results. After the baby was born, there was a whole other set of circumstances to keep us from having sex...the baby, being tired, other interests. We finally decided to buy a few "real" movies. For us, it's a good way to let the other one know we're in the mood. Plus, once you start watching, it's hard not to get in the mood. Also, there are some great pleasure enhancing products out there that are fun to try. Good luck to you.

jim 6-11-2008 @ 1:10PM

Well Without, if you need help just drop me a E-mail or call

KELLY 6-11-2008 @ 2:34PM

Me and my husband barely have it every 3-4 months and its not because of me. I'm not sure what the problem is but we are still married and are faithful to each other

jeff 6-11-2008 @ 3:12PM

I wish it were everyday. My wife would prefer anyday between now and never, with never the choice.
She always has an excuse. Even going so far as to tell me to have sex with others so she does not have to.
And before anybody says she takes care of the house and kid, try again. I do the dishes, laundry, floors, etc, as well as take care of the yard, repair things, maintain the pool,. My tolerance for dirt is WAY lower than hers. Divorce is out for another 4 years until son turns 18, then all bets are off.

Sherry 6-11-2008 @ 5:06PM

Jeff,
That is pretty sad but it happens alot.
For me it was opposite, I'm the one that needed sex
and my ex husband wasn't that interested. Went from everyday to once a month.
I'd rather be alone than have it that infrequent!
Sherry

Frank 6-11-2008 @ 3:14PM

I love having sex. I have lived in a commune, Been in open relationships, Been in exclusive relationships, I have been to swing clubs. But,I quit after last break up, 5 years ago. Too much work. Too many head games. Too many STD worries. Not worth it. I still have sex several times a day, Just nobody there to interupt it.

JoJo 6-11-2008 @ 3:17PM

My husband and I have been married 6 months, together for 3 years; we have sex every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day! It is amazing and different every time! It doesn't matter if it lasts 2 minutes or 2 hours, the point is that the physical intimacy allows for a true understanding of each other.
A quote from Sam Keen: "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an inperfect person perfectly."
and one from Franklin P. Jones: "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

sara 6-11-2008 @ 3:40PM

my boyfriend and I were just talking about this the other night. We hae both been married before and are 52/41. We have been dating for 5 months and act like teenagers. We can't keep our hands off each other. We don't see each other everyday, so we don't have sex everyday. When we do see each other we usually do, even if it is just first thing in the morning. We are also into some kinky play and figure that with all the possible combinations of places and activites we could keep ourselves interested for a very long time.

i do think it is important that a couple are sexually compatable and like sex. Also having a good relationship helps too.

Straightface 6-11-2008 @ 4:09PM

Sex everyday for a year is unrealistic and nasty if you ask me. How about all those days when the woman is on her period? You mean to tell me that I'm going to be interested in her then? When she is grumpy and bleeding??? Give me a break! I love my woman, but not that much.

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