Making small talk about the kids
Have you ever said anything about your kids that you wished you could immediately take back, because as soon as it left your mouth you realized how unintentionally disparaging it sounded? I was talking with a coworker the other day and found myself saying how much I was enjoying my toddler's age, because while babies were okay and all, it was just so much nicer to be able to have a conversation with my kid. Then I immediately flashed on the full-body happy wriggle my 4-month-old does, his open-mouthed coos and squawks, the feel of his tiny hand curling around my finger, and I felt like a TOTAL JACKHOLE. And I rushed home to inform Dylan that he is every bit as enjoyable as Riley is, and he grinned and spit up all down my dry clean-only shirt.
Obviously, I deserved that.
This is what happens when well-intentioned but ultimately uninterested people ask me about my kids: I'm never sure what to say. I start small -- "Oh, they're great, thanks for asking" -- because I know when people are just being polite and not wanting a lengthy monologue on just which milestones we've reached and what adorable thing the 3-year-old is saying. But then sometimes that's not enough, like in the case of my coworker who said, "Just 'great?'" with a smile, and well, I wasn't sure what middle ground was desired between Points A and Z on the I Am Trying Not to Bore the Crap Out of You spectrum, so my mouth started yapping and that's when I basically said my baby was no fun, or whatever.
(He IS fun! Seriously! You should meet him! Wear a raincoat!)
It's easier when I'm talking with someone who has kids of their own, because that's like a green light to blather about thrilling topics like OMG We Haven't Left Our House In Months and Hey How Do You Get Barf Out of Leather? but when it's someone who is childless I'm particularly cognizant of my potential for being that person . . . you know, the one who can't shut up about their kids. The one who can't even hold a conversation if the topic isn't parenthood.
Instead, I get awkward and try for small talk but end up saying something like oh, babies are okay. Good lord.
Do you share my dorktasticness when it comes to talking about your kids when someone asks after them, or do you not bother worrying about something as silly as whether or not they're entertained or bored by your response? (They DID ask, after all.)
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Eric's Mommy 6-11-2008 @ 8:04AM
I love to talk about my son, but I usually go into details with people that I know have kids too.
I have also said things that I feel bad about, pretty much because I don't want to be like, "oh my son is perfect!"
I saw a woman at work the other day who just had a baby (her 3rd) and I asked her how he was and she just said great. I wanted to hear more.....birth story etc. I am nosy.
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kim 6-11-2008 @ 8:51AM
I was just having this same thought yesterday. I have a 3 week old and I was getting compliments GALORE (she's cute, what can I say?) and my responses were "Oh she is still peeling" or "She looks like a tiny little pink chinese man still". WHY oh WHY couldn't I just stop making excuses for my baby looking like a baby and say THANK YOU!?!?!
ugh.
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Jen E 6-11-2008 @ 9:29AM
Um, all the time. I'm probably going to be second guessing this comment in a few minutes - lol - it can be very weird talking to other people about your kids, wondering if you have become that woman who just blabs on and on when no one cares. I also hate when people compliment my son on his good looks which sounds terrible, but honestly I don't know what to say - thanks feels kind of weird, like, do I really get to take credit for him being handsome, I know I made him, but I didn't like choose every feature, he came out this way all on his own, you know?
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aimee 6-11-2008 @ 10:11AM
This is SO me. I just end up saying, "he's such blast right now" and then changing the subject. I swear, people probably think I don't want to talk about my son at all!
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Jamie 6-11-2008 @ 10:21AM
I think you are right to err on the side of leaving people wanting more.
My own children are endlessly interesting to me, and I struggle with how much to share with friends, especially now that they (the kids) are saying witty/ironic/puntastic things. How could the world not care?
I recently added a Facebook application called "Quotes." I upload my children's quotes (complete with context) like this:
"Avery! It's the pit of DOOM! Not the pit of LAUNDRY!"---Max, losing his shit when his sister threw her dirty clothes in a hamper he was using as part of a racetrack.
(See how funny they are?)
It's so, so great. I can feel like I'm telling my friends about my amazing offspring, and my friends can just opt out of my posts...
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Rutta_7701 6-11-2008 @ 12:37PM
With me, I've noticed that whenever someone tells me a cute story about their kid, I always feel I need to also share a story about mine. So, we just keep going back and back. But, I believe we're all humans when it comes to talking about our kids, they're the most important people in our lives and we love them so much that we want to tell everyone everything about them. So, it's normal and if they didn't want to know, they shouldn't have asked.
Samantha
waylifeis.blogspot.com
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Jenn 6-11-2008 @ 2:39PM
I just have to say, to your post Linda and to all the commenters.......OMG, I am SO GLAD I'm not alone!!!!
*grin*
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Jess 6-11-2008 @ 4:04PM
You get to talk to people who don't barf on you or put their own feces down the heating vent (yesterday. thanks for asking.)? I'm not sure I can wrap my brain around the concept.
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missbanshee 6-12-2008 @ 5:31PM
I'm one of those rare childless singletons who LOVES hearing about the minutiae of live-with-anklebiters. Love it. Probably why my blogroll is so full of mamas. So bring on the barf/poo/screeching stories, I'm all ears!
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hollytriedit 6-13-2008 @ 2:14PM
I don't worry if they are truly interested or not. After all, I had to listen to those very same people giving me advice on being on pregnancy, giving birth, and getting my daughter to sleep through the night. Even a male engineer I worked with had opinions on my breastfeeding!
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Swistle 6-13-2008 @ 3:51PM
OMG. Yes. I have been simmering for FOUR DAYS about some IDIOTIC thing I said to someone about my kids. I was trying to avoid the "my kids are so awesome and everything about my life is awesome" thing, and instead I came across as "I am deeply depressed and hate my life and never should have had children." I WANT A DO-OVER. Or maybe I never want to have to make child-related small-talk again.
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