Dads want to stay home too
Categories: Just for dads, Money & work
It comes as no surprise to me -- I said essentially the same thing a year ago -- that dads want to stay home with the kids. According to a survey conducted by CareerBuilder.com, thirty-seven percent of working dads said they would quit working to be able to take care of the kids, if their spouse's income could support their family. In my household, that number is more like 100%.Nearly half of the dads surveyed spend less than three hours a day with their kids on weekdays and more than a fifth of the dads said they get to spend less than two hours a day with their little ones. Sadly, I'm in the former category and I can tell you that it sucks. Sara, of the Work it, Mom site, is surprised by this revelation. I don't know why -- unless you are totally in love with what you do, why would you want to spend eight hours a day (plus commute time) away from your kids, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman?
If school districts suddenly started paying teachers what they're really worth, I would quit my day job in an instant to stay home with the kids. When they were in school, I'd volunteer in the classroom or spend my time keeping house and making healthy meals from scratch. When they weren't, we would be at the beach or the museum or even just the neighborhood playground. And there are a lot of other men who would love to be there with me.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Kati 6-13-2008 @ 5:15PM
My husband would love to stay home as well. I don't understand this phrase, though: "If school districts suddenly started paying teachers what they're really worth..." Why wait until then? (Is your wife a teacher?)
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Unknown 6-13-2008 @ 5:35PM
I should have explained that... my wife is indeed a school teacher. She's way smarter than me, has way more education, and works a lot harder than I do. Yet, I make nearly twice what she does and I don't have to spend a fair bit of my salary to get the tools and supplies I need to do my job. So, if they start paying her what she's really worth, I could afford to stay home.
Or, if I won the lottery. (I had considered changing that line to "If I suddenly won the lottery..." but I guess I fell asleep before I actually did it. I probably should have.)
Karen 6-13-2008 @ 5:47PM
It does surprise me some. Most men I know like being a provider for their family. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy the more nurturing aspects of parenting, but that they get great satisfaction in being able to provide security (financial) for their family.
I would have guessed that the majority of men would feel that way. I think it is hardwired.
But, it also doesn't surprise me that men like the idea of staying home. I noticed that the things you mentioned about staying home...trips to the museum, being at the playground and at the beach, are the fun things about parenting.
The thing is, when both parents work, it is still the woman that does the majority of the mundane work. I suspect that when the dad stays home, that women tend to STILL do more of the housework.
So I suspect a lot of men don't have a clue about what it really takes to be a good stay at home parent. That doesn't mean they can't learn, but when conducting polls like this, I think many just think of the quality time rather than how to create quality time when there is laundry to be done, floors to be scrubbed, and those healthy meals you talked about cooking from scratch...don't forget you have to budget for them and do all that cooking for kids that possibly won't eat it and that are painting the dog purple while you cook it.
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eugene 6-14-2008 @ 3:59AM
Wow, condescending much?
I'm a stay at home dad, that means doing the majority of the cooking and nearly all of the cleaning. It means cleaning up after my son, potty training him, teaching him english and korean and brushing up on what little mandarin we both know. It also involves taking him out to his pre-preshool classes, library story times, taking him out to the park.
It's so very liberated of you to think that men are complete idiots and that our version of "quality" time involves only having "fun" while we keep our poor women chained to the kitchen as soon as they come home from clubbing the dinner to death but those of us who either choose or are in situations where it's us that need to put our careers and personal ambitions on pause for the betterment of our families take our job and responsibilities just as seriously as any person who happens to have two X chromosomes instead of just one.
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Karen 6-15-2008 @ 7:39PM
I was not being condescending. I was responding to what he wrote. He didn't mention the mundane stuff. He mentioned the fun stuff.
And I didn't say that men couldn't be good stay at home parents, I just said that they can learn (as women learn when they become stay at home moms) that there is a lot more of the other stuff than we originally think.
I also said that when they take polls like this, I don't think most people think that far into it. Clearly when people sit down to make that decision, they put more thought into it, but polls like this don't require that much thought.
And the research I've read states that women STILL DO MORE when roles are reversed. They just do. Is it every situation? NO, but in general, that is how it works. When both parents work, WOMEN do more of the housework. When Dads stay home, women still do more than most WORKING DADS. Everything I have read says this is true. If you are the exception. Good for you.
I wonder why you were so defensive? Maybe it hit home some? And yes, now I'm being condescending.
eugene 6-15-2008 @ 9:04PM
Hilarious. Your entire post was full of self aggrandizing generalizations on the ineptitude of men and now you're trying to present nuance to your sexist little rant?
The question isn't why I'm defensive, rather why you feel so poorly about yourself that you need to demean an entire sex just to feel better about yourself. But it's okay, now that I see how truly judgmental, sexist and pathetic you are, I can see where all your angry rhetoric comes from.
Oh, and, happy father's day.
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katie 6-16-2008 @ 2:49AM
Eugene. I'm assuming since you're on parentdish.com that you are in fact a parent...how about instead of getting on the internet all the time actually spend time with your children or at the very least pick up a hobby, tennis maybe? Get off of your self-righteous pedestal (which I'm sure you would never talk to people like this in person) You look for anything and anyone to pick apart if there is any "flaw" in what they say, you're supposed to comment on the SUBJECT not other people...I couldn't help but notice you on another blog about autism, people have their right to their opinion, get a life. You're calling other people pathetic you have over 200 comments on the internet and the majority of them are "demeaning and judgemental." Do you have a small winky or just some serious mommy issues?
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katie 6-22-2008 @ 4:45PM
Oops...sorry I read your first post, you are a stay at home dad, how wonderful...must make the mother of your children feel like a real man. Aw.