Things I am no longer capable of doing now that I'm a parent

Filed under: Babies, Toddlers Preschoolers



• Observe a speeding vehicle drive through a neighborhood without making an involuntary tut-tut-tut sound
• Walk by a young child or baby without simpering and smiling like a doofus
• Eat a meal at a leisurely pace
• Read Pet Sematary (oh my god: no. Just . . . no)
• Wear a bra with less than three hooks
• Feel politically disengaged
• Be contemptuous of the minivan
• Make it through any sick-child news story without crying
• Drink a whole cup of coffee while it's still hot
• Take a bath without at least one little plastic boat in the tub
• Sleep at night without one ear cocked like a dog
• Speak in a calm, rational voice for the entire day
• See a pregnant belly without feeling strangely giddy
• Not be wildly opinionated about the obvious superiority of Steve over Joe on Blue's Clues
• Find the idea of cleaning up after someone else's bodily substances intolerable
• Keep my car's interior clean
• Take myself even remotely seriously while dancing
• Simply accept that Elizabeth Hasslebeck and Brooke Burke have otherworldly powers that allow their bellies to return to a state of rock-hard-abdom post-baby instead of theorizing at great length about the various surgical procedures they must have endured

How about you?
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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.
AOL Answers is no longer available
AOL Answers is closed

AOL Answers is no longer available.

As AOL continues to grow and evolve we are taking necessary actions to ensure our efforts and resources are
focused on the areas where we can create the maximum amount of value for our loyal consumer base. As a result
we have decided to sunset AOL Answers. Thank you for your participation in this site. If you have an AOL-related
question (passwords, account information, etc.), please visit our AOL Help site at help.aol.com.