Would your family consider a vasectomy?
Categories: Just for dads, Love & sex, Pregnancy & birth, Health & safety, In the news, Resources
Back in the days before Eve Ensler, the word 'vagina' was the verboten V-word. Now, it seems, there is another V-word on the horizon that people -- well, guys -- refuse to discuss, let alone think about: the vasectomy. Women have long-regarded the vasectomy as an easier, safer way toward permanent birth-control. Well, it's semi-permanent, actually, because it is a reversible procedure. Men regard it as little more than butchery. Women could get their tubes tied, the men say. Men could wear a condom, the women say. Men say that would reduce their feeling. Women say, well, tough!
But what about the vasectomy, really? Modern medicine would say it is a simpler and safer procedure than tubal ligation. It's also cheaper. There's also a new non-scalpel version on the market (my husband says don't even think of mentioning the words 'scalpel' and 'penis' in the same sentence; it turns him green). The result of unwanted pregnancy after a vasectomy is also low at 1 in 1,000.
It's also a procedure no one is really using. Why? Well, there is the obvious concern that my husband put so well. Then there are the myths that having a vasectomy reduces testosterone, etc. that still float around us like so much hot air. There's also the fear of having a needle stuck in one's weewee, which has been replaced by jet-powered anesthesia.
What about your family? Once you reached the optimal number of children (or no children!) what method of birth control did you or are you employing? Was vasectomy an option, or was it verboten?
Pic by Marshall Astor-Food Pornographer.
Recent Posts
- Weekend Fun and Games (7/03/2009)
- Kids and Extracurriculars - When Do You Let Them Quit? (7/03/2009)
- Twitter Follow Friday on ParentDish! (7/03/2009)
- Lush Lashes (7/03/2009)
- Abigail Breslin Makes $13 a Week (7/03/2009)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Judy 6-29-2008 @ 1:52PM
We don't think we are "done" yet, but if we get to that point, I think my husband would be willing to consider the big V. I haven't really given it too much thought yet, but it seems only fair that after the woman carries and births the children, the man go through some sacrifice for the sake of family planning.
Reply
Elle King 7-10-2008 @ 2:01PM
Personally I would never want my husband to have a vasectomy. That would be like saying, "Well, honey, I love you so much... I just don't want to worry about getting pregnant, so will you have that taken care of?" Plus what if we decide to have another child in a few years? In he goes for a reversal... Which costs more money.
My husband and I decided to use Natural Family Planning. It is really great! No pills, condoms, anything! We just can't have sex for a few days each month while I am fertile... Sounds hard, right? It isn't, during those few days you go back to when you were dating. You find other ways to let your spouse know you love them... Writing a love note, bringing them flowers, having a candle-lit dinner... Plus you are both in it together, it isn't falling on only one person. You can find out more about the cheapest and least invasive form of family planning by visiting www.ccl.org.
Kerri 6-29-2008 @ 2:21PM
I agree. It is only fair that the men share the child planning (or planning for not having). Hubby and I have talked about it. After we have out next child, he will go and get a "V".
Reply
Cara 6-29-2008 @ 2:28PM
My husband had no qualms at all about having a vasectomy and, in fact, was the one that brought it up. We knew that we only wanted two children and he didn't want to wear condoms forever, so a month after our daughter was born, he went to the doctor.
I think it's funny that men think that they're actually going to give them a shot or put a scalpel anywhere near their penis. The tiny incisions aren't really on any part of the genitals at all...they're kinda off to the side a bit.
The thing that freaks me out the most is these stories that I keep hearing about the vasectomy kinda growing back together years down the road. I've heard of several women that got pregnant 7 or 8 years after their husband got a vasectomy (and yes, it really was their husband's kid!). When I say we are "done" having kids, I truly mean it. I think I would lose my mind if I had another one at this point. But maybe I'm just saying that because mine are 2.75 and 15 months and are in the thick of crazy toddlerhood.
Reply
Jenna 6-29-2008 @ 2:30PM
No, we wouldn't "consider" it as it is already done. I cannot carry another child to term without putting my life and the baby's life at risk and have enough other health issues that major surgery wasn't an option either. As such, my Husband graciously stepped to the plate and didn't even whine. He cares about my health.
And the no-worry sex? Is amazing.
Reply
Jill 6-29-2008 @ 3:36PM
Hubby was fine with the idea. He got to take it easy for a weekend (although he felt fine the next day). Plus I am much more interested in sex now that I'm not worried about accidental pregnancies!
Reply
Susan 6-29-2008 @ 5:31PM
My hubby stepped up to the plate when our daughter was 9 months old and we are happy knowing the 2 we have are it. He came up with the idea and now recommends it to anyone not wanting more kids. Not only did it not interfere with our sex life, things have never been better. And its not just due to the end of worrying, something about the "soldiers" not being able to get out and being reabsorbed has made things better for him and he wants it more often which is better for me! All around, I'd say its his best idea ever!
Reply
Tony 7-01-2008 @ 3:36PM
I'm glad to hear that you having better and more sex now. Unfortunately, after our second child I went for a vasectomy, but my wife wasn't thrilled I did it. Sex has gone down hill and is now nonexistent, due to other health issues she has.
Anne Glamore 6-29-2008 @ 5:37PM
He had the vasectomy, was back on the bike in a short time, and we've been frolicking happily ever since!
Reply
Nicola 6-29-2008 @ 5:43PM
My husband couldn't get in there soon enough! The GP actually turned him away at first request because in the UK they make you wait a full year (in case its just new baby jitters) before booking the vasectomy. After we moved to the US, it was first priority. We knew that we only wanted one and had made that decision long before getting pregnant. Birth control is no fun. He was back to "normal activities" by day three, and up and around as usual on the day of. No big deal guys.
Reply
Jenni 6-29-2008 @ 7:38PM
My husband brought it up way before we even had kids. When we're done, he is too!
Reply
Katie 6-29-2008 @ 8:24PM
My husband has the initial consultation scheduled next month. He approached with the idea when we were dating that we would have two kids and then he would have the vasectomy. We have the two kids, now it is time for surgery.
Reply
Karen 6-29-2008 @ 10:59PM
I have zero respect for any man that is nervous or queasy at the idea of the big V. Come on. The woman has already been pregnant and given birth and a man wants to complain about a little shave and a little incision?
My DH had his done 3 months after the second baby. He took it easy one day and then we moved across the state 3 days later. NO BIG DEAL.
What I did find interesting is that the doctor required that I give my permission for my husband to have it done. They also suggested waiting as it was soon after my second child. We knew we were done.
Reply
Molly 6-30-2008 @ 5:12PM
Karen,
I knew of a married couple where the wife REALLY wanted kids and the husband didn't (I still don't know why they got married with this major difference). So, the husband went and got the big V and told the wife afterward. Real nice there, so I guess I can understand the required spousal consent.
Michelle 6-30-2008 @ 2:19PM
2 HORRENDOUS pregnancies, 2 HELLACIOUS deliveries. 1 baby that spent 3 months in NICU. I am not cut out to be a baby oven. He had it done by my urologist 2 days after our 2nd came home from the NICU. A couple days of whining and babying and it's all done! No more condoms, no more pills, no more worrying! Even though he actually had a harder recovery time than most (I think he had several weeks of pain) he still recommends the Big V to everybody.
It's the least he could do after all MY body endured bearing his children. I almost died having his son, and I probably would die having a third. He stepped up to the plate, errr stirrups and took one for the team, as he should.
Reply
Clarissa 6-30-2008 @ 3:52PM
My husband had his done 11 years ago. He has 2 tiny little scars in his scrotum that are barely noticeable. He was back to normal activities after 3 days.
It was a blessing. We don't have to worry about an accidental unwanted pregnancy. We don't have to use condoms and I don't have to use any kind of birth control.
Reply
Molly 6-30-2008 @ 5:12PM
Our one and only is almost three, and we're both 99% sure this is it for us. I'm tired of being on the pill, and I don't want to use condoms, so the hubby has agreed to get fixed. It's just a matter of making sure we're really ready to say when.
It's just a no-brainer. Pills, condoms, major surgery for the woman, or an outpatient procedure for the man? C'mon men, take one for the team!
Reply
Crystal 6-30-2008 @ 5:35PM
We are done having kids. We both agree. But, we both said we would wait until the youngest is 2. And then we make the FINAL decision.
He came to me a few months ago with some exciting news, as he put it. They now have an almost painless procedure, using lasers. And you are in and out of the drs office and recovery is minimal.
Ooohhh, I said. Sounds great.
But, that is NOT the one you are getting. Do you think that having TWO 9 lb humans ripped out of my abdomen was pain-less? And an in-and-out-procedure, with minimal recovery? I DONT THINK SO.
You are getting the most invasive vasectomy on the market. If it requires an overnight stay in the hospital, EVEN BETTER.
The appointment has yet to be made. lol
Reply
Heather 6-30-2008 @ 9:31PM
My husband has a "V" done when our second was about 6 mos old. It took all of about 15 minutes to get the procedure done, and he went home and sat around for 2 days, and that was it. His incisions were only about 1/4 of an inch long and only took one stitch to close.
Our doctor uses a procedure where it is cut, burned, turned back and tied, so I REALLY dont think we are going to ever have a problem with it growing back together. He said of the thousands of "v"'s he has done (he did them for the Army) that he has only ever had one failure and that is because the guy had another tube he didn't know about. Plus our doctor offers to have it checked after 6 weeks to make sure the procedure worked.
The thing is to check on how the doctor does it, because my husband said that he works with a guy whos doc only used clamps. That would worry me a bit.
Reply
Karen 7-07-2008 @ 3:20PM
After giving birth to our 4th (and completely unplanned) child 3 years ago, we knew it was time to seriously discuss our long term birth control options.
The V option was definately on the table and really seemed to be the best solution. Hubby is totally cool with it.
I soon became hesitant to the idea, however.
I don't plan on wanting more children in the future. I'm already in my early 40's and we feel pretty lucky to have had 4 healthy children thus far.
I'm quite sure my body and/or my sanity would seriously fail if I were to get pregnant with another child at this stage in my life.
But a surgical procedure is practically permanant, leaving no room for doubt in regard to whether or not one or the other of us would desire more children in the future.
I couldn't get John & Elizabeth Edwards story out of my mind. I recall her sharing the details of losing their teenage child, and how their lives were forever affected by that tragedy. At one point, she said, they realized they needed to find a way to bring joy back into their lives.
For them, the decision to add more children to their family was the answer, even though they had long before come to the conclusion that they were done having kids. Becomming pregnant and raising two more little ones once their other children were teenagers wasn't something they planned from the get go. Rather, it was an idea that blossomed from unexpected life circumstances that no one could have predicted years earlier.
Using the Edwards' experience as a blueprint for not knowing how the unpredictable events of our future may affect our thinking in regard to having more kids, we decided to hold off on the V procedure for a few more years.
Reply