Happiness is... not having kids

by Roger Sinasohn (Subscribe to Roger Sinasohn's posts) Jul 3rd 2008 2:56PM

Categories: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Fun & Activities

Sure, they drive you nuts. They step on every last nerve and expect you to thank them for it. But, it's all worth it, right? Children bring so much joy into our lives that we couldn't possibly imagine living without them, right? They are our reason for being; they complete us. Right? Anyone?

But seriously, do kids make us more or less happy? Apparently, it's the latter -- they make us less happy. At least that's the conclusion a number of researchers have come to in recent years. One theory is that because couples are marrying and having children later, they are getting more of a taste for the footloose-and-fancy-free life and the responsibilities of parenthood just don't compare.

While they may very well make us less happy, it seems to me that the easy path isn't always the most rewarding. Certainly, sitting on the couch watching television is easier than climbing to the top of half dome, but which is the more rewarding in the long run? I'll take the blisters and backache, thanks.

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Comments (10)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Nicola 7-03-2008 @ 3:37PM

Well stated, Roger. The easy path isn't always the better choice in the long run. Sure, a full bank account, going out to dinner and a movie, complete freedom of my days (and nights), SLEEPING IN on the weekend would all be nice. For now. But then eventually it would lose purpose. There would be the big "why? what was it all for?" questions. You climb Half Dome and you have something to hold on to forever, something spiritual, physical, defining. You sit in front of the t.v. and you get fat.

ame s 7-03-2008 @ 5:36PM

I think it depends on an individual's definition of happiness. I only had one person tell me not to have kids before I had mine. She was the kind of person I doubt would have been happy even if she hadn't had a child.
I tried to make a point to enjoy each stage my girls went (and are going) through. There isn't really anything I want to do that they would prevent me from doing.

queenoqueens 7-03-2008 @ 6:06PM

Yes, kids are better than sitting in front of the TV. But I don't know if they're better than pursuing the depths and challenges of a rewarding career. And I don't mean money....I mean a personal passion. I think those two things are great in different ways.

I do think that on a minute to minute basis that not having kids would be a happier proposition, because you wouldn't be as jangled a bunch of nerves from rushing around trying to get kids to do things they don't want to do, while keeping everyone relatively clean, safe and solvent. But reflecting at the end of the day, after they're in bed, is a different story.

I do often wonder what I'd be like at this point in time if I hadn't had kids. For better or worse, they do change you as a person.

Gabby 7-03-2008 @ 10:39PM

I'm holding out hope that I'll be happy when they grow up and leave the house! Seriously, I know older people who never had children, and it's their one big regret in life. So, we may not be happier now, but later on in life, my bet is that we will be happier than our childless peers. They should do a study to see if grandparents are happier than others their age who aren't grandparents. That would be interesting.

ninainindia 7-04-2008 @ 6:22AM

I'm afraid that the people that didn't have children have the wrong idea about having adult children. They think they will visit them and take them on vacation etc. But I know many families where the children, when they become adults hardly visit their parents anymore.

It's very sad but a reality for many parents.

Secret 7-04-2008 @ 3:08AM

I keep thinking that I'll wake up from this nightmare. I love him, but I wish I could run away from home, and know he was safe. I am unworthy of him. I do my very, very best, and give 120% and know I'm failing.

This was a mistake, but he'll never, never, never know.

caron 7-04-2008 @ 12:07AM

It's articles like this that make me very afraid to have children.

Gabby 7-04-2008 @ 6:05PM

Why are there studies on being happy, anyway? I mean, what good is it? Life is difficult, life is suffering, life is pain. You will never find happiness if you strive for it. The best way to live life is to live with purpose, with goals, and to contribute to the betterment of society. We should all strive to be less hedonistic, and more altruistic, and, as a by-product of that, we will all be happier, as a whole.

Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. 7-06-2008 @ 8:25PM

Anyone who has to question long and hard the benefits of having kids shouldn't have them.

I wish the parents who abuse, misuse, neglect and torture their kids had thought about it and opted out.

But don't have children in the hope that they'll honor you and take care of you in your old age. Maybe they will, and maybe they won't.

On the other hand, if you can't imagine life without kids, and are ready to tackle the challenges, then it seems that parenting is for you.

I am blessed to have four adult children and three grandchildren. It's my good relationship with them that helps keep me in the know about so many things.

Whether you have your own children or hang out with someone else's, I think that one key to happiness is periodically being in contact with the young. They are fearless, energetic, and creative. You can learn so much from them.

shue53 7-08-2008 @ 2:46PM

Happiness comes from GOD and being in an intimate relationship with Him. As a Christian I have learned that I am happiest when I am in that fellowship with God... as a Christian I also have learned that there will be times of sorrow and sadness, but God is my hope!!! Yes, individuals that reject God can find "happiness" yet will never experience eternal contentment and joy. God designed us to be his friends and his children... We bring him happiness and pain... There are times as a parent I want to hide and can remember the times when these two little lives were not my responsibility... when I look back, I can remember being happy with out them... I can also remember being sad... My children are fun and do bring me great joy, frustration, excitement.... My children are a joy, but they are not what make me happy.... That is not their responsibility ... it is MINE. By choosing to accept Christ as my personal Savior and to develope a true lasting relationship with Him... that is where we will find Happiness!!! "For God so loved the world that He gave his Son, that whoever believes in Him will have everlasting life" John 3:16 I Pray that each of you who reads this will ACCEPT the gift God has given us.... it is happiness and so much more.... Freedom !!!

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