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Siblings: Trying to make life normal after the second baby arrives
Filed under: Newborns, Toddlers Preschoolers, Your Pregnancy, Siblings, Health & Safety: Babies, Development/Milestones: Babies, Day Care & Education, Feeding & Sleeping, Baby-sitting, Research Reveals: Babies, Nutrition: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Babies, Health & Safety: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Development: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Behavior: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Activities: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Gear Guides: Babies, Gear Guides: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers
One of the hardest parts of transitioning from a one-child family to two children is realizing that you have utterly and completely rocked your first child's world. Though you understand everyone is going to be just fine in the end, it doesn't make that sometimes rocky transition period any easier.At a recent visit to the community pool, I saw something that surprised many of the parents around me. A mom was sitting in the paddling end of the coolish pool with her three-year-old daughter and what appeared to be a very, very new baby. After splashing their feet for a while, the mom took her child (in a life jacket) and the baby to the deeper end of the pool, where the infant slept through being submerged to her chin and splashed by her little sister for a good half hour or more, with no shade from the hot sun.
Though I wouldn't have done the same thing in her shoes, I felt empathy for her plight. I'm guessing that spending time at the pool was one of her daughter's favorite things to do. She probably had fond memories of the previous summer, where she and her daughter played in the pool on a regular basis, and wanted to keep things as normal as possible for her firstborn. Maybe her daughter had asked to go, and she just didn't want to say "We can't because of your sister," and ruin any fragile sisterly bonding that had begun.
What parents of two (or more) children realize eventually, however, is that life will never be exactly the same again for their previous children. That isn't a bad thing, of course. As siblings grow, they form a bond that makes them irreplaceable to each other. But during those first few weeks or months, the intense emotion and hard-hitting hormones can make parents flounder, trying to keep routines in place and life normal for their firstborns.
How did you handle the arrival of your second child? Did you feel guilty about your firstborn having to learn to share your time and adapt to a new routine?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-06-2008 @ 10:59PM
Sabrina said...Luckily my first born was only 18 months old when #2 came along. She wanted nothing more than to be allowed to peek into his bassinet, hold his bottles when I pumped for Dad, and fetch me things like diapers and burp cloths. She was a sweet angel. We weren't really to the special outings stage with her to begin with, so things went as usual. Grocery trips and playing outside continued as always. I do not believe that she has many memories of before her brother was born. I am sure we'd have figured it out if she'd been older, but I have to say overall the transition was a piece of cake for us.
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7-07-2008 @ 3:00AM
mary said...our second child was born when the first one was 12. Almost another family. but he adapted well after he realized that he got all the special treatment first.
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9-15-2008 @ 11:07PM
beth said...My first daughter was 7 when our second child was born, and she is now 14 and STILL dealing with issues over having a sibling. She still resents having to "share" me with her younger sister. Despite doing everything we could possibly think of or were advised to do in order to help her adjust, it still has not truly happened.
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7-13-2010 @ 2:23PM
chellsie curry said...I have a 16 month old and another on the way, I am just about 20 weeks. By the time the new one is here she will be 21months. We have all ready begun the introducing new baby to current. And she handle's it quit well with kissing the tummy and trying to share food and water with it. She snuggles and rub's it. But how much of it does she actually understand at this point? So naturally I am very concerned for her. Now don't get me wrong when I say this, because Alaina (1st born) is a very good little girl. Always listens, plays well with others, never throws temper tantrums and is very good at entertaining herself. She just has an over-all very calm temperament. But, what I am afraid of, is her personality changing once the new baby is here. I know some kids go through that. So I wonder will she!?! I don't work, so I know that our time together won't really change, but will she see that!?!
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6-03-2011 @ 9:04AM
Sarah said...I suggest a John Rosemond solution....get a roll of tickets such as you might buy for a carnival ride and when he does something
you want to reinforce, give him one. Then, let him "trade" it for a treat - special snack, extra TV time, later bedtime. You can help him see the advantages to being the oldest in the family. Before
long he will be looking for ways to help(put away spoons from
dishwasher, pick up papers for the trash. You will be amazed at how much he can do
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