First kid, second kid



(I know this subject's been done to death, but what can I say, IT'S ALL TRUE.)

1st kid: After dropping the pacifier on the floor, boil it for at least 5 minutes.
2nd kid: After dropping the pacifier on the floor, blow off any visible dog hair.

1st kid: Create a beautiful, peaceful nursery with an aquatic design theme and a bookshelf full of carefully arranged toys and books.
2nd kid: Toys and books spread all over house. "Theme" can be described as "extra storage room where a baby happens to sleep".

1st kid: Entertain the baby with expensive developmental toys featuring age-appropriate patterns and colors.
2nd kid: Hand the baby a plastic measuring cup.

1st kid: Expose baby to television rarely, and only in the form of Baby Einstein-branded DVDs.
2nd kid: Have baby watch HBO during his late-night feedings. Explain some of the more complicated Eff Words if need be.

1st kid: Immediately discard milk in bottle if it sits out more than ten minutes.
2nd kid: Immediately discard milk in bottle if there's a cat hair floating in it. Okay, two cat hairs.

1st kid: The baby's crying! Hurry, tend to him immediately!
2nd kid: Huh, the baby's crying. I hope it's not bothering the neighbors.

1st kid: Gingerly clip baby's nails with the special infant clipper, hyperventilating the entire time.
2nd kid: File baby's nails with your emory board while watching So You Think You Can Dance.

1st kid: Keep a detailed log of your baby's feedings and diaper contents, carefully updating it after every single feeding/diaper change.
2nd kid: Ha ha ha haaaaaa! ARE YOU KIDDING? HAAAAAA.

1st kid: Put adorable pair of Robeez on baby whenever you leave the house.
2nd kid: Cover baby's bare toes with your purse if someone gives you the stinkeye.

1st kid: Obsessively read infant development books so you can anticipate all upcoming milestones and fret over potential illnesses.
2nd kid: Enjoy baby.
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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.
AOL Answers is no longer available
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AOL Answers is no longer available.

As AOL continues to grow and evolve we are taking necessary actions to ensure our efforts and resources are
focused on the areas where we can create the maximum amount of value for our loyal consumer base. As a result
we have decided to sunset AOL Answers. Thank you for your participation in this site. If you have an AOL-related
question (passwords, account information, etc.), please visit our AOL Help site at help.aol.com.