First kid, second kid

by Linda Lee (Subscribe to Linda Lee's posts) Jul 11th 2008 8:00AM

(I know this subject's been done to death, but what can I say, IT'S ALL TRUE.)

1st kid: After dropping the pacifier on the floor, boil it for at least 5 minutes.
2nd kid: After dropping the pacifier on the floor, blow off any visible dog hair.

1st kid: Create a beautiful, peaceful nursery with an aquatic design theme and a bookshelf full of carefully arranged toys and books.
2nd kid: Toys and books spread all over house. "Theme" can be described as "extra storage room where a baby happens to sleep".

1st kid: Entertain the baby with expensive developmental toys featuring age-appropriate patterns and colors.
2nd kid: Hand the baby a plastic measuring cup.

1st kid: Expose baby to television rarely, and only in the form of Baby Einstein-branded DVDs.
2nd kid: Have baby watch HBO during his late-night feedings. Explain some of the more complicated Eff Words if need be.

1st kid: Immediately discard milk in bottle if it sits out more than ten minutes.
2nd kid: Immediately discard milk in bottle if there's a cat hair floating in it. Okay, two cat hairs.

1st kid: The baby's crying! Hurry, tend to him immediately!
2nd kid: Huh, the baby's crying. I hope it's not bothering the neighbors.

1st kid: Gingerly clip baby's nails with the special infant clipper, hyperventilating the entire time.
2nd kid: File baby's nails with your emory board while watching So You Think You Can Dance.

1st kid: Keep a detailed log of your baby's feedings and diaper contents, carefully updating it after every single feeding/diaper change.
2nd kid: Ha ha ha haaaaaa! ARE YOU KIDDING? HAAAAAA.

1st kid: Put adorable pair of Robeez on baby whenever you leave the house.
2nd kid: Cover baby's bare toes with your purse if someone gives you the stinkeye.

1st kid: Obsessively read infant development books so you can anticipate all upcoming milestones and fret over potential illnesses.
2nd kid: Enjoy baby.

Comments (10)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Elizabeth 7-11-2008 @ 10:18AM

This is SO TRUE! I actually enjoyed the second baby better because the small things didn't stress me out as much!! (The first was also a preemie and the second one wasn't so I know that had something to do with it too.)

mmllong 7-11-2008 @ 12:10PM

Awesome and sooo true!

Brenda 7-11-2008 @ 1:31PM

Am I really the only first time mom who was ok with baby getting love from the dog, kept the baby in jammies when running errands and generally didn't attempt the sterilize her little world? I am so sick of people telling me how much more relaxed I'll be with "the next one" and how much more fun I'll have.

Umm... my kid was healthy so I didn't stress about the germs. I had fun in the lump stage, the crawling stage and the learning to walk stage and the walking/running/jumping/climbing stage. Not all first timers are neurotic freaks. Yeesh!

Liz 7-11-2008 @ 4:03PM

My kid hardly went to day care in clothes OTHER than jammies until she could crawl. What's the point?

Miranda 7-13-2008 @ 5:22PM

Yea, I have to say I wasn't much for the anal retentive behavior with my first either. I mean, I only have one so I don't have the compare/contrast angle but she wore all hand me down's, and all of her baby gear were gifts whether new or used, she was allowed to cry herself to sleep and entertain herself. I did however sterilize all her bottles....maybe i was just a little ocd in that way. Anywho, she doesn't seem to know the difference, she is now a happy healthy toddler. It would be interesting to see what(if anything) I would do different with my next child.

Cecelia 7-11-2008 @ 1:01PM

Oooh--so very true!!

Jennypen 7-11-2008 @ 4:45PM

Brenda - me neither. My baby is ten months and I couldn't be arsed. I gave up the neurotic book-reading after I had a few bumps breastfeeding and realised no amount of paper could make up for actually paying attention. I have a happy, healthy baby and am happy myself. On that list in the article, I was mostly in the latter options, especially the keeping track of poo and wee and feeds. I have a brain for that!!!

queenoqueens 7-11-2008 @ 4:23PM

And don't forget these:

1st: Don't let anyone else hold the baby
2nd: Ask everyone within arms length to hold the baby for just a minute

1st:Never let the baby out of your sight
2nd:Start looking for baby when you hear the front door open

1st: Say please and thank you for each and every request you make of child. Repeat multiple times.
2nd: End every sentence with "NOW!"

Jennifer 7-11-2008 @ 4:32PM

I am about to be a first time mom (in, like, 4 weeks) and people can't get over my breezy attitude about it. No, the nursery isn't ready (does it matter? She's not gonna be sleeping in there for at least a couple months...) No, I haven't washed and sterilized every item she is gonna come in contact with. And, this one is a BIGGIE, no I am not gonna ignore my 2 chihuahuas nor am I gonna keep them off the bed when she is on it. While babies are a bit fragile they are far sturdier than a lot of people give them credit for. My sister had her little girl 2 months ago and ever since I have been saying "don't worry, it ain't gonna kill her!" to this, that or the other... Oh, and most of the clothes I have bought for her to wear are sleepers...it is just easier (and she'll be getting her cousins hand-me-downs, too...)

Leslie K 7-12-2008 @ 12:40AM

My first was extremely healthy, but my second one was not. He was the one who got all the neurotic attention (that ended up being very useful years down the road that I actually kept a diary of his health issues). However, let's all lighten up and just take this at face value in the light humor spirit it was meant.

Leslie K
http://www.supplementinfo.org

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