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Should children be banned from weddings?
Filed under: Activities: Babies, In The News
When you think of the perfect wedding, does it include children? It does for me. When my cousin married recently, she involved every one of her nieces and nephews and made it clear that children were welcome. My girls sat quietly during the ceremony and were utterly delighted by the fact that they could dance to loud music all night long. They were especially thrilled when the bride or one of her bridesmaids (some of them also cousins) stopped to dance with them. But according to this article from BBC, it's becoming more and more common to ban children from wedding celebrations. Brides worry that noisy or unruly children will undo all of their planning, or perhaps are just looking for a more sophisticated atmosphere. A toddler was recently thrown out of church at a UK wedding for being too noisy, causing his parents to complain to the Church of England. Rightfully so, I think, since they were the bride and groom!
Another cousin got married last summer, and she respectively asked that kids not attend. It left us in a bind since all of our potential babysitters were also invited to the wedding. We ended up splitting up -- the men stayed home with the kids while the women went. The wedding was gorgeous and joyful. I've no doubt the bride and groom never missed our kids. But because it was a family wedding, I know that we sure did.
As a mom, I understand that I'm completely biased. I want my kids to be included in family functions because they are a part of our family. But I also recognize that the bride and groom have a right to an adult affair, one that does include the unpredictable nature of kids. I'd never make an issue out of children not being invited, because I think it's the bride and groom's choice how to spend their day.
What do you think about kids and weddings?
| Yes. Weddings are a celebration and children are a big part of that. | |
|---|---|
| No. Weddings are adult affairs. | |
| It's up to the bride and groom. | |
| Other -- share with us in comments. |
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-13-2008 @ 12:17PM
Jenni said...It is completely up to the type of wedding a couple is having. Personally, since my husband and I are preschool teachers, what kind of wedding do you think we had? This first song we danced to as a wedded couple was from a children''s CD called the Hampster Dance; second was another preschool song where all the children and guests came up and danced as well.
However, I have been to some weddings where it was not appropriate for children to be there. It was too long and or too formal and children just don't do good in some of these environments. It's just best for them to not join in, for their sake if not everyone elses.
This way, they don't get in trouble for doing what children do; parents don't get frustrated by having to keep reminding them of the rules, and everyone else gets to enjoy the evening.
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7-13-2008 @ 1:08PM
Debra Hamel said...A wedding ought to be the celebration of the creation of a new family from the blending of two families. In which case, what could be more appropriate than having children present? If instead it's some perfect, magazine-ready, glossy, unreal event, then ban the kids. But what's the point?
Depends on what you think real life is all about.
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7-13-2008 @ 1:31PM
Julie Underberg said...We are discussing this now in our family. My boys have been asked to be in my sister's wedding (along with myself) but she says they cannot come to the reception. No other children are invited so she feels they are not to come too. If they are part of the wedding party, my husband and I feel they should be allowed to stay. I guess though it is the bride and groom's choice even though I don't agree.
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7-13-2008 @ 2:04PM
mamaloo said...Formal weddings where children are forbidden lest they spoil the pomp that costs couples and their families as much as most North Americans earn in a year are gross examples of conspicuous consumption in my estimation. I don't want be part of those kinds of affairs. That is not a celebration. And we don't go to those kinds of weddings. I think spending the equivalent of a child's future university education on a wedding says a lot about a couple.
Having said that, however, if people are voluntarily leaving children with sitters, I'm not bothered to also leave my kids with a sitter. However, for a wedding that is within my close family, all my sitters will be there, so I'm probably bringing the kids.
Lately most weddings we've attended have been informal backyard style weddings and I've really enjoyed those, including the squealing kids running through everyone's legs.
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7-13-2008 @ 2:23PM
Jenni said...It seems that the "not-so-pricey" weddings are becoming the new trend. Seems that people are getting back to the right priorities. Just like birthday parties are starting to scale back. It's a nice turn of events.
7-13-2008 @ 2:48PM
mamaloo said...Too true. A welcome trend.
7-13-2008 @ 9:17PM
KimberlyMom in the City said...I totally think that it's up to the bride and groom. I don't think that either way (kids/no kids) is right or wrong/better or worse.
For my wedding, we had 20 kids IN the wedding and a flower girl (we were working with a children's ministry back then) and it was a blast!
On the other hand, I've been at smaller, intimate "adults-only" wedding that were really special too. (I can totally understand if a bride doesn't want to "stress" about the potential of a baby or kid crying/talking during her special moment. Let's be honest - kids don't always have the best "timing".)
In any event, to each their own (choice whether or not to have kids at their wedding / choice whether or not to attend weddings that their kids aren't also invited to...)
Kimberly/Mom in the City
http://www.mominthecity.com/
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7-14-2008 @ 11:34AM
Judy said...I've never been to a wedding where there were no kids (although, come to think of it, I think my then 7 yo daughter was the only child at one wedding we went to). I do think it's up to the bride and groom, but I won't be attending any wedding where my children aren't also able to attend. And I can't imagine any of our close friends having such a ceremony or reception.
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7-14-2008 @ 11:48AM
Jennifer said...It is up to the bride and groom. My first wedding I had children there, didn't bother me a bit, except for my 10 year old cousin repeatedly trying to get to the chapagne punch. My second wedding was a very small and 21 and over only. Yes, it did exclude some people but we had an open bar and it just wasn't worth all of the hassle we would have had to go through had there been under-21's there (the hotel had a bunch of rules and what not.)
I am attending one of my husband's very close friend's wedding in October 2 months after the birth of my daughter. My husband's brother is going to babysit for us, at our hotel across the street from the reception (call me crazy but I don't want her too far away from me!) It is a formal wedding and I would NEVER expect there to be children there.
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7-14-2008 @ 3:06PM
Vanessa said...My husband and I are wedding photographers and we just love to see children at weddings. I think the bride and groom often see children as what is to become in their own future and like to have them involved in their wedding day.
To date we have photographed over 100 weddings and have had only a couple with absolutely no children.
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