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PD*Poll: Do you spank?
Filed under: In The News
Here are the facts: at a July 4th parade in Iowa, a young mother spanked her toddler. A police officer witnessed the spanking and wrote the mom a ticket, citing her with child abuse now, she's suing the state. Who is right? Well, that depends. On a lot of things, actually.
How hard did she hit the girl? By her own account, it was just a little swat -- in this video, from Fox News, she demonstrates, in fact, exactly what happened. By smacking the toddler. Who then throws a fit. In front of a whole bevy of cameras.
Hmm.
The legal analysts at Fox agree that the mom lacks parenting skills, but they disagree about spanking as an act of child abuse. One analyst says, over and over, that if the mom is willing to spank the toddler in a press conference to demonstrate what she did at the parade, she MUST be abusing her kids when no one is looking, and she's probably hitting them harder when the cameras are not around. Of course, that same analyst makes a big deal about the fact that this mom has three kids under four years of age, which seems kind of irrelevant. The analysts also point out that the kids are all running amok during the press conference, which does seem to point to a lack of control on the mother's part.
But does it make the spanking an act of abuse?
What say you -- is spanking an appropriate punishment for a two year old? Or does swatting your tot justify a ticket?
How hard did she hit the girl? By her own account, it was just a little swat -- in this video, from Fox News, she demonstrates, in fact, exactly what happened. By smacking the toddler. Who then throws a fit. In front of a whole bevy of cameras.
Hmm.
The legal analysts at Fox agree that the mom lacks parenting skills, but they disagree about spanking as an act of child abuse. One analyst says, over and over, that if the mom is willing to spank the toddler in a press conference to demonstrate what she did at the parade, she MUST be abusing her kids when no one is looking, and she's probably hitting them harder when the cameras are not around. Of course, that same analyst makes a big deal about the fact that this mom has three kids under four years of age, which seems kind of irrelevant. The analysts also point out that the kids are all running amok during the press conference, which does seem to point to a lack of control on the mother's part.
But does it make the spanking an act of abuse?
What say you -- is spanking an appropriate punishment for a two year old? Or does swatting your tot justify a ticket?
| Discipline -- sometimes you have to swat your kids to get their attention. | |
|---|---|
| Abuse -- there is never ANY good reason to hit a child. |
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 6)
7-16-2008 @ 7:46PM
Jill said...I really believe spanking teaches children to hit back. I always did time out, even if I had to sit the child on my lap until time was up. Physically hitting or spanking will show them to hit back at some point. Toddlers are learning right from wrong, and as an adult you should do things properly to teach them.
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7-17-2008 @ 9:13PM
pbhj said...Spanking/smacking is appropriate for a toddler. Hitting (in my view) is only appropriate if someone has/is perpetrating a crime that warrants arrest and will not comply and cannot be otherwise detained.
When J is big enough to give me a countdown for ill discipline, chastise me aurally, insist on my seclusion for a couple of minutes, explain my transgression in a calm manner at my level of understanding - and then perceiving me to be continuing the malevolent behaviour give me a further countdown, pull down my pants then a final warning and lastly give me smack on my buttocks ... yes then I can see he would copy me.
Or alternatively if he sees me putting myself in direct danger after having been told not too (eg running into the road) then I really don't mind if he catches me and smacks my bottom.
Hopefully I will never be that ill-disciplined. However, should his children need smacking I hope that he'll be mature enough to realise that it's for their own good and actually produces benefit in their lives.
7-18-2008 @ 10:05PM
missircar said...I love this response. It is amazing the many, many different ways you can teach a small child a lesson without causing pain.
My kids did time outs, they lost privileges and when they were really small I simply picked them up and prevented the behavior.
7-16-2008 @ 7:54PM
Lisa said...My 3 yr old gets spankings...before we spank him we tell him why he is getting a spanking. he only gets one swat on the bottom we dont sit their and spank him numerous times. he gets time-outs too so spanking is not the only form of discipline we used. It depends on what he does. I never do it out of anger and i am not upset when i spank him. I know that some people take their frustration out on the child i i think that is abuse.
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7-19-2008 @ 1:48PM
mamaloo said...I love this approach: the "let me terrorize you mentally before I beat you" method. Fantastic!
7-16-2008 @ 8:44PM
rhymon said...Say what you will. I'm 50 yrs old and have 4 children. The 28 yr. old son was spanked. In the day it was still acceptable. My 23 yr. old and 17 yr. old boys were Not spanked. My 3yr. old girl will most certainly be spanked. If I may explain? My oldest is by my side every day helping and respecting. My younger two boys are the ones you read about in the news. I pray to GOD everyday that my daughter turns out as well as my oldest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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7-16-2008 @ 9:11PM
Cara said...First of all -- what this article presents as the facts are not the facts. Eight witnesses at the parade this woman was attending with her children called the police to complain about how she was treating her child. There didn't just happen to be a cop standing by -- one was dispatched because of witness complaints. Second of all -- did any of you watch the tape of this mother at the press conference? Rather than assuming that the issue here is disapproval of spanking in general, which is what the mother in question wants to make of it, watch the tape and see how she treats her daughter while giving her explanation of what happened. She treats her like a prop to use in her defense, like she has absolutely no ability to understand that she's being mean to the girl right then, right there, while trying to explain how she wasn't abusing her at the parade. She has no empathy for her daughter, no understanding that the baby is experiencing her behavior toward her there, at the conference, as her being in trouble with mom again -- with no understanding of what she's done wrong. I have no doubt given the mother's behavior at the press conference that the witnesses at the parade had a good reason for calling the police. That mother obviously needs help.
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7-17-2008 @ 3:36PM
K said...Spankinkeepthemincheck: I was spanking, belted and slapped. I have reasons for my views and I do not have the view that all mothers should stay home. I have done both, the first daughter I had three jobs, this one I am home. Blogs are not about minding your own business, that's why there are blogs, we all have views and we are here to vent them. That being said I am not just a mother but someone trained to take care of children, which means I have had schooling in these areas. I have disciplined children of all ages w/o hitting them and have had a high succes rate, which means I have learned methods of teaching that don't involve striking. If I can help guide someone to change and save a child from being struck, then it's all worth my ranting whether anyone agrees with it or not.
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7-17-2008 @ 9:25PM
pbhj said...OK here's one for you then. An 18mo old child tries to touch an electric radiator. You tell them it's hot, it will hurt, don't touch. You catch them again trying to do the same thing. What do you do?
I would smack their wrist. It works. The pain (for several days) of a burn is far worse than the short sting of a slapped wrist.
Presumably you stand next to them as they grab the heater saying "no don't do that"?
Who's being most cruel?
7-18-2008 @ 1:41PM
missircar said...When an 18 year old wants to keep touching a hot radiator, there are several options. 1) Put a physical barricade between the child and the radiator - shut the door to the room where the radiator is, block the radiator with furniture, etc. 2) Explain to the baby that the radiator is hot and will give her a booboo (use simple language and the babies words for ouchie and hot). The baby may not understand all of your words but she will most likely understand some portion of it - more than she will understand if you just smack her on the bottom. 3) Distract the baby - play a game with her, read her a book, take her in the other room or another part of the room and find a fun and safe activity for her to do rather than be near the radiator where she will be tempted to touch it.
It is a sad state of affairs when a parent believes that the "best" or "only" way to teach a baby or child a lesson is through pain. If she doesn't get it after the first swat will you hit her again? Will you hit her harder? How many times will you hit an 18 month old to teach her this lesson?
7-18-2008 @ 2:14PM
K said...I agree missircar. How many spanks would it take to teach a lesson? Isn't it hypocritical to punish them from almost getting an "owie" but yet go ahead and give them a different "owie" to back up your point? "I don't want this oven to give you an owie, I'd rather do it myself" LOL
7-17-2008 @ 10:27PM
K said...My daughter once played with a candle at a friends house whose parents were not paying attention. Since her age of reason was sharp enough to know better, I took one her her posters from the wall (a small one with no particular sentimental value) and burned it in front of her. She had no real idea that fire could destroy like that and it startled her. I also pointed out news articles later that month about people who lost their homes and everything in them from a simple candle.
She never touch fire again and remembered it years later. Do you honestly think a smack would have driven that lesson home? The burning took about one minute, the conversation about the burnt home, maybe five minutes. Are you telling me your one second smack, which you would have to do over and over, was more effective than taking 6 min. of your parental life to teach a harsh lesson about destruction? Like I said, pure laziness, all of it. Take the time and TEACH, you often only have to do it once.
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7-18-2008 @ 1:29PM
missircar said...I am a 41 year old mother of two, ages 8 & 11. I was spanked as a child - not abused, just spanked. The licks were always preceded by a lecture (the worst part). However, I have chosen not to spank my children. Neither of them have ever received any sort of physical punishment at all (no swatting, pinching, thumping, ear twisting, etc.).
Both of my children receive consequences for their actions. I have left play groups early when my two year hit another child (she still remembers this at 11). I have left movies when they wouldn't stop talking. I have left birthday parties when they threw fits. I have also quit shopping for my own clothes and left or interrupted many other fun activites when they are not behaving.
My kids are not allowed to make excuses for poor behavior - being tired, grumpy, having hurt feelings, etc (whatever excuse you want) explains a behavior but does NOT excuse it. I also don't make excuses for their behavior. If we are at a restaurant and they are behaving poorly. I don't explain to the waiter, nearby dinners, etc. that they are tired. I simply apologize for their poor behavior and tell my children what the consequence will be if they don't shape up. I ALWAYS follow through on whatever consequence I promise (I have to be very careful with what I promise/threaten).
This is not an easy way to raise kids. It requires commitment and orginality in consequences. It is much harder than a swat on the butt when they don't listen. However, it pays off magnificiently. I can take my kids anywhere and everywhere - musuems, church, nice restaurants, other peoples homes, china shops, etc. I constantly get compliments on their behavior.
IMO, the lazy parents are the ones who use spanking as a substitute for the time and attention required to correct/discipline children properly. There is a better way to raise good kids than by spanking. Society has come along way since I was a child when my parents thought they were doing the right thing by spanking. My parents completely disagreed with me when I told them I was not going to spank. However, now they see the results and are completely supportive of no spanking.
PS. For those of you with two year olds running into the street - take them inside or into the backyard, or carrying them and don't put them down until it is safe. It is your job to keep a two year who doesn't understand about the dangers of traffic safe. They cannot and should not be responsible for their own safety at the age of two.
While I don't believe all spanking is abuse, I do believe it is ineffective long term solution to raising well behaved kids.
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7-18-2008 @ 1:42PM
missircar said...Oops! My previous comment should have read 18 month old rather than 18 year old. I apologize for the typo.
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7-18-2008 @ 8:15PM
Melody said...We have strayed so far from raiging healthy families, it's no wonder we can't "agree" on spanking. I believe if you check the stats on crime, welfare, divorce, teen pregnanacies etc during the pre-Dr. Spock days and compare them with today....you'll understand EXACTLY why the Bible says Spare the rod, spoil the child! There is a vast difference between spanking and abuse. And I don't even want to hear about how we can't tell our children not to be violent if we spank them... We tell them not to drink alcohol even though we do; we tell them not to drive the car, even though we do...no objections there, huh? This is what's wrong with our world today. This is why our kids and our society is out of control and so entiorely ego-centric....And the sad thing is that people down-right refuse to hear the truth...their liberal ways are killing all of us.
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7-18-2008 @ 8:29PM
Melody said...Mamaloo,
You are exactly the person I was referring to in my post. You can't even be civil. Maybe you weren't SPANKED enough as a child. You have reminded me why I don't do these comment boards. You can't have an intelligent conversation with a rabid wolverine. If you think corporal punishment is abuse, the you probably also think there is nothing wrong with today's generation of kids. Liberalism at its finest.
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7-18-2008 @ 9:45PM
missircar said...Melody, I am confused. What does liberalism have to do with spanking your children? I know many, many very conservative, family value oriented people who do not use any type of physical punishment to discipline their children.
Why do you think pain and fear are the best way to discipline any thing? I don't beat my dog or my horse and yet they too are well trained and discipline. Pain and fear, are not the best or only way to instill discipline and respect in a child or animal. In my experience time, attention and care are the best way.
I don't understand what a political label has to do with the way you discipline your children.
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7-19-2008 @ 1:50AM
rebecca Biernesser said...Everyone has their views on spanking. Bottom line? It's up to the parents.
BUT I have to ask...the police officer watched her and knew she was having a little problem. He then watched her spank the child, as did a lot of other people....Instead of belittling her and giving her a ticket, why didn't he or one of the other viewers step in and offer help?
It seems that everyone is quick to judge, but not so quick to step in and offer a helping hand.
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7-19-2008 @ 2:00AM
rebecca said...How ridiculous. This is the reason that kids are so out of hand. How are they supposed to learn the difference between right and wrong if there are no consequences for bad behavior. Parents are no longer allowed to discipline their children for fear of being charged with a bogus child abuse charge. And the kids know it. They are being told in school that it is wrong for their parents to discipline them and that they should report them if they do. Then there are stories like this one to reaffirm what they are being told.
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7-19-2008 @ 3:55AM
me too said...A little fear and intimidation never hurt any child. In intelligent circles, it's known as RESPECT something a ton of kids know nothing about these days. You bet I spanked my children. I will spank my grandchildren and my kids know it and approve. They are 20 & 24 now--boy & girl-one in the Army in Iraq & one in the Air Force in Colorado. They grew up with discipline and now lead disciplined and honored, faith based lives. I was a single mom too. You have to start young. After all, you are raising future adults...not children. They will thank you later. Mine have.
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