On the days when we both work, my husband takes on the duty of taking both kids to daycare and picking them up at the end of the day. In return, I help him out as much as possible in the mornings, waiting until everyone's gone before I eat breakfast and take a shower. Usually I feel like this is a good compromise, because having shouldered the burden of dropoff/pickup myself on several occasions I know just how hectic it can be (navigating a parking lot a with a toddler and a baby and getting the kids installed in their respective classrooms while hefting a 38572-lb carseat and an armload of bottles feels a bit like competing in a triathlon. While hobbled. And under enemy fire), but I can't help noticing that there's a fairly huge discrepancy in our mornings.
My husband, 7:30-8:30 AM: Get out of bed, shower. Get toddler, throw on any old outfit that's lying nearby, regardless of cleanliness or fit. Cook toddler a waffle, settle into kitchen table with the paper. Linger over cereal and coffee while reading every single section of paper.
Me, 7:30-8:30 AM: Get out of bed. Get the baby. Change baby, feed baby, dress baby. Bring baby out to kitchen. Empty dishwasher from night before, retrieve clean bottles. Fill bottles, insert bottles into carrying case. Entertain baby, who has become disenchanted with bouncy seat. Entertain toddler, who is requesting that someone read a book, pwease. Notice time and beg husband to hurry up. Notice too-small outfit on toddler and change his clothes.
My husband, 8:30-9 AM: Disappear into office to check email, wander around the house collecting laptop and workout gear, leisurely brush teeth.
Me, 8:30-9 AM: Toss toys at increasingly grumpy baby. Bark at toddler who is constantly underfoot or grabbing things off the counter that aren't his. Ride out at least two full-scale toddler tantrums over such injustices as using the potty or having his shoes put on. Put baby in carseat. Put bottle bag out. Beg husband to hurry, get enormous irritated sigh in response. Rush around picking up scattered mounds of toys and laundry, throw cat outside, put husband's cereal bowl in dishwasher (although seriously give some consideration to placing it under his pillow), hover over carseat making goofy faces to keep baby from wailing.
My husband, 9 AM (or thereabouts): Departs, children in tow.
Me, 9 AM: Collapse to the floor and sob with relief. Now only need to eat breakfast, shower, blow dry hair, put on makeup, get dressed, endure long-ass commute, and arrive to work on time. Note, however, that it's already NINE A.M.
Well, I still greatly appreciate that he does the daycare duty, but I'm thinking I might need to make some small changes for the sake of my sanity. Either we've all got to start getting up earlier, or we need to trade off on who gets to scurry around all morning like a decapitated chicken and who gets time to drink their coffee before it turns into a solid mass.
It's a little less chaotic on the days I stay home with the kids, but honestly, not by much. Are your mornings crazy, too?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Lynette 7-16-2008 @ 9:04AM
My mornings are usually pretty tame. Husband left for work at 6am and I am currently I'm sitting in bed, drinking coffee and catching up on my e-mail and reading articles on my laptop. Once baby girl wakes up (between 7 and 8 am) we'll make her some oatmeal, play and maybe watch a cartoon until morning naptime which is about 10am. Then I will get my shower and ready myself for the day which will include grocery shopping and a few other errands. Your schedule made me tired just reading it.
Reply
yucita44 7-16-2008 @ 3:36PM
Heh. Mornings - read this to get a small window into the craziness that is my usual morning: http://bumbling.typepad.com/stumbling_bumbling/2008/04/monday.html
cassandra 7-16-2008 @ 9:10AM
You could always map out the morning chores and take turns doing the various tasks. My husband and I have our own weekly lists of the major household/childcare tasks. We then give each other the space to do it when we want--within reason--and in our own way. As in, I don't care how the laundry is folded, so long as it's clean and put away, and my husband thinks I load the dishwasher messily, but he's learned to let it go. For what it's worth, it's been a great system for us.
And if you're feeling really stressed you don't have to deal with things like emptying the dishwasher, picking up toys and laundry, etc first thing in the morning. No one is going to die--or even suffer!--if the dishwasher doesn't get emptied and the house doesn't get cleaned right on schedule.
I also imagine your husband is capable of keeping track of the time and if he's a little late to daycare, so the heck what? Let him learn. For me, the craziness lessened when I stopped trying to "mommy" the whole house all the time.
Reply
Jamie 7-16-2008 @ 9:25AM
Amen!
Reply
Sabrina 7-16-2008 @ 9:54AM
Most days I wake up and DH is long gone. He has to be at work at 6, and it's summer, so the kids don't have to be anywhere. We really just kind of go through our days haphazardly. This fall though when my DD starts full time preK and rides the bus it will be interesting. Last year she was in half day afternoon, so I never really got a taste of the morning rush.
However, on days when we're both home and have to get somewhere quick, it's me doing the running and DH floating by. For example, last Sunday we were getting ready for church. I got up, got both kids dressed, DS's diaper changed, gave them each some breakfast and DS half his meds, packed DS's diaper bag and the bag of distractions and his lunch box for later in the day. Then I got in the shower, when I got out DH had hooked DS up for the rest of his meds so I got dressed, ran upstairs to iron DH's suit, came down and stuffed dishes in the dishwasher, wiped counters, and swept the floor. Then I blowdried my hair and was applying makeup when DH sauntered in to get his suit on. He had been watching cartoons and wandering around looking for something to eat. He complained to me that he couldn't find something so I suggested cereal, he went back out to get himself cereal. I finished my makeup, got the kids' shoes on and pounded back a can of slimfast while waiting ever-so-patiently for DH to throw his cereal bowl in the sink (not the dishwasher, of course) and try to find his dress shoes. Then we got to church and he proceeds to show off his beautiful, well fed and well dressed clean kids to everyone, like it was his accomplishment. Ha!
Reply
Nicola 7-16-2008 @ 10:48AM
Thank you for that post. I always wonder why my morning consists of doing EVERYTHING while my husband gets to sit down to a relaxing breakfast and a read, followed by a leisurely shower, then a quick kiss and out the door to work. I get up and take care of the outside stuff (fill bird feeder, put out trash/recycle), get my son's breakfast on the table, pack his lunch, get him ready for school, and hurriedly get myself showered and made up in order to get us out the door on time to pick up our carpool. Drop the boys at school and head to work for the day. My husband arrives home nearly an hour before we do in the evening (he leaves an hour earlier in the morning) and enjoys a relaxing dinner on his own before settling in for some t.v. time. We get home and its time to feed the boy, unpack the lunch dishes, shower the boy, get ready for bed, etc etc etc. After a complete breakdown the other day, he has started reading the bedtime story. On occasion. So that I might actually have ten blessed minutes to myself in the day. AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!
Reply
ikate 7-16-2008 @ 10:54AM
Just don't do it. It will take one day for JB to leave without the bottles and realize it when he gets to daycare for him to start taking some responsibility in the mornings. There is no way you should be doing all of this.
And, really? You start work after 9 AM???? How come the Midwest is the only place on earth that people have to be at work at 8? This sucks!
Reply
Nicola 7-16-2008 @ 11:33AM
I'm in Springfield, IL (as Midwest as it gets!) and when I arrive at the office at 8:45am, there are only two or three other cars in the parking lot. Nobody starts work here before 9am. Guess it just depends upon your office...
Allstarme79 7-16-2008 @ 1:06PM
For the time being, our sound like yours only minus one child. My husband "watches" him from the time I shower until I am ready - roughly from 6:30 - 7. But lately, he's just been putting Elliot on the floor and lazily calling him when the boy crawls away down the hall. We're getting to the point where I am going to put my foot down about the lack of help I get during rushed/busy times!
Reply
Tricia 7-16-2008 @ 2:58PM
My husband usually does the majority of the morning send off, as he works late and I'm alone with the 3yo every night. The thing that helps me the most is that I get up 45 minutes before everyone else and take my shower and get myself ready. Then I feel like I can help get the boy ready for day care and not feel so rushed. Otherwise, my mornings were very similar to yours.
Reply
cassandra 7-16-2008 @ 4:20PM
What incentive does someone have to change if their spouse keeps doing it all? If you're not happy, then for pete's sake stop doing everything and break the cycle!
Reply
Kristi 7-16-2008 @ 4:24PM
That pretty much describes my morning. Except replace "read the paper" with "check email/play on computer" for husbandly activities. I am always pissed that he sleeps in and then gets to eat breakfast with the kids, while I'm up early and throwing breakfast and lunch into a bag and rushing to work (where I'm always one of the last ones in...at 8:30 even!). Oh wait...I take my shower first (usually standing on one leg, holding the shower door closed with the other foot to keep my 15 month old from joining me, fully clothed)
Reply
Dorie 7-18-2008 @ 2:29PM
I have no help in the morning. I call it "the morning marathon." My husband has to be at work at 6:30. If I'm lucky, my 3 year old and 18 month old will sleep until I'm done getting myself ready. However, usually the older one will get up and start whining and nagging me about something, which then wakes the baby. I think you're lucky to be alone in the house while you get ready.
Anyway - things that save me time in the morning include letting my hair air dry while I'm doing my make up (so it's just damp when I blow dry it), preparing my breakfast the night before (yogurt mixed with granola and banana) so I can take it with me in the morning, and getting the diaper bag, etc. ready the night before.
Reply
Laziza 7-18-2008 @ 6:26PM
Is there any way you're getting nearly enough sleep? If so, I'd suggest just getting up a little earlier than everyone else, maybe a half-hour or an hour, and resist using it just to get more stuff done. Like it or not, that's probably going to your only "me" time in the mornings. I know a woman who used to get up at 4:30 a.m. when her kids were young. I happen to think that's insane, but she loved having a couple of hours to read the paper, drink her coffee in peace, etc. Is that an option for you?
Reply
amy 7-26-2008 @ 7:28PM
I've got you beat. DH doesn't even get out of bed (he works from home, so he could...). I get up around 6 when I hear DS (22 months) trying to kill himself by climbing onto his rocker to turn on the light, throw some books in his direction, shower in 5 min, take DS downstairs and feed him (thank god for TV or I'd be a dead woman), diaper him, dress him, all while drying hair/slapping on makeup/gulping coffee.
Then dash back up to get dressed IN THE DARK because god forbid I disturb Sleeping Beauty (and some days you can tell I got dressed in the dark) while hoping DS doesn't decide to break the windows or throw the cat into the wall.
Run back down, cajole DS out of the inevitable tantrum when I turn off the TV, cajole him down the stairs (generally ending in "Mama needs you to go fast RIGHT NOW or we will MISS OUR TRAIN!!" - I'm sure the neighbors love that.)
Oh, and THEN entertain him and keep him quiet in a trainful of grouchy inconsiderate commuters.
Reply
Lisa 7-31-2008 @ 10:12PM
Welcome to being the 'Bad Parent'. Mine tell me I yell too much. Of course, I'm not the one who gives them cookies at 9:30 p.m.!! Anyway, my hubby never did figure out the whole child versus clothes size thing. You'd think since he dresses himself he'd notice, right? My only solution is to remove all clothing that won't fit or is in the wrong season. I'd say try having him do one kid while you do the other, but he's 'kinda' doing that already. I also wouldn't worry about the laundry and dishwasher until later. Otherwise, it's mostly a stage you'll get through. Good luck!
Reply
Linda 8-09-2008 @ 1:27PM
Welcome to the world of Baby Bunching. I always thought the mornings with kids close together was insane because no one could do anything for themselves.
Reply