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PD*Poll: Lying to your children
Filed under: Preschoolers, Big Kids
My son Jared's beloved stuffed Mickey Mouse went to the Mickey Doctor and by the time Jared came home from school, Mickey was waiting there for him, as good as new. Of course, there's no such thing as a Mickey Doctor -- Mickey looked as good as new because he was new, bought off eBay and switched for the original was Jared was in school. That's just one of the many lies I've told my kids over the years.But is lying to your kids a good idea? The answer, of course, is that it depends. Victoria Talwar, a psychologist at McGill University in Montreal says that the occasional white lie won't hurt. "If you buy into Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, what's another here and there?" What you have to watch out for, however, is that it doesn't become habitual and that you're not teaching your kids to lie.
According to Talwar, kids as young as three know if you're lying to them. "They're definitely influenced by their parents," she says. "If the parents' lie, the kids will pick that up more as a strategy. They learn it as a way to manipulate and get what they want or conceal things they want to get out of."
Parenting is tough; perhaps the occasional white lie is a good thing. On the other hand, perhaps honesty really is the best policy.
| Parents should never, ever lie to a child, just as they would never lie to an adult. | |
|---|---|
| The occasional white lie won't hurt, just don't make a habit of it. | |
| Lying is a very useful tool for parents who want to maintain their sanity. | |
| They're kids; lying to them is half the fun of being a parent. |
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-17-2008 @ 4:20AM
Tamyu said...I don`t believe in lying to children. They may not need to hear everything, but if it is at all possible, I stick to presenting the truth in a way they can understand. Would I say that I`m buying a new toy? No, but I also wouldn`t say that I was sending it away to a fictional place. More likely, I would simply say that I will fix it. Which is technically what would happen.
I feel VERY strongly about lying to children - Most of my early childhood memories revolve around being hurt because I knew I was being lied to, or because I later found out that I had been lied to. Momentary ease on my part is simply not worth the cost of my son`s trust. Not even for little white lies. Those are the things which outweigh my happy childhood memories.
It drives me CRAZY when we go to the in-laws, and MIL tries to tell my son that I`m going to the toilet if he tries to follow me anywhere in the house - simply because he is happy to quietly wait for my return if I am in the toilet. But he is also happy to wait if I explain that I am going to go move the car, or to pick up something at the store very quickly and will be right back. He trusts me. If someone takes the time to explain (very simply) the truth, he is capable of understanding it. Saying that I`m just going to the toilet and then being gone for half an hour is not going to help keep his trust.
I was ready to kill her when we came back from an over night trip to be told by her - beaming all the while - that she had told him I would be back in 5 more minutes the entire time. When he heard that, he`d stop crying for me and wait for about half an hour before asking where I was. She thought it was so funny that he believed her even after telling him the same thing 10 times without it being true.
It took over a month for him to trust me when I said I`d be right back. I really wanted to smack her for that.
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