Things I should probably feel guilty about (but don't)
Having literally eighteen months' worth of adorable kid moments captured by video. Still on the digital camcorder.
Laughing at the baby when he throws a full-fledged tantrum over being dressed in pajamas. So angry!
Not having taken my nearly-3-year-old to the dentist yet. And based on his reaction to the pediatrician's office this week (where he wasn't even being EXAMINED, OH MY GOD), planning to eventually fob off this duty on his father.
Never giving any serious consideration to cloth diapers.
Having given up on worrying about the nutritional content of my toddler's meals, and generally just hoping that something with calories makes its way to his belly a few times a day. ANYTHING with calories.
Hoping both children do all their pooping for the day at daycare.
Zerberting the baby's belly right before naptime, even though it makes him shrieky and giggly and generally sort of insane.
Telling my kid the TV's broken sometimes.
Occasionally providing my own spin on our bedtime stories: "And then the caterpillar smoked a nice big green leaf and he was soooo hungry, he ate through one bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos, one piece of pepperoni pizza, one box of Junior Mints, one can of Mountain Dew, and one peanut-butter-and-pretzel sandwich!"
Sending the toddler running back and forth between his father and I in order to deliver vaguely dirty messages. "Mommy, Daddy says he has a BIG HOT DOG for your MOUTH!"
(Got any of your own to share?)
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
jenntarver 7-25-2008 @ 10:27AM
OMG!!! I laughed SO HARD (no pun intended...lol) at the vaguely dirty comment. That's so funny I can't stand it!!
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jen 7-25-2008 @ 11:49AM
I'm far from a prude, but I found that last one offensive. Sorry. But I think private "jokes" such as this between a couple should remain private. I think you were trying just a little too hard appear hip and cool.
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Beth 7-25-2008 @ 12:17PM
LOL!! I was cracking up already at your post, but then the "you're trying too hard to be hip & cool" sent me over the edge.
Hilarity!! And it's not even intentional!
Linda, I think you're hip & cool *without* trying. Even though, GOSH - poor Riley will be scarred for life after saying the word "hot dog."
Sheesh.
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Amie 7-25-2008 @ 1:19PM
I think I just peed my pants a little bit.
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beth2 7-25-2008 @ 1:35PM
I too, do not really see how it's so funny share the "hot dog" story with the world. Nothing wrong with the kidding between the parents; it is cute. But I didn't need to hear about it. I'm wondering what Grandma, etc think about it?
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Heidi 7-25-2008 @ 1:50PM
OMG. Grandma might figure out they're having SEX!
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beth2 7-25-2008 @ 2:08PM
She probably knows, but does she want the specifics all over the internet, is what I'm sayin'.
Andrea 7-25-2008 @ 2:13PM
Linda, I'm scarred for life knowing that you and your husband discuss hot dogs and you're not talking about the processed chicken and cow parts variety. My eyes are bleeding and I may send you the opthalmologist bill. Oh, and clearly I have no sense of humor. I love the "I'm far from a prude" disclaimer on a prude's comment.
Oh, and my 4 year old hasn't been to the dentist yet. Why? I have to wait until April to add him to my dental insurance.
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jen 7-25-2008 @ 3:34PM
My husband I share plenty of "vaguely dirty messages" and jokes, but we don't share them with the world because they are part of what makes our relationship private from the rest of the world. I just felt the writer might have shared a little too much just to get a laugh, but obviously I'm in the minority.
Joanne 7-25-2008 @ 3:27PM
My husband and I talk so much sh*t about these children it isn't even funny. We call our son YKW, as in "You Know Who", like we say "if YKW goes to bed on time, maybe we can enjoy a nice quiet dinner". Or we'll say remember how happy we were before YKW? We make fun of the baby girl all the time too - "waah! I'm Maria!", we'll cry. "I am being forced to ride around in this $250 car seat! Help me!" It makes us feel better but if I heard another mom saying it before I had kids of my own, it would give me pause.
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Heidi 7-25-2008 @ 3:52PM
Things I should feel guilty about, but don't:
1. My kids think frozen pizza is "homemade" pizza
2. I throw away surplus school papers and artwork after the kids go to bed
3. I hide the Ben & Jerry's in the deep freeze, and put the cheap ice cream in the kitchen
4. My Grandma knows that I have sex (sorry, couldn't resist)
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rebecca Biernesser 7-25-2008 @ 4:17PM
I hide the good stuff too!!
Meagan 7-28-2008 @ 10:54AM
It's not delivery, it's Dijorno.
christina 7-25-2008 @ 10:18PM
I love your posts, including this one. They are the only reason I subscribe to parentdish. In fact, I wish EVERY DAY that i could only subscribe to yours and not have to click through all the random stuff.
I rarely read comments, but when I do, I wonder why people take the energy to write critical comments. Whatever happened to if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all? Jealousy, I suspect. They only wish they had a fun and flirty relationship with their husband and/or were not embarrassed by the thought that people might know they have s-e-x.
I suspect you (and I, as my husband and I are also flirty and cutely suggestive even, gasp!, in public) are going to be happier in your marriage then most.
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beth2 7-25-2008 @ 10:50PM
And I wonder why people who disagree with someone else's observations, alsays assume they are superior. This is my first and last day on this site, and I am now going to go have fun, flirty sex with my husband, and try not to think about the poor child whose teeth are rotting out of her mouth b/c her mom is too lenient to actually parent her child, and take her to the dentist.
Ash 7-27-2008 @ 8:22PM
Hehe she thinks Riley is a GIRL! Despite all the “He's” in that sentence.
Christina... Its people like Linda who make the world a much more interesting place!
Beth2.. I do not think I am superior. I just have a sense of humour.
Niki P. 7-26-2008 @ 12:29AM
You should respond to JB's hot dog comment by saying something like, "does Daddy's hot dog have warm cheesy filling???"
Some people need to get a freaking grip on reality. We read your posts Linda because you are "hip and cool" and terribly off color and way awesome.
Yeah Jen, you're in the minority.
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Ashley W 7-26-2008 @ 10:08AM
I just started reading this site. I just wanted to say that I think that you are hilarious! I have a 3 year old that also hasn't been to the dentist because I'm not sure who will take our insurance. I have a 8 month old that I let just roll around in the floor for most of the day.
I talk about sex with my friends so I don't see what the difference is here. You are a married couple that enjoy having sexual relations with each other. What is there to be ashamed of? Some people think that it should be talked about behind closed doors but I think that it's a natural thing and no one should be squeamish about it. What is going to happen when those people have to talk about sex with their kids? Are they just going to leave it to the school system?
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lily 7-26-2008 @ 11:42AM
I have been coming to PD for years. Never commenting but just reading everyone. Things have changed here and it’s no longer fun. All the people who used to come here are gone.
Christina, if we are only supposed to say “nice” things, then this really isn’t a blog. If we only agree, we can only comment?? I don’t see the object of that. Then we are just “yes men.”
This also has nothing to do with sex. It’s about what’s inappropriate talk for a child. Yes, he’s a child and his parents are teaching him things that when he enters life, he’ll get in trouble for. He’s not a friend, he’s a child and if this is a “sex” talk, he’s a little young for it. Imagine him saying this to a teacher, “My daddy has a hot dog for my mommy’s mouth.“ I don’t see the humor in this and not because I’m a prude but because it’s "age" inappropriate. Nobody will let their kids play with him because he’ll have a truckers mouth. It may sound funny “now,” but in a few years we’ll be hearing that he’s getting into trouble in school and will have no friends, nobody invites him over to play, no b-day party invites and will then be hearing “oh, what did I do wrong?” He will be one of "those" kids. Once in a while things like this would be cute but not if you thrive on it and talk about it all the time. With the amount of time you spend telling us this stuff, don’t you think he’s going to remember and tell other people? This isn't the first time we've read this stuff. I didn't find much humor the first time either but kept it to myself. He’s not an infant. The older he gets, the more he will remember.
I agree with beth2 and jen.
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Kat 7-28-2008 @ 8:19AM
Lily, you are concerned about this poor child having trucker mouth and not having any friends because of what his parents are teaching him?? Ok well just so you know, children have an insane talent for taking mundane, everyday things and coming up with awful, embarrasing ways to twist them in such an innocent way and yet still embarrass the crap out of their parents.
I work in a children's play area that contains a ball pit for them to play in. The other day a father came to pick up his son and the boy threw a fit and refused to go. When the father got upset and tried to convince his son it was time to go the child yelled at the top of his lungs in his very sweet, sing song voice "No, you have no balls!" which every single person began to snicker about and the father went about three different shades of red.
I think that sometimes you just have to chill and stop worrying about every single detail in folks lives. The things that seem like a big deal usually aren't!