Do you pay attention to milestones?
Categories: Fun & Activities, Development, Life & Style, Resources
Parents worry about their children. New parents, especially, often wonder and wish for a set of rules to follow or a guide to carry them through the exciting and sometimes terrifying adventure that is child-rearing. Hence, the birth of the milestone. At a certain age your child should be able to smile, sit up, crawl, walk, talk, and eventually talk back to you.
Many of us breathe a sigh of relief to have these guideposts to help us. We delight in being able to check items off the list--yes, little Bobby smiled at the "right" time; whew--Sally walked by her first birthday. Mainly, though, it's the stuff before the "whew" that gets us. Many of us spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not our children will meet those milestones; some of us worry more when our kids don't hit the mark. Milestones are also used as a way of detecting developmental disorders, especially when a child goes far beyond missing a mark.
And who sets that mark? Well, milestones are really just a set of commonly held notions. Thousands and thousands of children are surveyed and studied and the average age of what they do when becomes the milestone. Hence, it is possible for a milestone to change based on new data. New data takes a long time to produce and cement, of course--markers don't change based on the experience of one or ten or even hundreds of children. Rather, the ranges of times associated with the milestones increase or decrease over time.
To many of us, having a range is further reassurance that we should let our kids take their time, that eventually, at their own pace, our children will reach those milestones. But, come on, admit it--you still worry, right? Or do you? Some parents I suppose are born with the ability to just relax and let things come. Others of us? Well, we still worry. What about you--do you follow the milestone markers to the "T" or do you just not worry about it?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Ku 7-27-2008 @ 5:34PM
I do read up on milestones but I use them strictly as a guide. I know my son is doing well when my gut tells me so. It has not stirred me wrong or made me blind to my sons troubles when or if he has them.
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queenoqueens 7-27-2008 @ 7:01PM
I did with my first one, and then realized with my second that it didn't matter when the milestone was....my child would do it when they were ready. For example, my 2nd didn't walk until about 15 months....but at over 2 years old, she is on target for motor skills.
It's good to be aware to track development and be on the lookout for issues, but you can drive yourself crazy if you just pay attention to that, and not to the particulars of your own child.
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Denise 7-27-2008 @ 7:17PM
I don't rely on developmental milestones. I feel that they put unnecessary stress on parents and can make children feel inadequate. They milestones are great for a VERY loose guide to a child's development, but they are often relied upon far too much.
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Tamyu 7-27-2008 @ 11:52PM
I think that milestones are one of those things that you should only really pay close attention to if you have good reason to.
If your baby had a traumatic birth, if there are medical problems involved, etc. Otherwise, I think it just completely and totally stresses parents out without good reason.
And, well, I know it`s just parental concern... But when you really do have a child with problems, it can be frustrating and downright depressing. Example - When your child isn`t speaking a single word at 3, and someone near you is freaking out because they read somewhere that their child should be "speaking" by 18 months and only has 5 words at 14 months!
We are lucky enough to have a nice big chart with time frames instead of specific ages, which I think is wonderful. It has realistic notes about the different ages, color coded, etc to show the real "normal" range. It can still be stressful for a parent to see the cut off for "normal" coming up, but when the range includes even the latest 2% of "normal" children, it`s hard to land outside of it without some real issue.
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Sandyone 7-28-2008 @ 9:15AM
Bingo, Tamyu!
I never worried about milestones...my 5 kids just did what kids do. I recently had my 6th baby and it was on the traumatic scale....breech, premature, hospital birth, NICU stay. I'm paying closer attention to what he should be doing and am almost ready to stop worrying.
Your life with your son brings great experience and perspective. You're tough and wise and your son is truly blessed to have you for his Mama.
rebecca Biernesser 7-28-2008 @ 12:12AM
I think it's a great thing to have as a "guide". Sometimes, it's helpful to know something. We are struggling with speech for my 2 year old. He is talking but it's hard to understand, but we have to take into count that he was 4 weeks early, so things are alittle slower for him. But it helps knowing that he ain't our first and it will happen, and if not, then there is help.
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Maureen 7-28-2008 @ 12:14AM
Yes with my first, no with my second.
After my first child was born I was addicted to milestones. But after talking with real parents about their own kids, I realized that children are all over the map and there's no reason to worry about such things, unless, as the above poster noted, you have reason to worry. I think parents have a sense when something is really wrong and we should go by that instinct rather than by what some milestone chart tells us.
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