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Helicopter parents require their own camp counsellors
Filed under: Tweens, Teens, In The News, Extreme Childhood
With all the hand wringing and obsession over children, it's amazing that summer camp has survived the Helicopter Parent Era. But counselors and cabins and bunk mates are still available, but there have been some changes.
Many summer camps have had to add a counselor to the staff in order to handle the calls and emails of frantic parents concerned that the tone of the child's letter was melancholy or who wasn't smiling a picture at the camp's password-protected site, ironically that created for the purposes of reassuring parents.
"I have parents calling and saying they saw their child in the background of a picture of other children and he didn't look happy, or his face looked red, has he been putting on enough suntan lotion, or I haven't seen my child and I have seen a lot of other children, is my child so depressed he doesn't want to be in a picture," said Jay Jacobs, who runs Timber Lake Camp in Shandaken, N.Y.
Another tactic parents have employed in order to remain in close contact with their children is helping their kids smuggle in cellphones, an item commonly forbidden at summer camp. Norman Friedman, a consultant who does training at nearly a dozen camps finds this parental behavior alarming.
"They'll give their child two cellphones so if they get caught with the first one, 'Just give it up and you'll have the second one to talk to me,' " he said. "That's widespread, not isolated. I call it fading parental morality. What they're doing is entering into delinquent behaviors with their children. And what kind of statement is that to a child?"
It's common and understandable to miss your kids when they are gone for extended periods of time, but in order to raise independent, self-sufficient children, it's important to step back let them have their own experiences without a parent standing by. Summer camp is a great and safe place for these experiences to start. It's disturbing to hear that parents are ruining that for some kids.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-28-2008 @ 3:03PM
C said...Granted some parents might go over board when sending their child away to summer camp. However, due to my own experience while away at a summer camp I can understand a parent not fully trusting a camp to allow an overly upset child to call home. I have severe asthma and although my mother was hesitant about sending me to camp, the staff had re-assured her time after time that they would keep an eye on me and would call her if need be. Cut to me having a massive asthma attack, begging the staff to either call my mom or take me to the hospital and being told "no, sorry we don't want a hospital visit on our camp record and you don't want to call and upset your mom". By the time I was FINALLY taken to the hospital I had less than 10% breathing capacity and was in the hospital for two days!
If a camp is going to reassure parents that their children will be cared for then the camp should meet those expectations. Why do they care if a child and/or parent would feel better if the child was allowed to call home daily? No one is going to tell me that my child is not allowed to call home, if he feels the need to call home then he better be allowed!
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7-28-2008 @ 3:23PM
Jenni said...I wouldn't call it fading parental morality so much as fading wanting your child to grow up to be independant thinking indivuduals. These parents are doing a disservice to their children. If the parent doesn't trust their child's decisions, why should the child trust his decisions?
In the same way, they are also sending the message that they don't trust the camp. Again, why should the child then trust the camp? If you don't trust where ever you are sending them, don't send them. But really, cut the apron strings and let them stand on their own two feet. This doesn't just magically happen when they turn 18, it takes 18 years of learning (and even more).
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7-28-2008 @ 4:26PM
Justin said...As a previous camp councilor, scout leader, and now parent of two kids in summer camp, this one is quite interesting.
It's very true to see many parents going out of their way to break camp rules and such (Like cellphones) all in the name of "the children" or trying to be over protective. I don't normally enjoy these experiences, but I've also never had a very negative experience with it. The parents want to trust you and if you're open enough with them and try and include them in the programming as much as possible, they normally don't bother with this stuff. The "dump and run" parents are almost useless when it comes to this however. We've sent back piles of cellphones and assorted other stuff. But every time the kids are begging to stay so at that point the parents get the hint that it's time to back off a bit.
However myself as a parent, I do find it ironic because I find myself in the same situation with the local summer camp. I'm always there early to pick up the kids and usually you can tell they don't have it together at all. I'm lucky with the fact that both my boys have the "veteran" group leaders, so I'm not that worried. But there have been instances of the leaders really not following with the program.
I think it comes down to the quality of your programming. If you run a good program, parents generally leave you alone and kids are happy (Yeah you're always gonna have one bad apple but that's life). But if you're programming isn't up to par, it'll show and people talk.
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