Closing the door on parenthood before it ever opens
Categories: Just For Moms, Pregnancy & Birth, Playground Bureau
Even when a parent is 100% sure that their family is complete, it can often be difficult to shut that door once and for all. But do you think that it's possible, at a very young age, to just know that children aren't for you? And is it healthy to take steps to prevent that from happening?Roger touched on this subject with his recent post about young men having vasectomies to avoid accidental pregnancy. Over at Jezebel, the women get their turn. They've talked to a woman who is only 24, but "just knows" that she doesn't want children. She went through a new, non-surgical sterilization procedure called Essure, in which scar tissue is created in the fallopian tubes. Interestingly, she didn't tell her parents ahead of time, and her mother was...disappointed...to say the least. But the anonymous woman went on to say that not wanting kids is "an important fact about who she was, that couldn't be changed, and her parents didn't want to accept that."
It's not the fact that people that can't believe a woman wouldn't want to have children that have people questioning her decision, I think. It has more to do with her young age. Not everyone is ready for family life at 24, but the possibility remains that in the next 16 or so years, one might just change their mind. But at age 24, though I knew I didn't want to have kids right then, I always knew I wanted them someday. So maybe the opposite can also be true.
Though Essure isn't reversible, many commenters over at Jezebel are pointing out that having this procedure done doesn't mean that this woman has eliminated her options, if she does change her mind, that is. But still, she's definitely limited them. What do you think about sterilization at such a young age, male or female?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Caitlin 8-01-2008 @ 11:58AM
I find the way we treat young women when it comes to reproductive decisions that aren't "Have a baby" to be disrespectful. We would congratulate a woman who became pregnant at age 24, even though that is a far more permanent decision than choosing sterilization. Once you pick up that responsibility, you can't get a few years in and discard it, because it's no longer what you want.
If a 24 year old woman is responsible enough to understand the gravity of the responsibility of raising child, then she should also be able to realize the gravity of choosing sterilization. But should she change her mind, she could choose to be a foster parent or adopt. Or worst case, she might be called upon to be the guardian of a close friend/family member's children.
I have been that 24 year old woman seeking sterilization. I am now nearing 30 and am still treated as if I am too young to make this decision. I have one child (born a few weeks after I turned 24) and have known I never wanted more than one since my early teens. I have many reasons for desiring sterilization, both personal and medical.
But as I am under 35, I "couldn't possibly understand the ramifications of sterilization". Motherhood is not an easy job, particularly when we're expected to be everything to everyone. And like any job, some people will thrive and love every minute and many will find the rewards outweigh the frustrations. However, some will feel trapped and be miserable. But in this case, those who feel trapped and would love to "trade jobs" could literally ruin someone else's life. It is not easy being unwanted by one of your parents.
There are so many hurdles that get thrown in the way of young women who would rather pursue a sterilization than 2.4 kids that I find it hard to believe a young woman who was successful at clearing those hurdles hadn't thought long and hard about her decisions. And it's possible she may regret that decision, but she is an adult - not a child. Part of being an adult is being able to make a decision that affects the entirety of your future, even if you may come to regret it.
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Jenn 8-01-2008 @ 3:27PM
I know many people of all ages who have chosen to be childfree. The lengths they have to go to, and the abuse they have to endure, when seeking sterilization is just unbelievable.
Most women are smart enough to realize when they feel strongly enough about something that they will never change their mind. Or, as is the case for several of the women I know -- if they decide they want a child, they will adopt. I think it is another case of people saying, "Oh you're too young, we know what's best for you!" At what point does that stop?
It is a personal choice. If we say we are pro-choice, then we must be pro-choice all the way, including allowing people to choose not to even conceive a child!
There should be some limit, I think, but deciding what that limit is could be problematic (unless of course there are health reasons involved).
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brokemom 8-04-2008 @ 12:09AM
I am getting the Essure procedure done on Monday, after having my third child. I never want to be pregnant again. However, I could not have made such a permanent choice any sooner.
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Trish 8-02-2008 @ 4:42PM
I think that if a young woman is responsible enough to make that descision than kudos to her. There just shouldn't be anyone who stands in her way. There are far too many teens getting pregnant these days assuming that they can handle the responsibility of a child. Many cannont and sure a few teens can handle it. I am 27 now but i had my first child at 19 and i handled it well i have two beautilful healthy children now and I am greatful for them both. I wouldnt trade them for the world however there are teens getting pregnant as young as 14 years old and in some cases even younger and i just truley believe that if a young woman decides that she never wants to have children than who is anyone to argue with that I personally think that it is a very mature decision for a young girl to make and as long as she understands that if she ever wanted children later than she would have to adopt than let her do it. There are many children who need great homes and this may help reduce that number of foster children in the world from two points.
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2BFree31 8-04-2008 @ 8:01PM
More and more women today "are" choosing this method to prevent having kids because of various reasons. Some are just too selfish to want to share their life with a child. The USA is work first, all about the company and their profits, and there is no room for family. That is just the way it has become. To top that off, it is just too expensive to have a child in the USA today. The law has madated so many stipulations in regards to health, education, and they even tell you how to discipline your children. To a young woman, the cons really outweigh the pros. And besides, when most women do get pregnant end up raising the kid alone, even if they get married, most marriages today last about 7-12 years before it ends in divorce. Especially if you marry young. Who raises the kids. The woman. I believe that women are allowed to live this "ONE" life that they have, the way they choose, and if that means kids aren't included, so be it. It is better for the women to do this procedure than to have the kid and abort it or give it up for adoption. Most Americans won't even adopt an American child. They go overseas. Everyone has a little Asian baby. Why is this? So, look at the issues which leads the women to the conclusion to chose this method rather than have kids. Don't, yet again, place the blame, or throw unintelligent, indignant comments at them without "really" thinking about what lead them to their decision. It's only fair. Besides, it's their lives, not yours. You have made your choices, and they have to make their own as well.
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