Potty training deadlines

I set a mental deadline of 2 years old, but I started early. To be exact, I started 2 weeks after the girls came home (adopted at ages 12 mos and 9 mos). There was no pressure, just me going with the girls' natural body rhythms and them thinking the little potty was a cool thing. I didn't get "serious" until each girl was walking, though they were mostly clean and dry by then. They were completely out of diapers, day and night, by age 17 mos and 19 mos. (By the way, they are not biologically related, so biology does not play a role here.)

Why the mental deadline of 2 years? I had done a ton of research and determined that 2 years was very reasonable (maybe a tad later for boys), and that waiting would increase the likelihood of having "terrible twos" control issues that could make it take way longer. I cringed with each diaper I used (wasted), and cloth diapers were out of the question for reasons I won't get into.

My experience with potty training was positive, and if I raised a child from birth, I would start even earlier. I feel there is a lot of false hype about potty training that is encouraged by the disposable diaper (and related product) companies. 60 years ago, it was perfectly normal for US children to be trained at 18 months. There is no reason to be afraid of giving it an honest try.

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I started sitting my daughter on her potty around 7 months old. We just encouraged her to pee and that first time she did so we congratulated her and gave her lots of emotional praise. She'll be 2 at the end of next month and she's been completely trained for about 2 months now. I think she did so well because we introduced it early enough that she never had a chance to really get comfortable going in her diaper, or to be afraid of going on the toilet. Our pediatrician doesn't even know she's potty trained yet, but she told us before to wait until she was ready. I figured if we introduced it earlier, it would be like transitioning between a bottle and a cup. It's something they have to learn and know that it's just a normal thing to do.

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People are waiting until 3 to start? My daycare requires children to be potty trained before moving into the 3-year-old room. My daughter is just over two and we're beginning the process. I backed off for a while during a brief period of fierce resistance, but now she's really proud of herself when she goes. I think it helps that so many of her peers at daycare are going through the same process.

I wouldn't go so far as to shout 'Conspiracy!' but like the previous poster I find it somewhat convenient that the trend towards later potty training coincides with the production of disposable training pants sized for older children.

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Potty trained may mean different things to different people.

For example, my son is potty trained. He is 5. He wipes his own butt and pees alone. He takes care of himself.

However, I wouldn't think of letting him sleep a single night without a pullup on (we use the generic version of Goodnights). See, he pees every single night. Well, OK, maybe he is dry 1 to 2 nights per week, randomly (so that might mean he pees every night for three weeks straight and then has a dry night). But, basically, despite every measure we have taken, he pees. No liquids before bed, wake up at midnight for a toilet run, no pullup, pullup: doesn't matter, he pees.

He is a super heavy sleeper and just doesn't wake up enough to go to the bathroom.

Apparently, my mother was trained at 12 mths. I find that hard to believe, but that's what my Granny asserts. And she gets on my case when I don't run to a toilet with my 13mo. I suspect my Granny was the one who was trained.

I'm firmly in the camp of waiting for signs of physical readiness, including the ability to know you are about to go pee, communicate that in some way, pull off your own pants, get onto the toilet and pull up your own pants. I don't even mind pulling up and down the pants as long as you can say, in actual words: "Mom, I need to pee" (I'd even allow toddlerese: "Ma! Pee!")

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Dr. Pete Stavinoha is a child psychologist at Children's Medical Center in Dallas, Texas, and he just wrote a book - Stress-Free Potty Training - that takes a pretty unique approach. Instead of a one-size fits all technique, Dr. Pete recommends specific tactics for each of five different personality types. You know your kid's personality type, and he has the best motivators for that distinct personality.

He does say every child will train at a different age, so a deadline may just be frustrating to you and your little peanut.

Check out a video of Dr. Pete here: www.childrens.com/Media/video/Potty-Training.cfm

Or read more about his book here: www.stressfreepottytraining.com

Good luck, everyone!

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I don't understand putting it off either, it seems like some parents enjoy changing diapers! In China the training starts very young and the babies all go without diapers after a few months. Of course there are accidents but they are trained at a young age.

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I am not a believer in the "must be able to speak about elimination" rule, nor the one about "must be able to get pants up and down." My daughters do not use words to express their need to pee. And, they often need help getting their pants up and down. But, they do not want to pee in their pants. And they were pretty much done pooping on themselves by around 13 mos old, before they could even walk. I didn't wait for them to be able to say "I'm hungry" and manage a knife and fork before I ever fed them, and likewise I don't wait for them to be able to say "I need to urinate/defecate" and get their own clothes on and off before I will help them use the potty. As for whether they are trained or I am, I feel that is not a meaningful distinction. I prefer to use terms like "diaper-free." No matter how or when you train, some time will usually pass between the day they are "diaper free" and the time they are truly independent with respect to toilet needs.

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I totally set goals for potty training. Like everything else I waited until I thought she was ready (22 months) and then we went for it and never looked back. I don't understand waiting for years (unless they have a physical limitation )and years.

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On the flip side, what does a deadline really mean?
What are you going to do if you miss the deadline? Give yourself a timeout? ..leave your kid on the toilet?

Personally, I think you just have to pick a time to start and try.
If they're younger, it'll probably mean slightly different techniques than if they're older. If it comes easy then great, if it's harder than keep trying or wait a little longer.

Cheerio!
A

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My girl turns 2 in September. The next available weekend we have to stay home, we are going to do the potty training in a day method (with a little less hype than Dr. Phil suggests). After the initial 2 days, it will probably take about a month before she is accident free. My mother trained 5 of us this way (this method was not invented by Dr. Phil), around our second birthday, and we all have different personality types. My best friend, among others, says that the "experts" say that you shouldn't train until three, and that her daughter, nephews, neices, etc. all didn't train until three. But I think the "experts" must also sell diapers.

She should be pretty easy. I told her last week that she had to give up the pacifier and that she needed to learn to drink from a cup because sippy cups aren't always available. So she did.

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My son was potty trained at 2.5 -- slept though the night without a pullup but still needed some help with cleaning his bottom. He had no difficulty learning the process and we just used a simple potty reward chart and it took about 2 weeks. My daughter was a completely different story -- of course, I had less time to spend with her on it, but the process took much longer. She was about 2 years and 8 months before we were completely out of diapers, but I worked with her for about 4 months! I still don't know why it took so much longer with her, except that she is much more strong-willed than her brother.
Also, I had 2 in diapers for about 6 months and it really wasn't bad, in fact, it was probably easier because if I was nursing my newborn or caring for her I didn't have a toddler who had to use the bathroom "right now!"

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I think you should cater this to the individual child.

My daughter was trained at 18 months, and she essentially trained herself.

My son was 3 1/2. We had tried multiple times but he didn't cooperate. One day he said he wasnt' wearing diapers (or pull-ups) any more and that was that. I insisted on the pull ups as we were at a friends condo, but he just ripped them off after going to bed. He never had an accident.

It just depends on the child.

And all this talk of chinese babies being trained early...don't they also pee and poop right on the street? It seems we had a story about that here (or on gadling) and they also use holes in the ground as opposed to toilets most of the time. Some of that may contribute. It also seems I read something about them walking around not wearing bottoms. Different cultures may have different guidelines that affect when you are most likely to toilet train.

I think I'd set the guidelines around the culture I LIVE in.

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With my older son we got him a little potty around the age of 2 and showed him what it was for. He'd use it off and on with absolutely no pressure from us. Really, changing diapers is loads easier than cleaning up "accidents", so I didn't see any need to rush. We'd ask him about it now and then, but let him do his thing. When he was just shy of three and a half, he abruptly wanted to use it. Within a month he was out of diapers with NO accidents at all; no need to badger or remind him constantly. He just "got" it. Even during that month, the accidents were very few; he was entirely self-motivated; no bribes or such from us. How proud he was!
We're taking a similar tactic with his brother. I'm hoping he'll decide to start using it soon (he just turned 3), but no worries. The preschool we use does not require toileting, thank goodness. I saw how stressed out a friend of mine got trying to train to a deadline. With all the pressure, things went from bad to worse and her son ended up in diapers much much longer than he probably would have been.
I say listen to your child and don't try to force it; for your own sake just as much!

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I am a firm believer that this accomplishment belongs to your child NOT you as a parent. Have you ever seen a 30 year old in a pair of pampers? NO. While it is your job to introduce the concept of the "potty", and support the process. It is their job to learn. If they are ready at 18 months that is great, but if not, it doesn't mean that you are a failure as a parent. It just means that your child may need a bit more to get comfortable with the concept. My daughter took until her 3rd birthday to train, but my son was trained by his 2nd birthday. He was a breeze. He took the lead and decided that he was done with diapers all together. My daughter was resistant. So, we took it slow. As crazy as this might sound. Try to enjoy this time with your child. Don't take yourself so seriously, because the security of the free world does not hang on whether or not junior or sissy pees or poops on the potty by the time they are 2. This time is precious. Don't waste it being stressed out about poop.

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I didn't put a deadline on my kids, but they all trained at 2. I think it's because they 1) wore cloth diapers - kids in cloth tend to train earlier and 2) I was pregnant with their sibling and wanted them trained so I wouldn't have 2 in diapers at once.

Let's not judge parents harshly who train early though. It's common all over the world to teach babies to eliminate in a consistent spot. Whether it's the parent or the kid who's trained - who cares?

It's called Elimination Communication:
http://naturalbabyworld.com/elimination-communication.html

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I was trained at 18 months, but that was because my mom was training my 3-year-old brother at the time and figured she would kill 2 birds with one stone.

At 20 months we bought my daughter her first potty to get her used to the idea. Daycare started pushing potty training around 2.5, because you know, 3 is the magic number here. You can't find a single daycare in our area that will put a 3-year-old in preschool untrained.

Our potty training efforts all had the same result--a child who grew more and more fearful of the potty, hold her pee for 12 hours +, and we even had UTIs. And we'd drop it for a few months, then try again, drop it again. People thought I was nuts that I didn't stick to it. They told me she was stubborn and playing with me. I knew the truth--my daughter was scared, and it was a real fear we needed to help her overcome!

I got aggravated when my 3.5-year-old who was already reading sight words and was advanced in other areas, was restricted to a classroom of 2-year-olds simply because she wore diapers. Finally at 3 years, 9 months, something clicked. I was able to walk her through going pee on the potty without being scared. After the first time she peed in the potty, and realized it wasn't scary, we went straight to underwear. And now 3 months later I can say she's NEVER had an accident. So it was an easy, simple thing once she was really ready!

I wish I hadn't gone through all the angst and stress and felt like a failure for that 1+ years she wasn't ready.

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