Potty training deadlines
Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Development/Milestones: Babies, Resources

Is it ok to set potty training deadlines? I mean for ourselves as well as our kids. Way back when it seems children were potty trained pretty quickly. Now, common wisdom holds you wait until the kid is at least three or that each child takes as long as necessary for that child to, er, get on the pot, so to speak. On the other side of the coin, though, many children must be potty trained in order to attend preschool or daycare.
But when is the right time? How do you tell when the right time is for your child? Also, with that in mind, is it ok to set goals, of any sort, for your child? I have a friend who decided she was spacing her children apart enough so that she would never have two babies in diapers at the same time. This would mean the first one would have to be toilet trained by the time the second one came along. No way of knowing whether or not that would be possible, of course, as every child is different, but it's a noble effort.
I would love it if my sixteen-month-old son were potty trained by the time he hit two years old. I don't know if this is realistic or laughable. I don't even know when a good time to get started on the training is. A colleague of mine, who is from another country, said that in her homeland the children started toilet training as soon as they were able to sit up on their own! She said she knew of kids as young as six months being potty trained! And why two years old for me as a deadline? I don't mind changing two sets of diapers, but I do mind the cost (if I go with disposables). Also, the thought of only one child in diapers at a time has its appeal. Finally, maybe what it all comes down to is that it just seems like the "right" time.
What about you? Did you set deadlines for potty training?












ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
8-06-2008 @ 5:12PM
Teresa said...I am training my sixth child. She is 2 yrs and 4 months. She has accidents some days and others she doesn't. From my experience, 3 have been very easy to train and 3 have been much harder. I don't think it depends on the age as much as the child!
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8-07-2008 @ 11:29AM
Cheryl said...My child showed interest and progress from 16 months to 2 years, but once she hit two, she flatly refused to use the potty any longer, at all, no matter what we did or said. This being the case, I am getting quite sick of parents who brag about how progressive and clever they are, and so much better than other parents, with their 15 month olds out of diapers, yada yada yada. You got lucky, folks. Your great parenting had nothing to do with it.
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8-07-2008 @ 1:15PM
why said...Why is it so taboo to tell that one's child potty trained at a younger age than the current published average?
Why should anyone take it as bragging or putting other parents down?
If some parents are feeling defensive about their potty training woes, that is not my problem.
When the topic of potty training comes up, I speak up because I think it is wrong for parents to be fooled into believing that starting early is never a good idea. It is the best plan for some kids and some families. This is not in any way a value judgment on others for whom it is not better. Just because some kids are not ready before age 2 or even 3 doesn't mean every other parent must continue to buy and change diapers for an extra year or more, just to make those folks feel better. My kids didn't walk until 15 months old; should I be insulted when I hear of kids who walked before age one? Should everyone else tie their kids down lest I feel defensive about my child's more delayed progress?
I will continue to buck the trend and inform folks that my kids were clean, dry, and diaper-free, day and night, at about 1.5 years old. This is about what is possible for many kids, not about shaming anyone.
8-07-2008 @ 4:20PM
Cheryl said...I would hardly call it taboo to say that your child potty trained before walking, etc. etc, since every post on potty training is followed by parents tripping all over themselves to make this claim. I'm just being honest-- I see it as part of the overall parenting trend of pushing kids to be best/first and then taking credit for their accomplishments. I'm just tired of hearing about it. I know this sounds snotty, I am sure according to interweb protocols I deserve a good beating now ;-)
8-07-2008 @ 4:42PM
well said...Well, Cheryl, can you blame us for being thrilled to be done with diapers, especially after having nearly everyone tell us that we had no business to hope for such a thing until our kids are at least four?
I still don't see what the hell is wrong with being pleased about a child reaching a milestone - particularly one that comes with so many side benefits for the parents and the environment.
Dammit, from now on I had better never hear another person mention how many words her kid can say, or when he walked, or that he entered kindergarten before age 6. It's just too insensitive. I just don't want to hear it. Especially not on a parenting website.
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8-07-2008 @ 4:50PM
why said...Cheryl, I just looked back at your history and noticed that this was about the only negative comment you ever posted. Must just be a sore spot with you. I should have granted you a one-time grouchy pass instead of jumping on your case. But I just get bugged because a lot of people roll their eyes when they hear about early training. It's a valid choice, that's all I'm saying.
8-07-2008 @ 6:14PM
Anonomom said...There are a few moms in my playgroup who worked on early potty training (aiming to be diaper-free by 24 months). Of them, one was pretty much successful. One thought her child was trained, but then she had baby #2 and her first kid regressed. At 2.5, her daughter is now totally back in diapers. The other is still working on things.
I think that some of the resistance to people who claim success in early potty training is that all too many of us have dealt with THAT MOM. You know, the one who just can't help making everything a competition. The one who, apparently takes notes on which kid can do what, and who, every time one kid learns a new skill, can be trusted to show up the next week and sweetly demand that her little precious show off the same exact skill. The one who looks on as you change your own kid's diaper and makes snide comments about how glad she is to be done with diapers and how she's so lucky that her little precious just seemed to train him/herself. Hear enough comments from that mom, and you become conditioned to snark at anyone whose comments sound even a little like her.
FWIW, I'd planned on starting potty training this past June, when my daughter hit 2.5. in April, she decided she wanted to wear big-girl pants and she's now dry during the day. But she's totally resistant to the idea of pooping in the potty, and she's still in diapers at night. I don't have to worry about daycare/preschool deadlines, so for the time being, I've decided not to stress. She'll learn before she gets to college.
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8-07-2008 @ 7:38PM
Tamyu said...My son is 4, and still wears diapers. And no, I don`t enjoy changing them. *rolls eyes*
He was/is "trained" to pee in the toilet. He has been for close to a year. No problems there. However, he refuses with every fiber of his being to poop in the toilet. It just isn`t happening. We`ve tried every gimmick, method, etc, out there - and he still won`t do it. If he is wearing underwear, guess where he goes! We`ve tried having him go without pants at all through the day, but he holds the poo until we inevitably have to put something on him to either leave the house or to sleep at night.
I figured he`d eventually go in the toilet, but nope. Things were made even worse when he started kindergarten. As they can`t exactly have him pooping in his uniform everyday, they asked that we send him in diapers... And now we`re back at step one. If he`s wearing a diaper - why bother with the toilet? Isn`t that what the diaper is for? *sigh*
He understands, and we`ve talked about it time and time again. If I asked "Where do we pee?" He replies "The toilet!", but if I ask "Where do we poo?" He replies with "Diapers!". If I say toilet, he will "correct" me, and will even cry no no no...
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8-17-2008 @ 10:27AM
mommie2x said...I have the same issues with "poop" with my soon to be 4 year old. She can and will hold it till she is asleep and will wake up with a messy pullup.
I have never blogged before and feel like a failure in the potty area, but have similar issues others have mentioned.
She started at 2 on her own, but as a brother 15 mos younger and lost interest.
They both attend daycare and not very much attention is paid to potty "training". I feel bad that I work and they go to daycare, but it is hard to do all the training between 4:30 pm and bedtime during the week.
My little girl starts pre-k and like many others I am hoping she will learn from and want to be like her peers.
8-07-2008 @ 10:09PM
Kelly said...There is no way a 6 month old can be potty trained. The parents might be be putting them on the potty every half an hour or whatever but just because the baby might actually go, he's not trained. The parents are the ones trained. They have figured out how often they go and are just getting them there on time.
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8-08-2008 @ 12:49AM
Sandy said...I have 4 boys aged 13, 9, 5, 3. When potty training the first Iwas told let him tell you when he is ready and he did we also had begin pushing a little as well. He was between 3-4.
My 9 year old was the hardest so far we began when he was 2 1/2 and did not accomplish anything till he was 4 1/2. He has been the one we struggle most with. He wanted to do it but never really tired to he had to for school.
My 5 year old wanted to go and began using the potty right after his naps at the age of 2 but when we moved and had another baby it backed up and he was finally done at the age of 3.
Now this last child is 3 he had showed signs but we pushed things back until this summer about 1 month ago we deiced it was ompltley time because he soaked his clothes, pullup and left a puddle. He was the fastest since it is one month later and we are finished. Completly potty trained.
I agree and believe each child will let you know and you should never push them.
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8-08-2008 @ 1:07AM
Sandy said...I know it is hard but when you said you kept pants free till had to I understand the puttin clothes on him when you went out bt try the naked thing at bed tim. I did for one day my son hated it and it helped out. Also look for potty time elmo it may help.
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8-08-2008 @ 8:11AM
KTSmommy said...My pediatrician told me that kids can completely control their bowels at around 15 mos. He said to start sitting them on the potty around 5 to 10 minutes after eating & because of the bodies natural processes they'll poop without a lot of effort. I noticed with my son that there did seem to be a window of opportunity around 15 months. He would let me know when he wanted his diaper changed and seemed interested in the potty. Unfortunately, I also had a newborn at the same time so was unable to follow through with training him then. By 18 months he seemed pretty comfortable with just going in his diaper & stopped letting me know when he wanted his diaper changed.
He is still interested in the potty & occasionally we get him to sit on it & if I can get him to stay on it long enough he'll eliminate in the potty. But he's barely recognizing that he needs to go in enough time to get to the potty. We've had a few naked days that have led to several accidents. I think the problem has more to do with me than him. I just have been unable to be consistent with training, & now due to some other circumstances we're having to wait another month. Oh well... I'd like him trained soon, but one thing that I decided with him, especially after training his older sister, is that we'll do it as we can & there's no pressure to get it done at a certain time. I do hate the expense of diapers, but right now they're a necessary evil.
My oldest daughter was afraid of the potty & she's fairly resistant to change in general. I wanted her out of diapers before her brother was born when she was 25 months. We started her at 22 mos (I didn't notice the 15 mos window because I didn't know about it, so I wasn't paying attention) & tried to pressure her with potty in a day methods. Of course that backfired. It took her a few months to get over the fear factor, but once she did it went fairly quickly. She did really well for awhile, but then she developed a habit of running to the bathroom & going on the floor as soon as she got her pants down instead of waiting till she sat on the toilet. This was definitely more than just accidents. We used correction & incentives & she started using the toilet consistently again. She was also completely dry at night before age 3. One night she surprised me by waking up & going to the bathroom all by herself & she was wearing a pullup. She's been consistently dry at night ever since except for one accident when she'd had something to drink just before bedtime.
For our youngest I'm going to try to take advantage of the 15 mos window & see what happens. No pressure. If she takes to it great! If not that's fine. She already goes & lays down on the changing pad & tries to get a diaper out of the diaper bag when she has a dirty & she's only 12 mos old. Who knows, I may have her trained before her brother.
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8-08-2008 @ 10:07PM
Jennifer said...I introduced my son at 1.5 years and he would go potty on the pottychair and eventually even poop around 2 years. The problem though is even though he is very capable, he'll be 4 in Oct; he is apparently lazy and would rather wear his pull up and continue playing whatever then go to the bathroom. when he wants to he can do it alone with no help, the problem is that he doesnt choose to half the time. im hoping once he starts headstart this next month that he will see his classmates go to the bathroom and not in pull ups and he will see the light! anyone else have a similar issue?
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8-08-2008 @ 6:49PM
Julie Karasik said...My family is also from another country and their approach was elimination communication beginning around 9 months. This method usually got kids trained by at least 1.5. Beats washing diapers and convenience was their main motivation.
My personal theory is that while you have to tailor your method to each kid, there are specific windows for potty training at various ages:
before 9 months: ec/potty learning
between 12 mo and 18mo: mix ec and motivational potty training (like sticker/panty/etc incentives)
between 2yrs and 3+ yrs: motivational potty and peer 'pressure'
The main reason to start early is to introduce the concept of peeing and pooping on the potty before the child has a chance to really get used to just doing it in their diapers and be old enough to fear going in the potty. If you miss the early windows, you really have to overcome the diaper habit (and comfort of going in the diaper) and that is where things can get difficult.
Readiness in this country is a little absurd in my opinion, because when you wait for this holy grail of readiness your child is old enough to be set in their ways. It is not like we dont introduce spoons until they have perfect hand-eye coordination! And we certainly don't expect them to learn how to use a spoon in one weekend. Everything, including pottying takes time, messiness and practice.
I started introducing the potty at 14 months to my daughter. We did some barebottomed time at home and she got really good at getting to the potty to pee but feared pooping in it. With a move and travel in between, we took some breaks from focusing on pottying. Now, she is almost 2 and we are inches away from not using diapers during the day, even for outings. At some point soon, no more diapers, and we will just have to deal with accidents for a bit. :D
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8-09-2008 @ 3:25AM
southernlady0105 said...Potty training depends on the child. My son was fully trained at 17 months, my daughter trained herself at 2 because she wanted to be like her brother. My youngest just turned 3 and she has been trained for a while. None of them were bedwetters and once they were day trained, night training followed at their pace with no problems. No one frowns on people if their child is not diaper free by a certain age. What I frown on is seeing a 5 year old with a pacifier stuck in its mouth and not being able to talk because of the thing.
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8-11-2008 @ 2:19PM
samara said...there are many different ways to tackle potty training. this article helped me, http://hrbaby.com/page.php?go=364
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8-22-2008 @ 7:29AM
angel said...hi my son is 3 years old i started to toilet train him by just putting him straight in boxer shorts yes he screamed a lot but a week later he is toilet trained but every child is different so be paitent and praise him all the time
good luck
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