Spanking - How old is too old?

by Sandy Maple (Subscribe to Sandy Maple's posts) Aug 8th 2008 6:00PM

Categories: Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & Tweens, Safety, In The News

Spanking is a hot topic around here. Some consider it to be an effective and perfectly acceptable form of discipline. Others wouldn't dream of hitting a child and consider it abuse. Many fall somewhere in between and speak of a fine line being between hitting a child in anger and doling out carefully considered discipline.

But one aspect of spanking that I haven't seen debated is this: at what age does spanking become just plain old violence against another human being? According to police in Portland, Maine, spanking your 20-year-old child is not discipline, it's domestic violence.

50-year-old James Phipps found this out after he got angry over his daughter's $5,000 cell phone bill. Investigators say he repeatedly spanked his daughter with his hand. His daughter then ran upstairs to call her boyfriend and another scuffle broke out when the daughter tried to take the dad's cell phone away.

Phipps has been charged with domestic violence for doing something to his adult daughter that many parents do to their little children every day. Granted, it does sound like he reacted in anger and crossed that 'fine line' mentioned above. But parents spank their children in anger all the time and it isn't considered a crime. What makes this different?

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Comments (24)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

markycf 8-08-2008 @ 7:12PM

I think that once the child is 9 years old that spanking is too much. My parents never spanked me or my brother. I don't know what my sisters' father did, but my dad just used to flick our ears and it hurt! He thought is was embarrassing to be flicked on the ear and that is why he did it, but we just thought it hurt. My mom also used to slap our hands or our mouths or our face. It all depends on what we did and how bad the situation was. -Believe me, some of them were bad, but spanking I think should stop at 9.

ame s 8-09-2008 @ 11:47PM

I would really like to know how the heck she ran up that high of a bill!
I admit, if I opened a phone bill and saw that kind of balance, I would be SO tempted to smack the person responsible.
That said, my kids are 8 and 10 and I don't spank them. They had a swat or two when they were younger, but neither has ever been struck repeatedly. I don't like spanking, so that is not my method of dicipline. Making them sit in a dining room chair with nothing to do but look at a wall works, as does taking away privileges.

suzanne Conway 8-08-2008 @ 10:09PM

GROSS! What is the difference? Uhhhh...She's 20! First of all, why is she still living at home, secondly, why is she not paying her own phone bill? And last but not least, WHY is her father SPANKING HER?? That is perverted. I would consider this not only domestic violence, but a sexual assault as well. That family must be so screwed up. Talk about dominance and humiliation-that woman will never have a healthy relationship.That perv should be put in jail, and the 20 year old needs to move out, get a job, and act like an adult.

Tony 8-08-2008 @ 11:01PM

I'm 22 and live at home. granted it's alone in my mothers house and I pay all the bills except for the house insurance and mortgage, plus I pay rent, but I think sexual assault is over reaching a bit. Domestic violence sure because she is legally an adult and it's just an absurd punishment. but unless you can prove otherwise don't go spouting things about sexual assault, especially when it's in anger over a 5000 dollar phone bill. She got off light compared to what most people would do. I mean can you prove anything sexual was behind it? No and if there was anything sexual behind it, like he had an erection or something than it can't be proven. In a matter of sexual assault without some sort of other evidence it's a he said she said situation and it would get tossed out. and besides half of all sexual crimes reported are usually lied about anyway.

ninainindia 8-09-2008 @ 5:10AM

I have no idea how you can come up with sexual assault. She was spanked, there's nothing sexual about it.

On another note, spanking a 20 year old is completely ridiculous.

How does anyone get a 5000$ phone bill anyway??

carolann 8-09-2008 @ 2:42AM

My son is 20 years old, he's an awesome kid and I've never hit him for any reason! I don't believe hitting is any way to resolve anything and certainly sends a poor message!

Ash 8-08-2008 @ 10:32PM

No age is too old! Spank 'em until they get the point across! And if it doesn't work the first time, try a different method of spanking.

Maggie 10-02-2008 @ 12:06PM

If you have to spank your child, you have lost control of the situation......when a child hits another child in daycare or they get in trouble in school for hitting another student, how can you justify telling them that you "do not hit" anyone. That would be a double standard. One that they cannot understand. Just because you are a parent it doesn't give you the right to hit your child. Find another way to discipline. Hitting is only going to teach them that if you want someone to do something your way, "HIT THEM".

Mare 8-08-2008 @ 10:33PM

I have 3 adult kids. 28 y/o daughter & 24 & 22 y/o sons. I am not sure I'd call it spanking, but a good hard crack on the butt gets their attention when they are blowing me off!! I am still the Mom, no matter how old they are. I my get picked up & set on the counter... but they do listen to me then.

sahmusaf 8-08-2008 @ 11:09PM

I was raised in a violent household, and for that reason never have and never will lay a hand on my child. The last time I was hit by my mother I was 29 years old, and I haven't spoken to her since.

Jan Bay 8-08-2008 @ 11:19PM

That was no "spanking", it was clearly a case of domestic violence. That was a man out of control in the process of beating a person who happened to be related to him. If she'd been just a few years younger and if there had been no visible marks, he probably would have gotten away with it.

Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/

pbhj 8-10-2008 @ 3:39PM

This is not about spanking - way to go with the inflammatory posts again PD).

Forget the relationship between the people here: the question is whether an open handed slap to the buttocks that leaves no bruising or lasting damage (that's a "spank") is a reasonable response to having 5000 USD stolen from you?

Not specially civilised, not the legal route, but still warranted and justifiable IMO.

Karen 8-10-2008 @ 3:49PM

When a child is old enough to reason with, there should be no more spanking. to me spanking was only used to get their attention. even then I would only smack ONCE and on the bottom, not the face or back or use an object to hit them. ONE SWAT WITH MY HAND WAS ALL

SAM 8-10-2008 @ 12:08PM

That's what we do. One smack on the butt, and that's mostly to get there attention and to let them know I mean business. I have one pre-teen, and she usually gets in when she's been warned about talking back. And what I want to do is smack the running mouth, I go for the bottom.

Gen 8-09-2008 @ 2:37AM

I think spanking should be used until it is no longer effective or until something else works better, such as taking things away from them. I see these kids that get "reasoned" with. They are bad, rude and have absolutely NO IDEA what consequences are. You cannot reason with a small child. They have zero understanding of what you are saying. Give a smack on their ass and guaranteed, they will pay attention. If they don't, give them another one. And yes, there is a difference between spanking them as correction and beating them because you are mad. Any parent who spanks their children will tell you this.

I also believe spanking is a case-by-case basis. Some kids might not need to be spanked except when they are really small and don't really understand boundaries yet. And then there are some kids who might need to be spanked all the time. Some might require only a swat on the butt to get your point across and some might need two or three hard ones. My three kids are all different; my oldest daughter... you could beat her all day long and, though she will listen then, she is still the most stubborn child God ever made. She was like that since Day 1 and spanking was the only way to get her to do anything as a younger kid. Now she is almost 12 and I have to take things from her since she is as big as I am and spanking is no longer feasible; it's almost silly. My second child is 7 and she needs only a swat every now and then to remind her how to behave when she is acting up. She also was always like that. My third child is 2 and he is like his oldest sister; you could beat him all day every day and he'll listen but man, it's a struggle. He fears nothing.

I was spanked as a child and when my parents divorced and the threat of physical punishment was gone (Dad was the disciplinarian) we just stopped listening and went wild. And stayed that way. Now I have my own kids and I vowed that was not going to happen to me if my husband and I get divorced. I'M the main disciplinarian, though he does his share. I tell my older kids, "YOU are in charge of how often you get punished. You do what you're supposed to do and you don't even have to worry about it."

It might be considered child abuse now by these pansy-ass, lilly-livered tree-hugging idiots but I will tell you this: my kids are not going to be criminals or have babies at 16. I refuse to allow it. If the only thing that stops them is mortal fear of their mother than so be it. And, I might add, the two that are in school are both honor roll students who've also received citizenship awards and my son is so smart that he can add and subtract, read small words and spell small words. At 2. I must be doing something right.

mamaloo 8-09-2008 @ 10:40AM

Beating an adult who can clearly defend themselves or seek assistance is clearly wrong. But, 2 year olds and other small persons who can't process what corporal punishment is and who are grossly physically mismatched with their assailants are just fine to smack around!

The question is absolutely absurd! At what point does physically assaulting someone become wrong?!

Rob 8-09-2008 @ 3:46PM

It seems that the answer here is pretty simple. The law and our society define a child as a person under the age of 18. If you want it to be OK to spank your 20-year-old then go to your state legislature and get the age of majority in your state raised. The law is not subject to each of our personal definitions. Should there be an age limit on spanking a child? No. Depending upon the parent's beliefs, a spanking should be acceptable right on up to the age of 17 years and 364 days.

hall monitor 8-09-2008 @ 3:55PM

Never too old... according to some school administrators across the country.

http://detentionslip.org

Katty 8-09-2008 @ 4:44PM

Obviously if you need to spank to get your point across to a 20 year old then you failed as a parent a long long time ago. I will never lay a hand on my kids, spanking has little to do with the child and more to do with my own frustration and I am a better mother than that.

Sabrina 8-09-2008 @ 5:35PM

Spanking a 20 year old is ridiculous, definitely. Tell her she has to pay it or no more phone. She should be working at that age anyhow! I don't know if there's a concrete age at which spanking starts to be weird and ridiculous. My BIL was spanked until he was 17, I was last spanked when I was about 8 or 9. I think IF you use it as part of a discilpine system you have to guage how appropriate it feels to you at each age, and whether or not you can substitute it with a more grown-up (or more appropriate, or more fair) punisment.

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