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What makes a parent "cool"?
Categories: Teens & tweens, Playground Bureau
As a kid, you knew who the cool parents were. Maybe you were even fortunate enough to be raised by some. If not, you probably made vows to be a cool parent when you were in charge.
Of course, the definition of "cool" changes depending upon who's doing the scoring. Little kids think adults who let them watch Dora the Explorer marathons are pretty great. For some high schoolers, the parent who buys beer for minors seems pretty awesome.
I quizzed teens because they are the harshest judges of what defines cool (and because I had some around!) to see what qualities they feel makes a parent "cool". Here's what I learned.
Cool parents:
- Keep up with pop culture, but not excessively
This seemed to be a common refrain among the teens: a cool parent never goes overboard in anything (cheering at a game, wearing make-up, etc.) When it comes to pop culture, a cool parent will know who Lindsay Lohan is and what she's been up to in general, but wouldn't put "Mean Girls" in the Netflix queue themselves.
- Remembers/relates to what it's like being a teen, but doesn't act like a kid
A cool parent is sensitive and understanding to the trials and tribulations of teenagers. They remember it can be an emotional, confusing, and sometimes crappy time of a person's life. They do NOT try to be part of the gang, dress like they are still a teen, or use teen slang terms. That's just embarrassing.
- Are not control freaks.
You can still have rules and limits and be cool, but the trick is to allow kids to develop without parental micromanagement. Sorry, helicopter parents, you will never be cool!
- Are energetic, spontaneous, and fun
You don't have to be wealthy to be cool (although to be honest, the initial responses from kids resulted in a list of material and luxury goods), but being fun was mandatory. A cool parent isn't stuck in a rut and will happily do things when at all possible. They don't insist on sitting down having dinner around the table, they'll throw a blanket down in the summer and have a picnic in the backyard, even if there might be bugs. Cool parents are a bit child-like, but aren't childish and that's important distinction.
- Like kids in general
Cool parents enjoy being around kids, not just their own. They don't mind being the host for kid gatherings, they'll provide snacks! They're genuinely interested in their children's peers and don't ask just to get information on bad behavior to pass on or watch for.
- Spend time with their kids and listens to their ideas
Everyone is busy, but the cool parents are the ones who spend time with their kids because they want to, not because they have to and allows kids to have input.
Ask your kids what qualities they think makes a parent cool, their answers might surprise you!
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Karen 8-08-2008 @ 12:18PM
Most of these things are also what makes a "cool" (and respected) teacher.
They want you to be the adult. They want you to understand them (to get them) but not act like them. They want to feel respected and have fun.
I think the most important thing to note here is that they still want you to be the adult. If you are acting like a kid, it is not cool (on so many levels).
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Jennifer 8-08-2008 @ 11:31AM
I have to agree with this list. I always felt like I had "cool" parents and as I plan to model my parenting style after theirs I am pretty sure I will be a "cool" parent. Because my parents set boundries for me and my siblings we were able to explore and grow without them worrying we would get ourselves killed. ;-)
My dad was in demand as a chaperone all through high school, both by the teachers/other parents and by the students. He spent 22 years in the ARMY and was able to function on very little sleep (meaning he could sit in a hallway all night long making sure noone changed rooms) but still allowed us to be teens (rule #1- one foot on the ground...didn't care where the other foot was...) My mom would make us wait longer in line so that she could be at the front of the rollercoaster but never hesitated to pull out the white gloves when it came to inspecting our chores...
To this day I am still very close to them and my husband and I plan to move to be closer to them in order to allow our kids to grow up near them.
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Jan Bay 8-08-2008 @ 12:42PM
I'm trying to remember if we gave parents much thought at all when we were teens. I don't believe that we did unless it was to say what rules were in place in one friend or another's family. If one happened to show up on our "cool" radar, it was because they were dressed in styles that we liked, had a sports car or had some other flashy characteristics that made them noticeable. None of which as we know is a realistic measurement of parenting but more of an indicator that they are being uncool (from what your survey indicated) by hanging onto their own youth.
I can remember that we liked some parents over others because they spent time with us or went to the trouble to have cookouts or sleepovers, but that didn't make them "cool" to us; they were just good parents. Maybe the parents we considered to be likable would be the ones that today's kids are calling cool? In my highschool years, cool meant WOW!
Sadly, even then those days some of our friends didn't have good home lives and it was common knowledge whose mom or dad had problems.
Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/
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Kira 8-08-2008 @ 2:48PM
I'm 14 and I all I have to say is this: THAT LIST WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!
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ninainindia 8-09-2008 @ 5:14AM
My mother was a cool parent. It wasn't always positive for me though; my friends always wanted to be over at my house and be in the camp group that my mom was leading. I wanted to go on a schoolcamp without my mom!
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