Preparing for a daughter
Categories: Newborns, Babies, Pregnancy & birth, Development, Childcare, Environment, Mommy wars, Education, Extreme childhood
As many of you may know, I have a sixteen-month-old-son. When I first became pregnant I never thought whether I wanted a boy or a girl. I was simply thrilled to be having a child at all, and wanted only a happy, healthy child--the sex of the baby was inconsequential. Then, at one point I found out I would be having a son. I was an only child and a girl and knew not the first thing about having, and raising, a little boy. Now I'm on track with my second child, a little girl. I'm nervous and flustered and wondering just how different raising a child of the opposite sex will be. After all, I've had experience raising a baby, but he is all boy, all the time.
Is there such a difference in raising children of the opposite sex? Ask anyone, whether or not they're parents, and they'll have a pretty strong opinion about the world of boys vs girls. For example, when I found out I was having a girl, the pink clothing literally started pouring in. Everything is pink! When I was pregnant with my son I received clothes in all manner of colors, but not with my daughter. People also always comment that boys are much more rambunctious than girls in the beginning, but that girls are ever so much harder to deal with as teenagers--and that as the would-be mother of a teenage girl I have a lot of drama to look forward to.
The only real difference I've come across in my research is how you change a diaper. For girls you simply wipe in a different direction than with boys. Perhaps there's a little more clean-up involved as you're dealing with internal parts as opposed to external parts, but really that's the only difference I can discern. All of my friends who have two children, oddly enough, started out with a boy and then followed up with a girl. They all say that there is a real difference, even if it can't be defined in words, to raising a boy vs a girl.
Thoughts? Is there any real difference? Is it just society straining its concept of norms over us? Or is there more to raising girls than pink clothing that makes them intrinsically different than boys? After all, aren't little boys made of snails and puppy dog tails and such, while girls are made of sugar and spice?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Carolyn 8-11-2008 @ 1:30PM
Interesting question! There are entire books devoted to the specific task of raising a girl, so it seems some people have a lot to say on the topic.
I only have a daughter, so I'm in the opposite boat. The day to day of girl vs. boy is pretty much the same, I'd think. She plays princess, she rolls in mud, she loves trains and butterflies equally.
But for me, what might be different about raising girls is that things like self esteem and self worth are often looming in my mind. Of course, if I had a son I would want him to grow up with confidence as well. But with a girl it just seems... different.
Maybe it is because all women - all moms - were once young girls, and most of us have felt at one time or another that we don't live up to the ideal, or that we're somehow not quite enough. I don't waste too much time on that now, but still it lurks here and there. And most of us know girls - and women - for whom these things have become dominating forces. I want my daughter, whether she is 5 or 50, to always know that she is enough, that she has nothing lacking and nothing to make up for, that her core is far more important than her surface.
Carolyn
http://www.momsontheedge.ca
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Melissa 8-11-2008 @ 2:00PM
There is a difference in raising multiple children, period....whether it's two boys, a boy AND a girl, or two girls....my mom had two girls, and we are different in every single way, even though she tried to raise us the same way....and yes, diapering is very different, and you will get everything pink....but I learned to change it up with my little girl (the same thing happened to me when I found out it was indeed a girl), get some yellow things, get some purple things, green things, and yes even blue things (blue is amazing on my daughter because she has the bluest eyes in the world lol)....put a big bow on her head and (hopefully) everyone will know the difference!! Good luck and congratulations!!
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Mama2Kids 8-11-2008 @ 2:18PM
I have a 4 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. I worried when my daughter was first born that I wouldn't know what to do with a girl. Now I cannot imagine life without her! A year later I realize that every child, no matter what the gender, has a different personality. My son and daughter are very similar in a lot of ways, but different too. I am not sure if it is really a boy/girl thing.
My son has always been a stereotypical boy - into trucks, sports, getting dirty and bouncing off the walls. I tried to raise him with a variety of toys not just the ones from the "boy" aisle. He always gravitated towards the boyish toys and activities.
My daughter has mostly had her brothers hand me down toys like trucks and balls to play with and has not seemed to mind. We were at a cousin's house last week and she picked up a doll and started kissing and rocking it. I was shocked since she has never played with a doll before, yet she knew how to play with it. My son at that age would just throw a doll at the wall or stomp on it. I wondered aloud to my sister in law if this was a built in nurturing response or just a coincidence. She has two daughters and a son. She said her older daughter grew a strong attachment to dolls and other "girl toys" very early in life, while her younger daughter could care less about those things. I guess each child is going to be different.
I do get nervous about what my kids are going to be like as teenagers. Will my daughter be sassy? Will my son not want hugs from his mom anymore? Only time will tell. I just try to raise them the best I can and really try not to make things out to be a boy/girl thing. I try my best to just make it a people thing.
As for the pink clothes - it can be nauseating! I think I received 99% pink clothes when my daughter was born. One time I went out to eat with my parents and the kids. My daughter was wearing a blue bib and this really upset my mom. She just kept saying, "People are going to get the wrong idea!"
Good luck with your new little one!
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momma bear 8-11-2008 @ 2:48PM
Hi!
I have one of each and they are both teenagers now. I too worried about the boy thing. What do I do with this?? It went very well. As with anything, you get used to it! Our daughter was very tiny and a little bit scary even though she was our second. She is still petite but a lovely, lively girl. He is the sensitive one, she is more thick skinned. I dressed my daughter in lots of blue since money was a concern. I always put a bit of pink on her to balance it out. My sweetie had no hair for almost 3 years!
I found the navy blue items and khaki to be the most useful when they were growing so fast. I would take a pair of my son's khaki jeans and add pink buttons and
a little pink embroidery on a back pocket. Presto! Girls jeans! I loved Land's End for their sturdy clothing. The items I bought went through at least 6 kids before it went in the Goodwill box. Money well spent.
Enjoy both sexes. They bring so much to your world.
Tequiladog 8-11-2008 @ 3:38PM
It's different. I have two boys (4 and 2 1/2) and a daughter (7 1/2 monsth) and it floored me. Still does.
The pink thing? Nauseating. I buy every other color to make up for the pinkness.
Diaper changes? I swear i just now got used to "it" being missing.
Attitude. My daughter is much mroe observant than my boys, and she's a much bigger flirt.
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Jenni 8-11-2008 @ 5:13PM
Different? Yes. But about as different as having two boys or two girls if you keep one thing in mind: they are who they are.
Any parent of more than one child can talk about the night and day differences with each child. I've seen families with an older boy and a younger girl and the boy is all boy and the girl is all girl; then I've seen the same birthorder and the boy is the more (forgive me for saying it) girlie of the two while the girl is much more willing to roll in the mud and get dirty.
I think the "easier" or "more difficult" comes more with personality rather than boy vs girl. Different? Yes!
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Laura 8-12-2008 @ 8:28PM
Rather than gender, I think it is the compatibility of the child and the parent's personalities and temperments that determine how "challenging" a child is to raise. My 12 year old daughter's interests and temperment are very similar to my own which sometimes cause friction between us but overall makes it easier for me to understand her behavior. Whereas my husband is mostly baffled by much of what she says and does, but he gets along quite well with our 16 year old niece who shares more of his interests.
We now have a 2 month old son and one difference that took me by surprise was the way that our family, friends, and even store clerks seemed to always addressed their congratualtions to my husband rather than the two of us. Even when he wasn't present, I'd hear "oh your husband must be so thrilled" and at my baby shower, I received numerous "daddy's buddy" type of items but not even one "mommy" thing.
It also seems like people are alot quicker to push their expectations on a boy than a girl. From the minute we shared the ultrasound results, family and friends have acted like it is a given that our son will be some sort of big sports fan. My sister-in-law has made a point of telling me how much the family hopes he will play team sports someday; and most of their gifts clothing and toys- have a sports theme. When my daughter was born, nobody ever told me that they hoped she would grow up to take dance classes or gave her all manner of ballet themed clothing and toys.
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Marcy 8-14-2008 @ 11:23AM
I think there is a difference probably, but the bigger difference will be that of one individual to another. Even having 2 boys, or 2 girls, they will be so different from each other. There's so much more to it than just gender-- their temperament, personal preferences, manerisms, personality, etc.
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