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At what age is it ok to leave kids home alone?
Filed under: Tweens, Teens, Work Life, Health & Safety: Babies, Life & Style, Childcare
I was at least twelve years old before I was allowed to cross the street by myself. It was several years after that I was allowed to stay home alone during the summer while my parents were at work instead of going to summer camp. I always felt like I could have stayed home earlier; now that I'm a parent I know how my parents felt: it was NEVER time to leave me home alone!
So at what age is it appropriate to start leaving your little ones home alone--without a babysitter? A recent New York Times article tackles that very question. There are few laws or guidelines to help us make such decisions. Pediatricians don't have much to offer. Ultimately, it becomes a decision between the parents and the child. Both have to feel ready to allow such a thing to occur. And, generally, it starts with an experiment. Leave the kid at home alone while you visit a neighbor for a cup of sugar (do people still do that?). Next time leave her home alone while you pick up the dry cleaning, and so on.
Many states see the tender age of 12 as the start of this new way of life. Twelve is different for each child. How the kid reacts makes all the difference in the world too, as does the general personality of the child. Is your child independent and can get things done on his own? Does your child fear being alone or throw temper tantrums? Do you find your child is in trouble all the time, even when you're around? All these things are taken into consideration when deciding to leave a kid at home. Many parents also have no choice but to leave their children alone--scary but true--even when they're not yet twelve. Luckily things like cell phones and other modern technologies have made it easier for us to keep in touch with our children.
I'm terrified to even think of letting my child stay at home alone or go anywhere alone in New York City, but I know it's a future I face. What about you? When did you let your children start staying at home alone? Was it earlier or later than when you stayed home alone as a kid?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
8-15-2008 @ 2:05PM
Karen said...I started leaving my daughter alone this year. First it was trips to the grocery store or a quick run to the convenience store, but now I leave her home alone for a few hours at a time. She is 11 and very responsible. She has also taken a babysitting course, has frist-aid and CPR training, and I limit what she is allowed to do while home alone.
I had always read that you shouldn't leave an older child in charge of younger siblings until about 14. This is a good rule of thumb for allowing them in the water as well.
But, I have left my 11 year old home alone with my 8 year old for a couple of 30-45 minutes errands. I always alert a neighbor, make sure they have access to two types of phones, and they are not allowed to cook.
At first it was terrifying, but like most things, once you do it, it gets easier! LOL
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8-15-2008 @ 4:03PM
Raechel said...According to the state of Ohio, no one over the age of 13 can receive subsidized child care, unless there are extenuating circumstances that would make leaving the child home alone dangerous. We had one child over 13...he was deaf and therefore staying home alone would have been dangerous for him. How they picked that age is beyond me, but apparently being a teenager means they are responsible enough to stay home alone. If the parent wants to continue keeping the child in the center, he/she has to pay for it out of pocket, which can get expensive.
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8-15-2008 @ 5:18PM
jen said...I was allowed home alone from the age of 8, cooking my own dinner by 9, was babysitting for infants by the age of 11, and staying overnight by myself by the age of 14 (a whole week by the time I was 15). But then I was an extremely responsible child, and I had no choice. I'd never in a million years let my child do the same so early, if only to ensure that they didn't feel that they had to be the responsible adult at such a young age. I think kids should be given responsibility, but there are limits.
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8-15-2008 @ 5:47PM
Maureen said...I believe a child can stay alone at age 10 here in California. I started babysitting for two children when I was 11 -- usually for 2 or 3 hours at a time. Our neighbor has watched our two children a few times for an hour or two and she is 13. I think it totally depends on the child. I can't imagine ever leaving my son alone with his sister because he would terrorize her! He loves to tease and tell scary stories. I remember my older brothers scaring the crap out of me when they were left in charge.
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8-15-2008 @ 7:31PM
Tamyu said...Like a previous poster, I started being left at home alone around 8, responsible for my sister at around 10, and then for her and my infant brother for days (and nights!) on end by the time I was 13. By the time I was 14, I could basically run the house, get my sister off to school, etc.
The life altering event of moving from my grandparents` to my mother`s house was tossed in there at 13, and that blasted me straight into the realm of complete adult responsibility. I was not raised by her, so minus the blood connection, I had might as well have been living with a stranger.
Was I able to handle it? Yes, I was extremely responsible. Would I do it to my own children? I doubt it, as I hated being put in that position...
But it also made me into an extremely responsible and independent adult. I moved overseas, of my own volition, alone, when I was 17. I had the skills and responsibility to be able to pull that off. I doubt I would have enjoyed the experiences I have, and have been able to lead the life I do (which I am thoroughly pleased with!) if I had not had the same childhood.
It all comes down to the child and how responsible they are.
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8-15-2008 @ 9:40PM
Parre said...Like previous posters, I was left home alone around the age of 8. My parents left for work 1.5 hours before I started my walk to school. I also fixed my own breakfast (no cooking, though!). When I was 9 our home, in a nice middle class neighborhood, was broken into one morning while I was home alone. It was not a good situation for an 9 year-old. When I was 16, my parents would leave me home alone for an entire weekend. My oldest child, a boy, is now 10 and I would never consider leaving him, or his younger sibling alone for anything except a quick walk around the block. It's too much responsibility for them to handle the potential hazards.
Although I agree it depends on the maturity of the child, I still believe 8 is too young. Children don't need adult responsibilities so young.
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8-15-2008 @ 10:34PM
Monica said...I was left alone for short periods at 9, was babysitting for my brother at 10 and others at 11. The first time I was left in charge overnight I was 14.
As for my kids they started babysitting at 14-15 and I think the first time I left them alone for short periods they were 12/13ish. I probably could have done it sooner, they were certainly responsible enough (moreso at 10 than 17 I think) but the situation never came up.
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8-16-2008 @ 2:26AM
markycf said...I think the age is 14 or 15. I stayed home by myself for the first time when I was 14. There is no age restriction for children in New York who want to stay home by themselves. Obviously if you leave a child home alone then that is against the law, but I think most people prefer the age 12.
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8-16-2008 @ 3:19AM
Loren said...I remenber that my mother left me with all the kids, my brother and 2 sisters and my 2 cousins to care for when I was about 13 or 14 but I started babysitting for my neighbor, for her 2 girls who where about 5 and 3 who I really became close with and got paid for it at the age of 13 yrs old I was very good to them and I follow the schedule that was left for me, yes I was very responsible at a very young age nevertheless, I feel uncomfortable leaving my 12 yr. old alone he has my work# cell # he knows where to reach me but about 2 wks ago there was and earthquake here 4.5 at about 1:30 pm and it was a very scary thing for both of us so I do not feel comfy leaving him alone yet, this is a hard situation.
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8-16-2008 @ 6:36PM
ablndmomnt said...I have been leaving my oldest at home with his siblings since he was 12, he's 15 now. It was only for short trips to the store of an erand here and there at first then it moved into longer periods of time. I called my state to find out when I could leave him alone, and they said at 12 if you feel he/she is responsible and could take care of themselves.
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8-16-2008 @ 9:15PM
Karenjean said...Again, it comes down to the kid. I would have been fine at age eight; I was extremely responsible and mature. It would never even have occurred to me to violate rules or do something stupid. I would have been thrilled to have the quiet time to sit and read a book in peace.
My brother was still infantile at 20, ignoring parental directives and trashing the house with "Animal House" parties. He is 46 now and lives like a pig, routinely trashing his OWN home with drug and alcohol bashes.
You are what you are; I was a good kid and he was an animal. As a parent you have to know your own kids.
Unfortunately mine had it backwards; they thought I was the ^&*( and he was the angel and now can't figure out how their Golden Boy turned into a stoned loser they are still subsidizing and their blathering idiot of a daughter is an Ivy League grad.
Well, duh. Because their perceptions of us were "bass-ackwards."
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8-25-2008 @ 7:22PM
maritza said...Like it or not parents leave there kids unattended younger than 12. i know a lot of families who do that. as a matter of fact my parents would do that to me and my sisters. They had no choice they couldent afford babysitters. eventhough we would stay home for not so long periods only like 1hr or two anything could happen at that time. We were young but cautious we knew what was to be done or not.
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