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Stepfathers make better parents than biological dads?
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In some families, the original isn't always the best when it comes to fathers. For 'fragile families', described as low-income urban families prone to non marital births, mothers say that stepfathers are often more engaged, cooperative and willing to share responsibilities than married biological fathers.
A new study finds that while married biological fathers and stepfathers may be almost equally engaged with the children themselves, it is their interaction with mom that often makes stepfathers better parents. The mothers surveyed reported that stepfathers shared their parental views and were more open to talking about their parental wants than natural fathers. Rebekah Levine Coley, a developmental psychologist at Boston College, says this is probably because stepfathers "have to work harder to fit in and to have a useful productive role."
Coley says the findings contradict the popular view among social workers and experts that dads are more invested if the child is of their own flesh and blood. "I think this research does, to some extent, call some of those assumptions into question," she said.
The conclusions were made after interviewing 2,098 urban mothers from the The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing study and will be published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.
A new study finds that while married biological fathers and stepfathers may be almost equally engaged with the children themselves, it is their interaction with mom that often makes stepfathers better parents. The mothers surveyed reported that stepfathers shared their parental views and were more open to talking about their parental wants than natural fathers. Rebekah Levine Coley, a developmental psychologist at Boston College, says this is probably because stepfathers "have to work harder to fit in and to have a useful productive role."
Coley says the findings contradict the popular view among social workers and experts that dads are more invested if the child is of their own flesh and blood. "I think this research does, to some extent, call some of those assumptions into question," she said.
The conclusions were made after interviewing 2,098 urban mothers from the The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing study and will be published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
8-21-2008 @ 10:28AM
Sabrina said...I fully believe step-fathers CAN BE better fathers, because they choose their children, and whether they want to be fathers. Not all step-dads are wonderful, just like not all bio-dads are wonderful.
I have a step-father (he adopted me a few years after I turned 18 because my dad wouldn't relinquish), so does my husband (adopted by his at about age 8) and my daughter (my husband adopted her the same month we got married, she was 3 months old). All 3 of these men are more involved and more attentive than any of our biological dads. All 3 of these men met us before marrying the mothers, and all decided to "take us on as a family". I think that since it was their choice to have us and take care of us, they made it more of a priority. This could be especially true of men who WANT, but never had any children of their own.
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8-21-2008 @ 11:01AM
Jamie said...My Step-Father is a much better Father for me. My biological Father was forced out of our home because he physically abusive. Having My Step-Father in my life was like being given a second chance at having a real family. I was the youngest at age 13 when my Mom married my Step-Father. It was a huge adjustment for my 3 older siblings and myself. But, when the day came for the wedding vows, he said a few to us. He vowed to take care of all of us. I am very thankful for having him in my life and I would not have wanted a better Father or a better Grandfather for my children. For us, it worked out for the best.
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8-21-2008 @ 2:37PM
Carrie said...Wow - how interesting, and an encouragement for those of us whose families are often referred to as "broken".
This kind of makes sense. In my own life, my Dad married my mom and adopted my sister. He was the only real Dad she ever knew. Her own father was a total loser.
And as for my kids - their step father will be chosen by me, and I'm a whole lot smarter this time! Their real Dad isn't much of a man, to be sure.
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8-21-2008 @ 3:05PM
ame s said...I was widowed from my daughters' biological father 5 years ago, 2 months before they turned 6 and 4. We were a middle-income suburban family and my late-husband and I were married for 8 years before we had our first daughter.
I remarried 10 months ago to a man 10 years older than my late-husband was when he died. This is his first marriage and he has no biological children. He is a better husband and father than my late-husband. Late-hubby came from an abusive home and while he was not physically abusive, he would dole out some verbal and mental abuse to me (rarely the children), more so after he was diagnosed with cancer. New husband is kinder and more patient. I never look at the clock and have a feeling of dread knowing he is coming home.
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8-21-2008 @ 3:09PM
ame s said...I don't want to leave the impression in my previous post that my late-husband was a "bad" husband or father, because he would not have become the father of my children if that were the case. He did the best he knew how to and didn't have a very good example to follow.
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8-21-2008 @ 3:50PM
p8nterlady said...I agree. I have a daughter & son who may not have come from my body but they are MY kids. They are 28 and don't care for their 'bm' as they put it (Biological mother). My daughters new husband is a much better father to her kids than their 'bm' is. He won't pay his child support but still gets to see the kids and screw with their minds and it is all a play to hurt and disrupt my daughter and her new family. If the courts would see this and start thinking... Taking away a drivers liscense for not paying your child support is stupid. MOST don't care. If you threatened them with no visitation the ones that actually DO love and want their kids would get off the pot and pay. The actual 'deadbeat parents' would let the kids go and then they can heal and be in a better, safer and more loving environment.
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1-11-2011 @ 7:42AM
Ezra said...I can honestly agree with the following article, I first started dating my wife when she was 5 months pregnant with her ex's child, a beautiful Baby Girl, who calls me Daddy.
My wife and I have 2 children, a wonderful son who is mine biologically, and a beautiful Daughter, who isn't mine biologically, I treat the both of them as complete equals.
She had some trouble adjusting to him when he was born and sometimes still does, but she loves her brother, she just takes it out in other ways.
I love her, and in many ways we share a bond that I don't share with my son, I remember when my first born child was taken from me from a previous relationship I had a year before that, by CPS because of something the mother of my first born child had done in her past,
I did not have the financial resources to provide for her, so I did the only thing a loving father could do, I gave her a life I knew I could never have given her if I had kept her, and I know her Adoptive mother provides well for her.
I have had a few wonderful visits with the adoptive mother over the years and my daughter is well taken care of, smiles all over, and when I started seeing my current wife, she didn't have a middle name picked out for our daughter, so I gave her a middle name.
She is my second chance you see, before I had my son, she was my second chance to have a daughter. I don't believe sperm has anything to do with being a father, anyone can make a baby, it takes a MAN to be a father, and only the select few of Fathers, can be a Good Father to their Children.
For instance, I always told my wife I will never force our Daughter to call me Dad, or Daddy, it will always be her choice, I remember the first time she ran up to me, she used to call me Face, and get happy when I came to see my wife when we went out and run around the house and yell Face, Face, Face, and I would tell her I was her face, but one day she walks up to me and she says I love you Daddy, and I started crying because that moment was the best moment of my life.
A child to look up at you, and tell you that they love you, Daddy. It breaks you in two. Blood can't make a child love you, only loving a child can make a child love you.
Children have unconditional love toward their parents. They see no faults, no marks, we are their hero's. Not because we are bonded by blood, but because we are bonded by love.
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