Happily married? Divorce is still an option

I have been married for 30 years and my health isn't all that good and I made the mistake of spoiling my husband from the beginning and now that I can't do some thing he still expects it. He never does anything around the house and the older he gets the more he is just about himself. Yes I'm thankful that he works and make good money, and yes he has never hit me, or get drunk, but to me sometimes I would prefer him to hit me, his words hurts just as much if not more. Why should I live my life being miserible and unhappy, away from my children, I would like my last days to be peaceful and less stress. I have very much consider leaving, I gave 30 years of my life and I would like to feel appreciated and not used.

Reply

Conversations like this is why divorce is so prevalent in the first place. My parents' divorce left a horrible scar on my life that will never go away and that I fight against every single day.

Reply

What's up with her assertion that spouses can't be best friends? I've heard it said you should never marry someone you wouldn't choose as a friend if you couldn't be together as a couple, and I think it's true. No, it's not the same as the relationship with your female friends, but a strong friendship is what gets you through the tough times. You may not always love each other madly at all times, but you'd better at least like each other. It doesn't sound like the author genuinely likes or respects her husband, just tolerates him, and that isn't feminism's fault.

Reply

WOMEN are NEVER satisfied.

Reply

I have been divorced twice once for physical abuse the second for mental abuse from being married to a drinker....it was not easy since i raised two children by myself....it was not easy....but ladies let me tell you IF you have a husband who works & does not run around & you get along even if it takes a little work stick with it. With the world today drugs killings abuse that option of divorce is tacky.....Remember the only perfect thing they nailed him to a cross.

Reply

Sad to say, but I agree with her. It's that big word...expectations. Maybe this is at the core...but somehow, they don't seem to be met with most people. Maybe we dream too much, huh? Still...it's sad.

Reply

I've read the article in "O" magazine. To say the least, I was baffled by it. There was really nothing in the article that screamed divorce action. More like she wanted to be free. It seems that maybe she needed to spend more quality with her husband. Go the movies, go to dinner, go out with couple friends. My husband and I learned this after ten years of marriage. I think if we didn't learn this, we would have been divorced. He is essentially my best friend. We laugh, go to dinner with friends, have parties, enjoy time with the children. Believe me, for the first ten years, he was focused on his project, his job, making money and not having enough time for us. Counseling really did help. Unless you are with a narcassistic man who batters you emotionally or physically, or have one of those men that does not contribute anything, divorce is too easy to do. Divorce is usually a selfish act. Like a man saying he doesn't want to be with his wife because now he loves his secretary or a woman needing to be free.

Reply

I was married for many years. I thought marriage was sacred, but my husband didn't. Apparently he felt "left out" of the sexual revolution. Don't quite know why since it seems he had a habit of cheating. (I've proof)

Guess I don't understand how a person can feel that getting married again is out due to religion, but it's okay to live with someone? Religiously speaking?

I did date some, but have decided not to remarry. After the kids all left, I got a taste of living alone and I like it. Plus, any illusions I might have had about people are gone. People are motivated by self interest. Period.

The X did cheat and I knew about it the last half of the marriage. His views about women left a bit to be desired. He saw marriage as the woman's responsibility to keep the husband happy. He had no responsibility. Mainly, I kept my mouth shut and listened.

Yes, I thought about divorce. Daily. I planned for it! The stress became too much and it blew up 3 years ahead of my schedule. I didn't claim to have a happy marriage, but I did let people think we were happy. Just easier.

Sometimes I miss being married, but for all the wrong reasons! Sigh!

Reply

I've been through 2 divorces, not because I was "unhappy" in my marraiges. In the first one, my ex was physically abusive and tried to kill me when I was 6 months pregnant with his child. That's cause for a divorce. In the second one, my ex was mentally and verbally abusive at a time when those elements were still being defined by psychologists. It wasn't until he allowed 150 gals of heating oil to soak through our basement floor, didn't warn me of the fumes (this after having taken years of closed space entry emergency training for his job), and didn't even removed a storm window to vent the fumes, that I got divorced. I was on the top floor of the house. He knew where those fumes would pool. I left because I was afraid for my life.

However, in between each of those marriages, I worked hard with a therapist and I learned a lot about what was making me tick off kilter when it came to men. Third time's the charm and this time I am happily married to one of the gentlest, kindest men to walk the face of this planet. I'm truly happily married, and I can guarantee you I NEVER think of divorce. I have no cause to and no desire to.

Reply

This article makes me sick to my stomach. Women have never been happy searching for a man to fill that empty void. Only God can do that. When a woman or a man marries, it is to be a help and encouragement another. It is to find a common purpose and vision, then together embark on a journey, through ups and downs and trials and disappointments.

A woman sets the tone for her household. It appears that the author offers apathy and self pity. I would suggest that before she divorces, she consider working on gratitude. There are thousands of single women and mothers who dream of having a husband that leaves his socks in the living room and forgets to take out the garbage.

Reply

Married is a choice. Often people choose to marry for all of the wrong reasons. Think about it, some people (women in particular) spend months, even years planning for their weddding day. How many people actually plan for their marriages?

Two people should go into marriage already complete and whole. No one can make another individual complete or whole; only God can do that. Marriage is a covenant relationship, and individuals ought to go into it with that in mind. It truly is not something that should be entered into lightly. It also should not be gotten out of easily either. It should be a requirement for couples to have counselling before they marry because it is serious business.

Reply

As a divorced man, I think today's women expect too much from men. First of all, materially. They seem to think that the man should instantly reproduce an environment that is at least an exact duplicate of what her parents had which, fails to take into account that in most cases, the house, washer, dryer etc., are the product of a lifetime of hardwork--and often two salaries. Second, we need to be 'Superman' but, being mere mortals, the best we can accopmplish is 'Captain America'. If I were a woman, I would divorce too. Why not? Half of everything for being a stay-at-home wife is a hell of a lot easier than having to go out a buy a house on your own (they don't just give us the money for being men, ya know!) plus, as an added bonus, you get to blame your entire dissatisfaction with your life on your good for nothing ex-husband. Nice to have someone to blame for your failures, isn't it? For men, its our fault--even if it isn't! It used to be that if you were a hard-working man who didn't beat, cheat, drink or drug people looked up to you. Society would never even let a woman consider divorcing a man like that. But today, male bashing is just too popular.

Reply

I have seen this old saying play out several times:

1st Marriage for Love
2nd Marriage for MONEY...

Women love security - I am 100% down with that, but to watch the entire drama unfold is just pathethic. Several women are EXTREMELY money motivated... you can be the Elephant Man, if you have a BMW and a big bank account.

Ladies, you set yourself up for being treated like a 'thing' if you seek out men who KNOWS (and they know) that all you are doing is thrown yourself at them because of the money they have (or appearance of it).

Men, it's easy pickins out there if you've got a BMW and a big bank account - the gold diggers are everywhere. You get what you pay for bubba.

It's a sad sad situation...

Reply

For some of you woman out there I have pitty for others I think its just a way out. marriage is the toughest job your ever going to have, For the ones who try and don't make it, yes find quote a new job(man) for the ones who just give up well its a job you should of never tried and to get those 9 month raises (children) you should have quite before the benifits because they are bene fits that last a life time. personally I could go into work tommrow and my boss gould say your fired but as long as I have my WIFE and CHILDREN that a job I hope never to get fired at

Reply

To Teresa I have to say this. I have been married for 33 years to a woman who suffers from bouts of severe depression . Those episodes are not easy because depression makes her extremely selfish. She has nothing left over for me or our marraige. She is sick period.I know that it has to run it's course. I made a committment, for better or worse, 33 years ago and had no idea at the time that this disease, I call the black dog, would appear. I can only hang in there, be there for her, and wait till the sun comes out again when it passes. She's post menopause now and things have been better since 2002. The kids are gone and we are finally alone. Do I think about divorce when this happens, yes! Do I think I could be happier with someone else? Yes. Do I think the grass is greener on the otherside of the fence, yes indeed but, I think it's greener because it's built over a septic tank. I have outside interests and friends, family, kids, I can get close to when she gets sick again. Things always get better and she is truely a good person. I love her dearly and am fully committed to this marraige.

Reply

My husband and I just celebrated 30 years of marriage and I could not be happier!! People ask how we are staying happily married for so long. First, we made a pact in the beginning that the "D" word was not allowed in our marriage. No matter what, we would not even entertain the thought of divorce, we would work through each problem as it came. There have been tough times but once we got through it, we were stronger and better as a couple. I thank God that, with His help, we have made it this far and plan to go the distance. Love is a choice each day, you can not go on just feelings. If we did that, there would be a 100% divorce rate. Life can be so good when you have a history with someone and your family is intact.

Reply

Not dreaming of divorce... but often imagine ways my husband might pass away unexpectedly or prematurely.... OK have done that but not seriously, no plans. Mostly when he leaves the bathroom so smelly it makes your eyes water... or when he tells me things like "oh are you finished!? I was going to help you clean up" . and things like " I got tickets to the game for your birthday, mothers day, anniversary ..." Those are the times I plan his demise : ). Happily Married 28 years

Reply

PEOPLE ARE SO PATHETIC,,,,,,,WHY GET MARRIED TODAY CUZ AS SOON AS ONE LITTLE THING GOES WRONG TA WANT ANOTHER OR YOU CHEAT,,,,THE ONLY REASON FOR DIVORCE IS CHEATING OR BEATING,,,AND IF YOU DIOD NOT KNOW YOUR MATE BEFORE HAND TO KNOW THEY WOULD DO THESE THINGS THEN YOU REALLY DID NOT KNOW THEM AT ALL OR BETTER YET WHO YOU ARE....PEOPLE NEED TO FIND THEM SELVES BEFORE THEY JUMP INTO MARRIAGE. THAT IS WHY 65% OR OUR COUNTRY IS SINGLE DUE TO FAILURES OUT THERE AND NO ONE TRYS WAKE UP DIVORCE IS NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER AND GETTING MARRIED WILL NOT SOLVE YOUR ISSUES,,,SOLVE THEM FIRST FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT FIRST.

Reply

I think a HUGE part of the problem with divorce in modern marriages is modern weddings. So much time, planning, money, extravagance! Champagne fountains, butterflies, ice sculptures, fabulously expensive dresses, 14 bridesmaids...so much excitement, so much involvement of family and friends. For ONE day. The focus these days is totally on the wedding and not on the marriage! All the planning goes for the wedding, not looking down the road at what the future may hold. No coping skills for when things aren't running well, no understanding that this is *supposed* to be a lifetime relationship rather than one spectacular day (to outdo cousin Mary's wedding and that Smith girl down the road). My husband and I will celebrate our 23rd anniversary next month. We went through heavy duty counseling prior to marriage as we had a large age difference and marriage counseling when things got rough. I didn't get married for a day but for a lifetime. We had a small, intimate wedding with close family and friends. No ice sculpture, no fountains or release of doves, just a commitment to eachother to always have the others' back.

Reply

I have been married 7 years but we were together 10 years previous to getting married. I thought I had found the perfect man - good Christian, etc. Well, he has been having an emotional affair for the past year. I have been married before so I knew what to expect but this is something I never expected. To make a long story short, her husband died, she works with mine, and now he is being her husband with little or no time for me. I have gone through all the steps, counseling, retreats, etc. and I can see the end in sight. I don't think that divorce is something to be taken lightly and thought of on a daily basis unless your life really sucks and you don't see any future at all with the one you are with. I am willing to keep trying but I am about at the end of my rope.

Reply