Do you ask if your child's playmates are vaccinated?
Categories: Health & safety, Mommy wars
There are a lot of ways that we, as parents, put ourselves into groups. Breastfeeders vs. formula feeders, co-sleepers vs. cry-it-outers, stay at home moms vs. working moms. I think it's really unfortunate when these very personal issues divide us, because, really, what do variations in parenting technique have to do with adult friendships and relationships? I'm very committed to the way I choose to parent my children, but I'm not committed to making sure other parents parent their children the same way. That's just not my business.
Vaccinations are a different issue, however. Whether or not you vaccinate your kids can have an impact on other people's children. That's one of the biggest issues vaccinating parents have with parents who choose not to. When kids aren't vaccinated, parents fear, then the risk of their children contracting those illnesses increases. Says Dr. Paul Offit, chief of infectious diseases at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, "One of doctors' biggest concerns is loss of 'herd immunity.' Because no vaccine is 100 percent effective, successfully fighting disease requires most children be vaccinated."
I recently read an article about parents who are taking the vaccine debate to the next level and refusing to let their children play with kids who haven't been vaccinated. Their argument is, of course, that those non-immunized children could pass a disease on to their own kids. I think a decision like this one is made either out of a) irrational fear or b) a desire to cause a rift in the first place, because really, the health risk right now is pretty small. But with the recent news that measles cases are at a 12-year high and an increasingly large number of parents foregoing vaccinations, there may come a time when this is a very real issue.
I've never given any thought to whether my kids' playmates had been vaccinated or not, and honestly, I'm not about to start. I could see being concerned if I had an infant in the house, but between school, soccer, dance, playing at the park, swimming in the community pool, and generally living the life of a child, my daughters mingle with a lot of other kids. If I started asking each one if their children were up to date on their shots, well, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be having any playdates at all, if you know what I mean. I'm curious to hear what you think -- do you ask other parents if their children are vaccinated? And if they aren't, do you care?
Vaccinations are a different issue, however. Whether or not you vaccinate your kids can have an impact on other people's children. That's one of the biggest issues vaccinating parents have with parents who choose not to. When kids aren't vaccinated, parents fear, then the risk of their children contracting those illnesses increases. Says Dr. Paul Offit, chief of infectious diseases at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, "One of doctors' biggest concerns is loss of 'herd immunity.' Because no vaccine is 100 percent effective, successfully fighting disease requires most children be vaccinated."
I recently read an article about parents who are taking the vaccine debate to the next level and refusing to let their children play with kids who haven't been vaccinated. Their argument is, of course, that those non-immunized children could pass a disease on to their own kids. I think a decision like this one is made either out of a) irrational fear or b) a desire to cause a rift in the first place, because really, the health risk right now is pretty small. But with the recent news that measles cases are at a 12-year high and an increasingly large number of parents foregoing vaccinations, there may come a time when this is a very real issue.
I've never given any thought to whether my kids' playmates had been vaccinated or not, and honestly, I'm not about to start. I could see being concerned if I had an infant in the house, but between school, soccer, dance, playing at the park, swimming in the community pool, and generally living the life of a child, my daughters mingle with a lot of other kids. If I started asking each one if their children were up to date on their shots, well, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be having any playdates at all, if you know what I mean. I'm curious to hear what you think -- do you ask other parents if their children are vaccinated? And if they aren't, do you care?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Anita 8-28-2008 @ 10:24AM
My mom and I just had this discussion. I really don't want kids who are not vaccinated in school with my kids but I do let them play with friends who are not vaccinated. I trust the vaccines my children have had in isolated cases of disease but if an epidemic hit the school, the vaccines may not completely protect my children.
This situation has come up. My son's best friend is a 6 year old who never has been vaccinated but the boys play together all the time.
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SKL 8-28-2008 @ 11:17AM
If someone asked me that, I'd ask them: Are YOU and your husband up to date on your shots?
And, does your child ever bite, kick, scratch, push, or hit any other children? When was the last time your child was exposed to someone with a communicable disease for which there is no vaccine? Have you and your child been tested for AIDS recently? Checked for head lice? I mean, come on.
I'd also point out that I haven't had a booster since I was in elementary school, so we'd better part ways, and the sooner the better.
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Michelle 8-28-2008 @ 12:01PM
Really? You haven't had a booster since Elem? I was required to have several before I went off to college, and if I recall, you are an attorney, which requires a college degree +.
Both of my children are immuno-compromised, so immunizations are an absolute MUST in our home. We even get the flu shot every year, as does anyone who might be a regular caregiver. This year, with my son, I did choose to space out his shots, because he was scheduled for 5, including 2 combos, and he actually has probably 2 years until he starts public school.
And, YES, I am up-to-date on all my boosters.
SKL 8-28-2008 @ 1:00PM
Yeah, really. Nobody asked me to get a booster after elementary school. My guess is that, with the exception of (a) folks who haven't been out of school for 6 or so years, and (b) healthcare workers, the vast majority of adults are not "fully immunized," so I guess uptight people should be asking about the immunization status of the whole family, not just the kids.
But, doesn't anyone think that's a personal question? Would you feel as accepting about me asking everyone if their kids have had a negative AIDS test lately?
Sabrina 8-28-2008 @ 11:20AM
I voted other. I do trust my children's vaccines to protect them, but because my son has an immune deficiency that causes some of his vaccines to work improperly, I don't want him around unvaccinated kids, or infants who have not recieved vaccinations. This is both to protect him AND to protect others. He might contract certain life-threatening diseases from unvaccinated kids because of his immune problem, which is dangerous for him, and he might pass them on to infants and other unvaccinated kids because of the same problem. I want to be conscious and careful because I don't want ANYONE's kids to end up with something like that.
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SKL 8-28-2008 @ 12:25PM
I'd totally understand the question with an immuno-compromised child. Presumably you'd explain why you were asking the question and that wouldn't offend anyone.
Karen 8-28-2008 @ 1:11PM
Well, considering that my girl puts everything in her mouth, including playground equipment, it would be silly for me to worry that much about her catching diseases from unvaccinated friends. However, I can see wanting not to set up playdates with unvaccinated kids for another reason: I might have to listen to their parents' nonsense. I am nonjudgmental about most parenting decisions and styles, but the anti-scientific bent of the nonvaccinators drives me crazy.
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SKL 8-28-2008 @ 2:25PM
I hope you are joking. Who brings this stuff up just for the heck of it? Nobody I hang with knows whether or to what extent my kids are vaccinated. It would only come up if they asked.
jknichols 8-28-2008 @ 8:26PM
I allow my children to get most vaccines; however, I do not allow them to get Gardasil or the vaccines for chicken pox or flu. I don't worry about the vaccination status of other children. I trust that my children's vaccines will work effectively. As for chicken pox, if they get it, they get it, just as I did as a child. Two weeks of misery and then it's over. Truthfully, though, if any other parent ever did ask me about the vaccination status of my children I would either a) lie and say that they are fully vaccinated against every disease known to man; or b) tell them it's none of their damn business. My answer would depend on how badly I cared about my child maintaining a relationship with their child.
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Michelle 8-29-2008 @ 9:15AM
That parent could have a completely legit reason for asking. Before I even had my children, my FIL had Multiple Myeloma. I was working as a preschool Teacher. There were so many times I could not visit him because his immune system could not withstand the germs. A flu could kill him. In the end, it was a rather mild case of pneumonia that his body just couldn't fight any more. I got the flu and pneumonia vaccine EVERY year.
Now, I have 2 children, one with a less than perfect immune system, and one for whom a bad respiratory infection could send him back into the hospital on a vent. You're darn skippy I'm going to ask about those things. If I'm pregnant, I'm going to ask if your child has been vaxed against measles, because that could cause birth defects in my unborn child.
Yes, fine, choose not to vax your child. But don't get offended when we ask if you have because we are concerned for the welfare of ours.
Dee Dee 8-28-2008 @ 10:40PM
I *have* asked. But where I live there is an enormous baby boom and also a very high number of un-vaccinated kids. The local Waldorf school has a greater than 50% non vaccinated rate and they recently had to close the school due to a whooping cough/pertussis outbreak. It is also known as the "100 day cough". It's so dangerous and can cause death in infants. The school has reopened but I believe they've changed their rules though I'm not sure how. Get vaccinated! geez...
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Wendy 8-31-2008 @ 1:47AM
As a mother of a seven month old boy who has not yet received all his immunizations, I am very cognizant of the children he comes into contact with. At this point it does concern me as to whether other parents have vaccinated their child, and I do try to find out. Once my son is older and has been protected via his immunizations, I don't think what other parents have decided for their children will be such a concern to me.
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