Weeding old toys - Tell the kids or not?

by Bethany Sanders (Subscribe to Bethany Sanders's posts) Sep 3rd 2008 2:00PM

Categories: Preschoolers, Development, Chores

"Make two piles," I told my five-year-old. "Those you want to keep and the ones you want to give away." I left her sitting in front of a gigantic basket of stuffed animals, about a quarter of her collection. We were spending the day organizing the girls' bedroom and playroom, and this year, I thought they might be big enough to know which toys they no longer wanted or needed.

Silly me.

Ten minutes later, she hollered in to me. "I'm done." A pause, and the, "Wait. Mama? I think I'm going to put the one I put in the giveaway pile back into the keep pile, ok?" I let out a deep sigh as she shoved the entire basket back into the closet, where it will surely sit until we clean and organize next time. My kids can't part with anything.

So I did what I always do -- set them up with a snack and some coloring books and did the job myself. Now their room is clean and organized, and no one yet has noticed even one of the several bags of toys missing, Freecycled and picked up by a mom of a one-year-old.

Still, it feels deceitful. So I'm wondering -- do you tell your young children when you're giving away their old toys, or are you sneaky like me? And at what age do they really start to be able to part with things they don't use any more?

Comments (11)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

cml3720 9-03-2008 @ 2:30PM

I have a 3 yr son & 6 yr daughter. My son will part with anything, although he often likes to play "one last time". An hour later he tells me to get rid of it. My daughter, on the other hand, cannot let go of anything. She has even resorted to tears several times. We have a system to eventually weed things out, but it takes a while... All outgrown or no longer needed toys are removed from the playroom to the attic. After about 6 months without a request I re-assess & most are removed from the house. I feel a little guilty, but they know for half a year that the toys are available if they want them. I have only received one toy request in the last year...

Jason 9-03-2008 @ 7:49PM

We take a Christian point of view on the subject where we tell our kids that God does not want them to fixate themselves on material possessions but on Him, instead.

It's a little bit much for a 6 year old and a 4 year old but they play along with it for the most part. Sometimes we have to "help" them decide, but we give them the option to make the first cut.

Carina 9-03-2008 @ 3:16PM

As a rule, young children aren't good at open-ended choices. And this is a harder one than most! Have you tried presenting this weighty decision as a closed set of options?

"Okay, you're to be a real big girl so it's time to put away these old toys that you've outgrown. Do you want to pick 3 to keep out a while longer?" If she says there are 5 she wants to hang on to, fine. At least you've got her focused on selecting just a fixed number of keepers, and accepting the idea of letting go of unneeded stuff. She doesn't necessarily need to know they're being put away in some other house, unless you want to make that explicit (i.e. teaching her about charitable giving, or recycling?). Out of sight is out of mind, anyway.

Maureen 9-03-2008 @ 3:09PM

No guilt -- I'm passing things on to others who will use the items that my kids no longer play with.
Every few months I go into the playroom at night and have three boxes -- one to give away, one for trash (broken bits and toys with missing pieces) and one box to put in the garage for a rainy day.
My kids sometimes ask about a toy that is gone and I just tell them it has gone to a better place:) I wouldn't take a toy that they really play with and it is always fun when I pull out some old toy that they haven't seen in a while.

Nicola 9-03-2008 @ 6:01PM

In general, we do it in secret. He never knows, there's no fuss or upset, and so far there have been very few occasions where he's later said, "Hey, where's...?". We give away things that he's outgrown AND simply doesn't play with anymore. Things that haven't been touched in a year. We have a very small house and very little storage space, so if he wants new things for Christmas or his birthday, some of the old stuff simply has to go. No way around it. My husband and I occasionally argue because he'll insist that something has been outgrown, but I see that he still plays with it frequently and thus it stays. For now...

Anyway, no, we don't ask him and we don't make it a charitable giving kind of thing. I don't want him to look at every new toy that he gets and think, "I wonder when they're going to make me give this away", feeling as though its not his forever. We give away things that he no longer gives a second thought to.

Heather 9-03-2008 @ 8:06PM

We tend to "weed" out old toys about 2 times a year, once before Christmas and once in the spring.
I have a 6yo boy and a 3yo girl. I have them help me go through their stuff. I bought 2 or 3 moving boxes from our local Home Depot and use them for yard sale stuff. I tell the kids we need to go through their stuff because they need to make way for new things, and to give the toys they don't play with to kids who don't have any. I save everything for a annual yard sale and what doesn't sell gets put in Goodwill. (Yes, the kids do get a share of the profits from the sale for their savings.)
I have been pleasantly suprised by some of the things they are willing to part with to help someone else out. There have been a few things (especially from my 3 yo) that I have set aside to sneek back into her room (things she DOES play with).
I usually have no problem with them putting up much of a fight, and I think it is because I explain to them some kids just don't have toys and that they should help out people who have very little.
It is also a great way to get rid of those really annoying, loud toys too. :)

Kristof 9-04-2008 @ 11:19AM

Why do you have to throw away toys at all? My parents kept everything from when I was a kid (apart from those toys which really broke down) and now my daughter gets to play with them in addition to her own toys. I'd say about a third of my original toys did not survive into adulthood (plastic cars, stuffed animals which were sitting on a window in the sun too long and most toys with electronics inside) but most of it has (lego, including all instructions and boxes it came in, matchbox cars, micro machines, teddybears, babybooks and stuff like that)

Uly 9-04-2008 @ 1:32PM

Your parents had space to store old toys and the inclination to do so.

Some of us *don't* have that space. Some of us are in small apartments, or in small houses with big families.

And some of us don't look at old toys and think "Gee, let's have this sit around collecting dust for 18+ years so my grandkids can have it. If my kid has kids, that is". That's a bit of a selfish, hoarding mentality. (And I come from a family full of hoarders, believe me, I recognize the signs!) I see an old toy that hasn't been played with in a year and I think "That sad toy! Let's give it to somebody who will love it and cherish it". And if it's broken I think "What a waste of space! Let's toss it so we can get a new toy to replace it!"

Madison 9-04-2008 @ 1:59PM

I totally agree with you Uly. I couldn't have said it better myself. I can't tell you how many family members offered me 30 year old toys when I had my children. I didn't want any of them. I'm not comfortable with my children playing with old toys which might be unsafe- especially plastic ones. What upsets me is that some child could have enjoyed these toys 30 years ago. Now, no one wants them.

don 9-15-2008 @ 10:21AM

I agree with Kristof.
I didn't save all my childhood toys, but select ones that defined my youth: matchbox cars, and action figures. I also have an electric train that was my dad's in the 1930's that my brother and I would put under the Christmas tree when we were kids. It's such a wonderful feeling to watch a child play with something knowing they are the 2nd or 3rd generation to do so.

natalie 10-20-2008 @ 5:16PM

My mother did this to me, and I never realised it. You have to know your kids.... Another great idea that works is before the holidays you get together with your children and allow them to help you clean out their rooms in oder for "santa" to bring them new toys, or so that their toys can be donated to the children in the area for the holidays. Children are more giving then given credit for.

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