"Empowered" woman auctions virginity

by Rachel Campos-Duffy (Subscribe to Rachel Campos-Duffy's posts) Sep 16th 2008 8:00AM

Categories: Just For Moms, In The News, Weird But True

A 22 year-old San Diego woman is auctioning off her virginity to pay for college expenses. Her intention was to use e-Bay, but the site would not permit the sale. Instead, the co-ed, who goes by the pseudonym Natalie Dylan (for safety reasons), will now move the auction to a brothel in Nevada where her sister works, purportedly to pay off her own college debt.

Natalie majored in Women's Studies and wants to earn a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy (good luck with that one after this). The future therapist hopes to raise one million dollars to offset her educational expenses.

Not surprisingly, Natalie's mom, a fourth grade teacher, disapproves of her daughter's decision. Natalie, however, insists that, "We live in a capitalistic society. Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?"

Clearly, this is a family in crisis. Nonetheless, what I find interesting about the story is Natalie's self-assured attitude and the fact that she claims that this is "empowering."

Lately, when used by young women, the word "empowering" has taken on a decidedly sexual connotation. Things women and girls once found degrading like promiscuity, dressing slutty, pole dancing, and watching porn are now "empowering" activities.

So what happened? When did the definition of empowering morph from independence and achievement to the right to unabashedly participate in the worst habits of the other gender?

Natalie Dylan's decision to auction off her virginity is an exaggerated example of the twisted definition of "empowerment" that is now part of our culture. Youth culture has become so sexualized that purity has become counter-cultural and now pop stars like the Jonas Brothers sport "promise rings" without irony.

Politically, women have had the most empowering year in our nation's history. Now it is up to individual mothers to bring the word "empowerment" back to its healthier and more positive definition.

Maybe it's saying 'no' to that sexy witch costume on Halloween next month. Maybe it's a mother-daughter trip instead of those tickets to Britney Spears' concert. Maybe you'll take her to a museum, a play, a sporting event or a political rally. Perhaps it's a conversation about suffragists or Rosa Parks or Mother Theresa.

Empowerment is a powerful word. Let's keep it that way for the sake of our daughters.

Comments (33)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

SKL 9-16-2008 @ 8:40AM

I too find today's connotation of "empowerment" sad. I feel sorry for tomorrow's women.

Why is this happening? I have a few ideas. First, the "comprehensive sex education" and attitudes distributed inside and outside of school that as long as you wear a condom, sex is no big deal, at any age over, say, 12, with just about anyone.

Second, today's young women are woefully uneducated about the real history of women. They know how to text and they may have heard of Roe v Wade and they might even know that their great-great-great-great grandmothers didn't have the right to vote. Or maybe they don't even know that! But what about the historical life of a woman over the past thousands of years - what a difference it made to respect oneself or not. The fact that while virginity was possibly a woman's greatest asset, once it was lost, not only was the value of her body degraded, but the value of every other quality she had was pretty much written off. And even today, the life of an "empowered" woman who has sex but not relationships, or has children she can't afford to raise, is hardly glamourous, but kids don't seem to have a clue. The idea that selling one's body is empowering is about as astounding as it gets, considering the life of prostitutes both today and in the past. Over 50% of the population has a vagina; how much can it really be worth to a man to penetrate one? Give me a break. Respect yourself, people.

What's really empowering is knowledge, and today's youth seem to have precious little of the kind that matters.

monica fleming 11-27-2008 @ 1:32AM

The truth often hurts and the bible asserts that people actually hate the truth. And the truth is that regardless how anyone may feel about this young woman's plan to sell her virginity, she has a business plan that is more sound than that of many of the Fortune 500 companies highest ranking executives. Hypocrisy surrounding this woman's decision is unsettling to me. I'm a divorced mother as are my sister, mother and grandmother. All the before mentioned women have or are now parenting daughters. We have all faced moderate to severe financial strain while doing so. I must say that next to enduring the untimely deaths of loved ones, financial lack has been the greatest,most unsettling burden I've had to deal with. Every single day I actively worry about my childrens' future and my retirement and which bill do I pay first, so on and so forth. Being a "good girl" and "good student" nor being a "good employee" with a "good job" has ever alleviated any of this strain and angst. So what, then, are all you "good people" suggesting this GOOD GIRL(she IS a 22 year old VIRGIN after all) do that makes better sense? Should she rack up student loans for an education that does not guarantee her a decent job? Does she wait for Mr. Right to show and magically solve her dilema? You have no answer I'd bet. This is far from an "indecent proposal". In fact the vast majority of people responding with outrage to this girl are simply mad they are no longer virgins and thereby unable to offer a comparble product and therefore not nearly as confident as to how they will answer their own financial woes. It is my sincere hope that we begin today to stop brainwashing and confusing our poor daughters. I mean really, how do we tell our daughters that a gentleman will always pay on a date and a good husband provides and then suggest that women that sleep with men for free are superior to those who gain financially? In reality most women are taught to marry the man who is willing and able to pay the cost to be the boss. Come on people, there is a very obvious reason why prostituion is the oldest and most enduring of all businesses. Don't hate this young woman because she figured out how to cash in without being the girlfriend or wife first, or even at all for that matter. I honestly believe that at day's end what scares everyone most is that this young woman's decision just plain makes sense.

ame s 9-16-2008 @ 9:39AM

So her sister works at a brothel. Their mother raised a couple of real winners.
I'm sure there is a man stupid enough to buy her for an hour or two but she needs to join the rest of us in reality to think any skank is worth a million..

Mihir 9-16-2008 @ 10:54AM

SKL...excellent comment.

just a side note....$1 million to "offset her educational expenses"?

i think she's in it for more than college expenses.

besides, what makes her think her virginity is worth a million dollars? maybe a couple hundred, but that's it. i kid, i kid.

kate2 9-16-2008 @ 11:26AM

I agree the whole thing is rather smarmy. But I hardly think you can blame the school sex ed programs, or that this is a "family in crisis". After all, she is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions and she is a rarity by today's standards - a 22 year old virgin!! Obviously she listened when someone (probably her mother) told her about abstinence. Consider another highly publicized 17year old daughter/mother relationship that yielded a much less successfull result - and yet they are being cheered!!

ame s 9-16-2008 @ 4:40PM

I'm not doing much cheering for her, lol!
I did like Mrs. P., or at least the idea of her, at first, but the more I read the less I care for her.
I read an article today about rape victims' being charged or their insurance company being charged for the rape kits used for them under Mrs. P.'s direction. I sure didn't like reading that!

LS 9-16-2008 @ 11:51AM

What I'd like to know is... how is this woman going to prove that she's a virgin? If I were shelling out a million bucks for a virgin, I'd damn well like some tangible proof. And there really is no reliable way to prove that a woman's virginity is intact.

In my opinion - and it's *just* my opinion - I don't think this woman is a virgin.

ame s 9-16-2008 @ 4:40PM

There are supposedly tests, but I don't think I would put much stock in them.
After all the bicycle & horse riding, tree climbing, trampoline jumping, etc, that I did as a kid, I doubt my hymen (sp?) was still intact by the time my age hit double digits. The state of the bed sheets would not have been proof of my lost virginity, in my case at least.

JoAnn 9-16-2008 @ 12:20PM

I don't know about you, but my impression of the empowerment of women was that it was a movement toward enabling women to value themselves based on more than just their sexuality and assigned gender roles. Our values at one time did lie in our virginity and ability to be solely a homemaker. Our empowerment came from our ability to be seen as equals in the world outside of those roles. Since when did the pendulum swing back the other way? What is empowering about being able to make the choice to degrade oneself???

SKL, I am a supporter of sexual education and its benefits, however, I do agree with you that the current attitude in which sex has lost its gravity is a humongous contributor to this type of culture and this problem.

Lacy 9-16-2008 @ 12:32PM

LS - I TOTALLY agree. I saw her on TV last night...and I know, I know, don't judge a book by it's cover, etc.

but I'm just sayin'......that was a cheap looking "book" in my opinion....a book that has most definitely gotten around.

ame s 9-16-2008 @ 4:41PM

Thank you for that comment. I saw her also, and thought the same thing. I'm not sure if I am glad or sad that I'm not the only one with that opinion ;)
I wouldn't pay $100 (well, ok, maybe, depending, lol) for sex with a male virgin. Been there, done that, absolutely not worth anywhere close to a million. Sorry, Late-Husband/first lover. I'm sure he takes no offense.

ninainindia 9-16-2008 @ 12:28PM

I think she isn't realistic in thinking her virginity will make a million dollars. But I do believe that it is her body and it is her right do with it what she wants. If this is what she wants, there is nothing wrong with it.

She has probably been waiting for the right guy her whole life and never met him.

Anne 9-16-2008 @ 4:24PM

ninainindia-- "waited her whole life"? Um, she's 22. She's still got PLENTY of life left in her. Wait until she meets the "right guy" and then deals with the regret of having given her virginity for $1 million dollars, instead of holding onto it for him.
I'm sure it will make a great story for her children one day. They'll grow up and Google her name and discover she had her 5 minutes of fame as a high-priced prostitute.

ninainindia 9-16-2008 @ 9:05PM

Clearly I meant her whole life until now! Also it says this isn't her real name so her children won't be able to google and find out.

Why the big hang ups over the first time? Yes it's the first time, but most of the time it's not that good and there will be many times after.

I personally wouldn't do this, but it's all about her choice to do whit her body what she wants.

ame s 9-16-2008 @ 9:17PM

Some women do think of 22 as a ripe old age. Some women already have child #4 or 5 by that age, that's for sure.
Wikipedia....This woman can use whatever fake name she wants to right now, but it will catch up with her. She will not be able to remain anon.

LS 9-16-2008 @ 12:39PM

... and THIS is the way to find the "right" guy???

Yuk.

JoAnn 9-16-2008 @ 12:46PM

On one hand I agree that this is her choice, and her body to do with as she chooses. I certainly don't make it my personal mission to go out on undercover missions to uncover and chastise hookers in downtown Philly. But what she is doing is dangerous and reprehensible in that she is presenting her own choice as "EMPOWERMENT".

It might be legal, and you know what- it might even be a good, quick way to make some cash. But what it isn't- is empowering. And to give that impression to young girls is just plain wrong.

I'm frankly surprised, because it seems that this girl is well-spoken and educated.

JoAnn 9-16-2008 @ 1:27PM

We're all judged by the way we represent ourselves. It's just a natural fact of life. It's a good way to weed out those that don't qualify to our own personal standards. Whether others have more lax standards, or more strict standards will dictate who we choose to associate and share our lives with.

In some cases this is not a good, or a very nice thing. In others, it's completely appropriate. In the case of someone who would like to represent themselves publicly as an "empowered" woman because she has made a decision to sell herself (for which there is a professional name: Prostitution) she has opened herself up to subjective discussion.

As a further example, I would judge someone who does not spell check or use punctuation properly, or who chooses to use profanity in a written communication, as someone who does not much care about the way that they represent themselves. I will readily cop to that being judgemental.

Nicola 9-16-2008 @ 2:30PM

A 22-year old virgin. Who looks a bit rough. Seriously? I'm not a guy, but I'm assuming that guys like the whole "virgin" thing because it implies fresh and young and inexperienced. This woman is none of the above. She may not have had intercourse, but she's hardly "virginal". Good luck paying for grad school on your takings.

Stu 9-16-2008 @ 2:37PM

I say she gets twenty bucks. Tops.

| 1 | 2 | Most Recent | Next 20 Comments

How To Submit Photos:
If you'd like your children (any age will do!) featured on ParentDish, upload photos into the ParentDish Flickr Pool. Be sure to read our main Flickr page for more information.