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Which child is your favorite?
Filed under: Just For Moms, Development/Milestones: Babies
Do you have a favorite child? I don't mean at this moment -- you know, because one of them is having a bad day and is driving you nuts -- I mean always, consistently, day in and day out. Do you like one of your children more than the other(s)? Do you love one of them more?
Some mothers say yes, absolutely.
In an article in the Daily Mail, three moms talk, honestly and openly, about loving one child more deeply than their other children. They have various reasons -- the favored child is more like the mother, for example, or the less-loved child was born under difficult circumstances -- but still it begs the larger question: do ALL moms favor one child?
I can say honestly that I do not love one of my children more than the other. Sure, there are days when I like one of them more, and there are days when one of them needs to be loved more than his brother, but I don't ever remember feeling like I didn't love them both with my entire heart and soul. Or is that little bit of not liking, of wanting the whining or the tantrum or the incessant talking to stop, is that what these women mean when they say they don't love that child as much as the other?
What do you think -- do you love all your children equally, or do you have a favorite? And if you do, how do you deal with that?
Some mothers say yes, absolutely.
In an article in the Daily Mail, three moms talk, honestly and openly, about loving one child more deeply than their other children. They have various reasons -- the favored child is more like the mother, for example, or the less-loved child was born under difficult circumstances -- but still it begs the larger question: do ALL moms favor one child?
I can say honestly that I do not love one of my children more than the other. Sure, there are days when I like one of them more, and there are days when one of them needs to be loved more than his brother, but I don't ever remember feeling like I didn't love them both with my entire heart and soul. Or is that little bit of not liking, of wanting the whining or the tantrum or the incessant talking to stop, is that what these women mean when they say they don't love that child as much as the other?
What do you think -- do you love all your children equally, or do you have a favorite? And if you do, how do you deal with that?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
9-16-2008 @ 1:08PM
Maureen said...I'm with you. There are days when I like being around one more than the other, but do I have a favorite? No. One day my son might be driving me crazy because he cannot stop touching everything he sees, or my daughter might be throwing a major tantrum because she doesn't want to wear shoes. In the moment, I might wish for Calgon to take me away, but there isn't any love lost.
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9-16-2008 @ 3:06PM
ame s said...I can't say I have a favorite, favor one more, or "like" one more than the other. My girls, 8 and 10, not only look a lot alike, but they share many of the same personality traits. Both are relatively calm, respectful, and easy to get along with.
I like how my 8 year old will still skip around, act a bit silly sometimes, can get distracted by a dust moat, and loves to dress up & lets me do her hair and nails. I like how my 10 year old starts and stays on her homework while remaining focused without me having to keep on her about it, is quite happy wearing her school uniforms & sports wear, and has my smarty-pants sense of humor. I also admit to being amused at how my 8 year old gets angry when she doesn't understand her sister's jokes ;)
They both amuse the heck out of me for the most part.
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9-16-2008 @ 3:45PM
Brandy said...I have three children and i love them all the same just in different ways.They are each so unique in their own ways.They each are going through their cute stage.One is 8 the other 6 and the other 3. Wow i cant imagine one being a favorite,honestly.
Reply
9-16-2008 @ 4:43PM
JoAnn said...I only have my son, so I can't say that I can add any personal parenting experience to this debate. But I always sensed that my mother didn't necessarily love my brother MORE than my sister and I, but felt closer to him in a different way than she did the two of us. Of course, she's never said that, and never outwardly acted as though this were true. But she and my brother went through some very tough times before either of us were born, and so I always sensed that she felt connected to him in a different way.
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9-16-2008 @ 4:51PM
Amy said...I love my children equally but differently. I truly enjoy the time I spend with them (obvious exceptions there) and I enjoy doing different things with both. How awful it is for those poor kids whose mom's say they love them less -- hopefully they'll never read that.
Reply
9-16-2008 @ 5:23PM
Jenni said...Take it from someone who is the "lesser" loved; they won't have to read the article; they'll know it. For the record, I don't think I was LOVED less, but I was liked less (as a child I would have said I was loved less). As an adult, I am okay with that.
Why? Because we are all human. There are always going to be people around who we get along with better than others. My sister happens to get along much better with my mom than I do. I know she loves me, but she is much closer to my sister. It used to bother me until I started to realize that there are many people in this world that I get along better with than others (including my mother); it's just human nature.
I would venture to guess that if these women really looked into themselves they wouldn't say that they loved one less, just that they like one less.
9-16-2008 @ 4:56PM
queenoqueens said...I dislike both my children equally.
Kidding!
Reply
9-17-2008 @ 9:50AM
Michelle said...I don't love one of my children more than the other. It's just a different love. My daughter was my first child and she is SO much like me. (Heaven help us during the teen years!) We have our battles, at age 5, even, and we have our girly bonding that Daddy and brother just don't get. She and I GET each other. We have a special love and relationship, different than anyone else.
My son was born a micro-preemie and spent 3 mos in NICU. He spent the next couple years back and forth between doctors and therapists and undergoing surgeries. Now at 4, he is still struggling. I feel more guilt and protection towards him. Also, he is my baby, the last I will ever have, due to the illness I had which forced him to be born so early. So, we, too, have a special love and relationship, different than anyone else.
The love for my children is also constantly changing and growing as they change and grow.
But, sometimes, I don't like them all that much.
Reply
9-17-2008 @ 5:14PM
rhondav. said...If someone asked me if I had a favorite, I'd have to say yes, but let me clarify that. I have 3 children, one stepdaughter, one son and one special needs daughter. I love all of them with everything I am and would do anything to protect any one of them. However, the bond I have with my youngest daughter is so much stronger than the bond I have with my other kids. I don't know if it's because she's so much like me or if it's because she needs me so much more.
My oldest daughter and I have a lot of the same interests and we spend a lot of time together discussing movies, music, books, whatever we love. My son and I have a great relationship even though his bond is stronger with his dad. They are practically inseparable. However, he'll often come to discuss things with me rather than his dad because I'm the "calmer" parent and will actually "discuss" whatever the issue is rather than making jokes.
But my youngest daughter is the center of the family. She relies on us for everything as if she were an infant. If she smiles at you, you feel truly blessed and can't help but smile back. Everyone in the family dotes on her. Even my niece, who is younger, calls her the baby of the family. My bond with her is so strong, others joke that I can read her mind. One look at her and I can usually tell what mood she's in, what she needs and whether she wants attention or alone time. Just because I would answer "yes, she's my favorite" doesn't mean I love my other kids any less or that I don't value their individual personalities. It just means it's different.
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9-19-2008 @ 4:59PM
nia said...maybe i missed it?what disability does ur daughter have?mine is autistic.