What your child wears to school - Does it matter?
Categories: Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Education
Today was Picture Day.The day responsible for the documentation of kids as they grow, wearing dorky hairdos (a.k.a my three inch hair-sprayed bangs in seventh grade) and awkward fashion trends. The day that marks the start to another school year; another September.
Every year the kids come to school on Picture Day giddy and twittering, and they wear everything under the sun: from ties and
I love watching the kids arrive on Picture Day because I get a different glimpse of them on this day than I do on any other. I see them dressed up and dressed down--reflecting their own varied styles and the styles of their parents. I catch a glimmer of the kids who have their own fashion sense--who's to say a ripped pirate shirt and a pair of beaten up soccer shoes isn't all the rage? I get a snapshot of those parents who either care a lot, or don't care at all about how their children dress.
As a parent, I fall somewhere in the middle, leaning ever so slightly towards to the don't care at all side of things. I let my son, who just started preschool a couple of weeks ago, pick out his clothes. It doesn't bother me at all when he wears striped and plaid and possibly a Hawaiian print shirt to boot. As long as he's happy, I'm cool. Mostly.
But then his two favorite colors in the whole wide world suddenly became pink and purple. Which, by the way, I have nothing against (in fact I can totally see where he's coming from, because they ARE cool colors.) But there are all sorts of funky gender stereotypes that the powers that be who make clothing impart upon kids and parents alike, and try as I might, I cannot find an acceptably non-frilly shirt in pink or in purple for him to wear. Still, I concede where I can, and he has some fabulous pink and purple PJs in a Seventies retro floral, and some rainbow stripped woolly gloves that are pretty groovy.
There is a line though, somewhere, that maybe shouldn't be crossed. A boundary between cool and not so much. Between cute, and well, not. And when this line IS crossed, kids somehow invariably notice, and like a bunch of Killer Bees they're on it, making comments, whispering behind the backs of their hands.
It's hard to say when and why that line gets crossed. All too often it's the kid who is shy and awkward who is also wearing the too tight or too short or too whatever clothing... and it sends a message to the other kids in the class. Their confidence, on some small trivial level is linked to their appearance and how they are perceived--and self confidence, when it goes tumbling, is not a trivial or small issue at all.
Maybe it's not what they wear, but how they wear it.
I've seen a kid wear a hat you could say was possibly quirky, or dorky, or goofy, or---you pick the adjective, and because he was confident and thought his hat was cool... because HE thought HE was cool, the other kids did too. Just as in the same instant another perfectly sweet, albeit shy and kind of off-beat kid, could wear the exact same hat and get eaten for lunch.
Parents have a tricky role in all of this. We can be everything from overbearing or oblivious. And as a teacher I can't help but wish I could sometimes slip a parent a little note suggesting that maybe those pants that they're always sending their kid in are just not doing anything for him (his ankles are sticking waaay out there.) Or that their daughter might think of herself as something more than an object for boys to chase after if they'd stop sending her in shirts with "Cutie Pie" and "Sweetie" scrawled across her chest. But then I'm torn because a part of me wants to think that fashion doesn't matter at all.
What do you think? Does it matter what your child wears to school?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Karen 9-18-2008 @ 8:50AM
My kids aren't naturlly "cool" or "hip." I'd love for them to be, because I have that whole artsy side and I'd love to see them put together really great outfits and have the confidence to pull them off.
BUT - they aren't. They are fairly confident, but not in that way.
So, I do make sure they dress in a way that fits in. I make sure they have "in" styles (for my middle schooler) and popular haircuts, etc. Yes, it is cow-towing to the trends and can be costly, but I want to eliminate the negatives that come from standing out in a "bad" way in school. I want their focus to be on other things. I want them to feel comfortable. I want them to feel like they fit in so that they can develop more and more confidence and hopefully reach a point in their lives where they can wear whatever they want and have the confidence to pull it off.
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nia 9-18-2008 @ 6:06PM
I have the same views Karen. It is tough enough being in school as is. Who wants their child going through unnecessary ridiculing and ostracizing because of the clothing they wear?
teacher lady 9-18-2008 @ 9:32AM
What is up with the spelling and grammar around here?
Does anyone edit this stuff before it goes up?
Mistake #1
striped = something that has stripes
stripped = having removed clothing or other coverings
You wrote "stripped and plaid" surely you meant "striped and plaid"
Mistake #2
Apostrophes indicate one of two things: a contraction of two words or a possessive form.
You wrote: "...their Mom's will kill them." No need for an apostrophe here, it's just a plain old plural form. BTW no need to capitalize mom either!
Mistake #3
Now here is where you should have used an apostrophe and did NOT....
You wrote: "....whose to say a ripped pirate shirt ..."
whose is a possessive form and who's is the contraction of who and is or has.
You should have written: "...who's to say a ripped pirate shirt..."
What do you teach?
And just for good measure a nod to the comments, too:
Cowtow is not a word, perhaps you meant "kowtow?"
Now on to my comments...
Yes, it does matter what your kid wears to school. Unfortunately, you're right about that killer bee instinct that kids have. That is one reason why I am a die-hard proponent of school uniforms.
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Karen 9-18-2008 @ 10:31AM
"perhaps you meant kowtow?"
...perhaps I did.
Pffft!
Nicola 9-18-2008 @ 11:29AM
Oh, thank you. I was reading the article and cringed at each of those. Bless you for being the one to stand up and say something. The misuse of the apostrophe has become epidemic in this country.
On to the topic at hand. My son is 4 1/2 and still doesn't really care much about what he wears to school. He occasionally asks for something that just won't work. I simply explain the reason that it isn't a good idea and he's fine with that. I'm sure that this won't last, but for now, no battles.
These is a boy in my son's class who has long wavy red hair (often bunched with hair ties up on his head), big glasses, and his mom dresses him like a hippie freak. He was new this year. It took a long time for him to settle in because the other kids wanted nothing to do with him. My son kept insisting that the new kid was a girl (because of the very long hair). I still haven't seen him interacting with the other kids much and he seems to keep to himself on the playground. Time will tell...
Nicola 9-18-2008 @ 11:30AM
Sorry, THERE is a boy. Slip of the finger, not an actual grammatical error :-)
Lisa 9-18-2008 @ 10:33AM
teacher lady- Although it is nice to know the grammatical errors we make I am not sure any of us signed up for the class. You are a bit harsh. Can't we simple come together and express ourselves without grammatical judgement.
Now to the subject at hand. My daughter is in preschool and I let her choose what she wears also. I don't think it matters right now although clothing choice will matter later. Like Karen, I just make sure that I have purchased "in" or "popular" styles. She takes it from there. She has very little control over her life why not let her control her clothes. It makes her feel good and builds confidence.
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carrie 9-18-2008 @ 11:14AM
I'm suprised that there are "in" and "cool" styles for preschoolers. My preschooler can choose her own outfits from her closet, but I choose them at the store. I don't even know what's "in" for the 3 to 4 year old set, but I think princess dresses have something to do with it, and they're certainly not school attire!
When my daughters are old enough to care, I will try to help them get the right clothes, but they'll have the same restrictions that my parents put on me--it has to be reasonable. No matter how popular belly shirts are, for example, my kids are not wearing them to school. And my kids are not carrying Prada bags unless they have jobs to buy them.
I agree with the poster who supports school uniforms. Most of the "in" clothes are the expensive ones and the cost of not having them can be severe. And yet, as a parent of 3 girls, I just don't know that I'll be able to afford to keep them at the height of fashion. College savings are more important to me than a brand of jeans.
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SKL 9-18-2008 @ 11:47AM
Not to be mean, but I too cringed at the author's basic writing mistakes. Mainly because she is an elementary school teacher. If the teachers don't know the rules, can we expect more from the students? I'm sorry, but it's scary.
As for little kids and style, here's what my mom used to sing when I was little:
I have a daughter
Her name is __-y
I beat her every day to keep her in style!
For elementary school, I'll to stick to basic, well-fitting, clean, washable, non-constricting, and in decent repair.
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Rosslynn Carpenter 9-18-2008 @ 12:00PM
Wy do peples insist on correcting grammer, on post's? (Sarcasim)
Lets be realistic, when we reply or comment we normally are doing so while in the mist of other things. I say as long as it kinda makes sense and you get the jist of what is being said....let it go. Yes I cringe at grammatical errors (and I make many) but when looking at the big picture of life.....WHO CARES.
My daughters range from 7-14....and each is very much their own person. My 14 (Sophmore) will only shop where her friends shop and only wear what is cool/in/or acceptable (per her friends), yet she is not very popular. My 9yr old will talk about something (right now it is Invader Zim) and she will wear some of the stuff and the next thing I know is I have parents calling me asking me where I got her things 'cuz their kids want it also. My 7yr old is exactly the same....they start the trends and it really makes me laugh. My door is constantly being knocked on and both MY PERSONAL cell phone and our house phone constantly ring for both the little ones.
I do not think it is what you wear but how you wear it, and your personality that people respond to.....
PS I would NEVER let my girls out of the house that had some sort of saying such as CutiePie, or Sweet, or Juicy written across their chest or butt....around the house is fine 'cuz we don't look at them in any "wierd" way, but the same cannot be said for others.
Hope Everywon Haz a Great Dae!
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Sabrina 9-18-2008 @ 5:07PM
I pick my preschool daughter's clothing at the store, and I routinely go through her dresser and closet to weed out things that are too stained/small/short/tight. Other than these restrictions and restrictions based on weather-appropriateness I allow her free reign over style and dressing decisions. Yes, that means she wears plaid with pokadots (how do I spell that???). It also means she wears dressy tops with plain shorts or skirts with t-shirts, and ALWAYS her favorite pair of black and blue plaid maryjane style shoes. Sometimes I have a good chuckle when she's out of ear-shot about her choices, but they are HER choices. I plan to continue restricting clothing based on a good fit and weather conditions as she enters elementary school. We will ALWAYS follow the dress code, and she will not be allowed to wear super short skirts or dresses or belly bearing or low cut tops.
As for my son, he doesn't care at all at his age. He will mostly likely be in the jeans and a t-shirt group most of his life. He will also be following the dress code and staying away from huge, baggy pants and shirts with rude or inappropriate slogans.
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Uly 9-19-2008 @ 12:20AM
Polka dots. Just the way it's pronounced.
Incidentally, it's free rein, not free reign.
But I totally agree about letting kids pick their own clothes. If it turns out to be a mistake, shouldn't it be there mistake to make?
Let's face it - kids can be cruel about clothes, but that's seldom the only reason they're cruel. If they don't like your clothes, it's because they don't like *you* - one way or another, you wouldn't be good enough for them anyway. (And with peers like that, seriously, who needs 'em? Dress like you want, do what you want, and screw the stupid people.)
Sabrina 9-19-2008 @ 6:39AM
You're kidding! (about rein, not reign?)
teacher lady 9-19-2008 @ 12:48AM
Christine - I apologize if I came off a bit harsh. That was not my intention. I just find it frustrating as an English professor to come across articles that are published with various mistakes. You are a total sport for having fixed them and I really hope I didn't offend you or upset you today. I will be more diplomatic in the future.
I promise!
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Christina Sbarro 9-19-2008 @ 7:13PM
Teacher Lady--no offense taken. I tried to post a comment yesterday, but somehow didn't make it through. I actually quite appreciate someone being my editing janitor when I've had a looong day and am writing late at night (as I was.)
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Coachformoms 10-08-2008 @ 11:23PM
At my kids school they don't have uniforms but at least the kids are not allowed to wear any marketing signs on their clothes ( Gap, nike... logos).
Christine Lewicki
http://www.ocoaching.com
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