Shy kids need help to cope
Categories: Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Development
Call it what you will - bashful, timid, reserved - shyness can be very difficult for kids to manage on their own. Luckily, there are ways you can help your child relax and navigate what is for them the often terrifying waters of social interaction.A recent article in the Detroit Free Press laid out a series of common-sense steps parents can take to ease their little ones' fears.
The first step is recognizing that your child is, indeed, shy. Don't downplay what he or she is feeling, because their anxiety is very, very real. Acknowledge that yes, she may be bashful, but that doesn't mean she'll spend her life as a hermit. With preparation, she can learn to function well in social situations.
Begin by exposing your kids to peer interactions at a very early age. Toddler playgroups are a great way to help kids gain confidence in group situations, and as a bonus, it's nice to have other adults to talk to, as well. You can also help ease your child's path by placing him or her in situations with a good adult-to-child ratio. By doing so, you ensure there are enough adults to prevent bad behavior and promote positive interactions.
Also, take time to prepare your child before entering a social situation to eliminate anticipatory anxiety, and arrange for playdates at your home, so he or she is in a familiar environment.
I was a chronically shy kid who dreaded making new friends and broke into a sweat just thinking about group social situations. After years of practice, I learned that meeting new people can actually be fun. It hurts to watch your kids suffer, but don't despair - just because she's a shrinking violet right now doesn't mean she can't blossom into a social butterfly later in life.
Are you outgoing or chronically shy? Is your child the same or the opposite, and how do you handle it?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Maureen 9-30-2008 @ 3:59PM
I am chronically shy... well, I'm really very socially anxious even at the advanced age of 34. My son does not seem to display one ounce of this in his character. He is the most friendly, outgoing kid I know. He'll go and strike up a conversation with anyone and he waves and he has loads of friends at school. It really puts my mind at ease.
However, my daughter is showing signs that she may be a bit shy -- I don't remember being 3.5, so I can't say for sure if she is more or less shy than I was at that age, but I do know that I'm not sure how to help her.
The hard part for a socially anxious parent is that even planning a playdate is a major source of anxiety. That means I have to talk to another grownup that I do not know. Just typing that makes my palms sweat a bit. My daughter goes to preschool, so I think that will help her make friends and she is always playing with the little girl next door to us. I will try and help my daughter see that her personality is a beautiful thing -- I think that if I hadn't felt my personality was so "wrong" growing up, I might not have been so anxious.
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Courtney 10-01-2008 @ 3:16PM
I remember adults really pushing me to be social as a child. The pushing only made me more self-conscious. So I'm careful not to do that with my own children. I think a measure of caution in life is realistic.
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Laurie 10-01-2008 @ 4:58PM
My name is Laurie Adelman and I am the author of a book called Don't Call Me Shy (LangMarc Publishing Company). I am a nurse, health educator, and a Shyness Coach who who works with parents of shy children over the phone, enabling them to help their children.
I was a shy child myself and have an ex-shy child of my own, so I know how it feels to be shy and I understand the challenge of raising such a child. I have worked with hundreds of shy children and adults and have come to know that what a shy child comes to believe about him or herself has much to do with how shy and anxious they feel in social situations.
I have a technique that helps parents and teachers of shy children focus on what the child CAN do which lets the child develop a concept of themself that they CAN behave in a social manner. Through a step-by-step process the child begins to change their beliefs about themself which, in turn, changes their behavior.
If you have any further questions please feel free to write to me at Laurie@dontcallmeshy.com
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Sabrina Shao 12-11-2008 @ 11:23AM
I am mother of two kids. They are very nice and very shy. I want to change this, but I don't know how to do this. If you can , give me some suggestions.
Thank you very much.