Part-time parents have it tough

I totally agree with you, justranda!!

try having joint custody of your kids, the privlige of paying child support and never getting to see them because your ex has brainwashed the kids so bad that they dont want to see you any more. ive spent thousands on attorneys and all i ever get is if your kids want to see you they can

on the flip side what about us single moms who have cared for our baby for 9 months and have to hand over our baby to the "dad" because the law says it should be that way?? When deep in our hearts we know that a child should not be tossed around from household to household, consistency and stability is key for a child...sooo many "dads" that whine about wanting more time with their child yet dont provide this consistency and stability. i taught children for 11 years and i have 2 children and i,as a teacher, am a big advocate of not pulling or forcing a child into a classroom...let the child gain that trust and confidence, the same should be with the parent(in this case the dad). a child will know and feel who is safe and will go to them...this should not be up to the law to generalize, it should be a case by case decision done with caring child therapists!!!!!

Thats not necessarily true about children needing both parents to be present to be harmonious.
All a child needs is to be told regularly that they are loved and needed in this world.
I am a child that was raised by a single dad, My mom died when I was born and he constantly told me that I was loved and needed in his life.

My children and I too were abandoned by thier father. The really sick part is he moved next door with the "single" guys and never even comes over to see them. If they happen to see him outside he pretends not to hear them say "hey daddy" I crinch and want to slap him but I continue to make excuses. What child can handle their father not loving them? I have great respect for men that love their kids and want to spend time with them.

How dare you call anyone selfish! I am a single parent and was in a position to either have a baby on my own or abort. My choice was obvious, and I am happy I had my daughter! I wouldn't do it any other way. Props to the fathers who stick around, but equal props to the mothers who are selfless and have their babies should an unplanned pregnancy arise. It think it would be selfish to abort just because one is not in the place where they thought they would be in their fairy tale dreams.....owning a home and having extra cash. I am proud that I work towards what I have, and am grateful for the wonderful family I have as a support network. It takes a village to raise a child after all. Things don't always fall in my lap, but my children are my motivation to move forward and strive for better things in life.

Amy - you wrote - "How sad it is for kids who don't have two parents because two selfish individuals couldnt wait to see if they would be the best parents they should."

Please spare my daughter your pity and place it else where. I am a single mother and my child has never met her father and she is a healthy, happy, cherished and loved child. A child doesn't require two parents to thrive, a child requires good parents - that can come in many shapes and forms -- 2 moms, 2 dads, a step parent and parent, a traditional set of parents and yes even us single parents can provide a stable home for our children. I am not a perfect parent, but I am a woman who wanted my daughter and surround her with love. I made the choice to break ties with my daughter's father - he wanted me to have an abortion, I wanted to have the baby. I have not sought child support and I have not focused on forcing a relationship there. He made his decision, to not be a part of the life he helped create. At the time I said, I will spend the every day explaining why my daughter's father has chosen not to be a part of her life, but I will never explain why he did call/show up/or missed a birthday/holiday. Judging by the posts of people who have experienced this pain first hand - as either the child or the parent, it reinforces my choice was the right one. I may not have planned to have my daughter the way I did nor was I financially ready to have her - but I would not change a moment of my life since she was born if it meant I didn't have her.

hahahahahahahahaha
riiiiight prettybird - excellent point, LMFAO
You're being very responsible there with that unplanned pregnancy - educate yourself about the big birth control stuff and then that won't happen - and abortion is a choice each woman makes for herself, but an educated, RESPONSIBLE woman plans her pregnancy when she is ready to raise a baby, and hopefully FOR THE CHILD, she plans it with her spouse (whether it be another woman or a man), i bet your kid gets to go to daycare while you work, or does she come home to have you help with school work? are ya independently wealthy or is your kid deprived of even a little parent time cuz you weren't ready?
hahahaha, what a great point you made - you have a few of us in riots! lol

Amy,
So to be responsible enough to have a child you should.. own a home, be married, not be a working mother, and what else can you think of? WOW you are unbelievable. Unplanned pregnancies happen when birth control fails you idiot. Not everyone has an unplanned pregnancy due to not using birth control. Did you ever hear of that 1% that is ALWAYS listed on the packages of birth control. It is amazing that you could judge someone simply for not being as you called "educated". It amazes me that people actually think that in order to be a good parent one must have a lot of money. Excuse the rest of the world for not being as perfect as you.

No Kirsten, to be a good parent one does not necessarily need a lot of money, but they need financial stability and financial responsibility. Most people can't afford their own lifestyles; taking on responsibility for someone else is a big commitment and many people don't consider all the expenses that come along with that. And that's not even considering all the things most people would like to do for their kids. Extra money so they can afford to be on sports teams, go on school trips, vacation with their friends on weekends, go snowboarding, go to senior ball in a limo, go to your senior graduation vacation, go to COLLEGE. Yes, money is important.
And that 1% of failed b.c. doesn't account for the majority of the kids in the US. So I'm not sure where you were going with that statistic...? Yes, I realize b.c. fails, most unplanned pregnancies are not a result of failed b.c., unless of course you aren't following the instructions (same time every day for the pill, kind of thing), then its your own fault.
And I don't judge people for the unplanned pregnancy thing, whatever...accidents happen. But if you aren't ready to have a kid when you have an accident, maybe you shouldn't. (Reminding me: Kids in the backseat cause accidents....accidents in the backseat cause kids).
And spare me the single-parents-are-just-as-capable speech. Right - talk to some kids (not your own) that live in single parent households, spend time with them compared to the ones that have two parents, who only see a babysitter when those parents are out spending time (and money). Actually spend time (go volunteer!) with children of both types before saying it doesn't make a difference.

And Dee....your kid has never met her father? I don't know who the bigger winner is...you or him. I'm sure you're daughters a happy little girl. But she's not a daddy's little girl, huh? You must be so proud.

Amy- I can see that you are very set in your opinions and we are all entitled to them. However belittling and berating others does not set a very good example or role model for children, either. To openly judge others without knowing all the facts does not initiate a very "responsible" part for the example you are trying to point out...As a teacher of young children, a good role model can be found anywhere and people from all walks of life can influence a child. I have lived and worked in over ten different states and in three countries outside the US. Anyone regardless of their station or position in life can love a child, raise a child and set a good example for them. It is what the individual does in their environment to make a better life for their child that makes it more spectacular, not how much they spend on weekend vacations with friends. Emotional security is just as important as monetary means. If a parent feels that their children are in any way going to be affected, hindered or harmed because of it, then cuddos to them for making a painful or difficult decision, no matter what that may be, and putting their children's needs first.

I'm sorry that you think single mothers are such bad parents. I'm a single mother that was raised by a single mother. Do I wish that my father would have stuck around, sure. But the fact was that he was not ready to be a father and I was not even the first child that he had. He had told my mother that he had a vasectomy and then she got pregnant, then when she was pregnant she found out he was married. But instead of that affecting her love for me she raised me without making me feel like I was the problem. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. And yes she had to work more than what I wish she had to but she did it for me. I have never once doubted that she loved me. I am also one of those people that had unprotected sex and got pregnant, I am pro-choice but felt that abortion was not an option for me. I felt that it would be more irresponsible of me to end a life just because I made a mistake. And I knew that I always had wanted to be a mother. It didn't happen how I planned it to but I love my son. My son's father is alot like my father. He made me believe that he wanted to be apart of my son's life but what he really meant was he would be a father when it is convenient to him. And I hate the fact that my son will be hurt by his father's actions because I've lived through it but I can only hope that I can do what my mother did. Provide him with love, food and shelter. And who knows maybe one day I'll be able to afford that trip to disney world that will validate me in your mind as a good mother, lol. Oh and also most people right now have been having financial problems because of the economy being as bad as it is. Even people who thought that they had financial security when the decided to have families. Life is not always predictable.

I commend any man that is a part of his children life no matter if they are single,married,divorced, what ever. I grew up with a great father in my life,he was always there for me and i thought i had married a man alot like my father. That turned out to be far from the truth. The day we legally seperated and he walked out that door he turned his back on his sons. And to this day i reminded them (my sons) when he is brought up, its his loss, because he is the one missing out on two great sons and im going to suck up all that he has left behind because having a child is the greatest gift in the world. And i looked forward to watching them grow and turn in to a better man then there father will ever be!!!!!!

I found that love is spelled TIME not MONEY.
Good luck with your boys Wildrose.