Pacifiers - Saying goodbye is never easy

by Bethany Sanders (Subscribe to Bethany Sanders's posts) Oct 15th 2008 11:00AM

Categories: Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers, Sleep

Pacifiers are both a godsend and a major pain in the you-know-what. They magically soothe babies and put them to sleep, but when it comes time for a toddler to say goodbye to their beloved "nukie," it's torture for everyone.

We're going through that right now. Though many experts recommend waiting for kids to give up the pacifier on their own, our pediatric dentist has told us we really can't wait much longer or we'll risk permanent damage to her teeth. And so we've chosen this week to buckle down and do it ... which may explain why I tried to go the grocery store yesterday with two different shoes on. Sleep is definitely at a shortage around here right now.

If it's time for your toddler or preschooler to say goodbye to her beloved pacifier, here are a few things I've learned:

After age one, most experts recommend that pacifiers only be used at bedtime. We implemented a "paci stays in the crib" rule around 18 months.
Take it slow. A pacifier is a comfort object, and simply going cold turkey can be traumatic. Prepare your child ahead of time by telling them what you plan to do.
Consider a goodbye ritual. You could put the pacifiers in a gift bag to give to another baby, or tie them to a helium balloon for a grander send-off. Be warned, though, this did not work for us. My daughter panicked at the idea of actually "saying goodbye" to her pacifiers, so instead we put them in a box on my dresser. She's comforted by the fact that they are there, even if she's not using them.
Consider letting them trade-up for a big girl/boy toy. Our daughter got a special new baby doll the day after she said goodbye to her pacifiers. It doesn't make bedtime any easier, but it helped take the sting off.
Stay firm. Honestly, I think I miss the pacifiers almost as much as she does. That first night was hard, and it was tempting to give in. But I can't expect her to be tough if I'm not.
Pick a week when you'll have some help. I specifically chose this week because my husband is on vacation, so at bedtime I can focus solely on my three-year-old.
One website admonished me for laying with my daughter until she fell asleep, that I was basically trading one comfort object for another (myself). But this was already part of our bedtime routine. Not only does it give her comfort, it eliminates her popping out of bed every three minutes because she can't sleep.

We're on night number four, and as she learns new ways to comfort herself to sleep, it's getting easier. Have you had to wean a child off of a pacifier? What worked for you?

Source

Comments (18)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Jenni 10-15-2008 @ 11:40AM

What works most is starting from the beginning. You only get the pacifier if it is being used to comfort you. Once you are done with the crying, it goes into an attainable place (cup on the shelf) that is accessible when you NEED it.
We don't allow children to talk with a pacifier in their mouth. If they are involved in a task, they need to put it away; they obviously don't need it.
We "forget" to give it when they go to bed and only give it if they ask for it; and even then we dawdle giving to them.
So, weening them away is never an issue because it has only one purpose: soothing then upset or needing to calm down.

How to break them of the habit once it's already been made, sorry I can't help with that. I stop it before it becomes a habit.

khrystena 10-15-2008 @ 11:42AM

Last Christmas my Daughter had just turned 2. Santa took it in return for gifts, lots of them! she is still mad at Santa and we expect him to be given a lip of upset this christmas! but it worked. many times she asked us for the pacifier and offered back her toys. She managed through!

ame s 10-15-2008 @ 12:31PM

Neither of my daughters would take a pacifier, though I sure did try those first couple of weeks home. I was the pacifier, though I drew the line when daughter the second would try to latch back onto me as I was putting her into her crib.
Friends and family had different methods for the "weaning", some worked, some didn't. One nephew would walk around with one in his mouth when he was 4. That child's mouth is now an orthodontic nightmare, at least for his parents. The doc will be able to pay for a year of private school for his own kid from the proceeds. ;)

queenoqueens 10-15-2008 @ 12:33PM

I can imagine how tough it is to wean off a pacifier. But we had a different problem. Thumb sucking. Unfortunately, you can't put a kids thumb in a box by the bed. We went months of wrapping my child's thumb in gauze every night to keep her from thumbsucking. It worked (primarily because my child wanted to stop as well, but couldn't). But after months of being thumbsucking free, we saw her in the middle of the night with her thumb in her mouth. Hope it was just a fluke.

I wish you well with the process....it's tough!

Lindsey 10-15-2008 @ 1:21PM

We used the 'pacifier fairy' as an exchange after 3 days of working up to the idea. We originally took DS (22 months) to the toy store to have him 'pay' for a toy with his pacis, but he didn't quite get the idea. So when we got home, we told him he could leave his pacis with the pacifier fairy, and when he woke up, he'd have a new toy. He willingly put his remaining pacifiers in a bag and left them before a fairy statue we had and hasn't gone back. He asked for them for a few days, but the reminder of the new bike was enough to distract him at that point.

Vicki Porter 10-15-2008 @ 2:33PM

We did what Lindsay tried with my daughter when she was about 26 months and it worked out fine for us. We talked about it for about 3 days beforehand and she did great. Now this isn't my idea at all, I read it on another website, but it is GREAT: take the child to Build a Bear and put the binky inside the toy so they know that it is still there with them. I would have done this myself if I had thought about it.

Trisha 10-15-2008 @ 2:37PM

I stopped giving my children a pacifier at about 6 months- the same time we sleep-trained them. We only used it at bed/nap times until then. It was hard at that age, mostly for me because they had to learn now to self soothe instead of getting to sleep with a paci. But i'm betting it's a whole lot easier at that young age to call it quits than when they are older.

Sabrina 10-15-2008 @ 3:32PM

I remember when my daughter lost her beloved last paci. We had been throwing them out and telling her to keep track of the last one (she was about 2.5 years old), and one day she lost it and I couldn't find it, and after an hour of searching everywhere while she screamed she was suddenly quiet. She had fallen asleep! It was still a rough couple of nights, but we lived through it.

My son was easier still. He just went to sleep one night without it, and we realized it after he was asleep (it was sitting on the coffee table), so we did an "experiment" by not giving it to him the next day/night, and it went perfectly fine.

ME 10-15-2008 @ 5:40PM

Hold on to your hats ladies.....my 7 year old still uses his at night. I don't see the big deal. I hear countless stories about people who sucked their thumbs until they were 10 years old and up. He'll stop when he is ready. Big deal, there are more important hills to die on.

Amy 10-15-2008 @ 4:08PM

My son gave it up at 10 months with no problem. One day we forgot to use it at nap time and then I never gave it back. My 17 month old daughter is extremely attached and we've started only giving them to her at bed time. She still finds them around the house sometimes, then we just go up and put them in her crib. I'd really like her to give it up because I'm thinking the longer we wait the harder it will be.
I had someone tell me to poke a hole in it so she wouldn't like it anymore. Someone else told me they sent them to the "binky fairy" in balloons. I'm not quite ready for the rough nights so I guess I'll try to take it completely away in the next few months.

Karen 10-15-2008 @ 5:09PM

We left ours for either Santa or the Easter Bunny. I forget which. The idea is that our children were too old for them so the Bunny or Santa would give them littler children that needed them.

So far, no animosity towards either character since it was replaced with much better things.

the goddess anna 10-15-2008 @ 6:09PM

With our youngest, we simply took them all away when we noticed he no longer needed them. Two semi-rough evenings, and the binkies were gone. He now uses a stuffed animal, and I'll admit, I'm 25 and a mom of three, and I still have a bear in bed with me. : )

Uly 10-15-2008 @ 8:23PM

Oh, ME, that's nothing - my *mother* still sucks her thumb at night, and she's turning 60!

Hasn't harmed her teeth as near as I can tell. I mean, her teeth were very crooked as a child - but so were mine, and I didn't suck my thumb or use a pacifier, so I think that's hereditary. And her teeth were straightened, but she still kept thumbsucking and... they aren't crooked now that she's an adult.

Kat 10-15-2008 @ 11:13PM

I needed this..... I am currently going through this with my 2 1/2 yr old. Its been over a week and I want to give in every time she goes to bed. She has become the most rotten child... sounds harsh... but true. She isnt napping anymore so by 3pm WATCH OUT!!! On the up side she is ready to pass out by 6:30pm.

My oldest had her binkey taken away around the same age. I gave her to option.... use the potty or loose the binkey. It was up to her. She choose to loose the binkey..... and potty trained herself a few weeks later. However, a year later she found her thumb. Now I have a 4 1/2 yr old who sucks her thumb.

Linda 10-16-2008 @ 12:34AM

I tried to get rid of them when my son was 3. I tried trading them for toys and the binky fairy, neither worked as he found more he had hidden around the house. I finally told him we weren't going to buy any more binkies and he had to use the ones he had, whan he lost them, they were gone. He lost all but one and magically held on to that one for dear life. One night, while he was sleeping, I snached it and cut the tip off of it. He complained that it was broken, but accepted it when I reminded him that we weren't buying any more. Within a day or two, he gave it up completely, on his own.

Kellie 10-16-2008 @ 12:34AM

Each day snip a miniscule piece off of her pacifier. Eventually it will stop doing "it's job" in her mouth. Because you are snipping small pieces off she won't notice. She'll stop wanting it on her own and you don't need to get rid of it cold turkey.

Melanie 10-20-2008 @ 10:59PM

My sister left hers out for the "Pacifer Fairy" to come. They left them on the doorstep and the fairy came that night and took the pacifers and left a really cool toy for her daughter. The Bottle Fairy and the ever famous Tooth Fairy have also frequented their house. I am definetly going to keep that one in mind when my son has to give his pacifer up.

thinkin 10-21-2008 @ 3:28PM

We started by only letting him have the pacifier for sleeping. Then after a while of that routine we cut the tips off and told him they were broken. That way we were still able to give them to him when he asked for them, and he could see that they weren't useable so nobody was the bad guy. He was about 2 1/2 at the time and I have to say the big deal for us in wanting to break him of the habit is that he had it in his mouth 24/7 and even talked around it. If he didn't have it for some reason, then he put something else in his mouth, so it was the oral fixation that concerned us.

My youger son just turned 2 and still has his but he's never had that 24/7 attachment so its not been a concern. Our child psychologist says there is nothing wrong with it and it is a transitional object for children that they will let go of when they are ready. When his preschool wanted to completely break him of it (he was only taking it during naptime) the psychologist called them nazis. So I feel unless you think they are way too old, or they have an unhealthy attachment somehow, it's not a big deal to let them grow out of it on their own.

How To Submit Photos:
If you'd like your children (any age will do!) featured on ParentDish, upload photos into the ParentDish Flickr Pool. Be sure to read our main Flickr page for more information.