Alcohol and kids - do you let them sip?

by Sandy Maple (Subscribe to Sandy Maple's posts) Oct 22nd 2008 2:00PM

Categories: Kids 8-11, Teens & Tweens, Safety, Alcohol & Drugs

At dinner a few nights ago, my eight-year-old asked me what I was drinking. When I told her it was wine, she asked if she might have a sip. It was the first time she had ever shown any interest in having a taste and I figured there was no harm in allowing her to sample something that she would surely find disgusting. The horrified look on my husband's face was enough to make me rethink that idea.

We later had a discussion about kids and alcohol and I realized that we don't exactly agree on the subject. He is of the opinion that a child should not touch alcohol -- not even a taste -- until they are of legal drinking age. I worry that this approach makes alcohol seem all the more tantalizing to a young person, giving the impression that drinking alcohol is a really wonderful thing that somehow conveys adulthood.

I am all for responsible drinking and we both model that behavior in our home. But like the child who is never allowed sugar and becomes a sweets addict as soon as she leaves home, I worry that his approach makes alcohol too appealing. I am not suggesting that at eight-years-old, she begin drinking wine with dinner. But do we really want her first experience with alcohol to be at her 21st birthday party?

For now, we have agreed to disagree and for the sake of harmony, I am not allowing sips from my wine glass (not that she has asked). But I am curious as to how you handle alcohol in your family. Have you let your kids have a taste? Or is alcohol strictly off-limits until the age of 21?

Comments (18)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Uly 10-22-2008 @ 6:34PM

I agree with you. Allowing your child to have a sip now and then, and showing a good example of responsible drinking, will help prevent deliberately irresponsible attitudes towards drinking later.

SKL 10-22-2008 @ 2:25PM

I let them sip and don't make any kind of "big deal" out of alcohol. I personally don't drink alcohol except a few sips at special occasions, and on those occasions, if they ask, I let them taste. (This assumes it's within the circumstances permitted by state law.)

My parents let us have wine with holiday dinners and sometimes just special-feeling dinners, from the time I was in elementary school. It did help us to understand moderation and mature choices. At the same time, we heard discussions about alcoholics and excess alcohol consumption. And, of course, we knew the law and were taught to respect it.

ame s 10-22-2008 @ 3:07PM

Blech! That was my response after trying a sip of my dad's beer when I was a kid. I was under 10, but it was the 70's. I still hate beer, still hate the sickly sweet taste of the concord wine my parents drank, though I now like a dry red. My brother, on the other hand, lol! The parents quickly put a stop to letting him bring my dad a beer from the fridge after noticing the lip-prints on the can and the fact that 1/4 of it was missing.
My kids are 8 and 10 and haven't asked for a sip from my occasional glass. I don't know if I would let them or not. I would hate to turn them off now for the taste of a great merlot when they are adults.

Nicola 10-22-2008 @ 3:15PM

My son is 4 and I always let him sip if he asks. I want him to have an adventurous palate, so encourage him to try things that I'm eating or drinking. Not that I encourage him to try my alcoholic beverages, but if he asks, its not a problem. He knows that wine or mixed drinks are "grown up drinks" and that while he is allowed to have a taste, he can't have any more than that until he's older. It doesn't bother him a bit and I don't think that he's ever wanted more than just a taste anyway!

Crystal 10-22-2008 @ 3:40PM

My kids are 4 and 2. They are only allowed to smell what in our glasses at this point. They both are curious about smells of things, so for now, the smell relieves their curiosity.

If ever they want to taste, that totally fine with both my husband and I.

Kat 10-22-2008 @ 4:00PM

I have not as of yet been blessed with children, but I know how my parents handled it...

when we as children [rarely] asked to sip daddy's beer we were allowed, with much laughter by them at our disgust of the liquid and as a teen (around 15) I was allowed to drink a glass of wine or beer if my parents where in the house with supper.
their rule was, you can in the house with us just don't drive and don't sneak and don't lie about it.

honestly?
maybe this is why alcohol has little interest to me, other than as an additive to a meal or a social event.

sure I got shit-faced in college, who doesn't? but I didn't let myself go down that road until then, it held no appeal to me until then.
in high school I felt, well i can do it [drink at home] anyway, what's the big deal?

my parents definitely took a more European, more open door policy about alcohol and I never felt that it was something amazing that I wasn't allowed to do, nor did i feel i had to lie to them about it, I told them when there was alcohol at parties and such.

Uly 10-22-2008 @ 6:59PM

"sure I got shit-faced in college, who doesn't?"

Me.

But I cannot *stand* the smell of alcohol, and anyway I already know that I sometimes respond atypically to medications and probably other things that alter your mental state, as do others in my family - I have *no idea* what would happen if I got drunk (or high), and I don't want to risk it.

Sheila Joyce Gibbs 10-22-2008 @ 5:32PM

I understand your feelings, however, all alcohol contains an ability to deal out severe health afflictions, at random, without warning.
As children, neither my late husband or myself were allowed to drink, however, we discovered that both our biological mothers drank heavily before discovering pregnancy. Now normally that's not been a problem, but it is ! We both picked up drinking in our late teens, without a problem, then well educated & excellent jobs, good income, sports minded, never drunk or this new 'binging', after 30 yrs we were hit permanently with Grand Mal Seizures, no warning, and no cures.
While our Mothers didn't tell us to drink, it is believed by many in the medical profession, that we inherited the ability from them, and therefore a aftermath illness, so to speak.
Personally, I have a bitter hatred towards liquor, as you can well imagine. Haven't touched the crap for 18 mos+ since losing my hubby. Many of us are struggling to somehow convince Government to pass legislation for mandatory health warning labels on all containers, similar to whats been done to Cigarettes.
Its not going to wipe out the scourge of society, but hopefully it will help our youth.
Our decease as well as many others like: rotted liver, complete deafness, near blindness, heart attacks are all from drinking, and all with no cures!
Please take care in your dealing with this minion of Satan himself !!

CLM 10-22-2008 @ 6:22PM

My family always had a casual attitude towards alcohol. If I wanted a sip, I could have one. Boy did that keep me from drinking! I still don't drink beer more than once or twice a year. In my late teens I enjoyed an occasional (small) glass of wine with dinner, but I guess being allowed to drink it made it less tantalizing. I was generally perfectly happy with iced tea and only drank a bit of wine at holiday dinners. I've done my fair share of drinking over the years, but I just never got into being really drunk.

Justin 10-22-2008 @ 9:23PM

Same here. Growing up we were always allowed to have a sip and usually it ended up with us making a big "BLECH" sound and wondering why our parents were so silly to actually want to drink something that tasted that awful. I've never gotten into drinking as I've gotten older, beer still tastes like crap in my opinion... Yeah I've gotten shit-faced in the college years, but yep it's just something that's practically bound to happen. But even now, I'm lucky if I have a small drink once a year.

My boys have both had tastes and they give me the same disgusted look I once gave my parents and haven't thought about it since. They know it's a "grown ups" drink and that's all there is to it. In their mind they're quite happy with Juice and strive more to get their hands onto a bottle of soda if they had the choice.

Jenni 10-22-2008 @ 10:16PM

I remember only asking once or twice. Both times, in our house, it was a no; it's an adult thing. My parents always drank responsibly around us, it wasn't hidden. However, what they wanted us to know was the law: it's illegal in this country.

They also knew that, as teenagers, we may try it out, but none of us really had that desire. Maybe because of the way my parents treated it. They didn't abuse it; they didn't have friends around us who abused it, and it was only ever around on special occasions (holiday picnics, etc...)

I didn't even drink until I was in college, and never got drunk. It just never appealed to me. I know my siblings were the same.

For my husband and I, it's a matter of teaching them to respect the law. If it's within the legal rule, then we will probably allow it. We obey the law whether we agree or not, we go through the right means (voting and such) when we don't agree with a law. Respect the laws of the land basically.

I know it can be an issue with some children; I saw many as a teenager. I don't know for sure what my parents did right, but they must have done something because it was never a mystery to us nor was it ever something we experimented with (drugs neither). I'm going to have to pick thier brains when the time comes.

Katheryn 10-22-2008 @ 10:27PM

My husband and I don't drink at all. I've never had a sip of anything, and so alcohol is not allowed in our home.

Rhonda 10-23-2008 @ 7:24AM

I would never allow my child to sip alcohol. There are child alcoholics in the world, and it all started with a sip from mommy or daddy's glass.

Shelly 10-23-2008 @ 9:14AM

I rarely drink so when my children see me having a glass of wine or a beer they occasionally ask to try it. I allow them to stick their finger in and taste it (they are 7 and 5). I agree with most of the commenters... I feel if you make it "forbidden under any circumstances" then it will only make them more curious and more prone to make wrong choices in the future.

On a side note, I am much more concerned with all of the energy drinks that are on the market today! My 7yr old actually has friends who are allowed to consume them on a regular basis! I find this to be much more disheartening than the occasional sip or taste of alcohol under the supervision of a parent!

LS 10-23-2008 @ 1:37PM

This is a particularly touchy subject around here. I am married to a recovering alcoholic, which means that that "alcoholic gene" may very well be present in our son.

Knowing that, combined with the fact that alcohol is forbidden in our house (out of respect to my husband's still-new recovery), and the fact that alcohol (in larger amounts than just the occasional sip) can affect brain development in adolescents presents a huge problem. How do we teach him that the damages from alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits.

Fortunately, he's only five right now, but adolescence is right around the corner (at least it feels that way), and it's interesting to take in all the opinions here, and fold them into whatever we decide to do.

I know for sure that there will be a lot of talking and educating going on around here. I just hope that he grows up to find the taste of alcohol as vile as I do.

pbhj 10-23-2008 @ 10:00PM

J is 3 and actually says he likes the taste of both beer and wine - he's allowed a taste on his finger. He knows it's a drink that adults have. But I imagine taking a traditional French line of allowing him water with wine at a family meal when he's older (say 7+).

He probably gets more alcohol intake from taking cough medicine or drinking a half-glass of regular fruit juice (yes, both contain alcohol).

I won't let him drink coca-cola however (mainly because of the sugar but partly because I've seen what it does to kids!).

Uly 10-24-2008 @ 1:06PM

Juli, I am fairly certain that most states say it's legal to serve your *own child* alcohol in your home - you simply cannot sell alcohol to a minor, nor provide it to another's child.

Kat 12-27-2008 @ 5:33PM

The only time I've seen beer in my own house has been whenever my mom has made beer-batter for cooking. Wine has become more common since my seventeenth birthday though. I did ask if I could try some from m mom's glass, she let me (my dad didn't approve, but he got over it) and I found it tasted a lot like apple cider. But it did leave a strangely bitter aftertaste in my mouth that I'm not overly fond of. I had been insanely curious about what alcohol was like, one of my friends is a stoner and I've rarely seen him without a buzz, so I wondered what made it so great.

It obviously isn't the taste...