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White lies and the parents who tell them
Filed under: Big Kids, Tweens, Life & Style, Playground Bureau, Mommy Wars, Home Remedies
We all tell white lies. If we say we don't, to each other and ourselves, we're telling a white lie right then and there. We tell them to other adults, and we certainly tell them to our kids. More often than not, we tell the white variety of the lie to children to get them to do what we want them to do--it's easier than trying to, say, rationalize with them about it. And, for a period of time, anyway, it seems to work. They eat their spinach, stop sitting too close to the TV and are nicer to their sisters.
Several questions about this, though. For one, are white lies any less harmful than the other variety? Secondly, do any certain number of white lies add up to be the other kind of lie, and, if so, is there any sort of statute of limitations on said white lies? And, thirdly, why are these allegedly less harmful, more "innocent" lies noted as 'white'--that's always really annoyed me, because to this writer a lie is a lie is a lie, whatever color you want to paint it. And one lie leads to another, and another, and so on. Until you get caught, that is.
According to a recent article from the Daily Mail UK Online, parents tell their children an average of 3,000 white lies as the kiddies grow up in order to get what the parents want out of the kids. The study also turned up that 66% of parents were willing to resort to lying if other tactics failed. No word on whether simply telling the truth counted as a tactic, although it was further noted that 8 out of 10 parents were willing to lie to their children to protect them from the truth. The upshot? By the time the kids were eight they stopped believing the lies of their parents! The lies considered "white" in this study were those concerning Father Christmas (you know, Santa), sitting too close to the television, and my personal favorite, that if you keep making funny faces your face will stick like that. Boy, have I heard that one before.
What about you? Would you lie to your kid to protect her from the truth? Have you told any "white" lies to your kids that have come back to nip you? Is it OK to tell white lies to your kids even if you do occasionally get the nip?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
10-22-2008 @ 11:53PM
c_rousseau05 said...Yeah sure i'll probably tell white lies to my kids as they grow up, who doesn't. It's a matter of what though...will I tell my daughter that her great grandma doesn't like our part of the family because we're mixed race and that's why she never checks up on us or visits? No. I'll tell her that her great grandma loves her but she's sick and can't come to see us. I might even tell a lie about how we don't have enough money to buy a certain toy when in reality we do. Will I tell her that she's a great dancer when she really needs more practice? You betcha! Will I tell her where babies really come from? Yep. Of course you can also throw in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too.
I think my white lies are going to be in an effort to spare her feelings and encourage her more than avoid subjects of real importance. There truly are some things that kids just won't understand until they are older and it's ok to buy time with a little white lie. Enough to satisfy curiosity until you feel they are ready for the truth.
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10-27-2008 @ 10:59AM
Mae said...While I have absolutely told my child the white lies to protect her from the small things, over the years now that she is turning seven my views have changed. I think telling the white lies only teaches her to manipulate life.
I think the truth is just that the truth. If it hurts, well life really does sometimes...the truth really does hurt at times. And well, if she has a grandparent who does not want to visit her as often as she should (and she does) she should know that's the truth. She should know that the issue lies with the grandparent...she should begin to learn now that life has issues to navigate through with ration and common sense.
Or if she is not doing so well at the soccer game, I'll tell her hey honey let's take you to the field and practice. She should know, life doesn't just come easy for you, you have to work for what you want. You have to practice to get good at what you love. You not just born with the talent. You earn it. Otherwise I might be creating a frustration far more damaging by telling her "Ya! Your great!!! She then does not practice, and is not great, and wonders why she doesn't excel on the field?
I think the truth is just that, the truth. We have come to an age where we are afraid of the truth. We are afraid of anything remotely uncomfortable of painful anymore, so we don't learn anymore to persevere through anything, we want the easy and mundane. So we tell white lies and we manipulate so we don't have to feel or work through anything.
So I have changed my opinion in the last seven years. I no longer tell the white lies. I always approach every situation we face with the truth and how do we get though the obstacle in truth.
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11-11-2008 @ 12:36PM
J. R. Ham said...Absolutely not. You may not tell it all ie (Children may not need to know all the circumstances ) but don't lie.
Rev. 21:9 Is quite clear for any one that believes the Holy Bible. It does not require any interpretation.
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11-11-2008 @ 12:53PM
J. Ham said...confirmilng my comment. J. ham
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