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Economy forces divorced parents to live together
Categories: Divorce & Custody, Money & Work
What is worse than realizing that your marriage is broken to the point where divorce has become the only answer? How about realizing that you cannot afford to actually leave the person you are divorcing? With today's economic mess, that is apparently becoming an increasingly common situation. As awkward and painful as that must be for the adults, imagine the confusion it causes for their children.Mitchell Rosen, a licensed marriage and family therapist, addresses this predicament in an article for The Press-Enterprise. While acknowledging the near-impossibility of it, he urges parents to put aside their animosity and get along for the sake of the kids. He writes: "This may be the hardest chore you've ever taken on, but, for the sake of the children, take the high road and be pleasant with your spouse. Even if they have dumped you for your sibling, drained the bank account and lied about common assets; these are your issues and shouldn't be the kids' problems."
Of course, that is good advice whether you are living separately or cohabitating as former spouses. But really? Do you know of a divorced couple who has been forced to live in the same home due to financial constraints? How could this possibly work out in a way that doesn't leave the kids utterly confused and hurt? Divorce is hard enough, but how could a family actually pull off living separate lives in the same house?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Emma 10-30-2008 @ 2:35PM
I had to laugh at this article. My ex-husband and I live together and have on and off since we divorced three years ago. We have two children and have really tried to make things work for them. I think the best thing about us having to live together after divorcing is that we have been forced to work through our money issues as partners and friends. It was one of our biggest problems and we learned to handle it without threatening to divorce one another-already did that. lol At this point we are considering re-marrying. It might not be a good thing for some people, but for us, divorcing, but still having to work out our issues, was the best thing to ever happen to our relationship.
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Jim Oberman 1-16-2009 @ 12:26PM
Emma, I am researching a story for O, the Oprah Winfrey Magazine and we are doing an article about different kinds of divorces. Wanting to know if you would talk to us. Let me know and can give you more information. Thanks.
Jim 1-16-2009 @ 12:32PM
Emma if you see this please email me at Jim4855@aol.com. Anyone else out there interested in this subject are welcome to contact also. Thanks
bree 10-30-2008 @ 2:46PM
When I was 13 and my parents had already been divorced for over 5 years my dad had to move in becuase he was laid off. WHen he got back on his feet about 3years later the same thing happened to my mom and she moved in with us and our dad. I have two sisters and it didnt really have any affect on us. We never had very much money and it just seemed like the best decision we took it for what it was dealt with it and moved on. It's life, you dont need to make a hassle out of something you cant help. Divorced couples have lived with eachother in the past and if need be I believe they can control themselves and be adults and live with eachother again.
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geographically challenged in NC 11-02-2008 @ 2:41PM
My husband and I have the opposite problem but also due to the poor economy. He lives in a town on the east coast of NC to run his business and lives in our house which will soon be foreclosed upon. I live with HIS parents in the western part of the state with our two little girls. I was a realtor and he's an entrepenuer and neither of us have had income this year. I'm searching for a job in the in-laws' area so the girls and I can afford a rental house (not apt) so we can get the cat and dog back together with us. As for my husband, he visits when he is able, driving 6 hrs to do so.
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lasassyangel 10-31-2008 @ 9:28AM
I know that divorce is hard on everyone. And to be honest... its very confusing on everyone. When you are not happy , you just not happy anymore. Nothing should ever be taken out on the kids or have "discussions" in front of them. I know that I have to live with my husband because of the economy. Even though we both know that there is nothing there and divorce is the best. It is very hard to be civil about somethings that goes on in that house, but we have to because of my kids. So we work it out to where we are not at home that much with each other. The less we see of each other the better off we are and no one has "discussions" and no one is uncomfortable. Because you shouldnt be uncomfy in your own home. It is very true though, no one should have to take on that much just to make it now a days. Its like a 2nd job. No one is really happy and it just brings ya down even more. So you gotta make the best of the situation and go on like its just another ordinary day.
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Em 11-07-2008 @ 9:16PM
I am contemplating divorce from my husband of 19 years.
We both agree there is nothing between us anymore. He is from a different country and we have never been "friends" so to speak. Our children are 13 and 10 and I want to continue to live together for
their sake. My soon to be ex and I do not fight, we
just go through our day to day operations, and let each
other "do their own thing" and have our own time away. My
concern is after the divorce I am wanting to venture out
into the "singles" world and at least have the hope
of finding a new relationship, just not in such a hurry to
disrupt my children's lifes. I do not harbor any resentment
towards my children, nor nor my ex over the idea of us all still living together for the sake of the children...I am just interested in taking it slow and use caution when venturing out to meet someone else. Any suggestions on how to appoach this with my soon to be ex? Guide lines and "rules" to follow...I know the common sense ones...
just wondering if anyone else has ever or is currently living
this kind of circumstances. Em
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