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Kids with deployed parents struggle with behavior issues
Filed under: Opinions
More than 2 million American kids have at least one parent who is serving in the military overseas, and one recent study indicates that kids as young as 3 years old are exhibiting signs of behavioral problems related to their parents' absence.Researchers from the Boston University School of Medicine and the Boston Medical Center surveyed 169 families with children ages 18 months to 5 years old. The kids were enrolled in a day-care center at a Marine base. Of those families, 33 percent had a parent deployed abroad, and the average length of that deployment was almost four months.
Kids ages 3 years old and older exhibited more overall behavior issues than kids the same age with both parents at home. The findings, published in the the November issue of the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, indicate that this population needs more services than previously thought.
An editorial that ran along with the study states that the length of deployment for military parents must be examined, and that there is a serious need to attend to the mental health of their children.
Of course kids are acting out when their parent is gone for a prolonged period of time. Heck, my kids get hinky when I go the grocery store. I can't imagine how they would feel if I was absent for more than a few days. Add in the stress of worrying about a parent in a war zone, and you have a recipe for acting out.
With the situations in Iraq and Afghanistan, families continue to look at extended periods of time without parents and spouses. The grown-ups aren't the only ones affected, and I hope the military recognizes that fact and provides these kids with the services they need.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
11-05-2008 @ 3:02PM
Jenni said...The same can be said for children whose parents are divorced or had a parent just walk out and abondon them or just leave them in day care all day. It's not just deployment. Children NEED both their parents involved and in their lives (preferably under the same roof). And involved doesn't mean that they spend their time under the same roof. Involved means doing things together, going to their games, attending school functions, etc...
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11-05-2008 @ 3:23PM
c_rousseau05 said...I agree completely.
11-05-2008 @ 5:02PM
parenting said...Jenni, you are absulutely right! Children need 2 parents. It's hard enogh to raise a child for 2 parents, not alone for one parent! And with the expanding phenomenon of one parental families more and more children need mental help. For more information and discussion of this topic and others reffering kids and parents it's best recommended to visit http://blog.uptous.com
11-05-2008 @ 3:25PM
c_rousseau05 said...Is it really that surprising? Everyone knows with absentee parents, whether in the military or just plain not making time enough for their children, have to deal with the consequences of having disruptive children. If parents don't give children the love, attention, physical and emotional support they need then the child will display that neglect in their behavior. Of course this excludes kids with medical issues and their parents, that's a whole different game there.
I do think that these children of military parents should get the services they need though. At the same time I wish that those that have jobs which take them away for days and months at a time (not just military, missionaries, doctors, etc) would think twice before trying to plan a family. I'm not saying to not have a family, but just really think on it. Your absence really has consequences for not only you but those you leave behind and if it's young children you are leaving behind they really don't understand. They don't understand that you're out there saving peoples lives, being a hero of the nation, helping people build communities and feeding other children ...they don't understand these things. They could care less honestly and just want their mommy or daddy back.
A few of my friends who are military have suffered through divorce, infidelity and problems with the children. It really breaks my heart to see their families fall apart and the frustration and heartache between spouses about deployments (especially in a case where the family must stay behind). People can only take so much of that before they crack and those are adults...imagine what it does to the kids. Just something to think about.
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1-13-2011 @ 8:26AM
stuart said...I think you should be a little more careful in the way you chose your words. I am a U.S. Marine and have been for 8 years. I am married and have a two year old and 5 month old. We do not have probelms with deployments and infidelity and we are not exceptions. Yes my two year old misses me when I am gone and I miss her and the rest of my family dearly. There are many ways to prepare your child for deployments. If done correctly it helps a great deal with the childs reaction to deployments and the feelings that accompany deployments. It also helps to have a strong spouse. My wife is the strongest woman I know. Your suggestion of military thinking twice about having kids is absurd. They mean the world to me and THEY are the reason WHY I serve.
11-05-2008 @ 7:10PM
Sabrina said...As young as 3???? Try younger. My DH deployed last year when DD was 2 and DS was 1. It was very hard on them, especially since they weren't really old enough to know he was coming back or take much comfort in a phone call.
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11-06-2008 @ 12:34AM
isisaquaria said...I think it depends alot on the child and the parents. My kids miss daddy but respect me--we have had no more issues when he is gone for months at a time, or when he was deployed---they know it is what he has to do, and respect is given to him for doing what others won't, and it is given to me for keeping everything in order with minimal disruption to the lives they are accustomed to.
I think alot of parents do not handle the absence well thus the added stress in the house reflects in the child's behavior--when mom doesn't get out of bed to get the kids to school, it has an effect. I have seen it all to often.
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11-06-2008 @ 1:34AM
bw hatch said...i was wondering if i am related to amy hatch. thanks
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11-09-2008 @ 11:04AM
Kiki said...It's at the same time encouraging and discouraging to read that there are other children besides my own who are stuggling with bevhavioral problems. My husband has not been deployed yet, but he has been at AIT for the last month and my 3-yr. old son is really stuggling with his absence. It helps when my husband calls to say hi to the kids, but it almost makes it harder for them because they don't understand why he doesn't walk through the front door. Then, there are the behavorial issues-- like aggressive fighing, nightmares, etc.--that my son has started displaying in the last 2 weeks. I'm frustrated and heart-broken for my children. But I'm encouraged that other parents are experiencing the same issues and are sounding the alarm about it. These kids need support and I hope the military takes this issue very seriously.
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12-07-2008 @ 2:06AM
jess said...The military does offer many services to families, the thing is most people do not utilize them esp people near a base or they dont know about them. I do think its the caretakers main responsibility to connect with the kids though, not the militarys. I also agree with the person who said when the mom is stressed so are the kids. I'm a military wife and prior military myself. we have 4 young kids and one on the way. We have been through 3 deployments and countless tdy trips. My kids are fine, they are great kids. Sure they act out sometimes but they know that dad has to go away sometimes and its just us. You have to prepare these kids before for this and you need to be there to listen,connect, and talk when the parent leaves, you cant depend on other people to do that for you. My kids know that I am their main caregiver all the time and I think that makes the transition a little easier for them as well. You also have to use age appropriate ways to explain whats going on too or its not going to help. Its hard but eventually the kids get used to being with just mom (or dad), the acting out is normal for a while its when it goes on for months and months and isnt improving that it needs to be addressed by a professional . Kids should also be able to have some bad days and given an adjustment period without a parent just acting like "my kid is horrible please help them " attitude. It takes time and the caregiver is the number one key to a childs success at dealing with these seperations in a positive but realistic way.
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4-13-2011 @ 12:35PM
Donna said...I am a grandparent of a 3 year old boy. Deployment for my son-in-law has been since September, 2 week leave is coming up soon.
He should be back sometime in October. I try really hard to decipline my grandson like my daughter and son in law would do.
I try to keep his life the same and "usual" as possible. My daughter works fulltime. My grandson goes to a good day care that is expensive but worth it. I keep my grandson on the weekends. He is loved by both grandma and poppa. I have not seen any difference in behavior or have any issues. We talk about daddy and I keep a whole row of pictures about 2 to 3 feet off the floor magnetized to my frig, so we look at pics of mommy and daddy. At first we said daddy was working, now he is getting old enough to understand daddy is an army man and working very hard.
We tell him his daddy loves him and misses him. We are going to all go to Disney for a week when he comes home and have been preparing my grandson for daddy's return and talking about dolphins and such. My daughter and family have all tried to keep up beat , I talk about my grandson's daddy and tell him and remind him of things him and daddy do together, I work at keeping his dad's image fresh in his mind. Yes it is hard, but we try not to put any undo stress on our soldier and stay strong and united as a family and any trying times we keep to ourselves. It is tough having a young soldier gone and wife and child behind but you ban together and try to do what is good and right for all. I send boxes and pictures out regularly. We are going to make it and it is going to be alright, you just have to have faith and be strong. My kids dad was a marine and I was one of those wives along time ago that experienced a separation that did not offer the technology they have today. Each day I am thankful , post my yellow ribbon and hang my stars and stripes and think is is going to be ok. To all you young wives and husbands, hang in there, stay focused and positive and your reward will be your safe return of our loved one.
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