Matt Lauer's divorce makes for an awkward moment
Categories: Love & Sex, Divorce & Custody, Celeb Parenting
When Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira started a segment on marriage this morning, Meredith quickly got herself in a sticky situation. The question was: What is the right age to get married? Meredith shared her own experience, then asked Matt how old he was when he first took that big step.
Matt stammered, Meredith blushed, and a cameraman yelled, "Niiice!" Matt's been divorced once, and he and his second wife separated in 2006. The couple has now reconciled. (See the video here.)
While this was clearly an embarrassing, yet forgivable, faux pas between two friends, I'm wondering, what is the proper etiquette when someone has been married before? I have several friends who had early, short marriages that ended in divorce and are happily remarried now. It rarely comes up in conversation, but what do you do when you accidentally bring it up? Or unwittingly make them admit to it in mixed company?
In the case of my friends, it depends on the situation. Some still have hard, painful feelings, while others can joke about their impulsive youth. So while Matt laughed off Meredith's mistake, some friends might not be able to see the humor in the situation.
How do you handle things when married friends have been divorced before?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 8)
queenoqueens 11-10-2008 @ 10:08PM
I personally don't care if it's mentioned......I'm not embarrassed by the divorce. But I'm more sensitive about it when it comes to my children. They are young and I haven't mentioned it to them yet. I wonder how they would react. You want to reassure them that their parents won't break up, so I'm not sure how a kid would take it knowing that one of their parents was previously married.
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Harlene 11-11-2008 @ 10:33AM
I didn't quite understand when she said she didn't mention it to the kinds about the divorce, wouldn't they notice that dad isn't there?
crackers 11-11-2008 @ 11:32AM
who cares. I've been married before and I could care less if anyone knew. It is what it is. I was 26 the first time I got married and 41 the second time. It is a part of my life and really nobody cares if you have been married before.
ashley 11-11-2008 @ 1:43PM
I was married at a much too young age for a year. It is something that has no bearing on my life now and I actually forget to tell others. I find though that "friends" tend to use the fact as a novelty on occasion usually to embarrass me.
Not that I think that's what Meredith did here. It is such a touchy situation though and there is no right way bring it up. While divorce is commonplace I do not think it is something anyone is proud of. I think it the place of the divorced to bring up the subject, no one else.
Yes, 50% of marriages end in divorce but the subject is still Taboo.
norma 11-11-2008 @ 8:34PM
I am in the same situation. I was married and divorced at a young age (no children)I am remarried with 3 children.I do not know when or at what age I am supposed to tell my children. What am I going to say?
tc 11-11-2008 @ 9:13PM
My husband was married before and there were no children from that union. I can't remember now how it first came up with our children, maybe they saw a picture or heard his first wife's name mentioned. They were sort of confused at first, like how could one of you have been married before but it wasn't for long. They pretty much took it in stride and like many things, they asked what they wanted to handle at the time. We never went out of the way to make his first marriage known to the kids but it wasn't hidden either. I guess it really is in understanding your own children and what they can handle.
KC 11-11-2008 @ 10:17PM
Harlene, it sounds like there were no children from the 1st marriage. My sister-in-law was like that. Married too young, no kids, divorced. The second marriage (she was older obviously) produced two wonderful children who do not know about their Mom's 1st childless marriage.
SPS41191 11-11-2008 @ 10:45PM
I got married at 21 and again at 31. The first one lasted 2 years (no children) and I just celebrated my 25th anniversary with my second husband (1 child). When my son was about 8 years old, I decided to tell him about my first husband. There's evidence in the house (file cabinet) of my first marriage (a couple of pictures and divorce papers) and I didn't want him to find it by accident or have someone mention it without thinking. Or, God forbid, have something happen to us and never have the opportunity to ask me any questions. My son asked his name, and wanted to see his picture. That was it. My girlfriend did the same thing with her kids. They all accepted it and moved on.
Bonnie 11-12-2008 @ 3:43AM
I have better then that. My mother in law was married briefly to an abusive husband. I brought it up to my husband once, and he had no idea. Apparently she told me, and not her children. What do you say in THAT situation?
DAWN 11-12-2008 @ 9:18AM
Unfortunately, divorce is all too common today. People just don't stay together "for better or worse" anymore. I think this is a combination of a number of factors - women have careers and are not financially dependent on their spouses as in the past. So, when things go bad in a marriage, they are quicker to get out, rather than stay for financial security. People also spend a great deal of their time at the office and not at home with families, like our "stay at home" mothers did. That, coupled with our "sex sells" society, making temptation to stray (for both parties) all too easy. We are all products of our environment, and unfortunately, I myself, as well as my boyfriend, have been married twice. He has 4 children from past relationships/marriages and we now have a baby together (my first). Our baby will grow up knowing he has older half brothers and sisters, who are family to him just the same. Although we have a baby together, and often refer to each other as "my husband/wife" we are not legally married, and don't feel the need to validate our relationship in that way. After living through the experience twice for each of us - it seems that the most important thing is that we are a family together, and marriage seems just a piece of paper, which clearly holds little value in our society today, as it all to often ends in divorce. Somewhat of a sad commentary for our society today, but a reality all the same. I'm always in awe when I hear of those couples celebrating 20+ yr anniversaries, wishing they could share the secret of their success.
mr mike 11-12-2008 @ 9:52AM
I know Matts first wife and what a mistake he made losing her ! ! She is beautiful and intellgent, tooo bad for him .
shannon 11-12-2008 @ 10:37PM
why should Meredith be embarrased? This seems ridiculous to me.
Truthteller 11-11-2008 @ 8:02AM
Meredith and Matt are NOT friends, they are co-workers. If they had been friends, she would have know about his sticky marital situation. How many people out there are aware of all the messy private liaisons of all of their co-workers?
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olive branch 11-11-2008 @ 10:21AM
really. you know them? they told you they're not friends? yeesh. why does have to jump down throats when offering opinions. plus we're talking about national news anchors and considering meredith's immediate reaction, which i DID see b4 you start scolding again, we can just assume she knew and just made a mistake. a very funny mistake. matt was very humble about it.
too bad for you,though, that you can't bother to be friends w/ your co-workers.
di 11-11-2008 @ 1:45PM
Olive branch. You sure don't fit your profile name.
Looks like you're the one jumping down throats...
Can't be bothered to be friends with your coworkers??? Who says we have to be friends? I don't understand this. We are put together in an office for the purpose of working together, not having a picnic every day. I'm sorry, but I have learned the hard way you can not be friends with the people you work with. It just doesn't work. The only time someone wants to be a "friend" with a coworker is when they want to get some sort of scoop or some dirt to use against them later.
Yes, every office is like this. You'll find out soon enough.
Andrea 11-11-2008 @ 9:40PM
You obviously haven't worked in all offices to know this di. While I'm not friends with all of my coworkers, a lot of are able to be friends and hang out. If you spend enough time with people you can eventually find something in common.
george 11-11-2008 @ 8:23AM
you don't handle it ..those things take care of themselves and besides who cares?
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Lisa 11-11-2008 @ 8:52AM
The question is: How do you handle things when married friends have been divorced before? That was the question.
Well, to honest with you around half of the marriages today end in divorce. So its not that unusual to find someone who has been married 2 times. I mean seriously. The article is acting like its some big issue. Like it never happens when it does happen. Its no big deal, move on.
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James 11-11-2008 @ 8:53AM
LOL....This has happened to me before. My Ex wife and I parted amicably. We are still friends. So I refer to our pervious marriage as " the Last Administration". This always takes the edge off of the awkward point of the cnversation.
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missimin 11-12-2008 @ 9:37PM
James, "the last administration" that's cute.