Adoption - Does red tape stand in the way?

by Bethany Sanders (Subscribe to Bethany Sanders's posts) Nov 11th 2008 5:00PM

At playgroup the other day, I sat next to a mom who adopted her daughter from Guatemala. "Everyone always said, 'You can always adopt'," she said. "Like it's so easy."

I knew exactly what she was talking about. I watched my closest friend go through the adoption process, and it's anything but easy. Despite the fact that she was adopting from the foster care system and had chosen to adopt an older child, the process was still one long roller coaster ride.

That's not meant to discourage anyone from adopting, of course, because both of those moms would say that the rewards FAR outweigh any difficulty they had adopting. But it does make one wonder, why is it so hard to adopt? Especially in the case of domestic adoption from the foster care system, where -- according to this article -- there are far more waiting parents than their are kids?

A recent survey found that there are 600,000 women in the United States seeking to adopt a child. In 2006, there were 129,000 foster children waiting to be adopted. So why don't the numbers add up? Commonly accepted roadblocks are that people don't want to adopt outside of their race, that families don't want to adopt older children, or that there aren't enough families for those with severe disabilities. But according to this same survey, that's just not true. A large majority of respondents said that none of those things would stop them from adopting.

Jeff Katz, founder of the Listening to Parents project, says that the answer lies instead in bureaucracy and red tape, and cites the statistic that for every 1,000 parents people who call social services to inquire about adopting, only 36 do so. It's an interesting perspective. At what point to the strict regulations put in place to protect foster children actually keep them from finding loving families? On the other hand, when parents aren't properly prepared for for adoption, they're at risk of disruption, which is terribly traumatic for children.

There's no easy answer to this question, but it's one to mull over carefully. If you're an adoptive parent, what do you think?

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Comments (29)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

c_rousseau05 11-11-2008 @ 5:27PM

Maybe that's why people are adopting from other countries so much now, more of a guarantee for a child. A friend of mine recently adopted a 9 month old from Guatemala too. I asked her why there instead of from here in the US ( so many children in the us need homes just as much as children from other countries) and she said because she wasn't married and they wouldn't let her have an infant. I'm not sure about that, but I can't help but wonder why, if so many children need homes, they put so many silly restrictions on adoption. You can't be single, you can't be gay/lesbian, you have to be married X amount of years, you have to be a certain race and make a certain income. I understand that they are trying to protect the children but what's better...being adopted into a loving home with parent(s) who had the honor of choosing you no matter what their marital status or sexual orientation or growing up in the system getting tossed from one place to another you're whole life?

As scary as it is my husband and I plan to start the adoption process in a couple of years and I guess we'll get to see first hand how it works. We have a child but we still want to adopt one or two older children also.

DENISE 11-17-2008 @ 7:04PM

yes,alot of red tape, I have been waitting 2 yrs,I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY ITS TAKING SO LONG.we are going on the internet,agency,etc. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!!! AND IT SHOULD BE ABOUT THE CHILD.THE STATE IS THE BIGGEST JOKE!! YOU WOULD THINK THAT THEY WOULD WANT TO FIND THESE KIDS HOMES!! BUT IT DONT WORK LIKE THAT!! THANK YOU DENISE SANZ

Rob O. 11-11-2008 @ 5:49PM

Part of the appeal of international adoption was, for us anyway, that once the child is in your arms, you've boarded the plane, and the door has shut, you NEVER have to worry that a bio-parent will ever surface and pluck that child from your arms. Not only have we all heard about this happening with domestic adoptions, but sadly, I actually know a couple who had this happen a mere 3 months post-adoption.

What's probably most aggravating is the ease at which so many celebrities seem to be able to adopt. It's just such a casual and carefree thing, "Oh, by the way, Brad & Angelina have decided to adopt again, but they're going to wait until maybe January 10th." Right. Our Russian adoption took 2.5 years but Madonna can snag up another member of her entourage in mere weeks. Seems like mountains of money have a way to slicing right through that foreign red tape. Grrr...

But I figure what comes easy isn't always valued greatly - our precious little guy was worth every moment we waited, every hoop we jumped through, and every pile of documentation we had to amass.

Melissa 11-11-2008 @ 6:45PM

Did you adopt him as an infant, or when he was older? Is it any easier to get an older child from Russia, or Gautamala, or anywhere for that matter then it is to get an infant? I have a little girl (mine, that I gave birth to), but I am thinking about adopting in a couple of years, but I'm wondering if I should start the process now, if it's going to take that long! I am a single woman, and I make decent money, but is it going to be enough for the adoption agencies to let me have a little one to shower with love and affection, and who would have the best big sister in the world, the best grandma, the best aunts and uncles, and cousins galore, and wouldn't want for anything....ahhh, red tape crap!

ninainindia 11-11-2008 @ 10:26PM

While I do believe that celebrities are adopting easier I don't believe they receive a child in 3 weeks time. We don't know when they started the process, so we cannot comment on that.

Rob O. 11-11-2008 @ 11:54PM

Melissa, we adopted an infant - he was 21 months when we brought him home in February. You should anticipate that the process could take as much as 2 years, although for us, things were a bit longer than normal.

We had worked with a seemingly solid agency for nearly 2 years and been jerked around in a terribly unethical manner. Once we summoned up the courage to jump ship to another agency - Catholic Social Services in North Carolina - those people were extremely professional and very aggressively-paced. We signed on with CSS in October and they pledged that they'd try to get us to Moscow for the initial trip (it takes 2 and sometimes 3) before Christmas. Sure enough, we left for Moscow a week after Thanksgiving. I've got nothing but the highest of praise for the CSS folks - both here in the U.S. and their Russian counterparts! It's easy to tell that they're a reputable company with an ethical way of doing business that sets them apart from many of the other agencies doing business in Russia. And as a result of that, we felt that they're connected in ways that expedite the process considerably. Truly, that agency was a Godsend.

VJ 11-13-2008 @ 10:51AM

18yrs ago I adopted an infant girl and a 3 yr old boy from Romania.. I spent 3 months in that country and the process was very draining. My Son Chose to be in the US Army and has Re-upped fro 5 more years. My daughter finished high school 6 months early and started beauty school where she was excelling. until we found her dead in her room.1 month after she turned 18. the coronor's offical finding is cause of death unknown. We Take our chances when we give birth or we adopt. we love our children even if we are blessed with step- children too. All children are a gift. the reason I went to Romania at the time I did was going through an atty in the USA was like baby buying with no guarenteeof getting to keep the baby. and all the money went into a "cheratiable fund" for the birth mother. It actualy cost less for my flights to Romania and months of searching and paying Atty fees and translation fees and leagle documantation to enter the USA with my 2 new children than the estamanted cost of US Adoption. evadentually that hasnt changed in 18 yrs.. Rob O, May G-D bless you and your beautiful child.

CLM 11-11-2008 @ 7:11PM

My husband and I adopted domestically through an open adoption program. Once we got the process started, we actually became parents within a few months. However, there were several issues that prolonged the overall process for us:

1. Cost - were I to get pregnant, insurance would cover most of the cost, which is not the case when you adopt. So we had to save up the money not only for baby things, but for the cost of the adoption itself. Yes, there is a tax break, but it does not kick in until the year the adoption is completed, so that is a whole lot of money up front.

2. Adoption as a preference - our plan had been to adopt first, and if we decided we wanted a second child, we would attempt to have a biological child. We quickly found that pretty much only private placement agencies would work with us.

3. Infertility - so, since I was close to 34 at that point, we switched up the plan, pregnancy first, adoption second. Well, we tried for almost 5 years but nothing happened. So we cheerfully went back to adoption only to find that, because we chose not to pursue fertility treatments, we were still considered preferential adopters by many agencies and barred from their programs.

4. Information - It took months to locate, review the materials of, and interview agencies before we found one that met our criteria and would allow us into their program without documented infertility.

Given our experience, I think adoption agencies and state foster systems definitely need to liberalize their programs. Even though our adoption ultimately went (relatively) smoothly, it was really more excruciating than it needed to be.

SKL 11-11-2008 @ 7:29PM

I think adoption is so difficult because it involves governments - in the case of international adoption, we're talking multiple levels of government in both countries. Not only is it bureaucratic (especially in developing countries), but it's not a high government priority. Beyond that, it's controversial. Does it make the country look bad that it can't take care of its own? Is a child better off being raised in an ill-equipped orphanage in his home country or in a family with means that doesn't look like him or speak his language? There are so many groups that feel the need to weigh in on these children's future. To the extent that this protects the birth mothers from having their kids stolen and the children from abuse, it makes sense. Beyond that, it's hard to justify making a child wait for years (or forever) for a family.

On the domestic side, I know more than one family who have either had a child "taken back" by the birth mother after nearly a year, or worried constantly for over a year that that might happen. I can't imagine how sick I'd be - for the child even more than myself. I'm told by adoption experts that that can't legally happen in my state, but I know that it does.

I just wish more people understood the effects of multiple disruptions on a child - and how much worse it is if they are older.

I know many people who were / have adopted, and most of the time it works out great. But it's an extremely emotional process. Not for the faint of heart. It's not easy once the child is home either - people's expectations are generally much different from their experience in the first year or so, and I think most people are caught unawares in this respect. So, in some ways it's good that not "just anyone" can adopt. I don't mind being scrutinized, trained, and even scared a little, as long as my child isn't sitting in an institution or foster home for an unreasonable length of time.

CLM 11-11-2008 @ 7:49PM

I have to ask where these "take-back" domestic adoptions are occurring and under what circumstances. Are these adoptions through the foster-care system? Are they private adoptions? That is really just not a concern for us - we used an established agency that has been around for about 100 years and a highly reputable adoption attorney with about 25 years' experience.

Pat 1-07-2009 @ 12:52AM

The "takebacks" started in the early 1970's. The first case involved the DiMartino family from New York...The DiMartinos had adopted and infant girl, they were loving and wonderful parents...when the little girl was four years old the bio person suddenly appeared and wanted the child back and the DiMartinos were court ordered to give up their daughter. Rather than giving up their daughter the DiMartinos took flight to live in FLorida where the New York court decision was not recognized or honored (Iwould have done the same thing). While the DiMartinos were living in Florida, Mr DiMartinos father died and he could not attend his funeral in New York. If he or his wife went to New York or other states that Honored the New York court order, they would have been arrested and sentenced to a lengthy prison term.
After the DiMartino case, the takebacks became a weekly occurance, each time the courts favoring the bio person. These court decision caused a great deal of pain and heartache not only to the adoptive parents but to the children as well.

Kirstie 11-11-2008 @ 8:31PM

My cousin was adopted in a private, open domestic adoption, arranged while the mother was pregnant after many years of trying (this was prior to fertility treatments becoming widespread, my cousin was born in 1994). My aunt and uncle flew to California, and despite a signed, legal contract to the contrary, when my cousin was born the birth mother had a sudden change of heart and considered keeping her son. Three days of emotional heartache for my aunt and uncle did work out - my cousin came home with them, but it was incredibly painful for them. I can understand being resistant to adopt, especially domestically, with these risks.

My younger cousin, born 2 years later, was conceived via IVF because my aunt and uncle were afraid to go through the process again. Not that her pregnancy was much easier - 3 months of bedrest and hemorrhaging are scary too!

Bethany Sanders 11-11-2008 @ 8:33PM

Just for the record, everyone, the article I referenced had more to do with adopting from the foster care system than private, infant adoptions. This discussion is interesting, but when they talked about red tape, that's what they are referring to.

SKL 11-13-2008 @ 11:36AM

I just want to note that as far as I know, states treat adoptions pretty much the same as far as screenings and legalities. At least, my state does. I had to have a fire inspection to qualify my house as a "foster home" even though I was adopting internationally. Our state has standard forms that everyone has to fill out no matter where their child is coming from. A lot of the stuff is frankly silly - such as where my infant will be attending high school - but everyone has to fill it out completely. Then there are various criminal / child abuse / BMV / medical screenings, inspections, interviews, and trainings for each member of the household. Some of it really is over the top.

Maxie 11-11-2008 @ 8:35PM

I also adopted from Guatemala as a single mom. I did investigate domestic adoption, and since I was not "set" on having a newborn, I also investigated foster care. One thing that most of the public does not understand is that not all foster care programs in all states are open to adoption. Many (I won't say 'most" but I suspect that to be more accurate) foster care programs are focused on restoring and maintaing the birth family. Some programs will not evne place children with anyone who wants to adopt as that is not the purpose of fostering in that area.

As far as the number of domestic adoptions that are disrupted, Adoptive Families magazine had an article a few months ago or so that stated that over one third of their respondents who ultimately completed a domestic adoption had had a previous domestic adoption fall through at some point in the process. That doesn't mean that they all had custody when they lost the baby, but that is still disturbingly higher failure rate. That concern was one of the many reasons I went international.

ninainindia 11-11-2008 @ 10:37PM

Although I do believe adoptions shouldn't be made more expensive than need be I don't have a problem with adopting being difficult because if it was too easy people would adopt to easily even when they might not be ready or not sure they even want a child.

SO there should be a middle ground, where it is hard enough to weed out the "bad" parents and easy enough for the good parents not to get discouraged.

MMJ 11-17-2008 @ 11:11PM

With having your own, biological or adopted, chosen children, there is no 'guarantee" of anyone being a perfect parent 24/7. We have 5 children- all adults now- and each one has a different temperament and has to be treated as an individual person. Two of them are adopted, one was a foster-child adoption, one a foreign while we were stationed very close to the country of her adoption. The foster adoption was of a son who everyone had given up on and returned to the agency. He was 7 when we met him the first time. He needed a 'forever' home, we gave it to him. There have been some rough and tough times but we made it beside him.

The second adoption was fraught with danger in a third world country, and a great deal of stress, but God was with us and we made it after 90 days. She was two days old, found in a ditch, dirty very ill, weak and abandoned, less then 5 pounds and only 16 inches long. She looked like a shriveled, sad and sick monkey baby. She's a beautiful young adult woman today. Smart, in college getting A's, on the Dean's honor list, about to be married to a wonderful young man- neither are of our ethnic background with the exception they are humans, loved and strictly have made us proud to be called Mom & Dad by them.

Just sign me,

3 from my body,
2 from my heart!!

dee 11-12-2008 @ 12:32AM

I haven't participated in the domestic foster-adopt system, but I don't see how there could be more red tape involved in that process than there has been with our international adoption. During the 3 1/2 years we've been waiting to adopt from China we've undergone 2 homestudies, mounds of paperwork (birth certificates, marriage certificates, financials, medicals etc), 2 clearances each from our local police department, DFS, and the FBI, which required being fingerprinted twice. We've also had to receieve approval from the US CIS twice as well as approval from the Chinese government.

Each path has it's ups and downs and each family should make the decision that is right for them. But there has to be some middle ground between making sure an adoptive home is appropriate and putting unreasonable hurdles between adoptive parents and the children they want to bring home.

Janell 11-12-2008 @ 10:05AM

Our open domestic adoption went fairly smoothly. A birth mom picked us amost imediately, but miscarried in her second trimester. We had been paying her living expenses, so it was a financial set back. We met another birth mom who picked us but we weren't comfortable with her and didn't agree to adopt her child. She worked out fine for another couple, but just didn't feel like we could trust her.

Birthmom number three was perfect. She felt we could give her child everything she couldn't, and in her mid-20s she knew good and well how hard it would be for her to be a single mom. Divorced, usually unemployed and struggling, at one point she laughed that she'd be lucky if she had a car for them to live in. She'd aborted an earlier pregnancy and it left her heartsick; no way could she do that again. Hearing her story we were confident that she knew EXACTLY what she wanted for her child and what was the "right" thing to do. It was a huge relief to her to find what she considered the perfect family, and a couple who was willing to be known to her. No way was she going to change her mind.

From a birth mom's perspective, nothing would be harder than knowing only a hint -- "your baby was adopted by a family in New Orleans" -- but not enough to make contact for reassurance when, to continue the New Orleans example, Katrina hit. I saw her sobbing her way through the termination of her parental rights. Anyone with enough unconditional love to put herself through that kind of pain in order to give her child a better life is NOT going come running back later.

We haven't heard from her in years but last time she called she was in college and she's now happily married and raising a couple kids of her own. Our daughter has talked to her by phone, but she's a few states away and she hasn't really met. I've bundled up photos from time to time, and yes I tend to emphasize vacation shots and things that make it apparent our daughter has the life of a dream. If she showed up at the front door right now -- and curiousity could very well put her there (it probably would me) -- I'd hug her and call our daughter to come meet her and show her around.

So while I understand the sense of panic some parents have at the thought of interacting with a birthmom and having them know where your child/their child lives, it was just the opposite for us. Seeing her determination to find this child a perfect home, and the incredible blessing of having her decide that home was ours totally removed any concern we could have had about her changing her mind.

amaya's momma 11-12-2008 @ 10:40AM

I adopted internationally, people always ask me why (yes I HATE that!). But, here it is - so any of you reading this don't have to ask a virtual stranger a rude question in front of their child.
I contacted the foster care system first, I told them we would be willing to take a child of any race up to age 3. They told me, not gonna happen, unless you are willing to do foster care with a 70% chance that the baby will go back to its birth family. Now, I know if we got attached to a beautiful a baby, that was then given back to its mother, who didn't really want it but didn't want anyone else to have it either (happened in my own family) we would be devastsed. So we were left with private adoption or international adoption. Well, I think everyone realizes their are way too many couples out there that want healthy white newborn babies through private adoption, but my husband and I don't care about race, and we really wanted a baby, but didn't mind not having a newborn. So we went the international route.
Hands down, best decision we ever made! We got a beautiful little girl who was 6 months old and just as happy to have us as we are to have her.
People say she's lucky (yes, she was born in a third world communist country). But, we are the lucky ones. We love the people and the country she was born in and can't wait to take her back to see it when she is older.

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