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Michelle Obama - Stoking the Mommy Wars?
Filed under: Celeb Parents

They're baaaaaaccckkkk! When Michelle Obama innocently described herself as "mom-in-chief," she probably had no idea that she was stoking the so-called "mommy wars". But she did. And now, America's most famous working mom is being accused of turning her back on her professional working-mom sisters for putting her career on hold during the campaign and now, to care for her daughters and assume the role of America's First Lady. In blogs and Salon.com, her decision is disparagingly called the "momification" of Michelle Obama.
Even Cherie Blair, wife of Tony Blair, England's former Prime Minister, is weighing in, penning a letter to Michelle in The Times of London. In it, she warns Michelle of the drawbacks of her upcoming role (missed suppers, keeping your views to yourself) and shows empathy for Michelle who cannot return to her job at the University of Chicago Hospital because the White House is in D.C. "It never entered my head to give up work." Blair says about her decision to continue working for her law firm while her husband served as England's Prime Minister.
Whether it's deciding to be a SAHM or holding pro-life beliefs (as Sarah Palin came to find out), certain feminists are bewildered (and sometimes angry) when a woman's 'choice' doesn't line up with their idea of liberation - and even a liberal icon like Michelle Obama cannot escape their disapproval. Personally, if given the choice between working at a law firm or assuming the platform and philanthropic opportunities of a first lady, I'd pick first lady any day of the week! Besides you can always go back to being a lawyer; you only have one chance to take in the experience and opportunities of first lady. Michelle plans to advocate for military spouses and to champion causes that will help improve the work-family balance for American families. Frankly, I find Michelle's decision to use her platform for philanthropic purposes nobler than Cherie Blair's to pursue a lucrative partnership at law firm.
More importantly, Michelle's young daughters are rightfully her primary responsibility and she is wisely anticipating that they will need their mom, as they make what will, no doubt, be an enormous transition to the White House.
Truthfully, what really steamed elite professional women was that Michelle referred to herself as "mom-in-chief." In their view, this is a trivial title, too small for an Ivy League attorney who was raking in 300K not too long ago.
When will women learn that diminishing the role of mothers diminishes us all?












ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
11-25-2008 @ 9:21AM
BookMamm said...That makes me frustrated. Mommy Wars are only stoked because moms don't recognize the human element. Everyone is different, and has different limits. Smart moms know their limits and prioritize according to them, whether they be WAH, SAH, or WM.
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11-25-2008 @ 9:25AM
SKL said...I don't understand. Why was this never an issue for any former first lady? Why don't I recall this nonsense when Hillary entered the White House? Probably because there was no internet gossip machine in those days.
Ask Hillary if she would like to wipe "First Lady" off her resume.
"Feminists" are embarrassing themselves more and more as time goes on. Maybe there is an ingredient in bc pills that make women stupid. Actually, why hasn't anyone done a study on that yet?
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11-25-2008 @ 9:46AM
Mihir said...i was interested so i read the piece.
and i have to say, it's about the exact level of absolute crap i'd expect from salon.com. the last sentence says it all:
"In having done all this, Michelle Obama wrought for herself a life (temporarily, at least) of playing second fiddle. Then again, did she have a choice?"
Rebecca Traister, you are a completely worthless writer.
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11-25-2008 @ 10:25AM
ttupper said...I think these people who are criticizing her are completely ridiculous. I hate this whole “Mommy War” thing; people are too worried about how other people live their lives. So many women are wrapped up in what they consider to be feminism and they really miss the big picture. Feminism isn’t about turning our backs on the conventional roles of being a woman, wife and mother; it’s having the right to chose. It is about having the right to fill the traditional female role of being a stay at home wife and mother or being solely a career woman or doing both, as I do. I am a working mother but I in no way criticize women who chose to fill the traditional role, weather it’s a permanent post or just temporary while her children are young. I admire Michelle Obama’s choice. In her shoes I would have chose the same thing. She has a very unique opportunity in front of her. She is also choosing to completely stand behind her husband in his role as president and choosing to be there for her two girls as well. I am sure growing up so much in the public eye will be hard for two young girls to become accustomed to. Once her husband’s time as president is over she can always go back to her work, I mean who wouldn’t want to hire a former first lady? But this opportunity is a once in a life time chance.
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11-25-2008 @ 10:37AM
Viki Stanley-Hutchison said...Isn't it sad that, as women, we can't all support one another in our individual choices. There are so many serious matters in this world that need our attention and action, that to harp on something like this is a waste of precious time and effort that could be better spent elsewhere - on something that really matters.
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11-25-2008 @ 11:51AM
Kirstie said...Isn't the point of feminism to give women the right to choose what they want? If I choose to stay at home and make raising my children my "job", shouldn't that be equally as valid as working outside the home? How is raising the little people who will shape the future of our world any less of a contribution for Michelle Obama then litigation?
Not to mention, she's certainly not a SAHM who'll be spending her days vacuuming, baking, and knitting a la June Cleaver. The first lady has plenty of responsibilities to attend to, and she'll still be busy and certainly working, though maybe not in the tradition sense or the way she has in the past.
Cut the woman some slack - she's making the best decision she can for herself and her family.
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11-25-2008 @ 12:45PM
americangirl67 said...Bingo Kirstie.
I also thought feminism was supposed to be about women having more choices. Nothing can be more liberating than knowing you could continue to pursue your career, and deciding not to because you want to be a full-time mother more than you want to be a successful (insert job title). Have any of her accusers considered that maybe, just maybe, she'd RATHER devote her time to her family for a season?
I think it's true that as we saw with Sarah Palin, feminism isn't really about rights for ALL women ..... only those whose personal choices line up with the feminist agenda.
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11-25-2008 @ 1:10PM
SKL said...How come nobody questions a man's devotion to his family? How come we're all cool with the idea that a man can choose, e.g., to move to where his wife has gotten a great job?
Some of us have worked very hard to have the choice to devote time to our families! Screw the "feminists." If it were up to them, my kids would have been aborted and I wouldn't have the choices I cherish. Funny thing, I'm a very successful woman, and I never had use for the "choices" they consider to be key.
And, each and every one of them would be drooling over Mrs. Obama's opportunity if they had the remotest chance at it.
Oh, and what is she supposed to do with her daughters if she "continues her high-power career"? Take them back to Chicago so they miss the educational and cultural opportunities available to them? Do the feminists believe it's better for these young females to be denied these amazing opportunities, just so their mother can "enjoy" 4 or 8 more years of a professional career? What the hell. I'm a lawyer too - it's not exactly a luxury to work in law.
I really want to see that study on bc's impact on intelligence.
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11-25-2008 @ 1:21PM
mckenna said...You can't paint all feminists with the same brush. The feminist movement is large, and as such there are many different opinions that are going to be out there. I am a feminist and this person's opinion doesn't define me, nor Michelle Obama, apparently.
It is true that feminism is all about allowing individuals to make the choices that best fit their families. I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat if I could...and I'd still be a feminist even if the naysayers would like to say otherwise. I was also a feminist in college (believing in equal treatment in the workplace) even though an acquaintance would have liked to say otherwise (because I shaved my legs). Some will always have trouble seeing the forest for the trees, and their shortsighted opinions always seem to stand out. However, I can name numerous feminist leaders who differ with this particular writer.
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11-25-2008 @ 10:39PM
Angela said...This is really sad that people are so blind to the fact that Michelle Obama has a lot to bring to the table because she has been through being a mom working. This so called mommy war are truthfully a group of haters that are jealous that Michelle made it to the White House for more reasons than one...To the lady that wrote this lets talk about UNITY what this country really does need and how we can get there. Love Ya!
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11-25-2008 @ 11:54PM
Janet Sorensen said...Maybe I'm wrong but I think the "mommy wars" are largely a fabrication of American media. I'm a working mom because I have to be, but I'm sure I would work at something besides motherhood even if I didn't have to. That's me. You're you, and we may make different choices. I've never been attacked for being a working mom, to my knowledge and would never attack a woman for staying at home or quitting her job if she's financially able to do that. (Same goes for a man -- let's be fair.) Sure, there are extremists. But in my experience, most women are more understanding of each other than the media would have us believe. I think they're the ones doing the stoking.
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11-26-2008 @ 3:56AM
ninainindia said...For me feminism is about women being able to make their own choices, no matter what choice that is. So if Michelle made this choice herself, good for her!
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11-28-2008 @ 10:54PM
Sifrina said..."Screw the feminists. If it were up to them, my kids would have been aborted and I wouldn't have the choices I cherish." Huh? The feminists would have aborted her kids?? What am I missing? And is she saying she'd be forced by the feminists into involuntary servitude? And did someone else actually say they only knew feminists that were ugly, manly and hate men?? What?!
In any event, this (attractive, feminine, and man-loving, for therecord) feminist (who is neither on birth control nor ever had anabortion) has no problem with what Michelle Obama is doing/saying, but it really doesn't matter what any of us think - it's what she and her family think. And as far as I can see, the only war being stoked now is the anti-feminist/anti-liberal war..by this post and some of these rabid "I'm-so-angry-I-could-spit-on-a-feminist/liberal" posts. Nice posts....So much for "family values"...
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11-29-2008 @ 6:56AM
Sandyone said...Sifrina, here's what you're missing: SKL's kids are adopted, which means they were very fortunate to escape a fate of abortion, which is what the feminist movement would have recommended (and probably many of the birth mothers' friends and family did...hooray for SKL's babies' birth moms!!!).
The original post was talking about how some feminists are blasting Mrs. Obama for her choice to pause her legal career, claiming that it sets women back. For some feminists, the only acceptable choice is the one they would make. That kind of hypocrisy makes people bristle.
'Feminist' should be a good word, but the ugly, man-hating feminists make the most noise and are the face of the movement. (Proper) Feminism isn't just for liberals, it's for humans. It's a shame, actually, as I know many conservative-valued feminists who can't use the title 'feminist' because of how feminism has been bastardized.
11-29-2008 @ 12:45PM
Sifrina said...These are reckless caricatures - saying "some feminists" are "ugly, man-hating," "some feminists are" abortion-pushers, etc. This talk here just perpetualizes the stereotypes and exxagerations.on purpose..simply as an excuse to angrily "stoke the war" and attack/hate feminists as a whole for the views of just "some." The feminists' movement is why we vote, drive, etc. As I'd hope you'd notice, there are extremists/fanatics in any group - religious, political, feminists, stay-at-home-mom groups, etc. If people don't like the "face of feminism" they see, why not advance a different one..perhaps a conservative/religious face...but please don't call anyone "ugly" - name calling is simply not a family value or an appropriate way to debate views...
Anyway, "many feminists" (not just "some feminists") understand it's all about CHOICE and RIGHTS - work, stay at home, have children, not have children, stay pregnant, not... My moral, legal, ethical and religious views simply DO NOT prohibit me from having an abortion. It may be YOUR religious view to oppose abortion, but it's not mine. And you can dislike my views/potential choices, but this is my legal right in my state and I would NEVER pressure anyone to have an abortion, despite what you claim "some feminists" are doing..
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12-29-2008 @ 1:17PM
Denise said...I MUST BE MISSING SOMETHING, I GREW UP WHEN FEMINISM WAS IN IT'S EARLY YEARS, I NEVER REMEMBEFR ANYONE ADVOCATING THAT I DO ONE SPECIFIC THING OR ANOTHER, CHOICE WAS THE PLATFORM I RECALL, CHOICES TO GO TO SCHOOL, WORK OR NOT OR BOTH HAVE KIDS OR NOT GOVERN YOUR OWN BODY (NOT HAVE OTHERS COERCE YOU TO THEIR WAY.NOT TO HAVE A MAN HAVE THE LAST SAY ON THINGS THAT DICTATE YOUR PERSONAL FUTURE. MRS. OBAMA IS GOING FOR ALL THE GUSTO MADE AVAILABLE TO HER VIA FREEDOM. THIS IMAGINARY WAR IS JUST THAT, SOMETHING TO DRAW READERS TO THE BYLINE ABOUT A WAR............................CAT FIGHT ANYONE? GET A LIFE
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