Laurie Gerber: Compete, Pout, Martyr and Shout
Duggar Family - How They Do It
Filed under: Celeb Parents, In The News
How does a couple with 17 kids even find time to get started on #18?
"We try to be creative and different, and that can add a spark to the relationship," said Michelle Duggar, who is in fact expecting her next addition on New Year's Day. Michelle and her husband Jim Bob are shooting the second season of "The Duggar Family: 17 and Counting." ParentDish caught up with the couple on a rare afternoon off.
They wouldn't talk about the new baby girl's name (Hint: It starts with the letter J, is the result of a family vote and, no, they won't say.) But they are ready to share the secrets to their success as a family and as a couple. How do they, ya know, keep the home fire burning?
"The spark stays because we purpose to keep that spark," said Michelle.
"We want to please the other one," said Jim Bob.
That includes all the hidden love notes Jim Bob leaves for Michelle in her makeup bag and the daily morning cup of coffee or cocoa she serves him. Jim Bob complimented Michelle. "Her soft voice and sweet spirit melts my heart. And she looks really cute when she's pregnant."
Good thing, because Michelle has been pregnant for some 135 months over 24 years of marriage. "Things get busy and exhausting when providing for a family," said Michelle. "Having sex when I'm pregnant, I'm a little more tired." When Jim Bob and Michelle hear that a pastor in Texas recently challenged the marrieds in his congregation to have sex daily, they're genuinely tickled.
"Good advice," laughed Jim Bob.
That's a joke, sort of. Because, if anything, the Duggars are certainly best known not for their romps but the romper rooms in their 7,000 square-foot home, where the kids are home schooled, have "jurisdiction-style" chores and are fully committed to an evangelical Christian lifestyle. Sharing is big; the word "mine" is not. Their teens pledge "TLW" -- true love waits. "The girls love the idea of courtship and saving themselves for the one that God made for them," said Michelle.
Another aspect of their lives that feels just short of a miracle is how darn nice everyone is to one another. How do they do it? The answer, in part, can be found in their new book, appropriately titled, "The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How They Do It."
"We're not professional parents," said Jim Bob.
"We're still learning," agreed Michelle.
"With each child it's a whole new ballgame," he said
"Because each one is so different," she finished.
That's 18 ballgames for one family with enough children for two baseball teams.
It's not always easy, admitted Michelle. "Right now I've got a lot of little boys who fight or argue with each other. Every 30 minutes there's a major crisis over an owee or a toy. But I don't get involved. They learn to work it out themselves."
Some critics question the Duggar's ability to give each child enough individual attention and love. Michelle countered, "Our goal as parents is to keep up with their hearts, not just their actions. They know they have a safe place to share their joys, failures and dreams." For the record, that is my goal as a parent, too.
It seems to me that this kind of nurturing/removed split is the only way the Duggars could possibly manage the demands of 17 kids -- plus. Between filling hungry tummies and all the goodnight kisses, I just don't see any other way to get by. And that's the attraction and fascination of the Duggars. This unrepentantly prolific couple is "blessed" with a disproportionate amount of children while the rest of us wonder, "Why?" "How?" and "What would I do?"
"We try to be creative and different, and that can add a spark to the relationship," said Michelle Duggar, who is in fact expecting her next addition on New Year's Day. Michelle and her husband Jim Bob are shooting the second season of "The Duggar Family: 17 and Counting." ParentDish caught up with the couple on a rare afternoon off.
Reality TV Moms
Meet the Reality Matriarchs
AP | Getty Images | FilmMagic | Getty Images
Michelle Duggar
Beth Hall, AP
Amy Roloff
Thos Robinson, Getty Images
Kate Gosselin
Amy Sussman, Getty Images
Denise Richards
Jason LaVeris, FilmMagic
NeNe Leakes
Bravo
Tori Spelling
Chris Polk, FilmMagic
TK
Animal Planet
Renee Wilson
Appeared on "The Biggest Loser" with daughter Michelle Aguilar. Renee, 47, lost 45 pounds in seven weeks. "She was the quintessential yo-yo dieter," Michelle, 27, told "Prevention."
Trae Patton, NBC Photo
Justine Simmons
Paul Warner, Getty Images
They wouldn't talk about the new baby girl's name (Hint: It starts with the letter J, is the result of a family vote and, no, they won't say.) But they are ready to share the secrets to their success as a family and as a couple. How do they, ya know, keep the home fire burning?
"The spark stays because we purpose to keep that spark," said Michelle.
"We want to please the other one," said Jim Bob.
That includes all the hidden love notes Jim Bob leaves for Michelle in her makeup bag and the daily morning cup of coffee or cocoa she serves him. Jim Bob complimented Michelle. "Her soft voice and sweet spirit melts my heart. And she looks really cute when she's pregnant."
Good thing, because Michelle has been pregnant for some 135 months over 24 years of marriage. "Things get busy and exhausting when providing for a family," said Michelle. "Having sex when I'm pregnant, I'm a little more tired." When Jim Bob and Michelle hear that a pastor in Texas recently challenged the marrieds in his congregation to have sex daily, they're genuinely tickled.
"Good advice," laughed Jim Bob.
That's a joke, sort of. Because, if anything, the Duggars are certainly best known not for their romps but the romper rooms in their 7,000 square-foot home, where the kids are home schooled, have "jurisdiction-style" chores and are fully committed to an evangelical Christian lifestyle. Sharing is big; the word "mine" is not. Their teens pledge "TLW" -- true love waits. "The girls love the idea of courtship and saving themselves for the one that God made for them," said Michelle.
Another aspect of their lives that feels just short of a miracle is how darn nice everyone is to one another. How do they do it? The answer, in part, can be found in their new book, appropriately titled, "The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How They Do It."
"We're not professional parents," said Jim Bob.
"We're still learning," agreed Michelle.
"With each child it's a whole new ballgame," he said
"Because each one is so different," she finished.
That's 18 ballgames for one family with enough children for two baseball teams.
It's not always easy, admitted Michelle. "Right now I've got a lot of little boys who fight or argue with each other. Every 30 minutes there's a major crisis over an owee or a toy. But I don't get involved. They learn to work it out themselves."
Some critics question the Duggar's ability to give each child enough individual attention and love. Michelle countered, "Our goal as parents is to keep up with their hearts, not just their actions. They know they have a safe place to share their joys, failures and dreams." For the record, that is my goal as a parent, too.
It seems to me that this kind of nurturing/removed split is the only way the Duggars could possibly manage the demands of 17 kids -- plus. Between filling hungry tummies and all the goodnight kisses, I just don't see any other way to get by. And that's the attraction and fascination of the Duggars. This unrepentantly prolific couple is "blessed" with a disproportionate amount of children while the rest of us wonder, "Why?" "How?" and "What would I do?"
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 27)
12-11-2008 @ 9:45PM
ellaanne said...I agree that it is not fair to the older children to be parenting the younger ones. If I had the money that this tv show brings in, I could afford to travel too!!
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 9:42PM
basketpam said...Don't worry about this family and your tax dollars. The parents worked for several years developing a very successful real estate type business before they even started having children. They wanted to be financially secure before they started a family. They own their own home which they built themselves, have NO debt and never rely on charity of any sort. In this respect alone they should be a role model to the rest of America.
Reply
12-12-2008 @ 11:27PM
khevans03 said...THANK YOU! Finally I can see someone who actually watches the show and knows what they are talking about. I am amazed by the hateful, nasty comments posted on here by people who obviously know NOTHING about this family! I think people post just to see their words on the screen, because they are obviously not remotely accurate. This family is very loving and these children are raised with morals, family values and work ethic. Things that are almost unheard of anymore. They have several businesses of their own. Even their 20 year old son has his own business! It is refreshing to know that there will be at least 18 good-hearted Christian folks going into this failing country. Best wishes to that family. God blessed them with this ability for a reason.
12-11-2008 @ 9:45PM
Denise said...It is completely appalling that these people would choose to have so many children. Food and water are scarce for most of the world; resources are tightening in this country; and the environmental degradation caused by over population is frightening. I find it amazing that these people are so self centered and unaware. I find it even more appalling that people actually care about them and this selfish behavior is glorified.
Reply
12-12-2008 @ 3:05AM
susank said...Poor Denise.
12-11-2008 @ 9:46PM
Toni De Domenico said...I absolutely love thier show and the love they all have for one another. I Love the fact that they all wait for sex to happen after they are married. Michele and Jim are wonderful, loving parents and I give them a lot of credit for all they do for thier children on a day to day basis. May God continue to bless you are are a family well worth it all.
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 9:48PM
angel said...I think the Duggars are great... and why they do so well is one principal: the greatest gift a parents can give one another is love. It shows in their household and actions.
If all parents/ couples held themselves accountable to someone else ( God ) there would be no divorce.
On another note: I am one of 9 kids and all but about 3 of us say we were ignored most of our lives. I dont know how the Duggars do it, but they are truly blessed and blessings.
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 9:54PM
Squeegis said...This family is disgusting!
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 10:14PM
Truthhurts said...Agreed.
12-11-2008 @ 10:04PM
Nancy DeSimone said...I don't see what the problem is. Personally, I don't know that I would want 18 kids, but that is me. If they want 20 kids or 30 or whatever, who are we to criticize them? It seems that they are doing a much better job of raising all those kids to be responsible, respectful members of society than some people do with only one or a few. They also are probably a lot more respectful toward the earth than a lot of people are. They are not wasteful, have an energy efficient home, etc. They also are self-sufficient. Michelle and Jim Bob support their own children. Again, a lot of people have one, two six kids or whatever and have no qualms about sitting back and letting us support them. The Duggars seem like perfectly lovely people. I have to be honest. I was determined NOT to get involved in their show. But I watched it once and have been hooked ever since. Michelle, Jim Bob, et al, best wishes for you all and for the new baby. And if you want to have 30 more (God help you!), then go for it! You are amazing.
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 10:04PM
Truthhurts said...With all do respect, larger families concern me. This is not a contest. The family who has the most children does not "win". What are these people thinking!? Do they really think the earth can sustain the QUALITY of life with all of our natural resources dwindling? What would happen if every couple in america had 20 children? What would happen if every couple had 10 children? Also, imagine if every one of those 20 children had 20 children of their own...thats 200 children. How many resources does it take to keep 200 people alive for 70+ years? Then multiply that number by 35 million (Americans). Tell me - is having 20 children good or totally selfish? 2 children is enough. One to replace each parent. STOP THE GROWTH ITS KILLING OUR PLANET!
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 10:12PM
truthhurts said...Oops...thats 400 children... my math is a bit off. :D
12-12-2008 @ 7:35PM
falling said...Why do people keep talking about over population? Do you really believe that just because the Duggar family choses to have many children that all families would chose the same thing? This family supports their children without handouts, they grow some of their own food, their children are getting a better education than our public school children, they are learning personal responsibility, they even built their own home! Obviously most families would not chose to live this way, but isn't it nice that this family can manage it?
12-12-2008 @ 8:46PM
Emma said...The operative word you are using is 'if'. Apart from the Duggars, how many American families are having children in the double digits? Every once in a while there will be a TV special or newspaper article on the next 'big family'. These are few and far between, mostly because there *aren't* that many big families around. That's why the Duggars get attention like this.
12-12-2008 @ 11:27PM
khevans03 said...Uh...your math is not all that is off "a bit". Geez!
12-13-2008 @ 1:31AM
Texasborn_in_bred said...Regardless of HOW many potential descendants this loving family could EVER have, it would NEVER be enough to even BEGIN to balance out the number of children who are SPOILED, LAZY, DISRESPECTFUL, and who show ABSOLUTELY NO APPRECIATION for ANYTHING done for them or given to them!!!
I think the Duggars are doing a wonderful job, but, I'm sure they would be the first to say that it is because they love the Lord and are trying to live their lives pleasing to Him!
ALSO, CONTRARY to what SOME may believe, the Duggars have NEVER received any government assistance whatsoever!.... THEY ARE and HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SELF-SUFFICIENT, and I would dare venture, have contributed far more to our society, in more ways than one, than any of those that have posted such ugly and hateful comments here.
GOD BLESS THE DUGGAR FAMILY!!!
12-13-2008 @ 6:59PM
Truthhurts said...God God God....
You're all so brainwashed by religion that ANY reply I have would certainly fall on deaf, self-righteous, ears.
I see through all of you small-minded, one dimensional, god freaks, like i see through the water that runs down my drain.
Going to church does not make you a christian... just like standing in your garage doesn't make you a car.
Also... the ONE thing that I do agree with is that they do not ask for "handouts". This is true. We agree on that and its good.
Furthermore, I think it's fine to plan your family... just don't dare say that "God" has anything to do with it.
Finally, and this is directed to "Texasborn_in_ bred", NOWHERE in my original post did i claim that the Duggers are, in your words, "... SPOILED, LAZY, DISRESPECTFUL, and who show ABSOLUTELY NO APPRECIATION for ANYTHING done for them or given to them..."
Evidently, Mr. Texasborn, you like to judge people... Did you learn how to do that at church?
"Judge not lest ye be judged"
Also.... Texas born inbred?... that's a seriously gross name.
Disrespectfully yours,
Me
12-14-2008 @ 1:13AM
texasborn_n_bred said...Truthhurts, first of all, my screen name was a typo, but, even at that, I see you changed the spacing, left out the underscores, and made it into something even more ugly and crude, which is in keeping with the ugliness I made reference to earlier.
Secondly, why you would assume I am a Mr. is a mystery to me.... I am a mother of 3 and grandmother of 9; have also, taught other children for a number of years, so, I feel that I have some experience of what I speak of, and have just as much of a right to voice my opinions, as anyone else on this site. So.... because you were voicing your opinions, does that mean YOU were judging?
How many young people have you seen, known or heard of, that drink, smoke, do drugs, are promiscuous, curse, disobey parents and other authority figures, etc., etc.? I know from personal experience and observation of others for many years, the difference God CAN make in one's life, if only they will ALLOW Him to.
Thank you for sharing your opinions..... May God bless you, too! Have a great week-end!
12-12-2008 @ 9:37PM
Tony Tran said...Jennifer,
I agree with you, coming to this country from a country where respect is an sign of honor and I see that in the Duggars. They hurt no one, they only show what love is on how they respect each others. This country use to be like that in the 70's and 80's where teens and kids call parents friend by Mr or Mrs, not by their first name.
Remember that the Duggars did not come to us, the tv show came to them and they open their hearts. If you don't like them, then don't watch the show, no one is putting a gun to your head. Jealousy will only make you miserable. If God is letting her have kids by all mean have more.
For those who think that the older kids should be kids, I bet you when your kids who is between 12 or 17 you wanted to treat them like adult by letting going out to 10 or 11 or even later at night and trusting them. Give me a break, who are you anyway to tell them what to do, in my father country that is call disrespectful, of course that word doesn't exist in your word. Go Duggars and God bless you and your family.
Reply
12-11-2008 @ 10:09PM
Tonya said...I am in between on this subject. They seem like nice people. I love that they are Christian, but 18 children?!!? The older children are taking care of the younger ones- responsibility is great, but this goes far beyond learning responsibility. I have 4 children and am a stay at home mom. I feel guilty that I don't have enough 1 on 1 time. How would you even get time to love each child????
Reply