Laurie Gerber: Compete, Pout, Martyr and Shout
Teen Romance - How Old is Too Old?
Filed under: In The News
Lucinda Law is a 16-year-old girl who was recently given legal permission to marry her 26-year-old boyfriend, who she's been seeing for two years. Her fiance is a family friend who has known Lucinda since she was nine years old. Perhaps more shocking than the wedding itself, Lucinda's dad set the two up when Lucinda was only 14.When it comes to the age gap, just how old is too old for a teen?
Asked about her new movie The Reader, Kate Winslet said she was offended at the suggestion her 30-something character's affair with a 15-year-old boy was inappropriate.
"That boy knows exactly what he's doing. And, for a start, Hanna Schmitz (her character) thinks that he's 17, not 15, you know? She's not doing anything wrong....She didn't force him into anything at all."
Okay, parents of teens: Raise your hand if you agree with Winslet. Anyone? Anyone?
While Hanna's story may truly be a love story (and the movie itself is getting great reviews), I think that we can agree that teens who fall in love don't always go into it "knowing exactly what they are doing." Especially when that affair involves a person twice their age.
My own husband is six years older than me, but we met as adults. Had we met when we were 16, there's no way in the world I would have been allowed to see him. Yet cool dad Billy Ray Cyrus lets 15-year-old Miley Cyrus's 20-year-old boyfriend live with them, so clearly, we're all not reading from the same instruction manual.
It's one thing when your daughter brings home a college boy, but when the age gap starts to widen to 5, 10, or even 15 years, where do you draw the line?
| They can date anyone who is still in high school. | |
|---|---|
| I'd let them date someone in college, with supervision. | |
| Age is just a number. It would depend on the person they chose. | |
| It's never come up. | |
| Date? My kid won't be allowed to date until they're 30. |
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 10)
12-16-2008 @ 4:53PM
beth said...Everyone who married young, and commented here didn't have one thing......a law. I thought it was illegal for someone over the age of 21 to even date another person uunder the age of 16. This is just the sickest thing I ever read. Your supposed to protect your child from pedo's not offer them up as their brides.
If this was my child, the "boyfriend" would so be in jail for a very very long time, and divorce the child's father.
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12-16-2008 @ 4:58PM
madeline said...age is just a silly number and you should never let it hold you back.
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12-16-2008 @ 4:55PM
Lisa said...seryosha, you must be a teen yourself. I know you will most likely say you are not but your posts says differently and shows someone very immature. Most real adults don't talk like you.
Now, the reality is a 14, 15, 16 year old is not a grey area. They are to young and to immature to be dating a grown man in their 20's and above. I know they like to think they are but they are truly not. They seem to think that sex is a relationship and is love when its not. They think infactuation is love and its not. They tend to think in this fantasy world of what love should be and is when its not about that at all. In the real world ( and I know teens don't like thinking in the real world) its illegal for the 14 year old father to set her up on a date with a grown 24 year old. Someone may or not agree but that does not matter. In all states that is illegal and charges of rape could have been brought up agianst him. Charges of abuse could have been brought agianst the father. That is because most see what happened as a bad thing cause it is. In this day and age we protect our children and not pimp them out. In our modern age we do not like to see 14 or 15 year old getting married. Who gives a crap it happened along time ago. YES it did but the we also had less rights as women and divorced was frowned on and women were treated as property to. And we had more babies die and more women died in childbirth to. Most because most 14 year olds bodies are not totally ready to give birth yet.
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12-16-2008 @ 6:39PM
Paul said...Where do you get such strange ideas? There are no laws in any states regarding the age at which a girl can date or the age of the man she dates. "Dating" is not a matter that comes within the purview of the legal code. What goes on during a date is another matter, of course, but one cannot legitimately make assumptions regarding what any two people do or don't do on a date. For example, serious Christians know that their religion teaches that sex is to be reserved for marriage.
The relevant statutes involve sex and other abuse, not "dating".
12-16-2008 @ 5:10PM
RyanG said...Okay did anyone actually read the article that sparked this debate? This couple are both members of a twisted backward ultra conservative back water appalachian denominaiton/sect/cult of christianity that actually believes in, and denounces "A New World Order" (without ever defining such). Therefore, the issue is mute. They want nothing to do with our laws, and would break them if they were imposed on people. Just like the Serpent handlers in the churches of West Virginia. Based on this, my criteria for marriage is "get a drivers license, and a High school diploma first, then we'll talk about a marriage license" regardless of numerical age
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12-16-2008 @ 5:43PM
rachel said...You have a point. Maybe this 'love story' will pique the interest of the FBI, and the next story we'll hear will be when they raid the 'community's' compound and remove all of the children (which will be anyone under the age of 18.
12-16-2008 @ 5:14PM
seryosha said...no 16 is a gray area and a lot of times he 21 year old does not want control and is in love because 21 year old can be irrational and before 18 is a gray area and you are generalizing. also over 21 can be in love with someone under 18 because he can be irrational when it comes to love. there is no clear cut lines. gray area is not 2 years it is 10-15 years. of course at 14 it is 3-5 years, not to years and there is no right and wrong is not black and white it is mostly gray and there is no line between right and wrong either. of course 14 and 24 is kinda wrong and 4 and 50 is all wrong but otherwise moral absolutism should end and moral relativism of the 60s should come back
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12-16-2008 @ 5:16PM
taylornicoleeyadig said...its fine for kids 12 and up to date because its just puppy love
when it gets serious at like 13 or 14 then thats a problem.
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12-16-2008 @ 5:18PM
Autumn said...The Farther Along we get into the Future, the more Morality Shrinks.
In The 20's -60s it was more acceptable to date and marry men who were older, because Quite Frankly REAL men Provide.,,and The Women were Happy and felt Fortunate in being provided for.
These Days we've got 40 year old skirt chasing adolescents running amock, still asking their aged parents for money...and 13 year old little girls with More sexual experience than their 50 year fellow females. It's Sick.
Back Then Innocence was Celebrated and it was a trait Wanted by a Good Man, for his wife.Now, Whores are made wives everyday by Nasty Men, and The Good girls are Left Alone cause They are Considered Prudes.
Today we Flaunt Sleeze as though it were a Virtue. THEN Shame was Covered Up, if for Nothing Else to try and protect a girl's family name. Then You Broke it ,You Bought it.Now EVERYTHING is Broken. Go Figure. And You Wonder how ANYONE WANTS to Marry these days...Especially when you can F**K for Free, cause the girl's give it up soo very easily. And "Men" Don't want to Work for it. Ladies..We've Messed OURSELVES over.
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12-16-2008 @ 5:22PM
Jessica Sizemore said...Okay, so this article completely outrages me. First of all, what STATE are they in? My fiance' was charged with Sexual Misconduct with a Minor because a school nurse called the law when his (now ex) girlfriend got pregnant at 15. She was 15, he was only 18. She had the baby 2 weeks after she turned 16 and he was 19. So how in the hell can this 26 year old man get away with sleeping with a 14 year old? Are you kidding me?
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12-16-2008 @ 6:06PM
rachel said...Good for the school nurse! She is required by law to report when she thinks someone is being abused - and as we can see by the story that sparked this conversation - it was entirely possible that the 15-year-old girl had been impregnated by a 25-year-old man! It's up to the judges to figure out whether your friend, age 18 at the time, had done anything wrong.
What state is it? I wonder that, too, but apparently the state these cult members live in has an age of consent older than 16. (So, it's not AL, AK, AR, CT, DC, GA, IN, IA, KS, KY, ME, MD, MA, MI, MN, MS, MT, NV, NH, NJ, NM, NC, OH, OK, PA, RI, SC, SD, VT, WA, or WV.)
12-16-2008 @ 5:30PM
klimax07 said...im not surprise at all about the relationship, it's the father's approval that gets me. I graduated from high school two years ago, so i consider myself with the times and i heard and witnessed these kind of relationships throughout my high school life, and oddly enough it was always young girl with older guy never visa versa.
And till this day i cannot figure out why they would do that, when i was in school i use to feel bad about being "young" cuz i could not date any of the girls i wanted because they only went for the "older" guys with cars and all that other bs. But i eventually found one and we are still together today. Now i look at those girls and laugh cuz most of them are very jealous of the relationship I have with my gf, and i finally realize how big of a LOSER those guys are for dating freshmen and sophomores when they were out of school, and how stupid i was for being jealous of those loser "older" guys.
But you know it's rather difficult to tell a teenager what's good for them, cuz you know they "already know".
All in all i advise ppl to dat within their age range. n/2+7, for the most part that should give you the right range
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12-16-2008 @ 5:42PM
Anna said...Well guys, I'm going the opposite way -- Considering it seems more popular these days for 16 year olds to have illegitimate children from unknown fathers, I can't say I'm against young marraige anymore, or even this marraige for that matter. They seem to love each other and the families get along and support one another. Where is the bad in this? Sure, the young lady is young, but she seems to love the man she is marrying and he seems to love her.
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12-16-2008 @ 7:33PM
Mary Edmonson said...Appears to me that Ms. Winslet is promoting child sexual abose. Glad she's not an American. The Brits .... I thought they were Victorian about it ...... guess I was wrong. Ms. Winslet, you are a moron!
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12-16-2008 @ 7:35PM
Mary Edmonson said...I meant abuse! You're still a moron, Ms. Winslet!
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12-16-2008 @ 5:52PM
peggyt1243 said...Ideally men and woman should pick a number and add as well as subtract that number from their own age.
A 40 year old picks the number 5 then their partner age range is 35 to 45.
A 60 year old thinks he (or she) should be with a 40 year old. Minus 20 is also plus 20. If the 60 year old would not date an 80 year old then 40 is just as ridiculous.
Aging men please take note.
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12-16-2008 @ 5:53PM
Amy said...Okay, I don't know if this worked the last time so I am going to try it again.
I was married at 16 to a man that is 6 years older than me. We have been married for 16 years and have 4 kids. I don't think that a kid of around 16 should be married, hell you don't even know who you are yet. I would sit at home like a child (cause i was) while my husband drank, gambled and other adult things. I am now treated like another one of his children and it sucks. I have changed so much in the last 16 years and that isn't the person he married, I don't think he likes the person I am now. My kids are not going to date a person any older than 3 years (but you know they will hide it from me, I mean really).
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12-16-2008 @ 6:18PM
Paul said...The relationship concerns the girl, the guy, and their respective families, nobody else. Treating young women of child bearing age as if they were, themselves, merely children, is an inane feature of Western culture. Every individual is different, and should be treated in a way that is appropriate to his or her maturity. This is not necessarily a function of age. There is nothing wrong, in principle, with a young woman in her teens getting into a serious relationship with a man in his 20's, 30's etc. Folks should learn to mind their own business with regard to such things.
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12-16-2008 @ 6:32PM
nette said...Paul
your attitude is why girls have been sold into sex trade or abused by family members sexually or as in this case given in marriage to a family friend as soon as the law would allow. When we turn our head away from the fact that it is never okay for an adult to have sex with a child we do all the victims of this rape a huge disservice and let men believe their behavior is somehow justifiable
12-16-2008 @ 6:04PM
shan said...You cannot tell me that a fourteen year old girl and a 24 year old man have anything in common other than hormones. I don't want to know a 24 year old man that comfortably socializes with children- all the teenagers I know want to talk about music and video games. This is not what you base a relationship on. It's obviously about sex, and fourteen is a bit young for sex if you ask me, even if she had a boyfriend her same age.
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