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NY Teen Dies After Vodka Party
Categories: Teens & tweens, Health & Safety, In The News
Garrett Quedens, a 14-year-old from West Babylon, NY, died in the early hours of January 1 after spending New Year's Eve with a bottle of vodka. Garrett and a friend, also barely old enough to shave, passed out on a street just blocks from their homes in below freezing weather. The friend woke up. Garrett didn't. A memorial service on Sunday drew about 200 mourners, many of them young teens. "He touched all of your lives," said Deacon Michael from St. Martin of Tours Church in nearby Amityville. And ours. This is a dismal cautionary story to break any parent's heart.
Let's talk for a moment about the alcohol. It was all-too-easy to get, thanks to two adults who were willing to purchase a liter of Georgi vodka for the boys for $10 plus another $10 for gas. "Give 'em life," Garrett's father Thomas Quedens raged. "Because I lost something that was most important to me."
But there is much more to this sad affair than just the reflexive denunciation of two local idiots, both charged with a Class A misdemeanor. This tragedy also highlights a more personal, troubling issue that sends off alarms in my head as a mother to a 14-year-old boy: The dangers of letting my child go out on his own in a world with plenty of dangerous attractions. Alcohol yes, but consider also the cyberbully and other online predators.
PRESS CONTINUE FOR MOREWhen my son was younger, I knew where and how he was at all times. I had him covered 24-7. That's not the case today. I believe it's called growing up.
Many people blame Garrett's parents for his death. "They should've known what he was doing!" True enough. There are things the Quedens could have done to safeguard their son, such as phone the parents of his friends beforehand so everyone was on the same page, enforce a curfew earlier than midnight or text the kid every hour or so with a quick, R U OK?
It's very easy for me to suggest what I did this past New Year's Eve; my son is well and breathing. (Oh, yes, Teddy was out with his friends, too.) Though he is in fact shaving, I continue to devote a great deal of time and energy to Teddy's safety. But I am not lacking in awareness that he has secrets and, like Garrett, his well-being is very much in his own hands -- and increasingly out of mine.
So to play judge and jury, whose fault was it? The pair who bought the liquor? His friends or his parents? What about Garrett himself? Is there a teachable moment on drinking and personal responsibility for your kids here?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Courtney 1-05-2009 @ 4:53PM
Just sad and I don't think it's appropriate to point fingers. Everyone needs to accept their own responsibility and not get into a finger pointing war!
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ERLINDA 1-06-2009 @ 11:31AM
I THINK IT IS VERY SAD,FOR THOSE PEOPLE BLAMING THE PARENTS THAT IS JUST PLAIN STUPID BECAUSE THE BOY KNEW EXACTLLY WHAT HE WAS DOING,HE JUST DIDN'T RELIZE WHEN TO STOP. MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO THE FAMILY CHERISH EVERY MOMENT YOU HAVE WITH YOUR CHILDEREN BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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jkeys 1-05-2009 @ 7:32PM
Regardless how much you over see what your child is doing at quote on quote, there are the gray areas where your not there and the decision is on the child/person. The parent should not blame themselves nor should anyone blame them either. Everything happens for a reason good and bad. We're all quick to except the good especially when we dont deserve it but when the bad happens people want to start pointing fingers. Even though this family wont be able to take anything from this sad display of a situation, someone out there will. May it be a parent, grandparent, teacher, or even a risk taker themselves.
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ame s 1-05-2009 @ 8:27PM
The person most responsible for Garrett's death, if blame must be assigned, (and apparently enough people demand someone be blamed) is Garrett. Garrett was bound and determined to get some alcohol. Perhaps he thought he was old enough, mature enough, "man" enough to handle it. It is very sad that it took his death to teach him otherwise.
Yes,the person/people who bought it for him should be punished, but I don't consider it a life-in-prison offense. Yes, they bought it and handed it over to him, but he asked for it, paid for it, and drank it. Rapists,child-abusers, etc. don't receive life in prison.
As my parents did with my brother and me, I have been discussing alcohol and drugs with my daughters for years. I do not let them walk out of our front door to do whatever and go where ever they please, and they won't be allowed to do so when they reach the age of 14. I wasn't allowed to do so at that age, mine won't either.
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ShannonGB 1-06-2009 @ 9:01AM
It is a fact that the teenage years are probably the most difficult for any parent. It is a dangerous game of knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Sometimes parents cannot make the right decision without their kid getting angry at them. As to my experience, my parents never denied me the experience of tasting alcoholic beverages. It was a risky move on their part but they also warned me the dangers of excesses. I also went through a phase when I smoked, my parents were there to reprimand me and remind me of the dangers of smoking. Because of this, I never got into excessive/binge drinking and eventually dropped smoking (never even lasted a year). In my opinion, it is a two way street. The parents should always be there constantly reminding and educating their kid, their child should have the awareness and respect to listen to their parents rational.
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ninainindia 1-06-2009 @ 9:03AM
I understand the parents are grieving but to lay all the blame with the persons who bought the alcohol isn't right, the blame lies with Garret himself. He wanted to drink and found a way how to get his hands on it.
When I was 14 I went outside at midnight with my best friend, we'd walk around the neighbourhood and lit firecrackers. If we had wanted to we could have gotten in a lot of trouble but we didn't. What I'm trying to say is that you have to trust your children and sometimes accidents happen, that's life. It's heartbreaking but unavoidable. That is why I don't think there is any blame on the parents for letting him go out by himself.
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