Teasing is Good for Kids?
Categories: Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, In the news
Back in my own school days, there was a kid everyone referred to as Tank. The nickname was a play on his last name and a comment on his enormous size. Another kid was called Pep. As in pepperoni-pizza-face. I didn't know either one of these kids well enough to know if they were bothered by these nicknames, but according to at least one expert, being teased by your classmates in this way is a good thing.Psychologist Erin Heerey says that this type of name-calling should not be confused with bullying and that teachers should let it be. "If everybody's smiling there's no reason to step in and stop it," said Heerey. "The children are learning about social norms and how to interact with each other."
In addition to teaching children communication skills, Dr. Heerey says that being called names can encourage behavior changes and help kids bond with one another. She backs her theory up with the findings of a study she conducted at University of California, Berkeley. Looking at teasing in fraternities, she found that the "victims" of such playful humiliations formed better friendships with their peers and later went on to assume leadership positions in the real world.
As a result of her findings, Heerey is convinced that we would all benefit from a little more teasing -- not just at school, but in the workplace as well. "It's absolutely essential in building teams. In my workplace people engage in these teasing, bantering, off-record comments all the time. It allows people to get along and build better relationships with one another."
I wonder what Tank and Pep would have to say about that.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Lisa 1-06-2009 @ 4:59PM
That psychologist is an idiot. No one needs to be teased to become successful in life.
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Jenni 1-06-2009 @ 5:08PM
It's how the adults in the child's life reacts and teaches the children to react that make it so bad. I was on both ends of teasing as a child. It is a very important social skill to be able to pick up on those cues of "this is mean and vindictive teasing" and "this is teasing because I am part of the group". The first one should be stopped. The second one is fine.
When a child is taught to laugh at the situation rather than get offended it builds much more character and strenght. "So what they called you gimpy. You broke your leg tripping over a ball. You have to admit, that's kind of silly. You made a mistake, let's shake it off and move past it."
One way is by laughing it off and saying, "gosh, I'm not going to do that again." And part of that is, "yeah, I do have a pepperoni face. There's nothing more I can do than I already am. Let's embrace that part of me and make it fun rather than horrible."
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Karen 1-06-2009 @ 5:36PM
I actually think nick name teasing can be beneficial as well, but not when it is based on appearance.
I'm ok with a little teasing about BEHAVIORS because that does teach children to operate within the social norms, but would not be ok with Pep for pepperoni face.
We often tease my daughter that we should have named her Grace because she often falls, walks into things etc. She has now started being more observant and careful.
It has to be done as a way of identifying behavior and not as a way to belittle them. It has to be more of an awareness thing.
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Mandy 1-06-2009 @ 6:34PM
Its not good for kids! I would know! I am a child/teen! ITs not fun at all, and when puberty hits, you become sensitive. I hate when people pick on me! But there is this one girl who goes over the line, and teachers don't care. They also say its good for me, when I come home crying because of what she calls me. (lesbo) she pushes me around the locker room, etc. and other people join in! Thanks to all of that crap, I've wanted to commit suicide, and I'm on anti-depressants. So, NO, teasing isn't good for kids.
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Jenni 1-06-2009 @ 7:00PM
That's called bullying, not teasing. Bullying is not okay and if the teachers aren't doing something about it go higher up and keep going higher up untiil someone does do something about it.
Matt 1-06-2009 @ 9:45PM
Dear Mandy,
It is unfair, isnt it? In seventh grade (im in 9th now), there was this guy who first realized I reacted angrily to him, so attacked at me for the entire year, and no teacher stopped him. I dreaded going into that class each day. I didnt want to commit suicide, I wanted to kill him. But after he started throwing clay pellets at me from behind during class, I picked up those pellets, put em' in a ziploc, and went to the principal with em.
The rest of the year, i didnt have any trouble with him or his group of lightheaded imbeciles.
marylovesyou31 1-06-2009 @ 9:23PM
Being a teen myself i can say that it is 100% NOT okay to tease someone for ANY reason!! Just like how Mandy said, once a teenager goes into puberty we feel very self conscious and are sensitive to anything having to do with our behaviour, appearance, etc. So, what this psychologist is saying is that in order for me to become a successful person, I need to be made fun of and have no adult or teacher come help me? While I've only been made fun of once in my life (because of my hair), I know kids who get made fun of every day because of the way they look, talk, dress, act, or think. And I dont see a successful man or woman in the making. I only see a miserable child who hates coming to school.
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nia 1-06-2009 @ 10:40PM
That psycologist needs a psychaitrist!
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SKL 1-06-2009 @ 10:44PM
I can see teasing as a good lesson for how it feels when you aren't kind to someone else. An awareness that many young people today lack.
I agree that most teasing isn't a big enough deal to warrant adult intervention. And when it is, the first approach should be to the child who can't take it well - to help them see it for what it is. I agree that it's come to the point today where teasing is being treated as equivalent to bullying.
Disappointment, pain, worry, grief, fear, embarrassment - these are all normal human emotions, so why are today's caregivers trying to deny our children the chance to get acquainted with them? Then we continue to have to protect people from reality through "political correctness" to the point where individual expression is fast becoming taboo. Does anyone remember that respect for individuality is what made this country great? Maybe that's why we're starting to lose our edge.
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ame s 1-06-2009 @ 10:50PM
This so called expert is an idiot.
I hereby declare myself and expert and say for the record: anyone bullying, name-calling, or physically assaulting another person anywhere at any time will benefit from a punch in the face, a kick in the stomach or groin, and/or a bullet to the brain.
Problem and over-population of the planet solved.
Of course, one should appologize afterwards because it is the polite thing to do.
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what 1-07-2009 @ 1:54AM
"sticks and stones make break her bones but words can make her starve herself to death"
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LS 1-07-2009 @ 11:40AM
First off, teasing is not bullying.
Second, to those teenagers who are saying that teasing is the worst thing ever - throughout your entire life, your feelings are going to be hurt. They're going to be hurt by your parents, by your siblings, by your friends, fellow students, your teachers, your coworkers, your bosses, even strangers on the street. If you continue to react the way you do here... "that hurts my feelings!!! Stop it!!!" You are going to live a long and miserable life.
My son is five. Already, he has had to deal with teasing. And what do I tell him when he hits me with "that hurts my feelings"? "Be a duck", I tell him. Let it roll off your back, because YOU know you're strong, handsome, valuable, talented. So WHAT what those people say? YOU know the truth. Be a duck, and let it roll off your back.
And you know what? He does. I've heard him say, "I'm a duck".
He's learning a very valuable lesson from this teasing he's receiving early on - how to deal with people who are less than nice... that he will encounter throughout his entire life.
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SKL 1-07-2009 @ 12:40PM
Does anyone consider that if we make a huge deal out of name-calling, what we're really doing is acknowledging that the name fits? If someone calls my daughter a name, I'm going to tell her that she's OK and that the problem rests with the child calling her the name, not with her. My mom used to say "they are just jealous" and taught me to say "sticks and stones . . . but names will never hurt me." And one of the neighbor kids taught me about the rubber-and-glue approach. Sure, I got hyper-sensitive while in puberty and checked for pimples and stray hairs more often than I should have, but I got through it. But if my mom had had a hissy and demanded punishment for every child who called me a name, I would have been convinced that there was more to it than just juvenile ignorance, and it would have hurt me a lot more.
For those above who argue "it's obviously not good for kids because they don't like it," that statement reveals a whole category of issues causing this generation to suffer. "Good for kids" doesn't mean fun, pleasant, or comfortable. Sometimes it involves pain. Ever since some geniuses decided it shouldn't, childrearing and the outlook for young people have been on a downhill slope.
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LS 1-07-2009 @ 3:19PM
This reminds me of the old adage, "whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
It saddens me that we have become such a "sensitive" society that we consider something as normal as teasing to be harmful to children.
Has anyone ever watched animal young play? Dogs, cats, monkeys, horses.... etc? They're ALWAYS picking on each other, with teeth, claws, hoofs, whatever. They're ALWAYS crawling on, pouncing on, and attacking one another. It's the same thing with human kids. You learn to interact by doing - and if you learn early how to deflect the teasing, you'll be better prepared for it as you grow up.
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Judi 4-10-2009 @ 1:24AM
I disagree that "friendly" teasing builds self-esteem. To very shy, or very sensitive children it can be the ultimate humiliation. In these cases it doesn't build character or stengthen bonds, it just deepens the self-consconciousnes the shy child already struggles with. I was call four-eyes in the early years of school because I wore glasses; consequently, some days I would "accidently" forget them at home. Of course, I didn't see the board or my notebook very well but I felt more confident. Each child should be dealt with individually as to their personality and sensitivity; otherwise new parents would assume there's something wrong with their child if they cry or overreact.
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