Twitter Post on Child Abuse Crosses Line
Categories: Health & safety, Mommy wars, Media
A blogger who goes by the name Thordora recently tweeted something rather alarming on Twitter, an online site where posters talk about what they're doing or thinking at any given moment in 140 characters or less. Thordora is mom to a 3-year-old daughter, and tweeted that she wanted to smother her daughter because the kid wouldn't go to sleep.
While many parents can probably sympathize with what Thordora was feeling in terms of frustration and tiredness, some of her Twitter followers were shocked by what she had written; she was threatening to kill her child and she used the f-word in her tweet. One concerned follower went so far as to call the police, who paid Thordora and her sleeping child a visit.
Was is right for Thordora to Twitter her frustration? Was it right for someone else -- essentially a stranger who doesn't know Thordora personally -- to call the cops? Does the answer lie somewhere in the gray middle?
In this case, I would say there is no gray area. There can't be as far as a child's safety is concerned. Believe me, as the parent of a very, very, VERY energetic child I can imagine what the scene was trying to get Thordora's child down. Regardless of how you feel, though, a line is crossed when someone's safety is questioned.
Sorry, but Thordora should have known better, and she got what was coming to her. There is such a thing as social responsibility over the Internet. People use the web to create a community. As with a real community, those in a virtual simulation care for and are concerned about all the members, even if they've never met. They're also just as vigilant about protecting that community. Rightly so. Do you agree?
So why did Thordora write what she did? Maybe she wanted the attention. Her tweet was not unlike many of the comments we at ParentDish receive from what are known as Internet trolls. These trolls make ridiculous and controversial comments just to get a rise out of others, and to get attention. Well, if it was attention Thordora wanted, she got it. Others have speculated that people like Thordora use tweets and the web in general as a way to connect with others and also as a cry for help. Fine, maybe she was stressed out or having a bad day or has a horror for a child. Write about that. Don't write that you're going to kill your kid if you don't want people to freak out.
Some argue it was over-reactive of whomever called the police. Maybe it was, but it is somewhat understood that Thordora is bipolar, not that that condition should have any impact on whether or not her words were taken seriously. In my mind it simply thickened the stew. Perhaps Thordora was being sarcastic or kidding, but, perhaps not. In recent months we've seen a young man, Abraham Biggs, commit suicide on the Internet. No one took him seriously, and now he's dead.
We've seen another woman pose as a taunting teenage boy on MySpace to get back at Megan Meier, her daughter's peer, which caused Megan to kill herself; she took the faux beau's comment that the world would be better off without her seriously. So why should we not take this woman seriously? Face it, in the world we live in it is a very real possibility that Thordora meant to do her daughter harm. And why take the chance? Every person who followed Thordora's tweets who read that and did nothing would be essentially to blame for anything that happened to her daughter.
In a later post Thordora complained that she couldn't speak her mind because she wasn't a perfect parent. Well, guess what, sister -- none of us are perfect parents. We don't, however, tweet like a twit about wanting to commit infanticide. I for one commend the person who called the cops. Princess better choose her 140 characters more carefully next time.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Meagan 1-11-2009 @ 3:40PM
Wait, so Thordora was looking for attention? Strange, since she tweeted it once to a relatively small number of followers and then apparently went offline, while the "concerned citizens" publicly re-tweeted it and hashed it out for hours afterward to thousands and thousands of followers...
I think it's going pretty over the line to say that Thordora "threatened to kill" her child. IMO it was a dumb thing to say (as she's admitted), and I don't blame some people for being concerned. That doesn't mean she "had it coming" (???is this about protecting the child or punishing the mother???). And if I'd been the one who started the whole hullabaloo and then realized it was a mistake, no matter how good my intentions, you better believe I'd be sending a sincere apology Thordora's way.
The Myspace suicide and Caylee Anthony case have almost nothing in common with this and it's just plain illogical and hysterical to keep bringing them up.
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Jenni 1-11-2009 @ 4:09PM
Sometimes things are said (tweeted) in a tone that is asking for help; sometimes someone has just a little too much sarcarsm and others can't read into it.
I don't know this person's typical "tone" of her tweets; but I do know that most of the people I follow are pretty sarcastic in their tone and things can be read into, "I don't really want to do this but it I was a bad person with no self control this is what I would do".
However, I do think there could be a time when I might be likely to call the police for the safety of someone. This may have been a time that it got way out of control.
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Meagan 1-11-2009 @ 5:50PM
Jenni, I agree that there are instances in which something could get out of control and be very worrisome. I watched this play out--it was literally one tweet. A few people @replied to Thordora, but as far as I know, not a single person tried to contact her personally.
This post is lacking a lot of information so it's hard to make a judgment call based just on reading it.
Wendy 1-11-2009 @ 4:15PM
Perhaps all of the overly "concerned" people who thought it necessary to judge a frustrated mother , spread rummors about her mental health (she's bi-polar? WOW did someone who KNOWS her peosonally state that?) should get off their computers and start worring about the actual crimes being commited in their real life communities! There are millions of children who are actually in REAL danger of being physically and sexually abused in the country...get off your butts in the "virtual" communities and do some real good in you own neighborhoods. Seriously...the folks that actually have it in the to harm their child or any other child....are NOT going to post in on Twitter for alll the world to see...
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Caitlin 1-11-2009 @ 6:18PM
. . . "She got what was coming to her".
What, having a bunch of attention/drama seeking mommy bloggers descend on her to let her know what a horrible person she is for being human? I have no problem with the person who was concerned and called the police just to be on the safe side. It should have ended there. I'm tired of seeing this story linked by other mommies while they're patting themselves on the back because they could never ever screw up so badly.
That's one of the things I hate most about being a mom. It's not the sisterhood everyone made it sound like it would be when I was pregnant. There are far too many women who take waaaay too much pleasure when another mother "got what's coming to her". Being vindictive and starting/continuing mommy drama gets you so many more page views than sending a private message to say "Hey, sorry you're having a rough day with your kid, need to vent?".
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Jenni 1-11-2009 @ 10:14PM
Unfortunatly that's society today. There is no more sisterhood in anything. People are almost rooting for others to fail. It's sad really.
Kellie 1-11-2009 @ 10:57PM
Sisterhood? Really? I guess the Thordora fans are here.
I have read her blog. Seen her around. Etc. I don't care who is it who says they want to SMOTHER their child on a tweet. I would have been concerned also. Yeah, maybe it was a joke, but no one who read it could have been 100% sure.
If something had happened, everyone would have been mad that more people didn't say anything.
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Laurie 1-12-2009 @ 7:03AM
She didn't say she was going to smother her baby -- she said she WANTED to do it. Wanting to smother your child is not a crime. If it were, parents would all be in jail.
But I wouldn't send that msg without adding "LOL" or some other indication that it was not serious.
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treesgyrl 1-12-2009 @ 8:00AM
Almost every parent of a toddler gets overwhelmed and frustrated at one time or another. I have two, so I know how it feels to have a child who won't go to bed, won't stop running around, won't stop screaming when it's time to go in, etc. I even have asked my husband, jokingly, why we just didn't buy monkeys instead of having children. But there is kind of an unwritten law that you don't verbalize how you are feeling for that split second. Almost every parent has that half-second thought about running away screaming, or wanting to lock your children in their rooms. That doesn't mean you would ever, ever hurt your child. Thordora was probably just having one of those half-second thoughts. It is better to be safe than sorry, so someone should have reported it to the authorities. She probably just felt like she had to express how exasperated she was at that moment. You can say you would never even let a thought like that enter your mind, but unless you are a Stepford Wife or Donna Reed, you probably have.
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Nikki 1-13-2009 @ 12:59AM
Wow, I really take offense at you saying "there's an unwritten rule that you don't say what you're thinking for those split seconds". Why? Because if you don't ever tell anyone else that YOU have those thoughts, there are other parents out there feeling frustrated, etc, who might think that no one else has ever had that thought. And that's a shame.
Sometimes, all it takes is knowing you aren't the only one who's ever had a thought, or knowing that yes, it happens to most new mothers, and most new mothers don't act on it.
Just so you can all worry about it, I threaten to beat my child all the time. To his face. He giggles at me, because I have never harmed him on purpose, and he knows it's not going to happen. Wishing I could tie him up so he'd stay still? Totally different from actually doing it.
Remember-you can't read intentions in a 140 character tweet. For the love of god, if someone has a blog, at least go there, and check out how the person has been writing recently before you start to worry.
J 1-12-2009 @ 9:43AM
If someone is going to murder their child, they wont write about it on Twitter. How many times have you texted 'i could kill so and so' to a friend, should the police be called on you? Kids are stressful and twitter is a place where you can write what your thinking and things shouldnt be taken litteral. Although, Im noticing there are alot of goody-two-shoes, judgmental type people, that are non-parents, that havent a clue, and they were probably the ones that called the police.
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Erica 1-12-2009 @ 12:10PM
We all say some very stupid things in our lifetime!! I for one am willing to admitt that I have had MANY!!!! I also know of the stresses of being a mother. I am a mom of 2 wonderful girls. At one time I was a single mother of a special child that has a severe case of ADHD and to add to that she is also Bi-polar. I had my hands full. There were many times that I had those thoughts to and never acted on them. My other daughter isn't ADHD or bi-polar, however, she is very active. I can understand the reason for the comment if that was all it was. But on the flip side of that I am a pre-k teacher and have seen when words weren't just words. As a teacher I am a mandated reporter and take that responsilbilty very seriously. In this day and age what are you supose to do?????? to the woman that made the comment there are better ways to word these feelings. To the lady that reported it good for you, however I say that lightly because after reporting it you should have let it go not talked about it for hours on end. That is how things get blown out of proportion and good people get hurt. Also stuff like this might just stop the person that really is reaching out before they do the damage that cannot be repaired.
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Melissa 1-12-2009 @ 1:07PM
I agree, it was good that this woman called the police, but she should have let it go after that. I am a single mom to a wonderful little girl, and while she is a good kid for the most part, she has her moments....last night she didn't go to sleep until 11! But I can't say I would ever tell everyone I wanted to smother her....that was a stupid thing to say (at least without following it up with "lol" or something), and she has apparantly admitted it was stupid, so leave the poor girl alone....and if she was crying out for help, well, looks like she got it....maybe people should have been more observant and called the police on Casey Anthony before she got so frustrated with her little girl.
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SKL 1-12-2009 @ 2:08PM
I can think of at least one former PD blogger who writes worse stuff than that all the time. It's called sarcasm. Not my style, but not something to call the police over.
I don't actually mind that someone called the police if they were honestly worried. Better safe than sorry. But then it should have been investigated and dropped. Embarrassing lesson learned.
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Bon 1-12-2009 @ 2:13PM
oh fer pity's sake. i follow Thordora, and saw the tweet in question, and what she actually wrote was in the form of, "if i smothered my toddler who refuses to sleep, would it be a crime?"
um, folks. yes, poor taste, sure. but that particular phraseology is a longstanding and familiar JOKE format in our culture. just like using lol or a smiley emoticon, except a little more, um, literate. should have been clear to anyone competent in English that she had no intent of doing harm.
doesn't mean you have to find it funny, not at all. but there is a difference between being uncomfortable with someone's joke being in bad taste and taking their joke as a serious threat. airports get to do that...the rest of us don't need to.
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MC 1-12-2009 @ 4:11PM
Please, Jennifer Jordan. Do some research. Did you make any effort to contact Thordora at all for this post? Look at her blog? Objectively consider the context of the Tweet AT ALL? Thanks for another well-reasoned opinion from ParentDish.
It was a joke, albeit a sarcastic, unpleasant joke in bad taste, but it came from a place of utter frustration--it's a place that a lot of parents of toddlers can relate to. There's a pretty broad gap between feeling frustrated and expressing it and harming your child.
People who hurt children don't tell the internet about it first. They hurt them secretly, then try to cover their tracks. Witness pretty much every crime committed against a child in the past 10 years.
If anybody was seeking attention in this situation, it was the ridiculous interloper who called the cops, or all of the drama addicts who re-tweeted Thordora's post for HOURS.
Thordora's sense of humor may not be to your tastes, but she didn't commit a crime. What's criminal is the finger-pointing, holier-than-thou, high-school-mean-girl business of mommy-blogging. The woman who called the police could have ruined multiple lives with her poorly-considered actions and has driven a rift through what ought to be a calm and supportive community for parents.
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mamaloo 1-14-2009 @ 12:43PM
When Thoradora posted her tweet, I asked if it were possible for her to fly to my province to perform the same service for my family as my son screamed and fussed in the next room and I felt the last shreds of my nice mommy facade sliding off my face.
I was often told "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out!" when I was a kid. And I'm positive my parents spoke to each other or their friends about how they'd were going to "f'ing kill that little brat" when they'd reached the ends of their ropes. Though, they never acted on their threats as exclaiming about killing or maiming other people, particularly one's children is a time honoured tension releasing tradition.
I too love how the author doesn't get into the online circus other people created over one tweet inquiring into the legality of smothering a kid who wouldn't go to bed. I mean, seriously? Don't they teach critical thinking anywhere anymore? Doesn't anyone have any experience with literary humour?
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Sandyone 1-14-2009 @ 1:34PM
Was this the Thordora who used to post here on ParentDish? Oh, puh-lease! Was probably a PD blogger/regular who started the kerfluffle.
mamaloo 1-14-2009 @ 4:03PM
And I love how Jennifer Jordan has decided Thoradora "got what she deserved" like some vindictive uber mommy who gets to dole out punishments to the mommy's who don't play by the rules of the status quo.
Way to go, Jordan!
Cynthiaa 1-22-2009 @ 3:39PM
All I have to say is this, although Thordora is rightly annoyed, what do people expect?
In this society, with MySpace suicides, Caylee Anthony, live video suicides, what do you think people will say? People over-react. Of course they do. This is the society we live in, and someone trying to be 'funny' should have followed with a "lol" or a "haha". Something so people wouldn't have a reason to get nervous.
Although I'm sure, it's very annoying, 20 minutes of her time that it took for her to open the door for the police and let them in to see her child, shouldn't be a big deal. That could have saved a child's life had this been a different situation. I had this conversation with someone else, and they said "Well in 20 minutes she (the one who called the police) could have investigated it more." Well sure! But in 20 minutes, a child could also have been killed.
I think everyone should think about how they would feel if she really DID kill her child, and no one did anything about it!! You would never forgive yourself truly.
If that was her idea of a joke, it's not very funny.
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