Facebook - Does it Make You a Bad Mom?
Categories: Just for moms, Playground bureau, Mommy wars
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Finally, someone to talk to -- during the day no less. No more calling working friends while they're juggling emails and conferences, or at night when they're trying to spend some time with their own kids. As for some real-live company from someone who doesn't call you "Mama," many at-homers don't have friends and family nearby.
Over at BoMoms, though, they're asking the question: Does Facebook make you a bad mom? Facebook (and Twitter and other social networking sites) are different than other hobbies in that they're there all the time, always on, always a temptation. Oh, they can be addicting, too.
Are we spending time staring at our laptops, sending virtual plants to go in friends' virtual gardens, rather than caring for our kids like we should be?
I've been known to tune out my kids on a rainy Sunday afternoon and cozy up with my laptop, it's true. But I think even the fact that we're mulling over this question says something about the way we still, even after all these years, view mothers.
No one is asking if golf or a persistent love for the NBA make men bad fathers, yet both of those activities pull them away from their kids for a few hours every week. It reminds me of that playgroup cocktail issue that came up a while back. Moms sipping wine in front of their kids is bad, but dads can drink an after-dinner beer without anyone complaining.
I was a stay-at-home mom for three years, and now work from home part-time. I am utterly and completely devoted to my kids, but I am also a person and a woman in my own right. I don't and shouldn't spend every minute of the day with my kids.
If Facebook or another social networking site are your only means of adult conversation or humor during the day, and if you can enjoy it without abusing it, then is it really different than any other hobby? What do you think?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
ame s 1-13-2009 @ 11:09PM
Nah, I don't see a problem with it. I have my "computer time" while my kids are at school or after they go to bed. When they are home and awake, I'm busy helping with homework and keeping them from smacking one another.
I use Facebook to reconnect with old friends.
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queenoqueens 1-13-2009 @ 11:57PM
Until I found facebook, ParentDish used to make me a bad mommy.
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Allison 1-14-2009 @ 12:05PM
Like anything, if it takes over your life, then it is a problem. I love Facebook! I work full time and only go one once the kids are sleeping. I feel more connected to my friends. Yes, I know it is a time sucker, but so is watching TV.
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Michelle Logan 1-14-2009 @ 12:16PM
I don't think it makes you a bad mom at all. I use myspace not facebook but my son is well taken care of i use it like now when he is napping or when he watches his half hour barney show a day(his only tv he's 2) it helps me keep up with my friends that don't have kids yet who i can't just run out and do things with. I work full time too so keeping up with people i love makes me happy and when i'm happy so is my baby.
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ttupper 1-14-2009 @ 7:57PM
I don’t think social networking is so bad either; especially when you’re the kind of mother like me that is home all the time when you’re not working, or if you don’t work and are there all the time. Would it be any better if you high tailed it to the bar? Your there with your children and that counts, I think you can check your email and facebook account and it not be considered lack of parenting.
Also I am so sick of this good or bad mother/ parent thing. If your kids are loved, fed, given attention, educated and generally cared for,what business is it of anyone else’s what you do?
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D 1-16-2009 @ 10:08PM
Your right i am a stay at ho,e mom witha two year old and a 9mnth old. Being an at home mom is not as easy as it seem people think all we do is play with kids and watch tv it take a lot of oatience especially o go from am adult to a child again because when ur a stay at home mother you turn back into a child you begin to talk like a two year old you have to watch what you say or even whats on tv your baby becames your best friend so much so where you NEED the attention of an adult so if face book or whatever is your only way of geting adult attention do it. when my husband gets home from work i follow him around the house talking about oprah. i bet he rather me get on the net then tell him about oprah and her best friend boyfriend issues
scoobe2 1-17-2009 @ 2:32PM
sorry but facebook and all those other stupid post crap about your daily life websites are "intellectually stimulating". moronic is the term that seems more appropriate. the fact that people post their business and photos for all to see and then wonder when it comes back to bite them in the a$$ is beyond me.
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Kirstin Li 1-17-2009 @ 3:37PM
Hmmm not sure why people use comments like "when it comes back to bite them in the a$$.." For responsible moms that choose to have social networking outlets, what exactly could bite them in the a$$? Catching up with old friends? Sharing photos with them (especially is you make yours private for only friends to see)? Saying quick hello's when you don't have time to make a call? Seriously...get over it. It's just one more way to keep in touch with loved ones and friends these days....when responsible Moms like us don't have time to go hang out in bars or other social scenes...I say YAY to Mom's that take some time out for themselves a few minutes or however long a day to catch up with old friends, brag about their kiddos and just feel like your own person again!!
(Spoken from experience of a Mom with 4 boys, her oldest being blind & multiply handicapped and her youngest being 2 1/2 months preemie...if a Mom can't make time for herself once in a while, then your children are being cheated of the best possible Mom that you can be to them!)
Trish 1-17-2009 @ 10:51PM
You shouldn't comment about things you don't understand. Facebook HAS privacy controls. The only people who can see my pictures and my words are people I decide to "friend". And I only friend people I know. More people are looking at YOUR words right now than see my facebook page.
susan 1-19-2009 @ 9:14PM
MacDaddy, maybe in your experience people post moronic things, but I guess it depends who your friends are!! If you don't have anything to hide, and you conduct yourself like an ADULT, you don't have to worry about "moronic" posts.
MaMaRoSs 1-20-2009 @ 1:25AM
Lets see SCOOBE2 your posting something right now so isnt it kind of hypocritical of you to be saying that right now?? Just a thought!!! Think before you decide to speak!!!
Teresa 1-20-2009 @ 5:01AM
you really sound like someone who has no idea what the sights are about . I have facebook and myspace...and I love them .. I have family members who are out of the country (armed forces) and out of state and these are ways that we keep up with each other and are more able to exchange pics and other info at a faster rate. So until you try it - you can't say anything against them....
By the way I am 52 years old , so don't even think about telling me how wrong I am..............
Ann 1-17-2009 @ 3:02PM
It's better than sitting around drinking all day!
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karen 1-17-2009 @ 4:45PM
I was against facebook myself, and felt adults could use their time more wisely. However, I have since changed my mind. Since my teenagers have accepted me as friends, I can monitor their facebooks, and since my youngest has a lot of medical problems it is a way for me to help keep friends and family up to date on her condition. It also makes a great prayer chain. It has been wonderful catching up with people I haven't talked to in years as well.
rjbjr 1-19-2009 @ 8:15PM
Nothing is better than sitting around drinking all day- except maybe drinking all day while surfing the internet
aamberquinn 1-17-2009 @ 3:07PM
What about parents who do go to work and then leave their child with a sitter? Or parents in the military? Or parents who have demanding jobs like nurses, cops, firefighters? Do any of those choices make them a bad parent? No. So big deal if you have a facebook, myspace or blog as a stay at home parent?? Why doesn't everyone remember how hard it is to be a parent and cut eachother some slack.
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Faith 1-17-2009 @ 3:20PM
I am a grandmother now & my children were both born in the 80s. Do I think it's wrong? No way ! Back then yes to get some "me time" it was talking on the phone & all moms need their time to have to escape for a while, I agree with all comments that as long as your not neglecting your child by all means go ahead & have some harmless enjoyment.It is a much different time now then back in the 80s & the pressure on a parent is enormous now more then before. Please do take my advice & I am sure you have heard it before- time is precious they will be children for a short time & it really goes by too fast , it seems like yesterday my children were just toddlers, how I really do miss those times They are on their own now my first grandchild a beautiful baby girl was born in August & I love her so much.I also miss my children being small & hanging on me & waking up almost every morning with 1 sleeping next to me & the other spread out at the end of the bed even though my husband & I put them to sleep in their own bed it never failed how they would sneak in while we slept, till they started school. Wishing you all the very best & may God bless you & your family !
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Shannon 1-19-2009 @ 11:55PM
I agree! I have myspace not facebook but that isn't important. My husband and I moved away from all of our friends and family to buy a home in a small town with better schooling. Since moving here we have been the outcasts because we are not from here so friends are nonexistent still nearly 4 years later. I post blogs about our childrens daily lives and about our family in general so our friends and family back home have some connection to us.
I am also a full time college student who takes a portion of my course load online so once in awhile when my brain is on overload I will check my page just to get a break and to relax for a few. My children are both principal honor roll students, who are very well rounded with wonderful dispositions. If me having a myspace page is impacting them negatively I surely don't see it! It's called time management and some people are capable of doing more things constructively than others.
BumbleBee 1-17-2009 @ 3:24PM
Maybe people who put their lives out there for the world to see don't have anything to hide. To say that we deserve wackos is like saying a girl who wears a short dress deserves to be raped...or an analogy I like better, it could be like saying a guy who mouths off deserves to have his tongue cut off. None of those statements are correct.
As for social website making women bad moms, absolutely not. Bad moms are bad moms for neglecting their kids, and that can happen for many reasons.
I raised mine in an era before computers were everywhere. Guess what? There were women who neglected their kids.
I certainly resent the statement the original blogger made that raising children was not intellectually stimulating.
It certainly can be isolating...but sometimes that forces us to read, learn and just think.
Blanket statements are always wrong!
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scoobe2 1-17-2009 @ 3:47PM
sorry kirsten , ever hear of email? if you want "to catch up with old friends" (more like relive your "glory days" from h.s. and college) you can email these people and send photos. facebook and myspace are juvenile sites. and to make matters worse these sites are filled with computer viriuses and trojans which do a number on your computer. if you want "me time" try doing it face to face so you can actually communicate like an adult and recharge your batteries away from your kids.
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