Facebook - Does it Make You a Bad Mom?

Happy parents make happy kids. The end.

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Oh man, I just saw kpbrott's post.

Few things are as irritating as parents talking loudly to their kids with oh-so-much empathy and knowledge to seemingly impress all around them how great they are as parents. No matter where it is, it's so pretentious I could scream. The little ones will become egocentric and think the world revolves around them and everybody is fascinated by them. When reality hits, their therapy bills will be tremendous trying to figure out why nobody likes them.

Circumspection is, sadly, becoming a thing of the past. This goes for all loud cell phone talkers in public sharing intimate details of their lives, too. You just aren't that fascinating! STFU!

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Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think staring at a computer and tuning out your kids is a good example, among other things. One of those things is reading "articles" by someone with such poor English that they think repeatedly using the phrase "different than" is correct. It's "different FROM"! Maybe more time doing homework or reading actual books would have been of benefit to you. My own kids had very limited computer time, were encouraged to actually socialize (face-to-face), volunteer in the commnity, and use real books; and are top scholars accepted into selective colleges. Yes, my being a stay-at-home Mom for many years could be isolating and I gave up some self-centered activities. But I'm not complaining, and my children aren't either.

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I think as parents people have un realistic expectations we do not have to be connected to Our children 24 hours a day we can have friends and a Life too. My children are grown and I have no need to watch them every minute of everyday 28, 25 , 19 , 18 yes grown and I didnt have internet when they were real little but i can tell you this It MIght have saved me a lot of lonley night and made parenting a little easier my husband worked long hours and lonliness is not something to put you in the mood to deal with kids. im 44 kids are grown and the internet has become a place to learn and also a place to socialize.

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I use Facebook to keep an eye on my kids' internet activities since I am their "friend" and can see what they are doing - and they don't mind at all because they are good kids, but it keeps me in the "know" and we talk about some of the things I see their friends posting and talking about. It's a good thing when used properly!

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I was a SAHM when my five boys were very small, some Army wives and i (we lived near an Army base) would pick a house, we would play bridge, hearts, rummy, there would be lunch and snacks for the kids. How is this different? Now obviously if your kids are running around in traffic, you should put down the laptop and go get your kids, but we all need to speak in complete sentences sometimes.

I also belonged toa group of quilters (Amish, Mennonite, English) all of us were young mothers, and shared similar stories about our kids, and we made some beautiful quilts in the meantime. Yes, for those who wonder I introduced my Army wives to my Quilting Group, they were a little too different to make any long-standing friendships, but neither was too jealous of the other.

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So where is a good place to pick up a single mom?

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There are privacy controls that give the power to only allow certain things to be shown to "the world at large." All the details are usually only shown to the people you choose to be your friends. So, I am getting what I deserve, connection with friends in a way that I wouldn't otherwise be able to have since I am a stay at home mom and many friends have moved away.

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What is the difference between taking 30 min to check facebook/myspace and taking 30 min to check websites and leave ignorant comments?

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I enjoy facebook. I only go on when kids are asleep. If it takes
over your time than it's a problem. I think it's a great way to stay
connected with your friends.

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Forget the conversation about Facebook. Any journalist(anyone) who thinks raising kids is not intellectually challenging is not capable of talking to anyone with an IQ over 90. It is the most intellectually challenging assignment on the planet. Why is that so hard to understand? For good or not, parents are the most important people to a child. So man up, or put your big girl panties on and SHOW your child how a balanced, healthy life works!!
Talk about brain drain...then debate/talk about facebook, tv, money, fashion, Hollywood, bigger, bigger, more bigger. Did I cover it all? Oh yea, most biggest.
Be informed, be wise and be intentional.
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

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I agree with Annee 100%...getting in a little computer time is much better than zoning out watching the soaps all day (sex, lies and murder with the kids around...oh yeah, really family-friendly television there!). I have two kids, one of whom is 6 1/2, and the other will be 2 in March, and as much as I love being a SAHM to them, there are times when I swear my brain is actually shrinking from talking to them all day! I live in a small town where the number of SAHMs I've encountered you can count on one hand and have fingers left over (there's a SAHM group in the county seat, but that's 12 miles away, and my husband works in security, so the hours are erratic). Between housework, homeschooling my older daughter (she goes to public school, but I also homeschool on snow days, holidays from school, and during the summer to supplement her education), raising our vegetables in the huge garden out back to help cut costs and the grocery store (just weeding a section of that thing can take up a good chunk of my morning), and even managing to run a fire call or two (my husband and I are both volunteer firefighters), there's not much "me time" left, and there aren't many activities around here that don't center around going to church (we're not Christian). I've lost contact with most of my friends outside the firehouse over the years (we used to move a lot as well, and that didn't help), and Facebook helps me regain contact and keep in touch with friends from my high school and college years (there's even a site on there for alumni from the private school I attended for my grade school years). I don't see where an hour or two online a day after all the work's done hurts anything. As my kids get older, I'll be able to see what they're up to online as well, and I'm looking forward to being able to help them do research for school projects using sites such as Wikipedia. Not that I'll be able to spend much time online during the growing season, of course!

And yes, I agree with the posters who commented on the double standard that seems to exist regarding parents being online or watching TV or whatever they do that seems to take them away from the kids. If Dad does it, no problem. If Mom does it, she's a bad parent. Exsqueeze me?!?!? What's good for the gander should be good for the goose as well, people! Sheesh....

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How sad we have been acculturated to believe being a mom is something less than great...the media elects a president...dictates lifestyles...tellls us what is wrong...what is right...when will we grow to be the great people we are intended and stop paying attention to what magazines and the media dictates?..Cosmo and Playboy have been the bane to this country!!

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I don't think there is anything wrong with having some down time. Just because your a parent does not mean you are no longer a person without needs of your own. I am a single mom of 3 kids and I get very lonely if I don't connect with some adults at times..especially when you have back to back weeks with kids home sick -- and your up at night and during the day, sometimes you just need a break. You tend to lose yourself in your family and their needs, but things like MySpace or Facebook allow you to be you, and design a site of your own that helps you express how you feel..and I would be willing to bet that MOST if not ALL of the sites that moms create, have at least half of it to do with their kids, whether it be photos or news about their children, etc. I even have videos that my kids like from their cartoons on there..Children benefit more from their moms and dads when they get time off too to be a person, because otherwise frustrations from everyday life and responsibility take over and everyone is miserable. The expression, if Mom isn't happy no one is, is true!! This is all not to say that some parents don't take this too far, like spending 10 - 12 hrs on role playing games and things online, while ignoring their children, not feeding them, etc...but I would say and hope those are rare cases.

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I've been a foster parent for about 12 years and I've never had a child in my home removed from a parent that spent too much time on Facebook or Myspace. So I guess it can't be that bad.

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I don't think it makes me a bad mother. My husband and I have 5 kiddos and I can remember a time when it felt like complete isolation! I about went out of my mind! My parents and in-laws get tons of new pics of the kids. They have a myspace just for that reason. I can keep in touch with family in Iraq. I can easily organize play dates with other moms or lunch with my friends.


no biggie

myspace.com/sosugirl

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anyone who has a clue knows these so called "security and privacy controls" are a joke. having family members who work with computers and law enforcement i can tell you these things can be hacked and your info is out there for the world to see. not to mention that these sites contain viruses and trojans which invade you computer steal your info etc etc. people may be reading my words but they arent accessing my personal info and seeing my children as you folks feel the need to post your personal business. its obvious YOU dont understand how computers work

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What a horrible thing to say. Don't we expose our lives to 'wackos' daily during the seemingly mundane errands such as grocery shopping and soccer games? You're a horrible man to say something so awful Mac-hope-you're-not-anyone's-Daddy.

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Whether it is Facebook, your laptop, television, dvd's or even gardening, it is easy to get so absorbed in things that kids are ignored. My neighbors' kids raised themselves. Their mom is busy on the phone. My best friends are no better. Instead of spending time with their toddlers and preschoolers, they are busy talking on their cellphones. Their kids all have "mommy deafness". Why wouldn't they since mom just barks out orders then goes back to her phone.

There is NOTHING more important than these short formative years. You want to talk, watch or chat? Do so when your little ones are napping.

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WOW just reading that made my brain want to explode!! I work 50+ hours a week and I have two young girls. I still think that being a stay at home mother is the hardest jobs out there. And if they want to talk on facebook or the cell phone who cares. I think the internet is great because you can get that adult conversation that you need...I mean really a converstion with a two year old is a tad limited. So I say Facebook all you need just remember to change the diaper from time to time and but food out for them to snack on ;)

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