Facebook - Does it Make You a Bad Mom?

I suppose it comes down to how you do things, but the notion that stay-at-home-parenting is not intellectually stimulating is utterly foreign to me. There is time for reading, engaging in creative pursuits, time to go to museums, libraries, on hikes, to build things, plant things, explore. You can choose to do things that involve your kids or allow them time to do their thing while you do yours, but neither I nor my child ever uttered the word "bored" during our years at home. Ever. In fact, absence of boredom is practically a policy in my family. I am not sure that spending time on Facebook is particularly intellectually stimulating--if that is the argument. It does, as somebody pointed out, allow some social time roughly analogous to the phone chat of 'olden days'. It can even be a creative experience. I rather enjoyed, however, hanging out with my kiddo and finding out what the world had to offer.

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reminds me of the old adage:
"if a woman does less than everything, she is a bad mother. if a man does more than nothing, he is a good father."
i think it's well past time those attitudes changed.

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If you have children, have a bunch of them and homeschool. Otherwise
God only knows what the hell they might be subjected to. Oh and if they do attend school, make sure you keep in contact and get to know the teachers and volunteer at school. Facebook??? It is a machine!!!
Remember...it is only a machine!!!! It is also not something you can snuggle up with, as a book as in teaching your children to love good books as you read them and they have actual human contact. It would be like snuggling up to your car. yes here I am snuggling up to electic appliances. It ain't human man!!

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Hi......Love the article!!! I'm a stay at home dad and I speak to stay at home moms all day long.......we have intelligent conversations and great humor on a daliy basis! My friends never neglect their kids......as a matter of fact we encourage each other on good parenting! Facebook has been a savior to all our sanity!

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Whose the busy body who has nothing better to do than monitor how much time someone is on an Internet website? And who's watching THEIR kids while they do it?

Big Brother is watching you!

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I am a stay at home mom, of a 13 month old. I feel very lucky to be able to stay with her with the way the economy is. I don't disagree with anyone's choice, but I treat mine as a job I chose. When I worked in an office, I could not go on facebook or watch tv. So i don't do it now. When my husband gets home or at night is when I do what I want, but during the day I am all hers.

Michelle

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I agree with the mom who says, hey, once you are a SAHM you basically revert to being a child. I know all of the Disney shows, Nick Jr., PBS, you name it. I dance to Cheetah Girls and make macaroni crafts. The chance to, *gasp*, message to another grown-up is priceless (especially since they can't hear my kids screaming in the background!). By the time my kids are down for the night the only socializing I'm doing is with my pillow. So YAY for Facebook and Myspace, I love them both!

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Facebook is awesome. It lets me connect with my teenagers and since I am their facebook friend I get to glimpse into their lives on the
"other side". It doesn't make you a bad mom. . . . it makes you a smart connected mom.

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I think that communicating with other adults (whether in a virtual world or in the real world) actually benefits a family. When I, a SAHM, takes time to converse with others, it lifts my spirits, taking away the lonliness that creeps in. It stimulates social responses that, as a SAHM, I lack by not working.

Yes, it does take time away from my children but, I am a SAHM, not Supermom. I don't want to spend every waking moment playing with my children. I know that to some that sounds selfish. I see spending every moment with them as selfish. It would deprive them of the opportunity to develop independence. My job is to help them grow, nurture their creativity, and develop their skills. My job is not to suffocate. Similarly, their job is to play, to imagine, to learn. Their job is not to keep me company and have stimulating conversation with me.

I would never be derogatory about my children telling me they need space. Why would any person be derogatory of a parent admitting that they need space as well?

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Pff! Ok, spending 12 hours on games while the kids fend for themselves? Yea, that's bad, and in the minority.

It's like the world expects some magical transformation. One of my patients was telling me how her mother sewed day and night, surrendering herself and her passions to domestic devotion. One day, my patient exclaimed 'I'm never going to work *that* hard!'

Her mother responed 'Oh, yes, you will. Once you have a family of your own, you will want to devote yourself entirely to their happiness.'

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What Macdaddy says is true to some extent, we are "put out there, for the world to see." But I say, "Too bad there (are) weirdos that mess things up for the rest of us normal people." I ask, should WE the normal people, who have normal friendships and loving relationships and are not out to hurt, maim, or otherwise cause harm to strangers and fellow bloggers, should we, the normal people stop trying to connect with our loved ones and friends, I say, "NO." We should rise up against the weirdos and prove to them that love, honesty, trust and kindness is not dead. Open your hearts weirdo people, let the love in.

Oh, and as far as raising children and having a computer on for whatever reason, come on, since when does this make anyone a bad parent, somebody has too much time on their hands to even come up with this one.

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I personally applaud any mothers who can take the time to stay at home and raise their children. It is a must. Taking a few minutes out of every hour to clear your head is great. It leaves you refreshed and more emotionally able to deal with little Johnnie's tantrums or little Alexa's distructive and disruptive ideologies.
Facebook is so cool; but much too modern for this soon to be new granny. I never took the time to stay home with my children and had to deal with the behaviors later. Children need the guidance of at least one parent in the home. A few minutes a day on Facebook compared to the sometimes hideous and insensitive sitter to me is no compromise.

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IF THAT IS THE WORST THING YOU DO,,,,WOW WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH TALKING WITH PPL ON FACEBOOK.......I DO NOT HAVE A FACEBOOK BUT I MYSAPCE MANY FRIENDS ,,,,,TO ME IT IS BETTER THEN BEING ON THE PHONE FOR HRS,,,,,I MYSPACE WHEN THEY WRITE AND THAT IS THAT,,,,,,PPL HAVE A VERY STRANGE WAY OF LOOKING AT OTHER PPL ,,,,,,WHEN THEY SHOULD MAYBE BE CHECKING WHAT THEY R DOING,,,,,,FACEBOOK AWAY AS LONG AS U R TAKING CARE OF UR KIDS SO WHAT I HOMESCHOOL 3 KIDS 16,15,8 AND I DON'T GET OUT MUCH SO WHAT IF YOU MYSPACE OR FACEBOOK I AM STILL I THINK A GOOD MOTHER,,,,,I DON'T DRINK SMOKE DO DRUGS NOTHING,,,,BUT MYSPACE TAKE CARE AND FACEBOOK AWAY!!!!! GOOD LUCK!

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Not the most intellectually stimulating! I would love to put my hands aroundthe necks of those ignorant b@%@&*#&! who believe all we do is watch TV and change diapers. I dare you to interview me for you next article. We hold the hardest job in the world, don't ever forget it!

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I ran an at home day care for ten years and I recieved my first child at 6am and most parents left their child until the last minute (6pm) so they could run errands after work. After the kids were all gone (if they were not picked up late), I had to fix dinner, help with or check homework and bathe the kids. By then it was usually about 8pm and I was to tired to go anywhere, unless I had my errends to run. God forbid I take a day off..I mean what would the parents do, they cried? They already used all their time off (the kids were still there everyday). I was a virtual prisioner during the week, unless I could convince my husband to cook and bathe the kids and help with homework (Yeah right). I only wish I HAD the internet to talk to adults during nap time!! Don't let anyone tell you ladies your a bad mother!! As long as the kids are taken care off, take a few minutes to yourself to save you sanity!!!

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Maybe some of us moms like to be proud of showing our children off to other moms?? I dont see anything wrong with doing that! Its when you do other things that cross the line and im sure most of us know what that limit is. For you to say that we deserve whats comming to us is immature and wrong!! What harm is there in being proud of our friends and family?? As lond as we know the limit and respect the privacy of others is what matters. THANK YOU!!

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I have to agree I wouldn't exactly call Facebook "intellectually stimulating" most of Facebook is about things that don't exist in real life (ie virtual plants) and sex (the majority of the applications are about sex in one way or another). I've actually have my Husband's friend from high school (who is married himself) send me invitation for sexual applications. I also don't agree with posting pictures of your children and leaving it open for all the world to see. Why can't people just email these pictures to friends and family? It is possible the wrong people will get a hold of the pictures but much less likely compared to them being posted on Facebook. Facebook can be good for some things, I've met a lot of people who are in the same line of work as I am (mehandi/henna artist) which has been great for networking, answering questions etc but generally Facebook is a waste of time. There are all kinds of things out there that can be tempting to a stay at home Mum to get hooked on leaving her kids to do whatever but it seems that Facebook and the like are having a bigger affect on these people. I agree with another comment that if your children are still looking for breakfast and are in their PJ's then you definitely have a problem, on the other hand a Mother's usage of the Internet should be based on their child(ren)'s age. You wouldn't leave a toddler alone for any longer then a bathroom break because it's unsafe however a child that is 10 or 12 doesn't have to be watched like a hawk. The reason a Mother is held to a higher standard then the Father is simple, Mother's are expected to be the caregiver even in 2009. Some may think it's unfair but lets think about it, who did the fetus grow in? Who gave birth to the child? Who's body is the one able to produce breast milk to feed the child? That's nature for you, like it or not. So yes a Mother is looked down upon if she tries to get away with what a Father does because she is supposed to be the one that truly takes care of the child. I know a lot of Fathers are going to hate me for it but you simply can't beat instincts and nature.

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have we as parents had enough of cps. They are not god. we as parents like our parents. take a stand and band cps workers. our parents didnt need them why do any of us. are we moeons? cps only destrory family and omes. oh i forgot. more money for other people to hurt our kid\'s. how mony kids end up killing or are RAPED BY SO CALLED FOSTER PARENTS. that is cps doing do they go to jail for what they did. jepordising our kids lifes. We make a masteke as a human. or parents. We go to jail. DThey make BIG BIG MASTEKES and destroy our lifes and our number one thing our kid's. and get away with it.

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I think every woman needs to have at least a dozen kids and dump them off on society to raise. I think the government should continue to pay all the bills so they can have more kids if they want. I also think they should each be given a cell phone with uinlimited minutes and a computer to play on all day and all night while someone else watches their kids. God bless America -- Land of the free loaders!

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