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Facebook - Does it Make You a Bad Mom?
Filed under: Opinions
Being a stay-at-home mom is fulfilling in countless ways, but let's face it ... it's not the most intellectually stimulating job around. And sometimes, it can be downright isolating. I believe that's why blogging and social networking are both so popular among SAHMs (and SAHDs).
Finally, someone to talk to -- during the day no less. No more calling working friends while they're juggling emails and conferences, or at night when they're trying to spend some time with their own kids. As for some real-live company from someone who doesn't call you "Mama," many at-homers don't have friends and family nearby.
Over at BoMoms, though, they're asking the question: Does Facebook make you a bad mom? Facebook (and Twitter and other social networking sites) are different than other hobbies in that they're there all the time, always on, always a temptation. Oh, they can be addicting, too.
Are we spending time staring at our laptops, sending virtual plants to go in friends' virtual gardens, rather than caring for our kids like we should be?
I've been known to tune out my kids on a rainy Sunday afternoon and cozy up with my laptop, it's true. But I think even the fact that we're mulling over this question says something about the way we still, even after all these years, view mothers.
No one is asking if golf or a persistent love for the NBA make men bad fathers, yet both of those activities pull them away from their kids for a few hours every week. It reminds me of that playgroup cocktail issue that came up a while back. Moms sipping wine in front of their kids is bad, but dads can drink an after-dinner beer without anyone complaining.
I was a stay-at-home mom for three years, and now work from home part-time. I am utterly and completely devoted to my kids, but I am also a person and a woman in my own right. I don't and shouldn't spend every minute of the day with my kids.
If Facebook or another social networking site are your only means of adult conversation or humor during the day, and if you can enjoy it without abusing it, then is it really different than any other hobby? What do you think?
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Finally, someone to talk to -- during the day no less. No more calling working friends while they're juggling emails and conferences, or at night when they're trying to spend some time with their own kids. As for some real-live company from someone who doesn't call you "Mama," many at-homers don't have friends and family nearby.
Over at BoMoms, though, they're asking the question: Does Facebook make you a bad mom? Facebook (and Twitter and other social networking sites) are different than other hobbies in that they're there all the time, always on, always a temptation. Oh, they can be addicting, too.
Are we spending time staring at our laptops, sending virtual plants to go in friends' virtual gardens, rather than caring for our kids like we should be?
I've been known to tune out my kids on a rainy Sunday afternoon and cozy up with my laptop, it's true. But I think even the fact that we're mulling over this question says something about the way we still, even after all these years, view mothers.
No one is asking if golf or a persistent love for the NBA make men bad fathers, yet both of those activities pull them away from their kids for a few hours every week. It reminds me of that playgroup cocktail issue that came up a while back. Moms sipping wine in front of their kids is bad, but dads can drink an after-dinner beer without anyone complaining.
I was a stay-at-home mom for three years, and now work from home part-time. I am utterly and completely devoted to my kids, but I am also a person and a woman in my own right. I don't and shouldn't spend every minute of the day with my kids.
If Facebook or another social networking site are your only means of adult conversation or humor during the day, and if you can enjoy it without abusing it, then is it really different than any other hobby? What do you think?
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 5)
1-20-2009 @ 3:41AM
gaye said...I am 51 with 2 grown kids and i am wondering why this generation is still trying to make stay-at-home moms feel guilty for not spending every waking minute caring for their children. I am still trying to figure out just when we- as a society- became convinced that children should become the whole universe of mothers. In the sixties, kids were raised mostly by stay-at-home mothers whose many chores around the house did not let the mother devote her entire day to caring for and entertaining her children. We grew up entertaining ourselves and became more independant than this current generation. I'm sorry, but the majority of children I see today think the whole world revolves around them.
Reply
1-20-2009 @ 3:54AM
DJPolsky said...There were plenty of people trying to make Moms feel guilty if they did not spend "enough" time with their kids in the 60s and 70s also. I had 3 kids and was a working mom and had loads of guilt dumped on my by total strangers as well as in-laws and relatives.
My "me" time was at midnight.
1-20-2009 @ 3:29AM
DJPolsky said...Pre-Internet, my friend Molly used to phone desperately with "Help! I have to talk to someone over 3 feet tall!". She had small kids and felt like her brain was atrophying. I think that's the point, whether it was the phone 30 years ago or internet now. An adult cannot survive only on sentences composed of words of one syllable.
I think saving Mom's sanity is probably good for the child ant therefore makes Mom a better Mom as long as it is not an obsession or causes Mom to neglect the kids.
Reply
1-20-2009 @ 4:33AM
gaye said...I agree---I just felt this generation would be more "enlightened" and not posing the question of whether being on Facebook makes you a bad mom---I thought motherhood had gotten past this kind of guilt!!!!!
1-20-2009 @ 3:32AM
otrpu said...Time was people were more concerned with them and theirs, not so worried about what someone else was doing. It'll get back there, but I'm afraid I'll never see it.
Reply
1-20-2009 @ 3:55AM
angelbabyx7o2x said...WOW! I am a STHM of 3.... 5 yr old, a 4 yr old, and a 14 month old. This isn't an easy job. It's 24 hrs a day, no vacations, no sick days, and no pay. But, personally....I love it! Just because I get on the net, it does NOT make me a bad mother at all! When I lay them down for a nap, I have every right to do as I please with my "ME" time. It's nice to communicate with other parents that share my interests. Some one other than my children and my husband. A bad mother is going to be a bad mother with or with out the internet. Bad mothers neglect their children because the CHOOSE to. Not because they rather be on the internet. If my kids wake up, guess what? It's time to turn off the laptop, because they are my priority. This is so ridiculous. Children need time to themselves too so they learn how to be independent. Either we smother our children too much, or they don't get enough attention. No matter what we do, certain people will never be happy and will say things like this. I guess the next time my kids tell me I'm the "Best Mom ever" it must be because I have neglected them due to my internet use!
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1-20-2009 @ 9:23AM
cara said...As a camp counselor at a residential camp I'd like to say that counselors definitely needed that 24 hours off between kids leaving and coming. We were just college kids so it's nothing that compares to stay at home moms. But without some adult time and a weekly break we were just to stressed out to the point of apathy sometimes
Reply
1-20-2009 @ 9:43AM
lognap said...It is obvious that Macdaddy and Scoobe do not have any children or otherwise they would be considered bad fathers for spending their time posting on the internet. Maybe they have issues with women because they were neglected by their mothers! They are asking to be exposed to whackos just by posting to this blog. So, I think they deserve what they get! Assholes!!!!!!!! Not only do I believe they would be bad fathers, but also bad husbands for not understanding the complexities of parenthood. Male or female. If they had children they wouldn't even have enough time to criticize women for being bad mothers.. Their comment are obviously made out of ignorance and HATE!
Reply
1-20-2009 @ 6:36AM
Nancy said...I'm a mother of 2 sons, both out on their own now. I worked, and raised both my sons by myself, Their father had left when the youngest was only 6, the oldest 8. They went to school I went to work, I got off work, and went to the local PAL center to pick them up and that wasn't until 5:30 in the evening. Does that make me a bad mom because I couldn't stay at home to be with them all the time. I had to work to provide the things that they needed to live, A roof over thier heads, food on the table, electricity, clothes. I got nothing from thier father at all. He was the proverbial dead beat dad. My children don't and never did run the streets, don't and never did drugs, never had any problems at school, or dealings with the police.My youngest had a learning disabilty, he was also ADHD, and very difficult to work with sometimes, but we got thru, I went to the school for everything that they needed me for. They are polite, and well educated, and are now a thriving part of the community where they live. AND they got all that from a mom who worked up to 55 hours a week, and took care of them. Having to do things for yourself as a child and not always having mom at your beck and call is not a bad thing. They learn that they can be self sufficient, and they can take care of themselves, but they always, always knew that if they had a real problem that I would be there to help them with it. Mom is the example that chldren learn from, and learning that everyone needs to have private personal moments even if it's just to unwind is a good thing. They learn it's okay to take time for yourself, it's not bad and it's not selfish.
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1-29-2009 @ 5:04PM
Cher said...If facebook is the worst thing you're doing as a mother, I would say you're a pretty awesome parent.
Reply
1-29-2009 @ 5:04PM
Cher said...Facebook is very private. I'm not even searchable.
Considering that for $30 anyone can find out my addresses, ssn and who I've lived with just by knowing my name and age and a state I've lived in, and that anyone can check my credit with just my name and address for a price, I'd say that facebook is the least of anyone's worries when it comes to stalking and identity theft.
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